Chapter 42

"But I can't imagine how could you ever think to eliminate someone who meant so much to you from your mind forever. I think I would be sad if someone I really love decided to destroy every good and beautiful memory about me. Even if I knew I could never meet my family again, I would always cherish my memories with them."

He sent her a lethal glare.

"I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you."

"Sorry, I just think memories are too precious to forget. You should hold it to your heart."

"And I think you should hold your tongue. The last bloody thing I want is your mushy opinion on my personal matters. Henceforth, you better keep your thoughts to yourself."

That was surely hurt, after sharing a moment of friendliness, like suddenly being squirted with a gush of cold water after bathing in the warm sunlight.

"I know it right from the start, I forewarned you it's better if I don't talk to you."

"Silent."

He said with a dark throb in his voice. She flinched at the vicious gleam in his eyes, feeling a sudden wave of fear, but she wouldn't let him know. He shot a cold glare as she walked back to the settee with a scowl. Blast her! He would think of a perfect punishment for this corny little wench. Who did she think she was to meddle with his thing and invite the demons of his past. How dare she!

They spent the remainder of the hours in a bleak silence. This time she looked at him with a whole different feeling. Every warm emotion that had just grown for him dwindled and turned to a mixture of pity and distaste. The traumatic loss had caused him a permanent damage. What kind of person was he to dismiss the memories of his own mother? A woman who had risked her very own life to bear him, a woman who loved him like no one could ever do. He was totally inhuman.

On the other hand, she felt a sort of relief that he had returned to his normal version. He was far more dangerous being kind and companionable than being mean and sarcastic. Three more days to go, she thought. She couldn't imagine how delighted she would be when the last day finally came.

******

The wind howled and the night owls cried from a distance as he walked silently along the dark corridor in the middle of the night. A little light from the candlestick in his hand illuminating his way. The walls threw back the faint echoes of his footsteps. He followed the dark passage until he reached a door.

The clattering sounds of the keys piercing the silence as he unlocked the door and stepped in. Inside the room were many oak chests used for storage. He moved across the room and stopped in front of a huge, carved chest on the table in the corner of the room. He set the candlestick on the table. A moment later, the top of the chest opened with a creaking sound. He took out a canvas from inside it.

Ashton braced himself to look at the painting before him and felt a catch of breath in his chest at the very first sight of it. An image of a lovely woman smiling at him from inside the canvas. Her eyes kind and loving, her smile genuinely sweet. She was as lovely as he remembered.

Seeing the picture summoned up the long lost memories of her once again. The good times they had, the happy moments, blasted all over again. He never knew how he still had them all, he never thought about it anymore, but they came back so clearly as if they just happened not so long ago. He blinked away a drop of tears that blurred his eyes. It took all of his self possession not to break down and begin to weep. Another thing inside the chest caught his eye. A small velvet box in beige color.

His heart started to pound madly in his chest. It was a birthday gift from his mother. She died just a few days before his thirteenth birthday, and a servant found the gift inside a drawer in her bedchamber. At the time, he felt terribly heartsick when he saw it, he left the gift unopened. He just couldn't face another wave of devastation.

A whirlwind of emotions welled up in his throat. Suddenly he was caught on a whim to turn away and walk out of this room, leaving all the painful memories once again and never looked back. They were where they should be, locked behind the door in the darkest, farthest corner in his house, and in his mind as well. But something held him still. He took out the box, his hand trembling a bit when he opened the top cover.

There was a necklace with a gold, oval-shaped locket, along with a letter in a fine envelope. He took the locket and found his mother's portrait inside. A locket hiding portrait as a birthday gift, his mother must have a reason. His gaze drifted to the letter. Unexpectedly unlocking some pieces of his past wasn't as dreadful as he imagined. But to open the letter he never knew existed, to read the last message from his mother... He wasn't prepared for this. It was too much to bear. What would he find in this letter? What if everything inside would just bring back another heartbreaking, gut-wrenching pain? He couldn't bear to fall to pieces all over again. For a brief moment, he considered to leave it as it was. His mother had died more than a decade ago, and there was nothing he could do about it. Either he read this letter or not wouldn't change a thing.

But this was the first and last letter his mother had ever written to him. It must be something she needed to say to him, something important for her, or for him to know. It could be her final wish, and if it was, he would do anything to make it. He took the letter before he lost his courage, and opened the folded paper quickly. The beautiful handwriting looked blurry in the dim light and he narrowed his eyes as he skimmed through each sentence.

To My Beloved Son,

As you're growing up, you might come to understand many things, while others might have confused you. I know what you think and what you feel even when you don't tell me. I know sooner or later the unusual situation we are living in might come to afflict you, but I want you to know, I will never regret every single thing that happened to me, because it had brought you to my life.

In my life I've been blessed with so many things, but nothing compares with you. I want you to know that you are loved and cherished, no matter what. Everytime I look at you, I know that it's worth everything that I've been through. If only I could turn back time, I would do exactly the same all over again.

This gift is a little reminder that I'm with you, even if I'm far away. There will come times when I'm no longer by your side, but know that my love will always be with you as long as I live and long after I'm but a memory. Whenever we are apart, I wish you will hold me in your heart and remember me with a smile, because there's nothing I want more than your happiness.

I love you, forever and for always.

Your Loving Mother.

"Heaven must have needed an angel so the Lord took you away from me..."

He heard himself whispering. He took the locket and placed it in his palm. A strong emotion he had not felt in years was gripping him once again, but this time he let it in. He allowed himself to feel it. A drop of tear fell on the face beneath the glass.

"I wish you're happy now, Mother."

He brushed the damp surface with his finger, wiping the teardrop away.

"I miss you so much."