NOAH My eyes were so fucking dry, it felt like I'd been on a three -day bender. I couldn't quite open them. And I couldn't move. It felt like just seconds ago that I'd been in the gardens with Angela, soaking up some crazy real or dream time with my wife, with the woman I'd missed so much. I wondered idly if I'd fallen asleep there in the grass. Maybe if I managed to get my eyes open, I'd see the flowers and bridges and sunshine. Or maybe not because I was just now beginning to hear some odd sounds around me. There were muted voices, the squeaking of rubber shoes on the floor, some beeping and a weird whooshing sound. I decided not to stress about opening my eyes just yet. I wasn't outside, that was certain. There was a smell in the air, and it wasn't springtime in Wisconsin. My fingers twitched, and I realized that I felt cotton beneath them. Memory began to ooze back in uneven spurts. I'd been in the hospital. My knee-the doctor was operating to fix . . . something. Tendons?
ALISON"Hello, Alison." Brooke Slater was standing behind her favorite wing chair as I entered her office. "Come on in and sit down. How are you today?" Usually, I chose to sit opposite my therapist in the chair that was a mate to hers, but today, I sank down into the loveseat, leaning into the corner. "I'm . . . I'm a mess. That's why I'm here, obviously." I dropped my handbag onto the floor and kicked off my shoes. Brooke Slater and I had discovered early in our professional relationship-therapist to client-that we both talked better when our shoes were off. It was probably representative of shedding the need for cover and defense, Brooke posited. I didn't care; I was just grateful that I'd found a doctor who didn't mind that I liked to get comfortable when I was spilling my guts. "Well, you cancelled two appointments earlier this month, and then when you called for this one, you said it was urgent. That leads me to believe that you're struggling with something." I gave a hu
NOAHIt took a solid week before I was able to stay awake long enough to begin to make sense of what had happened to me over the past month. At first, I tended to forget certain details each time I emerged from sleep, and I had to be reminded again and again that I was in the hospital, that I'd been unconscious, that I was recovering. Dr. Lawrence ran a gamut of tests to make certain that I wasn't suffering from a neurological issue that they'd somehow missed, but everything came back negative. The neuro doc's opinion was that I was fine, that I was just taking a little longer to come back to my full mental strength. Since I showed marked improvement every day, that seemed to be the most logical explanation.My frustration levels didn't help me, either. My mother hovered constantly, worry etched on her face. When I snapped at her, she began to cry and said she was just trying to help . . . which then made me feel guilty. My mother had been here in Florida at my bedside for a month
ALISONHave you ever noticed that in romance novels, when the heroine starts puking in the morning, it's usually a glaring hint to the reader that she's pregnant? Seriously. And she's usually fairly clueless about it. She doesn't seem to pick up on the other physical clues. She's just going blithely about her life until she starts throwing up, and even then, she convinces herself that it's just a stomach bug. That's not at all how it happened to me. For me, it was a shirt that didn't fit. I was getting ready for work, preoccupied with other stuff going on in my life, thinking about the patients I was slated to see that day, and in the course of dressing, I slipped my arms into one of my favorite sleeveless blouses and tugged the sides together to button it. The buttons didn't reach the buttonholes. I frowned. That was odd. Taking off the blouse, I flipped it inside out to check the tag, making sure I hadn't accidentally shrunk it in the wash. But no, it was exactly the same as
ALISONThree days after my talk with Brooke, I was just unlocking my front door after work when I felt my phone buzz. Emma: Hey, I thought you might want to know that Noah woke up last week. I think he's going to be okay. I visited yesterday, and he seems better. But in case you happen to be at the hospital again and were thinking of dropping in-I'd advise against it. He found out yesterday after I was there that his football career is over. His knee was just too badly injured. He didn't take the news well, according to his mother.I stood on the porch, reading the message over and over, dizzy with a mix of relief and dismay. When I could move again, I opened my door and went inside, dropping my purse on the table before I sank into the sofa. Alison: Thanks for letting me know. Sitting with the phone in my hand, I frowned, trying to decide what I should do next. If Noah was awake, that meant I needed to let him know that I was pregnant as soon as possible. But if he just got so
NOAHI sat in my recliner, afraid to move, afraid to even breathe. I'd been sitting here in this chair . . . for hours? Days? I wasn't sure. It was easy to lose track of time when you were drowning in despair. One hour blended seamlessly into the next. Wasn't there a line in Shakespeare about that? Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day . . .I'd been on the edge of restless sleep when a shifting in the light against the far wall had caught my eye, and I'd heard the gravel in my driveway. Someone was here. No one had been to my house since the medical car service had brought me home two weeks ago. I'd told everyone I knew to stay away, or I ignored their calls, their texts, their fucking pity parties. I didn't need them. But I was curious now about who was defying my keep-away order. Maybe it was just a delivery or someone wanting to sell me something. If it was, they could just fuck off for all I cared. From my recliner, I could see the
ALISON"Hey, stranger!" Emma threw her arms wide as she opened her front door. "I can't believe I haven't seen you since the wedding. It's been such a crazy couple of months. Come on in." I stepped over the threshold, appreciating as always the sense of warmth and welcome in Emma's home. The cabin had long been a dream of hers: building her own home on her own land. There had been more than one bump along the way-I'd arrived in Florida in enough time to visit the trailer in which she'd lived for over a year. It had no running water or electrical hook-up, and she often had unwanted visitors in the forms of snakes, mice, cockroaches, and armadillos. I gave my friend enormous credit for having stuck it out in the trailer for as long as she had. She'd decided on this spot for her permanent home a few months before I'd arrived in Harper Springs, and the foundation had already been poured. But I'd been able to participate in helping to raise the walls, lay the floors, and plan the lands
ALISON"Oh, my God." If Emma had been taken aback by the news that Noah and I had hooked up-God, I hated that phrase-then she was positively astounded at this announcement. I couldn't blame her. "I know." I covered my face. "I know. I mean, how could I let this happen? I was careful. We were careful. I never really thought-" I exhaled long. "Okay, so we weren't that careful. We were a little stupid the first time, and the only condom I had was-""No!" Emma covered her ears. "No, that's enough. I love you, Alison, and I adore Noah, but this is not something I need in my head. Let's just leave it at the fact that neither of you planned to start a family, right?" She rested her elbows on the table and rubbed her temples. "So, let's get this straight. You and Noah dated.""Once." Emma nodded absently. "But if you look at the wedding as a date, then more than once, and since you were . . .uh, intimate at that time, I'd vote on counting it that way. So two dates, and then he was in th