ALISONHave you ever noticed that in romance novels, when the heroine starts puking in the morning, it's usually a glaring hint to the reader that she's pregnant? Seriously. And she's usually fairly clueless about it. She doesn't seem to pick up on the other physical clues. She's just going blithely about her life until she starts throwing up, and even then, she convinces herself that it's just a stomach bug. That's not at all how it happened to me. For me, it was a shirt that didn't fit. I was getting ready for work, preoccupied with other stuff going on in my life, thinking about the patients I was slated to see that day, and in the course of dressing, I slipped my arms into one of my favorite sleeveless blouses and tugged the sides together to button it. The buttons didn't reach the buttonholes. I frowned. That was odd. Taking off the blouse, I flipped it inside out to check the tag, making sure I hadn't accidentally shrunk it in the wash. But no, it was exactly the same as
ALISONThree days after my talk with Brooke, I was just unlocking my front door after work when I felt my phone buzz. Emma: Hey, I thought you might want to know that Noah woke up last week. I think he's going to be okay. I visited yesterday, and he seems better. But in case you happen to be at the hospital again and were thinking of dropping in-I'd advise against it. He found out yesterday after I was there that his football career is over. His knee was just too badly injured. He didn't take the news well, according to his mother.I stood on the porch, reading the message over and over, dizzy with a mix of relief and dismay. When I could move again, I opened my door and went inside, dropping my purse on the table before I sank into the sofa. Alison: Thanks for letting me know. Sitting with the phone in my hand, I frowned, trying to decide what I should do next. If Noah was awake, that meant I needed to let him know that I was pregnant as soon as possible. But if he just got so
NOAHI sat in my recliner, afraid to move, afraid to even breathe. I'd been sitting here in this chair . . . for hours? Days? I wasn't sure. It was easy to lose track of time when you were drowning in despair. One hour blended seamlessly into the next. Wasn't there a line in Shakespeare about that? Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day . . .I'd been on the edge of restless sleep when a shifting in the light against the far wall had caught my eye, and I'd heard the gravel in my driveway. Someone was here. No one had been to my house since the medical car service had brought me home two weeks ago. I'd told everyone I knew to stay away, or I ignored their calls, their texts, their fucking pity parties. I didn't need them. But I was curious now about who was defying my keep-away order. Maybe it was just a delivery or someone wanting to sell me something. If it was, they could just fuck off for all I cared. From my recliner, I could see the
ALISON"Hey, stranger!" Emma threw her arms wide as she opened her front door. "I can't believe I haven't seen you since the wedding. It's been such a crazy couple of months. Come on in." I stepped over the threshold, appreciating as always the sense of warmth and welcome in Emma's home. The cabin had long been a dream of hers: building her own home on her own land. There had been more than one bump along the way-I'd arrived in Florida in enough time to visit the trailer in which she'd lived for over a year. It had no running water or electrical hook-up, and she often had unwanted visitors in the forms of snakes, mice, cockroaches, and armadillos. I gave my friend enormous credit for having stuck it out in the trailer for as long as she had. She'd decided on this spot for her permanent home a few months before I'd arrived in Harper Springs, and the foundation had already been poured. But I'd been able to participate in helping to raise the walls, lay the floors, and plan the lands
ALISON"Oh, my God." If Emma had been taken aback by the news that Noah and I had hooked up-God, I hated that phrase-then she was positively astounded at this announcement. I couldn't blame her. "I know." I covered my face. "I know. I mean, how could I let this happen? I was careful. We were careful. I never really thought-" I exhaled long. "Okay, so we weren't that careful. We were a little stupid the first time, and the only condom I had was-""No!" Emma covered her ears. "No, that's enough. I love you, Alison, and I adore Noah, but this is not something I need in my head. Let's just leave it at the fact that neither of you planned to start a family, right?" She rested her elbows on the table and rubbed her temples. "So, let's get this straight. You and Noah dated.""Once." Emma nodded absently. "But if you look at the wedding as a date, then more than once, and since you were . . .uh, intimate at that time, I'd vote on counting it that way. So two dates, and then he was in th
NOAHThe damn bottle of Jack was empty. Again. Or was it the same bottle? Maybe. It was empty before. Earlier? Last night? The bottle wavered in front of me, and I frowned. Why was the table moving? And when had the sun come up? Wasn't it, like, midnight?"Well, here you are, morning glory." A series of heel clicks-way, way too loud for my aching head-was coming my way. I squinted, turning to look at who might be in my house. In heels. For a brief, other-worldly moment, I thought of Angela and once again, the fleeting, ethereal memory of seeing her recently tickled at a corner of my brain. I remembered a thousand different times I'd sat at this table and listened to the sound of her approaching me, her heels somehow seductive on the tile, as if I could already picture her legs under the knee-length skirt and scent her sweet perfume. But it wasn't my wife who appeared in the arched kitchen doorway. Instead, it was a small woman in a short sundress and high-heeled sandals. Her
NOAH"Now, was that so bad?" Juliet beamed at me as we stood on my front porch. She was allowing me to unlock the door, even though I knew damn well she still had the key Zeke had given her. Fucking Zeke. Talk about betrayal. What the hell had he been thinking?"It was brutal," I answered her flatly. "I'm in agony. That therapist is a sadist. She gets a kick out of making me hurt." "That's bullshit, and you know it. How long have you been playing football, Noah?" She posed the question just as I opened the door, and though I wanted to slam it in her pretty, heart-shaped face, I had enough of the manners my mother had drilled into me to refrain. "A long time." I tossed my keys into a bowl on the front table. "Since I was a kid. Six years old." "Uh-huh. I thought so. And has it been all sunshine and roses, buddy? Or was there a lot of pain along the way? Practice, conditioning. Running sprints. Building muscles and endurance. Not to mention hits on the field." "Yeah, but that p
ALISON"When I say the word mother, what do you think?" Brooke lifted her eyes to me expectantly, and I groaned. "You've asked me this before. Back when we first started meeting. You're starting to repeat yourself." "Very funny." She tapped her stylus against the edge of her tablet. "I'm not repeating myself. The question has an entirely different meaning to you now-and let's face it, the concept of motherhood has taken on new importance in your life." "Fine." I heaved a heavy sigh. "Mother. Well, I guess it means-""Don't overthink this. Give me the first thing that pops into your mind." "Gone." The word burst out before I could stop it. "That's what I think.""Hmmm. Not surprising. For most of your life, you've oriented yourself around a missing maternal figure-actually, around two missing parental figures, but I think because you experienced multiple abandonment scenarios that concerned a woman, it's the mother role that affected you most deeply." "Thanks for reminding