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Chapter 146: What if?
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2022-11-24 14:32:56Related chapters
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 147: Not in a good place
ALISONThree days after my talk with Brooke, I was just unlocking my front door after work when I felt my phone buzz. Emma: Hey, I thought you might want to know that Noah woke up last week. I think he's going to be okay. I visited yesterday, and he seems better. But in case you happen to be at the hospital again and were thinking of dropping in-I'd advise against it. He found out yesterday after I was there that his football career is over. His knee was just too badly injured. He didn't take the news well, according to his mother.I stood on the porch, reading the message over and over, dizzy with a mix of relief and dismay. When I could move again, I opened my door and went inside, dropping my purse on the table before I sank into the sofa. Alison: Thanks for letting me know. Sitting with the phone in my hand, I frowned, trying to decide what I should do next. If Noah was awake, that meant I needed to let him know that I was pregnant as soon as possible. But if he just got so
Last Updated : 2022-11-24Diagnosis: Love Chapter 148: Leave me alone
NOAHI sat in my recliner, afraid to move, afraid to even breathe. I'd been sitting here in this chair . . . for hours? Days? I wasn't sure. It was easy to lose track of time when you were drowning in despair. One hour blended seamlessly into the next. Wasn't there a line in Shakespeare about that? Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day . . .I'd been on the edge of restless sleep when a shifting in the light against the far wall had caught my eye, and I'd heard the gravel in my driveway. Someone was here. No one had been to my house since the medical car service had brought me home two weeks ago. I'd told everyone I knew to stay away, or I ignored their calls, their texts, their fucking pity parties. I didn't need them. But I was curious now about who was defying my keep-away order. Maybe it was just a delivery or someone wanting to sell me something. If it was, they could just fuck off for all I cared. From my recliner, I could see the
Last Updated : 2022-11-24Diagnosis: Love Chapter 149: Girl talk
ALISON"Hey, stranger!" Emma threw her arms wide as she opened her front door. "I can't believe I haven't seen you since the wedding. It's been such a crazy couple of months. Come on in." I stepped over the threshold, appreciating as always the sense of warmth and welcome in Emma's home. The cabin had long been a dream of hers: building her own home on her own land. There had been more than one bump along the way-I'd arrived in Florida in enough time to visit the trailer in which she'd lived for over a year. It had no running water or electrical hook-up, and she often had unwanted visitors in the forms of snakes, mice, cockroaches, and armadillos. I gave my friend enormous credit for having stuck it out in the trailer for as long as she had. She'd decided on this spot for her permanent home a few months before I'd arrived in Harper Springs, and the foundation had already been poured. But I'd been able to participate in helping to raise the walls, lay the floors, and plan the lands
Last Updated : 2022-11-24Diagnosis: Love Chapter 150: Coming clean
ALISON"Oh, my God." If Emma had been taken aback by the news that Noah and I had hooked up-God, I hated that phrase-then she was positively astounded at this announcement. I couldn't blame her. "I know." I covered my face. "I know. I mean, how could I let this happen? I was careful. We were careful. I never really thought-" I exhaled long. "Okay, so we weren't that careful. We were a little stupid the first time, and the only condom I had was-""No!" Emma covered her ears. "No, that's enough. I love you, Alison, and I adore Noah, but this is not something I need in my head. Let's just leave it at the fact that neither of you planned to start a family, right?" She rested her elbows on the table and rubbed her temples. "So, let's get this straight. You and Noah dated.""Once." Emma nodded absently. "But if you look at the wedding as a date, then more than once, and since you were . . .uh, intimate at that time, I'd vote on counting it that way. So two dates, and then he was in th
Last Updated : 2022-11-24Diagnosis: Love Chapter 151: Unwelcome
NOAHThe damn bottle of Jack was empty. Again. Or was it the same bottle? Maybe. It was empty before. Earlier? Last night? The bottle wavered in front of me, and I frowned. Why was the table moving? And when had the sun come up? Wasn't it, like, midnight?"Well, here you are, morning glory." A series of heel clicks-way, way too loud for my aching head-was coming my way. I squinted, turning to look at who might be in my house. In heels. For a brief, other-worldly moment, I thought of Angela and once again, the fleeting, ethereal memory of seeing her recently tickled at a corner of my brain. I remembered a thousand different times I'd sat at this table and listened to the sound of her approaching me, her heels somehow seductive on the tile, as if I could already picture her legs under the knee-length skirt and scent her sweet perfume. But it wasn't my wife who appeared in the arched kitchen doorway. Instead, it was a small woman in a short sundress and high-heeled sandals. Her
Last Updated : 2022-11-24Diagnosis: Love Chapter 152: Therapy
NOAH"Now, was that so bad?" Juliet beamed at me as we stood on my front porch. She was allowing me to unlock the door, even though I knew damn well she still had the key Zeke had given her. Fucking Zeke. Talk about betrayal. What the hell had he been thinking?"It was brutal," I answered her flatly. "I'm in agony. That therapist is a sadist. She gets a kick out of making me hurt." "That's bullshit, and you know it. How long have you been playing football, Noah?" She posed the question just as I opened the door, and though I wanted to slam it in her pretty, heart-shaped face, I had enough of the manners my mother had drilled into me to refrain. "A long time." I tossed my keys into a bowl on the front table. "Since I was a kid. Six years old." "Uh-huh. I thought so. And has it been all sunshine and roses, buddy? Or was there a lot of pain along the way? Practice, conditioning. Running sprints. Building muscles and endurance. Not to mention hits on the field." "Yeah, but that p
Last Updated : 2022-11-24Diagnosis: Love Chapter 153: Motherhood
ALISON"When I say the word mother, what do you think?" Brooke lifted her eyes to me expectantly, and I groaned. "You've asked me this before. Back when we first started meeting. You're starting to repeat yourself." "Very funny." She tapped her stylus against the edge of her tablet. "I'm not repeating myself. The question has an entirely different meaning to you now-and let's face it, the concept of motherhood has taken on new importance in your life." "Fine." I heaved a heavy sigh. "Mother. Well, I guess it means-""Don't overthink this. Give me the first thing that pops into your mind." "Gone." The word burst out before I could stop it. "That's what I think.""Hmmm. Not surprising. For most of your life, you've oriented yourself around a missing maternal figure-actually, around two missing parental figures, but I think because you experienced multiple abandonment scenarios that concerned a woman, it's the mother role that affected you most deeply." "Thanks for reminding
Last Updated : 2022-11-24Diagnosis: Love Chapter 154: Connection
ALISON"Oh, Ms. Wakely! It's been a long time since we've seen you. How are you?"I paused at the reception desk of Peaceful Gardens Home for Care, returning the smile of the nurse who sat there greeting visitors. "I'm fine, thanks." Except for a slight case of pregnancy . . . I swallowed the words. Making the trip across the country from Florida to northern California had been a last-minute decision. An impulse, maybe. It had just seemed like serendipity at the time; Dr. Johanson, from whom I'd bought my practice when he'd retired, had stopped by to let me know he was back in town for the winter and willing to give me a hand if I needed him. I could tell that his real reason for visiting was that he was bored, but still, it had been a generous offer. And then, shortly after we'd spoken, I'd gotten a call from this nursing home where one of my foster mothers had been living for many years now. When Daneen's doctor had called to let me know that in addition to the progressing de
Last Updated : 2022-11-24
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Diagnosis: Love Chapter 193: As long as we both shall live
NOAHNoahIt was a beautiful day for a wedding. We gathered at mid-morning under the covenant oak on Jimmy and Anna Girard's farm. Alison and I had decided that since Emma and Deacon's wedding had been the start of our love story, we should say our vows under the canopied branches of that same steadfast tree. We hadn't wanted anything grand or involved, but it was important to us that the special people in our lives were present. So when Alison and I joined hands and made our vows, among those surrounding us were Emma and Deacon, Darcy and Jackson, Jenny and Nico, Mira Hoskins, and all of the people who worked with Alison in her practice. Maggie Corning, the midwife, and Brooke Slater, Alison's therapist, were there, too. My family had flown down en mass from Wisconsin and other key points around the country. My mother couldn't stop smiling, and my dad looked proud. Even my brothers and sisters and their families were behaving themselves. And then of course, there was the Tam
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 192: Happily Ever After part 3
ALISONA human being can accomplish almost any task while sobbing her eyes out. I'd known this from experience in my past life, but after Noah left that afternoon, I went about proving it all over again.I cried as I wiped the table and counters. I wept as I took out a frozen macaroni and cheese to eat for dinner. I sobbed as I climbed the steps and listened at the baby's door-she was still asleep in the crib. I sniffled as I switched a load of newborn clothes from the washer to the dryer.He was gone, and I was alone. Again. Naturally.The hell of it was that even as he'd pleaded his case to me, even as he'd told me that he loved me, I'd known he was telling the truth. I believed him. But I couldn't trust what he thought he felt, not when people changed their minds about being in love all the damn time. People claimed to love a friend or a child or a lover, and then they changed their minds. It happened. I knew it first-hand. I'd experienced it over and over again before I was t
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 191: Break
NOAH"Where's the baby?" Alison walked into the kitchen, her face etched with fatigue. We'd had a long and trying few days as Evangeline had apparently been going through a growth spurt: she nursed almost constantly and was difficult to console the rest of the time. She'd fought sleep, and she'd cried piteously no matter what we'd tried to do. The pediatrician had assured us that this was normal and we'd get through it, but privately, I thought he was a heartless imbecile who clearly didn't understand that our daughter was advanced and needed more attention than the typical newborn. But finally, today we'd caught a break. Alison had gone upstairs to take a shower-her first in three days-and somehow, I'd managed to get the baby to sleep without the benefit of a boob. More than that, I'd actually laid her in the crib without waking her up. I was pretty satisfied with myself, all in all. I was also crossing my fingers that she'd stay asleep long enough that her mother and I could d
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 190: Parenthood
NOAHParenthood was amazing, fulfilling, beautiful, awesome . . . and exhausting. The first few weeks of baby Evangeline's life at home were a blur, a constant, never-ending whirlwind of feeding, and changing, and washing, and catching whatever small bites of sleep we could whenever she slept. People came to visit and brought gifts and food, and I was pathetically grateful for that, because I didn't have the energy to cook, and both Alison and I were tired of takeout. The one factor that made everything survivable was the baby herself. God, I hadn't known how much I was going to love this ten-pounds of tiny, perfect human. I'd never anticipated that staring at her sleep for an hour was better than four quarters of football. Or that catching what might have been a smile could make me feel as though I'd just witnessed greatness. What was some missing sleep compared with noting how well my two-week-old daughter could lift up her head?Even so, as much as I was ga-ga over my baby gir
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 189: New life
ALISON"Congratulations, mama! You're at six. I think it's time to break your water and get things really going." It sounded like a great idea to me, but I saw Noah's lips go white. "Are you okay?" I asked, rubbing my fingers over the back of his hand. "You look a little green." He swallowed, his throat convulsing. "This is the only part I'm a little, uh, squeamish about. I watched that birth online, and breaking the water looked-intense." Maggie chuckled. "Stay up there by Alison and keep your eyes on her face. We don't need papa hitting the floor and suing the hospital." Noah did as he was told, watching me intently as if waiting for me to show some sign of distress. "Does it hurt?" he asked quietly. "The water part, I mean." I shook my head. "It feels a little weird, but not-oooooh!" I gasped as I felt the gush hit my inner thighs. "Okay, then. Eyes here, Noah. Come on. We're in this together." After that, it felt as though everything got a lot more serious. The con
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 188: Giving in
ALISON Spoiler alert: having sex with Noah did not start my labor.But it sure was worth the effort. Two days after that monumental night-and after we'd given it the good old college try several more times-we went to Maggie's office. I was in a rotten mood-being a million years pregnant can do that to a person-and poor Noah looked a little haggard. He'd been sleeping with me in my bed (we both clung to the excuse that if I went into labor, I'd want him closer than across the hall), which meant that he woke up whenever I had to climb out of that bed to pee. He thought I'd been exaggerating about how often I had to go. He was quickly disabused of that notion. After a quick exam, Maggie made some notes on her tablet and then turned to the both of us. "So listen," she began. "Do you want to have this baby?" I stared at her as though she'd lost her mind. "What the hell do you think I've been trying to do for over three weeks now, Maggie?" I bellowed. "Of course, I want to have th
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 187: Finally, at last
NOAHNow I got it. The night we'd first had sex-the night after Emma and Deacon's wedding-we'd challenged each other to come up with the sexiest, most outrageous names for cocktails. Alison was playing the game again."Ohhhhh." I grinned. "I still don't believe that last one is legit.""It totally is. The bartender confirmed it." With a smile that was deceptively seductive for an extremely pregnant woman, she reached down to grasp the bottom of her oversized T-shirt-which was not so oversized just now-and lifted it over her head. I helped just to make sure she didn't topple over in the process. It was the first time I'd really seen her without a shirt in many months. My first few impressions were awe at the size of her swollen middle. I knew she was huge, but damn. The skin was stretched as tight as a drum, and her belly button looked like a cork just about to give way. And her boobs-they were incredible. Within the utilitarian maternity bra, they were still the sexiest breasts
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 186: Things you shouldn't ask
NOAH"What's the world record for the longest pregnancy ever?" I glanced up at Alison from the book I was reading. We were both lying on her bed while a movie that neither of us was very invested in played on the TV. The couch downstairs had become too uncomfortable for her over the past week or so, so we'd begun hanging out here in her room. It was strictly for comfort, though; we stayed on top of the covers, with Alison on one side while I stuck to the other. It was a king-sized bed with plenty of room for us. But while we hadn't hesitated to cuddle and kiss on the sofa, something about being on the bed made us more cautious. I didn't know why, exactly; Alison was so tired of being pregnant that she wasn't up for much of anything other than television lately. She'd stopped going into the office after her due date since she'd already arranged with Dr. Johanson to cover her hours. So we were both at home now all the time . . . just waiting.She really was huge. While the ultraso
Diagnosis: Love Chapter 185: Trust love
ALISON"Read me that last part again?" Noah and I were sitting in the nursery, surrounded by boxes, gift bags, and about a million pieces of a pine crib. He had spent the last two weeks focusing on the nursery. He'd painted the room a lovely pale yellow color, insisting that I stay with Emma and Deacon at the cabin for the two nights after he'd completed the first and second coats so that I didn't have to inhale the paint fumes. Together, we had selected the crib and the dressing table. Noah's mother had sent us the cradle that all of her children had slept in, and that was already set up in my bedroom.Now, with my due date less than ten days away, we were finally tackling the project of building all of the furniture that hadn't come pre-assembled. I squinted at the paper in my hand, trying to decipher the words."I'm pretty sure that this was translated directly from Swedish by someone who didn't speak English," I commented. "It doesn't seem to make sense.""Does it say at wh
