Chapter 5 Confusion

It was eleven o'clock at night when we finished dinner. To be honest, I almost couldn't even swallow what I was eating earlier because I was nervous about Lance's presence. From time to time, he asked me questions and, by the grace of God, I was able to answer them properly.

Now we are going to the room he says I will be sleeping in tonight. So, does this mean he won't touch me yet? That's good because I'm really not ready yet. I've only had one boyfriend and, apart from kissing, we haven't done anything beyond that. That's the very reason why we broke up, because for a long time we’ve been together, the only thing we were arguing about was my disagreement about having sex with him.

I mean, there’s nothing wrong with having sex with your partner, but in my case, I just couldn’t feel like doing it with him. I don’t know why either.

"So, this will be your room," I heard him say, interrupting my thoughts. We entered and I immediately looked around.

The room was nice and spacious. There is a small table with two chairs near the glass wall and the large bed has a white and beige blanket and pillows. The room looks simple but the hanging paintings and interior items are obviously luxurious.

"Do you like it? As I have said, you can redecorate it all you want. Just tell me what you need," he said, so I turned to him. He just stares at me intently and seems to memorize every corner of my face.

"Thank you. But why do I have to sleep here now? Are you… going to–”

"To what?" he cut me off and walked a little closer and grinned meaningfully at me. I swallowed and my chest began to beat strangely.

"W-because... what I was trying to say..." are you going to have sex with me now? I wanted to ask but I almost stammered because I couldn't say what I really wanted to say.

"Don't worry, Farah, I know you still have trauma from what happened earlier, so I will let you rest for tonight. And since tomorrow is Sunday we will go shopping," he just said. What he uttered made me less nervous. But shopping?

“Shopping? What do you need to buy, and should I be with you when you do that?” I asked him, a bit worried.

He stopped for a moment at my question, then looked at me from head to toe. I followed his gaze and looked at myself as well. I don't think there is a problem with my appearance though.

"If you're going to be my woman, you should dress and act properly," he blurted out. I suddenly looked at myself again. Why? Is something wrong with me?

"Will you buy me clothes? But why?" I asked him, confused. He raised his eyebrows before answering. I don't know but he looks like he's being amused right now.

Why does he have to make me go shopping when he just undresses me at night? Does he have other plans for me? Nothing like that was discussed in the contract.

"Well, I want you to dress according to what I want you to. Aside from some outfits, you also need other things, and we will buy everything tomorrow," he added. What does he intend to do with me, and does he still need to dress me up?

Well, if it's beautiful and branded clothes, I still have a lot left at home because we had plenty of things before my daddy got sick. But I don't want to contradict him and worse, anger him. One more thing, I'm tired and I really want to rest and be alone so I can think.

"O-okay..." I just said.

After our conversation, he went out and I was surprised because he came back right away.

"Here. Use this first while we haven't bought your things yet," he said, and handed me a pair of jogging pants and a white shirt.

I guess it's his based on the size. I reluctantly accepted them and looked at him with gratitude.

"Thank you," I said, and then smiled. I thought he was about to come out, but he quickly crossed the remaining space between us and kissed me – hard.

One of his hands went around my back and he pulled me closer to him while his other hand was on the back of my head. I couldn't immediately move because I was so shocked by what he did. But all my doubts melted away when he deepened the kiss, and I was really blown away. Why am I feeling this way? I'm afraid of him, but every time our lips touch, I feel like I'm intoxicated by his kisses. I didn't realize that my two hands were really wrapped around his neck, and I dropped the clothes I was holding.

I let his tongue enter my mouth and let our tongues dance in a very sweet rhythm. Why does he have such a strong effect on me? Why do I feel warm with every stroke of his lips?

I gasped when he gently massaged my chest and kissed my neck. I didn't know how, but I was already leaning against the wall while his lips traveled from my lips to my cheek, on my jaw, neck and shoulders. Then his lips captured mine again and we shared a breathless and hot kiss that literally made me out of breath.

I even feel like my lips are already swollen or something. He was so intense when kissing me. It's like he’s being thirsty from my lips. Is he really like this with all the girls he flirts with?

"Fuck! I just can't stop kissing you…” he murmured as he sniffed my left cheek. A few minutes of make-out sessions took place before he finally released me. I can't explain the heat that lingered over my whole body, and I almost didn't want him to stop what he was doing to me earlier. I think I was going crazy.

I quickly went to the bathroom and undressed. I immediately put my body under the shower head to relieve the odd hotness I was feeling.

I felt a bit relieved as the water ran through my naked body and got cooled by it. I spent almost an hour taking a bath and wearing the clothes he gave me. The smell of this dress I'm wearing was so masculine.

Now that I am wearing his clothes, it's like he's hugging me. Maybe because of tiredness and stress, I fell asleep right after I dried my hair and went to bed.

The next day I woke up a little late. Although I'm used to waking up early, today I'm late. I immediately took my cellphone and called my mom. I still need to inform her that I might not be able to come home right away today because Lance and I are going to do some shopping.

"Hello, mommy, good morning!" I opened the door when she answered the call. "O, hija, what time are you going home today? Or are you going straight to work?” she asked. That's another problem I have. I just had to resign because that was Lance's order last night.

"Yes, mommy, I'm going straight to work. But I might as well resign because I'm applying for a job that will pay better," I answered. My fist was clenched because I was calming myself down. I'm not good at lying, so I have to be able to convince my mom. It’s better to say it now than to shock her later.

"Is that so? Well, what kind of job is that, Farah? I just hope it will not be more difficult for you, especially now that you are about to enter the second semester of your last year in college.” Her question was full of concern. I held my breath. But before I went to sleep last night, I thought of some excuses to tell mommy so that she wouldn’t be able to find out my current situation.

"Mom, I'm going to be a CEO's secretary. But don’t worry, it's only part-time because he has a full-time executive secretary. Apparently, the works that can no longer be handled by the ES will be given to me," I explained. I heard mommy's deep breathing. I worked against her will, but we couldn't do anything about it. We need money and it won't be enough if we rely only on my mother's income.

"I'm sorry, child. You, too, are struggling because of our current situation. I hope we can get through all of this. Your daddy's condition is getting better, so I hope it will continue that way," mommy apologized sadly. I pressed my lips together tightly to stop myself from sobbing. I didn't realize that my tears were already rolling down my cheeks. If mommy only knew the condition I got into, she would definitely get hurt even more. So, I will do everything so that they won't know about all this.

Lance is rich and I'm sure he's used to being surrounded by beautiful women, so he might get bored of me easily. And when that happens, I'm free and can return to my old quiet life.

"Mom, don't worry about me. I am okay. I am a fighter like you and dad, so I will remain this way!” I said to cheer her up. I need to act and look strong, so my parents won't be worried about me. I don't want to add to their problem because my parents already have more than they can handle.

"Okay, dear. Thank you so much. Your daddy and I are very lucky because you all grew up to be good and intelligent children."

I could feel how proud mommy was of us based on how she stated those words, so I smiled. Somehow, the very heavy burden in my heart on was lightened a little.

"Alright, mommy, it's bye for now because I need to do something," I said goodbye to her.

"Take care, sweetie..." was her gentle response. "I love you, mom. Tell dad I love him, too…” I said passionately before saying goodbye again and ending the call. I heaved a deep sigh before fixing myself and got out of the room.