Heartbreak

CHAPTER 13: HEARTBREAK 

RACHEL'S POV

    "Hey, Rachel, over here." I hear my sister's voice as soon as I make my appearance at the cafe that I had chosen for a few days for both of us to meet.  I fixed our meeting to be in the evening after my work hours as that would be easier for us. She is all smiley when she sees me and she does not hesitate to hug me immediately after I get closer.

    "I miss you so much," she whispers and I chuckle.

I rub her back gently, inhaling her fresh lavender perfume. She reminds me so much of our mum in every manner - her way of talking, her behavior, her reactions to situations, and even her voice.

Maybe that is why I respect her so much and seek her comfort in any situation - I see her as my mother even though she is younger than me. 

   "I miss you too, Emily."

I sit across from her after she has released me from the hug. It feels like ages since we last had a moment to ourselves, and despite the exhaustion weighing on me, I feel lighter just being here with her. That is the iconic power that she possesses. 

  "How are you doing? Have you ordered something yet?" I ask her as my eyes run across the table to see if there are any leftovers but she shakes her head.

   "I just got here about a few minutes ago. I have not even placed an order yet." She replies and I signal to the waiter to come over to take our orders. I usually take my coffee sweet, so I go for that instead of the espresso that Emily ordered.

After the guy leaves, Emily turns to face me. She studies me closely, her eyes filled with something between concern and frustration. "Rachel, you look drained. What's going on?"

I let out a soft sigh, stirring the foam on my latte with the tip of my spoon. 

   "I don’t even know where to start, Em."

   "You can start from anywhere. Maybe your present situation will be a good way to start." she encourages me.

I look at her with sadness, "Did I do something wrong by getting married all of a sudden just to raise money for Dad? Do you blame me?"

She sips her coffee with a tight face, probably because of the bitter taste that it has. She then waves her hand in front of me as she voices her opinion,

   "If you didn't do it, I was about to do something even worse than yours - I was going to sell off my body to a rich playboy in school just so I can get the money." she scoffs and then adds, "I think dad would have fainted if it turned out that way so no, I do not blame you. I am grateful that you took this step, but at the same time, I am unhappy that you sacrificed your happiness and peace of mind for this. I feel so guilty." 

I sigh and look into my latte, my heart twisting from all the burden I have been carrying, "I am also not happy. I had no choice."

   "How then is marriage with your boss, Noah?"

   " I feel like I’m just existing in this marriage, not living actually.  I don’t even know why I’m married to him. Why Noah chose me."

Emily frowns, setting her cup down. "He hasn’t told you anything? Not even a reason for marrying you?"

I shake my head, the weight of it pressing down on my chest. 

   "Not a word. You know, situations like this are probably to prevent some kind of arranged marriage but ever since I moved in with him, nothing has happened. It’s like I’m some piece of property he acquired. And the worst part? He won’t even introduce me to anyone. It’s as if I don’t exist in his world."

Emily exhales, leaning back in her chair. "That’s not right. You’re his wife, Rachel. It doesn't matter the situation that led to it.  You deserve answers. But have you considered that maybe, just maybe, Noah isn’t as heartless as you think?"

I let out a humorless laugh. "Heartless? Are you seriously siding with him right now?"

She pouts and shrugs her shoulder, "Don't blame me. I am only trying to look at the bright side of things,"

  "Emily, he barely looks at me. He’s cold and dismissive. It’s like he saw me at my weakest point and thought it would be fun to keep me locked in this cage of his with no purpose for my life.  I don’t even think he sees me as a person. I can not do anything without his permission and it is incredibly suffocating. It is like I am walking on a thin thread."

Emily reaches for my hand, squeezing it gently. "I get it. But Rach, you're not the type to just sit in misery. You’ve always been this loving, warm person. That’s your strength. Maybe instead of fighting this situation by portraying yourself as a weak person, you can turn it around."

I rub my ear, clearly seeking more explanation from her.

    "It is a contract marriage, right?"

I nod. 

   "That means you can't get out of it easily. You are tied down for now. So, instead of soaking yourself in misery, you can chase to make the best of the situation that has happened to you, and the first step should be getting to know him." 

I raise an eyebrow, skeptical. "You mean I..." I point to myself, "I should get to know him?"

She nods. "Yeah. I did psychology as a course last summer, so I think I might know one or two about his characteristics from the persona you have drafted of him. People like Noah… they don’t act like that for no reason. There’s always this something buried deep inside. And if you can reach that part of him, maybe this marriage won’t feel like a prison anymore."

I bite my lip, uncertainty swirling inside me. "And what if I just end up hurting myself in the process?"

   "Then at least you’ll know you tried." Emily leans in, voice soft. "So, in the meantime, you should be careful, Rach. Stay away from anything that could make things worse or that can make him worried. That includes Elvis if you still maintain that same relationship with him."

The mention of his name sends a fresh wave of guilt through me as I understand the message that she is passing across to me. I know she’s right. I just wish it didn’t have to be this way.

Emily offers me some more tips, and we wrap up the conversation with me refusing to come over and visit Dad. 

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A few days later, I find myself meeting Elvis in our old secret spot, a quiet corner of the city where no one ever pays attention to us. But this time, I’m not here to reminisce. I’m here to let go and I am not sure how that would turn out. 

Elvis paces in front of me, anger evident in his every move. 

   "Rachel, are you kidding me right now?"

   "I wish I was, Elvis..."

   "You can’t seriously expect me to sit back and watch you live with that man! He doesn’t love you. He’s using you, and you know that so what in fuck sake are you talking about?"

I close my eyes briefly before meeting his furious gaze. "Elvis, I just need to end this. Whatever we had… it can’t continue anymore. I’m married to Noah now, and I have to respect that."

His face twists with disbelief. "Are you hearing yourself? You’re choosing to stay with him? Respect what? A marriage based on force and manipulation? You are willing to disrespect our relationship of years by letting go because of that baboon?" He steps closer, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Don't tell me that you have fallen in love with him. Have you, Emily?"

The question stabs through me like a blade. "No," I say quickly, but the word feels hollow. "This isn’t about love. It’s about doing the right thing."

    "The right thing?" Elvis scoffs, running a hand through his hair.

   "So you think that you are doing the right thing by making me go through this heartache?" he hits his chest and I can see how furious he is. He then holds my hands desperately, "Rachel, I told you that I'll take out a loan if I have to. I’ll pay off whatever you owe him. Just… don’t do this. Don’t throw us away."

Tears sting my eyes, but I force myself to stay strong. "I’m sorry, Elvis. I really am. But this is goodbye."

His face hardens, betrayal flickering in his eyes. "You’re going to regret this, Rachel. You are going to regret doing this to us. You will mean nothing to him, and after he is done using you, he will throw you out like a piece of rag, and you won't have anyone or anywhere to run to. Mark my words."

I turn away before he can see the tears spill down my cheeks, my heart aching with every step I take away from him.

Of course, I know that I am going to regret it. And it hurts just knowing that because I know that I won't have the strength to carry it.

That night, I go to my room and curl up in bed, my pillow soaked with silent sobs. My phone buzzes beside me, Elvis’s name flashing across the screen. I hesitate before picking up.

   "Rachel, please…" His voice is thick with emotion. "I am sorry for speaking to you like that. Just tell me what I have to do. I’ll fix this."

I close my eyes, my throat tight. "You can’t fix this, Elvis. I’m sorry."

And with that, I hang up, burying my face into my pillow as another wave of tears crashes over me. I don’t go down for dinner. I don’t even have the energy to move.

Why does change hurt this much?

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NOAH'S POV

I sit at the dining table, prepared to have my dinner before retiring to my bedroom. I watch as the chef patiently serves me the quantity of meals that I can eat. When he is done, I start eating feasting on it all.

    "Sir, Madam didn’t come down for dinner. In fact, she refused to eat at all."

I tense, gripping the fork in my hand as I shoot a disinterested look,

     "And why are you telling me this?"

The chef hesitates before clearing his throat. "She seemed… upset. Her face looked swollen. Like she’s been crying a lot."

    "And I am asking you why exactly am I being informed of this?"

He seals his mouth and shakes his head while offering a quick apology. 

    "I did not ask for details so don't give them to me."

    "I just wanted to inform you so I can know if I should insist in your name that she comes down?"

   "It looks like you have successfully gotten yourself another well-paying job at a communication company, and that is why you just can't stop talking, huh?"

   "I am sorry, sir."

I then scoff, my voice cold. "Let her starve. When she feels like eating, she can find her way around the kitchen."