I could do nothing but listen while my heart broke all over again for Beth, Killian, and Michael."Killian didn't speak except to his brother that entire first year. The only reason I fought my husband so badly on turning off the machines was Killian. Michael is his twin and I couldn't separate them. I found a strength I didn't know I had. When school started, I would drop Killian off and he would just stare at me with dead eyes. He spoke to no one, not his teachers or his school friends. I picked him up each day and drove him to the hospital. Killian would walk into the room, take his brother's hand, and start talking. He'd tell him everything and then go home at night completely silent until the following day at the hospital."Beth wiped a tear from her cheek and smiled gently."We found a therapist. He suggested that we keep Killian from his brother's side for two days each week and give him a chance to have time alone with his thoughts; no hospital, just a young boy who would ge
I didn't run for two days. On the third, I angrily pulled on my running clothes and ran until I almost passed out. I pushed again the following morning. It became my daily stress reliever. A week after leaving the hospital, I called Killian's mother."I tried." I could barely speak because of the sobs built up in my throat."I know, dear. Don't cry. Killian will snap out of it. He's stubborn and doesn't want anyone around right now." Weariness was evident in each word Beth spoke."Have you seen him?""Yes, last night. It wasn't pleasant. If not for his injury, I'd take a two-by-four to his head."The thought of Killian in pain made me cringe, but her words also helped me gain control of my emotions. "Is someone helping him?""Not really. Killian works through these things in his own way and eventually he'll come to terms with he isn't infallible. Shit happens and it's not the end of the world."I needed to change the subject. Thinking of Killian alone in his large home, in pain,
I woke up Saturday morning with far more excitement than I'd felt in weeks. I'd been pushing myself harder than ever before. Middle-of-the-pack Cavanaugh was ready to move up a place or two. It felt good to know I had a shot of doing exactly that. It was a four-school track meet and I wanted to know if my preparations would pay off.The starting pistol sounded and the 10,000-meter race began. Within twenty steps I picked an inside line and held my ground. I established my place in the pack and stuck to it. My leg muscles were loose with my fingers lightly touching my palms. I looked ahead, focusing on my goal. I sank into my rhythm quicker than I'd ever done before and let the outside world drift away.At the halfway point, there were two distinct groups. I stayed slightly to the rear of the front one. More runners fell back as the race continued. Eventually, I felt the strain in my legs, but also their power. When the flag signaling the final four laps went up, I usually felt the we
I groaned and pulled the pillow over my head. My head hurt, my body hurt, but worst of all my pride was shattered.I was afraid to open my eyes and find Killian in my apartment. I didn't hear any noise, but continued to assess my surroundings for several more minutes. I finally removed the pillow and squinted into the daylight with one eye.My poor, pathetic head.My mouth tasted horrible and I thought I might be sick again. I scooted my legs around and slowly went to a sitting position.Two pills, a glass of water, and a note rested on the bedside table.Legs,Take the ibuprofen, shower, and eat something. Get some rest today. I'm picking you up for dinner at six.KOver my dead body. Killian MacGregor was not prancing back into my life.My head pounded dully, so I took the pills because I didn't really have a choice. I also spent an hour in the shower, which pissed me off more because it was exactly what the note told me to do. I managed to eat a piece of toast before
Monday morning Killian waited out front and followed me when I took off running. He didn't say anything, just kept pace. I kept him in my peripheral vision even if I didn't mean too. It was chilly and looked like rain was heading in.He stopped at the five-mile mark, slightly shorter than the distance he normally ran, and went back the way he came. I continued and finished my run before the rain began.Killian waited at my door.I looked at him. "Nothing's changed, Killian. This won't work."I watched him close his eyes for a moment before opening them and giving me the smallest hint of dimples."I won't give up, Rebecca, though I know I deserve everything you're putting me through."My rage kicked in. "You have no idea what you've put me through. How many tears I've cried or how many times I'd give anything to be in your arms one last time. I'm broken, Killian. You broke me. I don't want the pain that goes along with being your girlfriend."He leaned in and kissed me. No tongue
His home was exactly as I remembered. I tried to harden my heart, but when he led me immediately into his bedroom, his unique scent lingering in the air turned my belly to quivering jelly. Within a few seconds, panic set in. I put my hands out in front of me after he placed my bag on the floor."I'm sorry. I don't think I can do this. It hurts too much, Killian."He didn't move closer. "Talk to me, love."My voice rose slightly. "How can I? I shouldn't have come. I really can't handle you or your need to win. I'm not cut out to be part of your life."He spoke so softly. "I've changed."A burst of deriding laughter slipped past my lips. "No, you haven't, Killian. Winning to you is all-inclusive. You call it focus and I call it insanity. You play a game and the 'powers that be' pay you a lot of money. I get that. But- when it's all said and done, it's a game. Boys out on a field, pounding each other into the mud. A game."Killian's eyes went dark. "It's more than a game, Rebecca."
He washed me thoroughly in the shower. I tried to do it myself, but he removed the soap from my hands and cleaned every inch of my skin."You're punishing me." Sadness tinged my voice.Momentarily, his soapy hands stopped moving. "No, I'm giving you what you asked for.""Then you're punishing yourself."His gaze darkened. "But will it be enough, Rebecca? Can you forgive me? Will you love me again?"I pulled him into my arms. I could see the pain in his eyes and I was so afraid to tell him how much I loved him. I never stopped and didn't think I ever would. It was me-I was punishing both of us, but I couldn't stop. The weeks and months of pain made me into a person I didn't know. I wanted to wipe it all away, let my heart melt again, and most of all forgive him.Why was I doing this?My tears started and my shoulders began shaking."Shh, Rebecca, it's okay. I understand. I'll do whatever it takes. I'm not going anywhere and if I eventually get my way, you'll never go anywhere ag
After the completion of track season and my college graduation, I became Rebecca MacGregor. I qualified for nationals and took sixth place. No grumpy loser's behavior from me. I was thrilled with my achievement and very proud of myself.For the wedding, Amanda, Malory, and my sister Candi were my bridesmaids. My sister and I reached an uneasy peace that improved each time I confronted her and wouldn't let her talk down to me. Lyle, Blitz, and Stump stood with Killian. Michael was our ring bearer.For our honeymoon, we flew to a private island in the Caribbean that Killian rented.Exhaustion had settled deep into my bones by the time we arrived. Soft-colored lights surrounded the covered patio. Killian lifted me into his arms and carried me over the threshold. He started undressing me as soon as we were inside."I know you're tired, but I want you soaking in the Jacuzzi so you don't wake up sore from traveling." I love how he cared for me and how strong he made me feel. The built-