I groaned and pulled the pillow over my head. My head hurt, my body hurt, but worst of all my pride was shattered.I was afraid to open my eyes and find Killian in my apartment. I didn't hear any noise, but continued to assess my surroundings for several more minutes. I finally removed the pillow and squinted into the daylight with one eye.My poor, pathetic head.My mouth tasted horrible and I thought I might be sick again. I scooted my legs around and slowly went to a sitting position.Two pills, a glass of water, and a note rested on the bedside table.Legs,Take the ibuprofen, shower, and eat something. Get some rest today. I'm picking you up for dinner at six.KOver my dead body. Killian MacGregor was not prancing back into my life.My head pounded dully, so I took the pills because I didn't really have a choice. I also spent an hour in the shower, which pissed me off more because it was exactly what the note told me to do. I managed to eat a piece of toast before
Monday morning Killian waited out front and followed me when I took off running. He didn't say anything, just kept pace. I kept him in my peripheral vision even if I didn't mean too. It was chilly and looked like rain was heading in.He stopped at the five-mile mark, slightly shorter than the distance he normally ran, and went back the way he came. I continued and finished my run before the rain began.Killian waited at my door.I looked at him. "Nothing's changed, Killian. This won't work."I watched him close his eyes for a moment before opening them and giving me the smallest hint of dimples."I won't give up, Rebecca, though I know I deserve everything you're putting me through."My rage kicked in. "You have no idea what you've put me through. How many tears I've cried or how many times I'd give anything to be in your arms one last time. I'm broken, Killian. You broke me. I don't want the pain that goes along with being your girlfriend."He leaned in and kissed me. No tongue
His home was exactly as I remembered. I tried to harden my heart, but when he led me immediately into his bedroom, his unique scent lingering in the air turned my belly to quivering jelly. Within a few seconds, panic set in. I put my hands out in front of me after he placed my bag on the floor."I'm sorry. I don't think I can do this. It hurts too much, Killian."He didn't move closer. "Talk to me, love."My voice rose slightly. "How can I? I shouldn't have come. I really can't handle you or your need to win. I'm not cut out to be part of your life."He spoke so softly. "I've changed."A burst of deriding laughter slipped past my lips. "No, you haven't, Killian. Winning to you is all-inclusive. You call it focus and I call it insanity. You play a game and the 'powers that be' pay you a lot of money. I get that. But- when it's all said and done, it's a game. Boys out on a field, pounding each other into the mud. A game."Killian's eyes went dark. "It's more than a game, Rebecca."
He washed me thoroughly in the shower. I tried to do it myself, but he removed the soap from my hands and cleaned every inch of my skin."You're punishing me." Sadness tinged my voice.Momentarily, his soapy hands stopped moving. "No, I'm giving you what you asked for.""Then you're punishing yourself."His gaze darkened. "But will it be enough, Rebecca? Can you forgive me? Will you love me again?"I pulled him into my arms. I could see the pain in his eyes and I was so afraid to tell him how much I loved him. I never stopped and didn't think I ever would. It was me-I was punishing both of us, but I couldn't stop. The weeks and months of pain made me into a person I didn't know. I wanted to wipe it all away, let my heart melt again, and most of all forgive him.Why was I doing this?My tears started and my shoulders began shaking."Shh, Rebecca, it's okay. I understand. I'll do whatever it takes. I'm not going anywhere and if I eventually get my way, you'll never go anywhere ag
After the completion of track season and my college graduation, I became Rebecca MacGregor. I qualified for nationals and took sixth place. No grumpy loser's behavior from me. I was thrilled with my achievement and very proud of myself.For the wedding, Amanda, Malory, and my sister Candi were my bridesmaids. My sister and I reached an uneasy peace that improved each time I confronted her and wouldn't let her talk down to me. Lyle, Blitz, and Stump stood with Killian. Michael was our ring bearer.For our honeymoon, we flew to a private island in the Caribbean that Killian rented.Exhaustion had settled deep into my bones by the time we arrived. Soft-colored lights surrounded the covered patio. Killian lifted me into his arms and carried me over the threshold. He started undressing me as soon as we were inside."I know you're tired, but I want you soaking in the Jacuzzi so you don't wake up sore from traveling." I love how he cared for me and how strong he made me feel. The built-
PART TWOMY AGENT, LARRY Modiess, looks up from the papers in his hand and quirks his lips. "It's a done deal, Jordansign, sealed, and delivered. You're officially a New Mexico Pronghorn, the team with the lousiest record in the pro league." His hand slams against my back. He looks like he wants to hug me, so I step back and try to act manly. He's four inches shorter than I am, balding, and outweighs me by a hundred pounds. Think big teddy bear with a backbone of steel when it comes to negotiating sports contracts.Larry's words culminate the longest journey of my lifecountless meetings and more sleepless nights than I care to count. The journey isn't over. There will be more rounds of meetings, situating myself with the team, and dealing with the media. I also need to inform my father that I'll be moving to New Mexico. We lost my mom two years ago and I've been living with him ever since. My plan is to convince him to move in with me in the near future. Doubtful he will but I'll try
I REMEMBER TURNING twenty-three and beginning my first season as a starting quarterback. The powers that be considered twenty-three young for a starter. Now, three years later, I feel old. From the wear and tear on my body and my mental state from losing game after game, I don't have the same excitement as I've had in the past.As team captain, it's my job to pump up the players for the coming season. I'm hoping the new kicker the front office signed will help us out. The entire process has been shadowed in mystery for some ungodly reason. We have a player or two who are gay. They keep it on the down-low. I truly don't give a damn about who they have in their bed. Play your position, give it your heart, and screw anyone you want. With consent, that is.This doesn't mean all the players feel this way. By my thinking, the idiots need to get over it and move on. I haven't seen a sexual pass in the locker room or heard of one. Maybe the new kicker is openly gay and the organization expec
"IT COULD HAVE been worse," Larry says as we enter the two-bedroom suite that will be ours for the next few days. We were quiet in the car because we didn't want the driver to overhear us."He hates me," I groan. Larry knows exactly who "he" is."He doesn't hate you. He's slightly shocked, I'll admit."My laugh isn't humorous in the least. It's more like the squeal of a cat who's been stepped on. "Shocked?" I walk past the main room, toss my backpack on the floor of the first bedroom I come to, and fall back on the bed with my arms spread. "Look, I know what I'm getting myself into," I say as I look at the ceiling. "This is only the beginning." I cover my eyes in high dramatic fashion. "There will be denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Just like someone died." I peek through my fingers. "Add in testosterone-laden Neanderthals, vindictive assholes, and whiny mommy's boy temper tantrums and you'll understand what the next few weeks will be like."Larry walks to the