VI. Humiliation

There are moments in the past that all I wanted to do was run, to escape, and never look back. But I held on. I had Brad with me. And besides the young and naïve part of me always thought that he’s more than enough reason for me to stay. 

I won’t deny that at an early stage of our relationship I become too dependent on him that  I thought I couldn't live without him in my life. Those days were over now. Brad left me without any warning or explanation. But the thing was, it’s more than that, and though it’s not as complicated as people around me thought it would be, the destruction of his leaving wrecked me apart. 

My confidence level hit the bottom level while my insecurity level reached its peak.

What he did to me is more painful than being abandoned and left behind. It’s the thought that despite everything we’ve been through together I am still not worth an explanation.

Now, while looking at the man I was supposed to love and cherish, I felt a legion of emotions raging within me but as I searched through them, none was love. 

“Brad? What the f*ck are doing here?” I seethed, feeling my heart sped up and my body burns with fire so hot I could toast him into it. Yeah, I’m probably a bit exaggerating but—

“Please not now, Elle. I’m busy as it is.” That’s why. And if someone else were in my shoes, there’s a great, big chance that Brad had passed into another realm before I could say Pikachu. If that even means anything.

“So, I’m invisible to you now?” If I just stayed in my apartment and wallow I won't be in this awkward confrontation. But the thought of everyone around me preparing and anticipating for the big day that wasn't going to happen was a gigantic kick on my conscience that I cannot bear. 

So I braved myself, leaving my apartment to face everyone and cancel everything. Now that I thought about it after seeing the repercussions of leaving first hand, I realized I could always do it at the comfort of my apartment.

Look where my stupidity got me.

“Elle, please. You can hate, scream and hit me all you want just let me finish this.” If I’m angry with him in the past few days I’m furious now. How dare he? As if those eight years didn’t mean anything to him. And besides, we were friends even before I decided to give us a chance.

Again, look where that got me.

‘Clearly.’ The small sarcastic voice in my head snipped. 

I slightly falter when I finally realized what brought him to the flower shop, the same flower shop where I ordered the flowers for our supposed-to-be wedding.

It’s a different thing when everything was told to you by your friends or just in the safe confines of your head but a whole other story when you’re face-to-face with reality.

And Brad choosing flowers for his and Stella's wedding was a reality slap, I don't know I needed. Though to be clear I'm not a masochist. I swear, I'm not into that thing.

“Are you sure she’s not taking you as a hostage or anything?” I dragged on, following him as he inspects the beautiful bouquet on display one by one. 

He abruptly stopped on what he did and look at me with so much hatred I don't deserve.

 

“Can you stop?!” My eyes widened in shock and fright. I know I’m visibly shaking and I can’t seem to stop the sweat trailing down on my face as I stared at him in disbelief. He never raised his voice at me while we're still together, never. Well, aside from that one time three days ago when I caught him. But I guess that's an exception.

‘When did we exactly broke up? The moment I caught him? Or the moment I run away?’ I thought.

 I guess Arya was right, he’s changed.

“Great! You know I’ve always wanted a superpower. And you just have to make it come true.” I croaked out with enough venom and sarcasm to hide the tremble of my voice. 

I cannot let him see me cower. I can’t let him see that he still has power over me. 

“Okay, what’s your problem?” He asked, turning his body around to face me. 

‘What's my problem? Does he dare asked what's my problem? How daft could he get?’ I internally fumed.

“And if you’re here to beg me to come back to you, there’s not a chance, Elle.” What. The. Actual. F*ck!

“I will never beg anything from you, Brad. And I’m not going to beg you to come back to me.” 

“Then, what’s your problem? Why you were still stalking me?” I can’t believe I’ve dated this as*hole for eight long f*cking years.

“That! That’s my problem. Tell me did you ever love me Brad or for eight years you’re just pretending that you do?”

“I care about you, Elle.”  F*uck being rational. He wants war I'll give him war.

“Bullshit*t! You cheated on me, making me feel like yesterday's trash and now you're making me feel like I’m invisible,” I stopped, breathing in to quenched the sudden tightness of my chest. 

“If you care for me as you said you did, then how can you treat me like this?!” And in a much calmer voice, I continue, “Brad, we were friends even before we began dating that ought to mean something, right?”

“Keep it down will you?” he hissed, frantically looking around while painfully gripping me on my arm before dragging me to the far corner of the shop.

“Brad, you’re hurting me,” I whimpered, trying to remove his hand on me but that only makes him tightened his grip. Then without warning, I was painfully slammed on the wall, knocking the air out of me. I looked up at him, panting. He's already staring at me furiously while painfully gripping my arms. 

He glowered at me.

I glowered back at him.

I don’t know where was this courage coming from or maybe the talks Anna and Arya gave me actually went through my head. Or probably I’m not really in love with him, that I’m only in love with the idea of us ending up together. Because that was what everybody expects. 

“I can hurt you more than that, Elle if you can’t learn to shut that mouth of yours.” He hissed, his cold breath fanning on my cheek. I shivered in disgust. 

You know, that kind feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you know that all hopes were gone?

It’s like all the parasites living in your intestines just died and it’s their funeral. It’s sad and freeing at the same time. Yeah, that kind of feeling. I'm not even joking but the comparison makes me what to burst out laughing. Or cry.

Damn

“Of course you can, yet that didn’t answer my question. What the f*ck are you doing here?” 

“Finalizing our wedding—I thought Anna told you.” He said staring at me daringly.

And it just hit me. Of course, they can’t organize a grand matrimonial ceremony within a week's notice, so they’re going to steal mine. And to think there's only one week left before the big day.

“You thick face bastard! I know you’re going to wed with Stella but I didn’t know you’re too much of a d*ck to use the wedding I organized!”

At that same moment, the owner of the shop arrived beaming at us. 

Helena

“Elle—” I didn’t let her finished. I just cannot bear to see another look of pity from anyone anymore. 

I tried pushing brad off me but to no avail. So I did the only thing I thought, I knew he deserves. 

I kick him on the family jewels.

Ouch

Granted, I don't have any use of them anyway, so why bother?

And for the second time, I ran.

As I threw him a look for the last time, I let him see the hurt I'm feeling inside.

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