Present...I'm beginning to lose myself.I feel it happening more with the passing of each day, and it scares the shit out of me. During rare moments of self-reflection, doubt creeps in, and I question objectives that should be irrefutable.For a man like me, this is a precarious situation.Over the last three years, I've done everything in my power to keep her at a distance. I've been a bastard. I've been rude. I've tried ignoring her. I've withheld my friendship. Most days, I'm barely civil to her, because I know all hell will break loose once the floodgates open.None of my tactics douse the spark that flares to life when we're in the same room. I'm a moth dancing too close to the twisting flames.One of these days, I'm going to get burned.Or end up with a bullet in my head.A solitary image of her flickering through my brain is enough to make me grow unbearably hard.I've found myself on the verge of reaching out to slide my fingers through the glossy strands of her dark ha
Three years ago..."Well, hello there, handsome." My sister cranes her neck. "Who do we have here?"At twenty-five, Francesca is already married and living in Philadelphia with her husband. I don't get to spend as much time with her as I'd like. Since we're two years apart, and she's my only sister out of four siblings, we're thick as thieves. I'm always excited when she comes home for a visit.Our mother has arranged a shopping excursion on Michigan Avenue, along with two dinner parties with friends and family while Frankie's here. If there's time, we'll head up north to spend the weekend at our cottage in Door County, Wisconsin. Escaping the frenetic energy of the city is always a welcome change. I could spend days wandering around the quaint little towns dotting Lake Michigan's eastern shores. Like the family compound which lies north of Chicago, the cottage has been in our family for generations. I don't bother glancing in the direction where Frankie's eyes are focused.
Two years agoA hand settles on my shoulder. Startled, I spin around. As my gaze collides with Franco's, a big smile spreads across my face. A matching grin lights up his."Franco!""Long time, no see, Valentini!"Without hesitation, I wrap my arms around his thin, wiry body and squeeze tight. He does the same. It's been at least a year since we've seen each other. Franco and I grew up together, and we've been close friends ever since. He moved to New York after college. We rarely get the chance to spend time together due to our busy schedules. Finding him here is a wonderful surprise."What are you doing here?""I was heading back from California when Pops asked me to stop home." He jerks his head toward the wing of the house where my father's office is located, his jovial expression sobering. "He's meeting with Enzo.""And he brought you along for the ride, huh?" Trying to lighten the heaviness permeating the air, I joke, "Moving up in the world, I see."He rolls his moch
One year ago...I hiccup and clap a hand over my mouth.I rarely drink, but the champagne went down far too easily tonight. I need to lie down upstairs until my head clears. My parents are entertaining guests from out of town, so sneaking away shouldn't be a problem with about fifty people in the house.I grasp the railing to steady myself and climb the darkened staircase at the back of the house. During the early nineteen-hundreds, a large household staff employed by the Valentini family used this set of steps to move unobtrusively throughout the mansion. A shadow looms over me when I reach the second floor. Even though I can't make out his features, my body instinctively senses his presence.Regardless of my feelings for Roman Santori, I'm fully aware of him on a physical level. It's always been this way and nothing-not his contempt, chilled demeanor, or indifference-has changed it.My attraction to him feels pathological at times.I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out
Present..."Congratulations!" I pull Grace, my brother's fiancée, in for a hug. "I'm so happy for you two!" My older brother, Matteo, has been popular with the opposite sex since he turned fifteen. An endless string of socialites and models have clung to his arm over the years. I don't remember seeing him with the same woman more than twice. I think my mother gave up on him ever falling in love. It didn't seem to be in his DNA.But Grace changed that. I've never seen my brother so besotted. And it's easy to understand why. His new fiancée is kind and sweet. Her easy nature draws people in. I already love her like a sister.Grace's smile widens. "Thank you!" She glances around the tent, which is filled with a hundred and fifty close friends and family. "It was so thoughtful of your parents to throw this party for us."I pat her on the shoulder. "It's adorable the way you think you had a choice in the matter." Snorting, I shake my head. "My mother has so much more in t
My fingers rise of their own accord and feather across my lips as our gazes stay locked from across the distance separating us. I've replayed that kiss on the staircase landing more than a thousand times in my head.Over a year later, I still don't understand why he kissed me. No matter how much I secretly longed for a repeat performance, nothing has happened. If anything, Roman's become colder and more standoffish. I didn't think it was possible, but it is.I keep hoping I'll outgrow my infatuation with Roman, but it hasn't happened yet. I'm beginning to wonder if it ever will, which sucks. I don't want to be hung up on a guy who can't even be pleasant when our paths cross.When I meet new guys, I automatically compare them to Roman. The kiss we shared has ruined me for all other men. And it blew every other kiss I've experienced into oblivion.If Roman intended to teach me a lesson, his attempt backfired spectacularly. Instead of driving me away, it's deepened my attraction
I blow out a long, slow breath.I'm irritated with myself for not thinking about the ramifications of my actions and for following my instincts instead of using better judgment. I say a silent prayer of thanks that I didn't stumble across him. The muscles in my abdomen clench uncomfortably at the thought because he wouldn't have been happy to see me.More like angry and irritated. Any conversation that would have taken place between us wouldn't have been pleasant. I rub my temples in frustration. When am I going to get over this stupid infatuation and get on with my life? My feelings for him aren't healthy. I should rejoin the party and pretend this little lapse in judgment never happened."What are you doing in here?" a voice thunders.I jump and whirl around, finding Roman looming in the doorway. His jaw looks like it's been carved from stone. The muscles of his body are coiled tight, as if he's on the cusp of attack. All the thoughts circling madly around in my head flee.
"Sofia, what's wrong?" My mother sets down the large platter she's holding on the kitchen island and takes a closer look at me. "Have you been crying?"She's not aware of the feelings I have for Roman, nor do I want her to be. I feel like a fool after what happened in Papa's office. The last thing I want is her pity. It will make me feel worse.I also know that if I tell her what happened with Roman, she'll have him fired immediately. Or worse. Roman has become a valuable asset to the organization over the years. My father heavily depends on him. My brothers assist Papa when needed, but none of them are interested in taking over when he decides to step down because they have their own business ventures to run. Causing problems for Roman will cause problems for my father if the person he wants to pass the reins to is no longer an option.And I'm not interested in going there. Roman Santori isn't worth the effort, and part of me recognizes I'm somewhat at fault for what occurr
Mama moves around me and stands toe-to-toe with Roman, who bows his head in deference even though he towers over her. Her fingers slide under his chin and turn his head from one side to the other so she can take a good look at his bruised and bloodied face. "You were let off easy. Don't make my husband regret his generosity.""I won't," Roman says gravely."I always liked you," she muses. "It's disappointing to realize you spent so many years lying to us."Regret flashes across his face. "I'm sorry about that, Mrs. V. If I could go back and change it, I would." His gaze dips to me. "But then I wouldn't have met Sofia."Mama tilts her head to the side, her fingers digging into his chin as she studies him. "If you hurt my darling girl or this grandbaby, there will be nowhere on this earth you can hide that I will not hunt you down."Roman winces as her fingernails cut into his skin. "I'm asking for the chance to make Sofia happy. I want to give her the life she deserves." Loo
Surprisingly, my brothers release Roman right away.Roman leans against me, trying to hold himself upright so as not to appear weak in front of my family. We stagger toward a leather armchair, and he slowly lowers himself onto it. The swelling and bruises have worsened in the last few minutes. His right eye is almost fused shut and a rainbow of streaks color his chin.As I turn to face my family, my gaze lands on my mother, who I hadn't realized was standing behind me. Grace is there as well, her blue eyes wide as saucers."You don't have to do this," Roman mumbles.I slip my hand into his and rub his knuckles with my thumb. "Yes, I do." My parents, my brothers, and Grace are all on one side of the room while Roman and I occupy the other. I've never felt so isolated from them. My family has always stood together. That's what we do. The Valentinis present a united front to anyone who tries to harm us.And I'm breaking that code by defying them.Is this man worth it?Is he wor
I shoot Grace a questioning look over my mother's shoulder, but the other woman shrugs in response. "I'm just relieved that you're okay." Mama tucks a lock of hair behind my ear and pats my shoulder.I frown in confusion. "Why wouldn't I be?" Is she referring to the Russian situation? I can't imagine my father hasn't kept her up-to-date with the recent developments. "Roman never let me out of his sight, Mama. I was perfectly safe the entire time."Instead of softening with relief, her expression turns murderous. Her dark eyes fill with a mixture of contempt and disgust. She glances toward the wing my father's office is located in. "That man will no longer be working for us."My throat closes. "What are you talking about?"She shoots a nasty glare at the hallway. "He's a traitor.""Roman?" I breathe."Don't ever say that man's name in this house again!" she snaps, drawing herself up to her full height.I thought we had time to make a plan before talking to my father. But we
"Once I earned Enzo's trust, he brought me to the compound himself and gave me access to the heart of the operation. He opened his home to me and treated me like a son." His eyes drop to his lap."He cared about you. He still does. He planned for you to take over since my brothers have no interest," I grate out, unable to hide the fury tinging my voice at how Roman duped my father.Roman shakes his head and runs a hand over his closely cut hair. "I know."His troubled gaze meets mine again, and my heart softens because I can tell he's just as conflicted over the situation as I am."This assignment was supposed to be a two-year stint. I was instructed to make connections in the lower ranks and gather intel. Just as I was about to be pulled out, Enzo took an interest in me. No one had managed to make it into the Valentini inner circle before. My lieutenant and the DA decided to let me stay. But the problem is that you can't work undercover indefinitely. The deeper you get entr
A guard waves our car through the gate, and we pull into the wooded grounds of the Valentini compound.Roman received a text from my father informing him that the Russian threat has been eliminated. I'm no longer in danger, and my security detail has been called off.It's a relief to have one less issue to worry about. My hand rests on my stomach as Roman navigates the long driveway. Neither of us said much during the twenty-minute ride. I think we're both in shock. I know I am. I may have suspected this outcome, but was still unprepared for it. I shift on the seat as Roman glances at me and wait for him to start this much-needed conversation.He doesn't though. He just continues to drive in silence as the test results flash through my brain for the hundredth time.I'm pregnant.I'm going to give birth to a tiny human being in less than nine months.My whole world has just been rocked. There's no going back to the way it used to be. I would be lying if I didn't admit that th
I rush toward my car in the school parking lot with one thing on my mind.And that's stopping at the pharmacy on the way home to get a pregnancy test.In my two years as a high school counselor, I've had several girls pop into my office, frightened that they could be pregnant. The first thing I tell them is to talk to their parents because this isn't an issue they should deal with on their own. The second is to take a test. For the most accurate results, I advise them to make an appointment with their family doctor or Planned Parenthood to run blood work and take a urine test. If they aren't comfortable with either of those options, I tell them to pick up a home pregnancy test.Most of the time, they stop in and tell me their results were negative. We then have a come-to-Jesus discussion regarding safe sex practices. Abstinence is the only foolproof method, but that's not a realistic option for many teenagers nowadays. And I get that. We go over the different kinds of birth con
I scrutinize my appearance in the mirror to make sure I'm at least semi-presentable. Unfortunately, I look like death warmed over. The best thing I can do at this point is call it a day. I'll let Sherry know I'm taking a few hours of sick time and head home. I can drive over to the compound once I feel better and tell my parents about Roman's deception in person.Just as I'm shutting down my computer, Ella pokes her head through the open doorway."Hey, Ms. B, do you have a few minutes?" She smiles."Hi, Ella." I hold my hands up, palms out in a stay-put fashion because I don't want her to get sick if I've picked up a virus. "Don't get too close. I'm not feeling very well. I was just about to head home for the afternoon."Her expression turns sympathetic. "That sucks."I chuckle. Throwing up at work in the middle of the afternoon sucks big time. "It really does.""Hopefully whatever you caught will pass quickly. Is it a stomach bug?""I think so.""I bet some Saltine cracke
I blink back tears, refusing to let him see how much he's shattered me. "You should have done us both a favor and never given in."He scrubs a hand over his face. "Don't you think I know that?" he asks in a low, ugly snarl. "Don't you think I fought my feelings every single goddamn day? Every fucking moment was a battle. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. You have to believe that."Unable to listen anymore, I stand. "I don't know what to believe. I need to get to work.""I expected you to call Enzo last night." He tilts his head. "Why didn't you?"I look away.That's an excellent question. One I've asked myself a million times already. I should have called my father right after getting in the cab.Papa would have snapped up Roman by now.Which is precisely why I didn't do anything.Because I can't sentence the man I love to death.My shoulders slump as I acknowledge my own truths. This delay doesn't mean I won't tell my family. It just means I haven't placed
Groaning, I roll toward the alarm clock and slap it.My eyelids feel like they've been cemented shut. Prying them open takes a Herculean effort. Unable to force my limbs into action, I lay in bed as memories of yesterday assault me.Roman is an undercover police officer.Never in a million years could I have foreseen this. If anything, I'd wondered if he worked for the Russians.But the police?The Chicago PD?No. I feel completely blindsided by the revelation. What am I going to do? Acknowledging what a mess this situation is makes me burrow deeper under the covers, wishing I could stay in bed for the rest of the day. Maybe the next few. I had a difficult time falling asleep after getting home because my mind wouldn't click off. As a result, I feel tired and irritable.I would love to call in sick, but can't.Two parent meetings and an IEP are on my agenda for today. These parents have rearranged their schedules to come in and discuss their children's educational needs, whic