4

Chapter four

Xander

I walked into the classroom with my usual face which basically said "I don't give a fuck", not bothering to look at anyone as I made my way to the back. The air in here was stale— the same as it always was in these classrooms filled with kids pretending to care about schoolwork.

But then, of course, my eyes landed on the one person I never thought I'd see again.

Arilyn Thorne.

I didn't expect to see her here. Not after all this time. Not after the way I left—just disappeared, no explanation, no goodbye. I had my reasons, but seeing her again, after all these years, was like a punch to the gut.

Her eyes were locked on me for just a second before she quickly looked away, but it didn't matter. That moment was enough to send a wave of emotions I wasn't ready to deal with crashing through me. I saw the way her posture stiffened, the way she shifted in her seat, like she was trying to pretend I wasn't still the same person who had walked out on her without a second thought.

I hated that I still cared about what she thought.

I didn't need to glance at the others. I knew exactly where I was going. My seat, the one at the back, the one I always took. The place where I could keep my distance, avoid the shit I wasn't ready to face.

I sat down with the same nonchalance I always did, fist bumping my friend, but my mind wasn't on him. It was on her.

I couldn't keep my gaze off of Arilyn, not even for a second. Even though I told myself I didn't care, I could see the way she was still affected by me being here, the way her eyes flicked toward me, then quickly darted away.

What did she want me to say? That I was sorry? That I regretted leaving? That I'd spent the last few years regretting the way I'd walked out of her life?

I wasn't sorry. Not for leaving. Not for chasing my dreams. Not for wanting a better life. But damn, seeing her again made me wonder if I should've been.

I turned my attention back to her for a moment, watching her like I used to. She was different now—prettier if that was even possible, more guarded—but there was something familiar about the way she held herself. Something that reminded me of how we used to be, back before I screwed everything up.

I knew exactly why she was here. She had to be one of the transferred students. I just didn't now what she was thinking. But I was damn sure I wasn't the only one who noticed. The room felt like it shifted the moment I walked in.

I wasn't sure what I had been expecting, but the sight of her sitting there, still the same but different, stirred something deep inside me. A pull, a kind of longing I wasn't ready to face. But I couldn't look away.

Her eyes met mine for a split second, but when she looked away, my chest tightened. I had left. I had broken the connection between us years ago, and now I could feel the distance that had only grown since.

But damn, seeing her again felt like the universe was reminding me of everything I left behind.

I didn't expect her to come over and talk to me. I didn't think she'd even acknowledge my existence after everything that happened. But I didn't expect her to snap at me either.

"What?" Her voice was sharp, like I had just interrupted something important. Like I had invaded a space I wasn't allowed to be in anymore.

I leaned back in my chair, keeping my eyes on her, watching the way she carried herself, how different she was now, how strong. But the anger was there too, buried beneath the surface. I could see it. I could feel it.

"You've changed," I said, my voice calm, like I was stating the obvious. And maybe I was. She had. We both had.

Her response was quick, cutting—an edge I wasn't expecting. "Yeah, well," she said, standing up and gathering her things, "a lot happens when someone disappears without a word."

I didn't react, not immediately. But something shifted in me. Her words hit harder than I thought they would.

My smirk faltered, replaced by something I didn't want to show—regret? Guilt? She was right. I left her. No note, no goodbye. But there had been a reason. And I hadn't been able to explain it then.

I watched her move toward the door, the weight of everything we never said hanging in the space between us.

But then she froze.

"You didn't text or call," I said, my voice quieter now, the words slipping out before I could stop them.

She turned back to me, her face a storm of emotions. Anger, hurt, confusion.

"I didn't text or call?" she repeated, her voice rising with the same frustration I felt. "You left, Xander. You left without saying goodbye. And you expect me to be the one to reach out?"

Her words hit me like a punch. I could feel the years of resentment, the hurt, the way she must have blamed me for everything that happened after. I wanted to explain, wanted to tell her the truth, but the words got stuck in my throat.

I had to get closer. I had to close the distance between us, even if it was just for a second. I stood and took a step toward her, not sure if I was doing the right thing, but I couldn't stay silent any longer.

"I didn't have a choice," I said quietly, my voice barely above a whisper, but I knew she heard me.

Before she could say anything else, the door opened, and the teacher walked in. She looked at us, her eyebrow raised, clearly aware of the tension in the air.

"Class is over," the teacher said pointedly.

I didn't say anything else. I couldn't. I watched her leave, her back turned, and felt that same ache that had been there all along, the one I thought I could bury. But seeing her again... it made everything feel raw.

I wasn't ready for this. Not yet.

But I was here. And I wasn't going anywhere.

"Xander," Grayson's voice cut through the haze of my thoughts, pulling me back to reality. "Coach needs to see you. Emergency meeting."

I blinked, focusing on his face as he stood in the doorway, his brow furrowed with that usual intensity. It took a second for my brain to catch up. Emergency meeting?

I ran a hand through my hair, frustration still gnawing at me from the conversation I'd just had. "What's it about?"

Grayson shrugged, but there was a nervous edge to his voice. "Don't know. But Coach looked pissed. Best to get there fast."

I sighed, throwing my bag over my shoulder and standing up. My head was still spinning from Arilyn's unexpected reappearance in my life. But Grayson was right—if Coach wanted me, there was no getting around it.

I didn't say anything more, just gave Grayson a quick nod and followed him down the hall, the weight of everything I had to face still hanging over me.

I couldn't let her in. I had everything at stake right now. With the scouts from NHL coming to watch me play, I had to keep my mind on hockey and nothing else. I couldn't afford distractions and Arilyn was the biggest fucking distraction ever.

I entered the locker room along with Grayson, Wade, Ryker and Rowan- my closest friends and the best players on the hockey team. The rest of the players on the team were already in the room. Guess we were late. Some were sitting on the benches, some against the lockers with worry etched on their faces. Finally, coach entered, his whistle hung around his neck as usual as he studied each one of us. That made me stand straighter along with the other guys.

"Boys," he greeted, shoving his hand in the pocket of his hoodie. "We have a match on Friday against Green-Hill. It will be held in the local rink and I want no funny business. You know the rules."

We knew the rules. Of course we did.

"Wade," Coach spoke again. "Remind us of the rules."

Wade let out a heavy, exaggerated sigh beside me, and I bit back a laugh as he launched into his usual spiel, repeating the rules for what felt like the hundredth time. "No drinking before games, no missing practice and no distractions."

"Remind us of the exceptions," Coach said, his tone sharp enough to silence the low murmurs in the room.

Wade sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes as if he'd been asked to recite the entirety of the school handbook. "Funeral in the family, lost a leg, lost a hand, and memory loss," he rattled off, his voice tinged with mockery.

"Very good," Coach said, ignoring the sarcasm and nodding in approval. "Hope that's clear enough for everyone."A chorus of "Yes, Coach" echoed through the room, and his stern expression softened into a satisfied grin. "Now, get back to class. Remember, without good grades, I can't let you play. No exceptions. Study hard, make me proud.

As the team began to disperse, Ryker leaned closer to me, his voice dripping with disdain. "Playing against Green Hill is a joke. Do we even need to waste our time practicing for that?

Before Coach could overhear, I nudged him hard with my shoulder, cutting him off mid-sentence. Ryker shot me a glare but wisely held his tongue. I didn't mind a bit of cocky banter—it was part of the game—but Coach didn't tolerate disrespect, even toward our weakest rivals. He believed in showing respect to every opponent, no matter their skill level.

"Not in front of Coach," Rowan muttered under his breath, glaring at Ryker. "You know he can't stand disrespect."

Ryker shrugged, unfazed. "Green-Hill players haven't earned my respect yet."

"They haven't earned mine either," I chimed in, giving Ryker a pointed look. "But you might want to save the attitude for when Coach isn't around. He doesn't take kindly to that shit, and you'll be doing extra hours on the ice if you disrespect those assholes."

Grayson snorted and shook his head. "Calling them a bunch of assholes isn't exactly respectful either, is it?"

Ryker grinned, unbothered. "We'll save the disrespect for when Coach isn't in the room. Got it."

"Retarded fucker," Wade muttered, leaning against the locker with a groan. "I gotta get to class, but man, I just want to skip and go to sleep."

Same, brother. Same.

The thought of walking through these halls, knowing Arilyn was somewhere nearby, had me on edge. I couldn't afford distractions, not now. The one rule I had to follow was no distractions, and I could already feel myself about to break it. Arilyn kept finding her way into my path, and it was only a matter of time before my focus was completely shot.

"Cap?" One of the new guys on the team pulled me out of my thoughts. Jackson, the new recruit, stood in front of me and the guys, looking a little hesitant. "I might skip practice tonight... got a family emergency," he added, his voice uncertain.

"Does Coach know?" I raised an eyebrow, already sizing him up. I'd seen him on the ice-kid was good, but he seemed nervous talking to me.

He shook his head. "I thought I'd tell you first."

I shrugged. "Yeah, alright. Good luck with your family emergency."

His face lit up like l'd handed him a gift. "Thanks, Cap. I really appreciate it."

After Jackson left to find Coach, Wade let out a low chuckle. "His eyes lit up like a fucking Christmas tree when you said 'good luck'."

"He looks up to you," Grayson added, half-smiling.

"He looks up to all of us," I corrected, my voice firm. "Better not let him or anyone else down."

"When have we ever let anyone down?" Rowan winked, a playful smirk on his face. "Anyway, we're late for class. Let's go."

Grayson sighed. "Yeah, l've got English Lit, same as you and Xander."

"I'm sleeping through that class," Rowan declared, grinning as we made our way toward the classroom.

We walked at a leisurely pace, no real rush even though we were already twenty minutes late. The professor would understand-either that, or she just didn't care. Mrs. Middleton always made it easy on us. When we finally entered the classroom, her glare met us before anything else. Rowan flashed her a quick, apologetic smile, while Grayson sighed and nudged me.

"We had an emergency meeting with Coach," I said, not bothering to sugarcoat it. It wasn't my fault, and it sure as hell wasn't Rowan's or Grayson's. The professor didn't argue. She just nodded and waved us to our seats.

Once I settled into my seat, I quickly scanned the room, my eyes landing exactly where I knew they'd find her. Arilyn. Of course, she was seated only two tables on my right, in front of me. My heart skipped, and I immediately regretted letting myself get distracted. But it was too late. She was already there, and it felt like everything else in the room faded out of focus.

Mrs middleton went on about pride and prejudice, the themes and whatever. I could barely concentrate and by barely, I meant I couldn't fucking concentrate at all. My eyes kept finding her- she appeared so fucking invested in what the professor was going on about.

"Mr. Hale," Mrs. Middleton's voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and the way I immediately looked up, eyebrow raised in question. "Would you care to summarize Chapter One of Pride and Prejudice for us?"

Well, shit.

I leaned back in my chair, fully aware of the attention now on me. This wasn't exactly the kind of thing I could fake my way through, but I had a reputation to uphold.

"Sure," I said with a nonchalant shrug, trying to act like I had it all under control, even though I hadn't actually read the chapter. "So, um... it starts with Mrs. Bennet talking about how she needs to marry off one of her daughters. The big news is that there's a rich guy, Mr. Bingley, who's moving into the neighborhood. Everyone's excited, especially Mrs. Bennet because she's, like, obsessed with marrying off her daughters to wealthy men. Her main focus is on getting one of them, preferably her eldest, Jane, to snare Mr. Bingley. And, of course, there's talk of Mr. Darcy, who's rich and kind of a jerk."

I shot a quick glance around the room, checking for any sign that I'd said something remotely intelligent. The class was quiet, everyone waiting for me to finish the impromptu summary.

"Yeah, so that's basically it," I added with a confident grin, trying to make it seem like I knew exactly what I was talking about, despite the fact that I had to piece it together from the snippets I'd overheard or skimmed.

Mrs. Middleton's lips twitched, probably trying not to smile at my lack of enthusiasm. "Very... concise, Mr. Hale. Thank you for that."

I could tell she wasn't impressed, but at least I had given her an answer.

"Thanks, I try," I shrugged, again.

As I settled back into my seat, my eyes automatically found Arilyn's again. She was looking at me this time, a small, almost amused smile playing at the corners of her mouth. It had been years since I last saw that smile of her. I had to bite back a smile of my own and for a moment, I forgot that I was supposed to be paying attention to the class.

Fucking distraction.

When Mrs. Middleton dismissed us, Rowan, Grayson, and I made our way to the cafeteria, the usual buzz of students already filling the space. The noise, the chatter, the scattered trays—all of it was the kind of chaos I had learned to block out. But today, my focus kept slipping.

We found our usual table, at the back of the cafeteria, near the hockey team. Grayson was already scrolling through his phone, Rowan was eyeing the food selection with the usual mix of disgust and determination, and I just took my seat, hoping to get through the rest of the day without any more distractions.

But then they walked in. Arilyn and her friend.

Rowan leaned in toward me, glancing at the table across the room. "Who's the new girl?" he asked, his voice low but enough to carry over to the rest of the group.

I followed his gaze, my jaw tightening the moment my eyes locked onto Arilyn. She was sitting at a table directly in front of ours, laughing with her friend, her blonde hair cascading over her shoulders, her smile lighting up the space around her.

For a split second, I couldn't even focus on the conversation around me. It was like the entire room faded into the background.

I noticed Grayson's gaze flickering over to her, his lips quirking into a half-smile. "She's cute," he said, the tone of approval unmistakable in his voice.

Rowan snorted, nudging me with his elbow. "Cute? Man, she's more than that. She's fresh meat. And she's new here."

I didn't need to look around to know the guys were eyeing her now, too. Wade, with his usual cocky grin, was leaning forward, his eyes practically glued to her. Jackson, the newer guy on the team, was barely able to keep his eyes from wandering, his gaze locked on her like she was the only thing worth noticing in the entire cafeteria. Even Grayson seemed to be holding back a smile.

It pissed me off, but I kept my face neutral.

Arilyn caught my eye for a brief second. I could feel my heart kick into overdrive, but I didn't let it show. I didn't let her see it. I quickly looked away, grabbing my drink and pretending like it wasn't all happening right in front of me.

Rowan grinned at me, his voice teasing. "Let us have this one. You get all the new ones anyway."

I shot him a glare, barely controlling the anger bubbling up inside me. "Shut the fuck up, Rowan."

He raised a hand in mock-surrender, "Chill. You know her or something?"

Yes, I fucking did.

But I didn't say that.

Instead, I remained silent. They didn't need to know about my history with Arilyn but my gaze kept drifting back to her. Every time she laughed, every time she smiled, it only made it worse. I couldn't figure out why the guys were acting like she was the prize to be won, like she was just another new girl to flirt with.

But what really got to me was the thought that they didn't know her. They didn't understand her like I did—or maybe I didn't understand her, but I sure as hell wasn't going to sit back and let anyone else make her feel like another distraction.

"Good god, she's gorgeous," Ryker stated, standing up. "I'm going to ask for her i*******m or number— whatever she has."

Before he could take a step, I grabbed him arm and pulled him back down. "Coach said no distractions," I reminded him, glaring at all of them in the process. "So, No. Fucking. Distractions."

I wasn't about to let them just have her. Not if I had anything to say about it.