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Shame and Guilt
Last Updated:
2024-12-21 08:10:47
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GraceHe wraps his arms around my knees and looks up at me, hoping for me to pick him up. He was gone for so long.I reach out with shaking hands and pick him up. He presses his face into my neck before I hear him sobbing against me. My knees give out from under me, making me drop in the middle of the lounge. His cries grow louder.I pat his back weakly, my eyes burning but no tears welling in them. He continues to cry for a long time—or maybe it feels like that for me because my arms have gone numb.“ Seb, don’t cry. Be a good boy. Don’t make your Mommy worry about you anymore. ” Mom steps closer and caresses the back of Seb’s head.He pulls his head out of my neck and stares at me with his wet, round eyes. It’s like someone has gripped my heart, refusing to let it go.“ Are you…worrying, Mommy? ” He murmurs, grabbing my cheeks in his small hands.I shake my head, like a robot who has no feelings but only knows how to respond. “ I am fine, Mommy. See. ” He shakes my cheeks as if tr
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Grace“ There are no traces of drugs in your system. ” Doctor Yvonne Smith, who is a woman in her 30s, sighs as she hands me the results.They have done everything as fast as possible, but now the results have come out opposite of what I was expecting.I stare at the report, and another suspicion starts growing. What if Ethan has bribed these people, and I am being an idiot for believing this?“ And about the other thing, we can’t really be sure, Mrs. Roberto. You were taking a shower for so long, and there are no clear signs of penetration. It can be because you had gentle consensual intercourse, or it can be because you didn’t have any intercourse at all. There is no way to tell. ” She continues in her professional voice that’s tinged with a hint of sympathy. I stare at the paper in my hands, going over every line several times as if searching for something that will confirm my doubts and not go completely against it instead.When Mom and the servants found me in the bathroom, I fe
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GraceIt’s fine to see Tristin’s face, but what are those intense emotions?Ethan has moved on. Or that’s what he desperately wants me to believe. So why did he have that look in his eyes?I throw away the blankets and get out of bed. As I am passing by the mirror beside the door, I pause and look into it.There are scratches all over my neck—injuries I have caused myself. I brush my fingers against a long line before smiling at myself.A few weeks ago, when I cut my finger while trying to make apple pie, Tristin made a terrible fuss over it. He had stayed home for the whole day to look after a small cut—something I have found so extra on his part.But now that I am covered in scratches, he won’t come. I swallow as my gaze drifts higher to the bandage on my forehead. He knows…what Ethan has done to me. There is no way I can ever…sleep with Ethan in my right mind or anyone who is not Tristin, for a matter of fact.And yet, Tristin didn’t…give me the benefit of the doubt. Not even once
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Grace“ I don’t know what you are talking about, Mrs. Roberto. ” Luca says, bringing my attention back to him.“ Do you expect me to believe Tristin has abandoned his old ways completely just to appease me? Or do you think I am blind and deaf? Or maybe…do you think I don’t know about the people you and Tristin tortured in the past few days just to find Sebastian? ” I scoff, my eyes beginning to burn.Luca’s brows lift as he stares at me. I can see the wheels turning in his head.“ I will have to ask Boss before I— ”“ Make sure to tell him that I will go alone if he tries to come in my way. If he can’t even pretend to trust me a little, then he might as well not try to act as my husband again. He can stay with that secretary he likes these days. ” I snap, get to my feet again, and start walking away from him. “ when you are done with your usual thing, get that old man. I expect him here in a few hours. ”“ Boss is not with any secretary. He is cleaning up the mess you created, Mrs. Ro
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GraceThe flashes of cameras explode around me. I sit still, my hands folded neatly in my lap, my back straight against the chair, though every muscle in my body feels stiff. The reporters fidget in their seats, their murmurs rising in volume as they hurl questions at me.“ Mrs. Roberto, what are you about to address today? ”“ Do you condone your husband’s alleged actions against Mrs. Alfonso? ”“As a woman, how do you feel about these accusations? ”Their words are sharp, but their eyes and the flashes of cameras are sharper. They have no idea how heavy the weight of this moment is. I glance at the clock on the wall, waiting patiently for what’s to come. I don’t particularly feel anything about this whole mess. I just feel…cold, numb. “You will know everything in due time… ” I reply, my voice steady. “ But first, let me set the record straight. Mona Alfonso’s initial altercation was not with Tristin Roberto. It was with me. She had a discord with me. ”The room falls silent for a
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GraceHer face drains of color. She opens her mouth to protest, but no words come out. The air seems to freeze around us as her eyes flicker to the door. Oh. She is waiting for someone. “ This is absurd! ” She whispers, her voice cracking with desperation.“ How is this absurd? ” I ask, my eyes going round. “ I am curious because you and I fought before and then you suddenly started accusing my husband of abusing you the next day. I am sure everyone who is seeing you is equally curious right now. ”“ I have never had any discord with you. Why are you lying, Mrs. Roberto. ” She sniffles, her voice lowering, but hidden to everyone, I can see the smug gleam in her eyes. “ Think again, Mona… ” I urge. Then, I let the silence stretch out, watching her squirm under the pressure. “ I have never had any discord with you, Mrs. Roberto. Please stop— ”“ Let’s jog your memory a little. ” My smile widens. I gesture toward the screen to my right, and a video begins to play. “ The cameras in C
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GraceMona’s face pales, her hands trembling as she stands frozen. She knows what’s coming.Daniel’s voice grows colder. “ She doesn’t just hurt men like me. She traps them. She uses them. She tells them what to do, and when they refuse, she accuses them of things they never did. She ruins their reputations. She ruins their lives. And now, she is trying to do it to Tristin Roberto. ”The cameras continue to flash, capturing every moment, every word.“ You are lying. Daniel, why are you doing this to me? ” Mona tries to grab attention but fail when the reporters keep their focus on her husband instead. Daniel continues, his face grim. “ I overheard her talking on the phone not long ago. She told someone that she went to Tristin Roberto, tried to force herself on him. When he refused her advances, she hurt herself. Hit herself, several times. And then she threatened him—if he didn’t make his wife give up the CBA project, she would destroy him. And now, she is accusing him, all because
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GraceThe moment I see Tristin staring at me, I freeze. Everything else blurs out—the noise, the cameras, the people. It’s just him, looking at me like I am some stranger, and I can’t stand it. His eyes are cold, detached, like he has already decided I am not worth it.I feel something break inside me. That damn wall I have spent hours building to keep myself sane? Gone. Just like that. Just with one cold look from him, I start asking myself questions again, and I start recalling everything AGAIN.He is not asking me anything. He is not blaming me, fighting with me, or trying to hate me. Is this a normal reaction?Is this how husbands are supposed to react? Are they just supposed to decide their wife has become a stranger overnight?Even now, when I am standing here with my life falling apart and Ethan’s fingerprints all over it, Tristin doesn’t bother. Instead, he just looks at me like I am the one who has failed him.It’s pathetic how much that hurts.My throat tightens, but I sw
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GraceThe maids look for the knife everywhere they can, but after hours of search, they return…empty-handed. I sit by the window, just watching the sun rise in the distance as Mom questions the maids. After receiving the answer she wanted, she turns to me smugly.“ What do you have to say about it now? ” She asks, and I have nothing to say.I can only think in silence. My doubt has been confirmed. Someone in this house is helping that child do this. Was it Serena who planted this mole or was it Ethan? I couldn’t tell for sure before, but now, that doubt is cleared too.It has to be Ethan. Because Serena is gone as Tristin told me. And so, she can’t give any more orders, can she? So…Ethan Calder is still pulling the strings.He planted someone in our house, and she helped that boy get to my son’s room, without getting into the video of any CCTV camera installed in the corridors. Even the knife Sebastian used disappeared as if it never existed.The only person who ever saw that boy
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Grace“ I took care of Serena. We are keeping that boy and she won’t return. ” Tristin says.He has been talking for some time, but I can’t really focus. He is telling me that he did just what I wanted…Yet…I feel like I have made a terrible mistake as if I have played right into Ethan’s hands once more.Did he want us to adopt this boy and push Serena out of the way? Was the real problem always…the child I decided to keep without giving it a second thought? “ What are you thinking and what were you doing in— ”“ The kid… ” I speak up for the first time, and glance out the window, towards the garden. “ he tried to harm our son. I woke up…in the middle of the night and saw him holding a knife, aiming it at Sebastian’s neck. I—I pushed him away, and he went back to his room and— ”“ What? What are you saying, Grace? ” Tristin is on his feet, his anger rising as he paces back and forth.I explain the situation to him again, and it becomes impossible for me to stay still. Just when he
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GraceI don’t wait for her response. I slip out of the room, the trembling refusing to stop as I make my way to Sebastian’s room. My bare feet are soundless against the cold floor, the hallway stretched longer than usual in the dark. My head spins, my stomach curling into knots.I am not going to treat him like a child anymore. I need to know why he would try to kill my son. I push open the door, my breath catching in my throat. I prepared for every scenario. I thought he would be panicking or trying to hide—something a normal child would do after doing something wrong. But he…Sebastian is in bed, sleeping soundly.I freeze there for a moment, a frown etching between my brows. I walk closer to him and loom over his sleeping figure.He is sleeping as if he never got up from this bed. I glance towards the side tables and start checking them for the knife. I came in just five minutes. He couldn’t have gone and hidden the knife somewhere in such a short time.After looking inside the
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GraceMy body moves before my mind catches up.I grab Sebastian’s wrist mid-air, my fingers squeezing around his skin as the knife nearly comes down. A gasp erupts from my mouth and I shove him back. The knife drops from his hand, and lands on the floor with the loud cling noise. My motherly instincts kick in. My other arm wraps around my son’s shoulders and I pull his face into my chest.Seb startles awake with a soft gasp. “ Mommy? ”Everything inside me goes on high alert. My heart slams against my ribs as I stare ahead, my breath hitched in my throat. Sebastian…He bends down, reaching for the fallen knife. The moment his fingers curl around the handle again, my stomach twists violently.Is this…a five-year-old child?“Sebastian… ” My voice is nothing more than a whisper, barely escaping my lips.I don’t understand. My breathing speeds up as I tighten my hold over my son’s head, and prepare to get up and push Sebastian away.But…He turns away from me and walks toward the door.
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Grace“ Why did you need to return so fast? You should have stayed there for some days, Ania. ” I sigh as I sit beside Ania on the bed and watch Sebastian cooing at his new, little sister.“ I couldn’t stay a moment more in that depressing, shitty place. It reminds me of the foolish mistakes I made in the past. I think I can recover at home better. ” She grumbles, glancing in the direction of the cradle. I swallow the rest of the words when she mentions the past. Back then, she was constantly trying to hurt herself and often ended up in the hospital. Now, she has gotten out of that phase, and she is doing so much in life. I look in her direction, noticing how pale her face is before sighing softly.If staying at home helps her recover faster, then so be it. I will look after her.Silence falls in her bedroom as we watch Sebastian playing with the new baby. It feels like a rare moment of calm has befallen when a storm is still raging.If only I could stay here, and continue to watch
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EthanThe satisfaction a person feels after watching the last piece fit into an impossible puzzle is unparalleled.That’s exactly what I feel right now. A deep-rooted satisfaction that is more intoxicating than any drug in this world.“ Theodore took Serena. It seems he will keep her locked up and torture her for a while. She won’t be returning anytime soon. ” I hear the report calmly, my gaze drawn towards the almost complete puzzle of her face.The last piece is still in my hand. And I have been holding back from fitting it in. But now, I can. I lean in and place the piece in the puzzle, completing the picture of her perfect face. In that picture, she is smiling so brightly at me that it makes me want to bring her to my side faster. “ Won’t that cause a setback in our plan, Boss? ” My assistant asks.I just shake my head. I know Grace must have told Tristin to simply send Serena away after adopting the boy and signing an NDA. But Tristin didn’t listen to her. He didn’t let Serena
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TristinI didn’t even need to convince her. It felt like she was waiting for me to bring this up in front of her. After she signs the documents, a wide smile spreads across her lips. “ I was thinking…Tristin— ”“ Don’t call my name. ” I stare at her face calmly.Her smile wavers and she shudders before she continues. “ I was thinking Mr. Roberto…I can stay in the annex because it feels strange to live in the same house as Mrs. Roberto. This way I can stay close to Sebastian and I won’t be in Mrs. Roberto’s way either. ”I tilt my head to the right and study the fake nervousness painting her face. She thinks…after everything she did, and after she just signed the documents, I will still keep her around.Then again, I did tell her that after adopting Sebastian, I would let her stay. But I never mentioned… the place where I am planning on letting her stay.As if on cue, the door opens and Adler steps inside. Three other bodyguards follow him in, and instantly come to stand behind the c
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GraceI take a seat on the wingchair in the corner and watch the boy’s back. He has been standing in front of the window for a whole five minutes now.He is desperately trying to ignore me, but his curled hands and tense body give him away. Children…shouldn’t have to try so hard to hide their emotions. But, for some reason, he is trying to exercise extreme control over his nerves.“ I heard you refused to eat. You broke the bowl of soup I sent to you. ” I break the silence.I have no idea how I am supposed to communicate with a child who acts nothing like a child. If I talk to him in a baby voice and attempt to treat him like a baby, it feels like he will get more offended.“ And you have been trying to bully Sebastian. ” I add, my shoulders tensing.He scoffs. “ Sebastian is my name. ”I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. “ You both share the same name. You are Sebastian and he is Sebastian. ”“ No. Sebastian is my name. It can…just be my name. ” He says, without turning to fa
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GraceSilence falls between us. The steam lifts from the soup and hides his deep eyes for a moment.I take that time to pick up the tray so I can go to my son. “ Seb must be hungry. I need to— ”“ I gave him chocolates. He is sleeping now. ” Tristin interrupts, making me pause.“ You gave him chocolates for breakfast? ” My eyes narrow on him.He rubs the tips of his right ear and looks away. I want to tell him that Seb needs nutrients rich diet at all times because he was born weak, but I give up when I recall what happened earlier.I put the tray down and stand there, just watching the steaming soup. The silence between us stretches, and neither of us looks at each other.Then, as if sensing that it has been too long, Tristin breaks it first. “ I can bear anything as long as you and Seb stay happy and oblivious to how ugly things can get. This is not a sacrifice. This is my duty. ”“ If we use that logic, then isn’t it my duty to ensure that you don’t lose your sleep over your decisi
