Chapter 1:18 Conundrum - Rourke 

I’m as wrecked as Vince with his building and our kid being attacked. Sitting in silence of my apartment while we share an existential crisis in silence, over whiskey. At least until the most bizarre sentence breaks through the quiet. 

“Castration Nation. You flip ‘em, we snip ‘em, and our toenail clipper special is half off this week.” It’s the bubbliest and sweetest sounding customer service greeting in the darkest sense. 

“I know it’s been awhile, but really?” A new tone I’ve never heard with her hits like whiskey. Heat wiggling all the way down as you hear it. “Your cold caller greeting?” Why am I not surprised it’s a standard greeting for the woman who’s been driving me nuts for the past few weeks? 

Reminding me why, no matter what I tell myself, I could never get the conundrum of a woman out of my head. The crap this girl says, let alone the situations she gets herself into.....

"Alex! If you do not come home and screw that tweedle twerp soon, I am going to chemically castrate him!" The roar of the Little Princess, I've managed to stalk, but never got eyes on fumes.  

I know I should, but I can't bring myself to disconnect. Just stare at the phone as if by will alone it will connect to video. Let me see the woman I’ve been tying to the bed of my head and destroying on a nightly basis since I heard her voice for the first time. 

"Breathe baby girl,” he encourages in a voice that might as well be silk. I'd hate him if I didn't envy the bastard. Unwilling to admit that losing my voice is not fucking with me as bad as the rest. 

"Talk to me, Kit Kat," ‘Alex’ urges with that calming, alluring voice one might use to coax a kitten out of hiding. Well, I’ll be adding Catherine to every Nicole, Nicoletta and every other variation of Nyx I could process in my free time. 

Her little grouch in a pretty exotic language pulls through before she addresses him in English again. "Not about me. It feels like we haven't talked in ages. I want to know how you are doing?"

"Aces, baby." I can practically feel his grin, "I got time." Nyx is already trained. Already used to long distance. Everything between her and 'Roman', what Nyx calls Nick or Nicky whenever she’s pissed, says that the girl needs a firmer hand.

Until this, she may have implied kink, but never did what she's doing with ‘Alex’.

Never used the vocab or safe words that are pretty essential to keep full-time dynamics. If you have to stop play every five seconds, or only use scales in sex, it's impossible to keep the fantasy alive. Her taking to keywords is......

Dangerous.

As dangerous as me going on the slippery slope of stalking a pet, being so hard it hurts and halfway to not giving a damn if she knows it or not, accepts it or not. I want her in the bed of my head, where I can do shit she can't even dream up yet.

Vince’s continued presence has me moving to  shut it down, feeling the guilt I don’t want to have for not playing by the rules. Surprisingly, he stops me by sliding the phone to his side of the bar we’re sharing. 

I can only guess he remembers the first conversation we overheard. Who could forget it? No doubt Vince can tell that Alex is her dom just by the way he talks and controls the conversation. Meaning he knows I don’t have permission and doesn’t care, or believes I’m partnering with someone that I haven’t told him about yet.

Either way, it puts me on that edge. It’s still not enough to fight him or snatch the phone back, proving just how bad off I am. "I don't want to waste the time you get," Nyx sighs, obviously sitting and settling into whatever seat is nearby.

"So don't and tell me what's happening that you're considering pharmaceutical intervention on top of no access for the horn dog." I admit the man has a voice you want to bathe in, feeling the scratch and gnar of my perma-fucked throat I hate him for it as Princess purrs into the shit made for sex.

“It’s really okay……”

"Your oh so fantastic screening process has landed me with a vegan stripper trying to recruit me at steak house, a married priest with turrets trying to seduce me in a confessional, and a clown with a compulsive X-rated honking habit chasing me through a pride parade! And that was only last week!

"Do I need to go on?......" Wait, he’s aware of her brother attempting to set her up on dates, and is fine with that? Alex leaves it hanging, knowing that Nyx is squiggling in her seat, while I chase two rabbits simultaneously in my head, losing them both in the next sound clip.

"He’s a Stalker, Nicky! You know how I feel about Stalkers! " I can’t help my wince to that because it’s exactly what I’m planning on doing if I ever get eyes on Nyx.

"Alex......" Her response is cautious if not backpedaling her out of the attitude she had at the start of the conversation.

"You're the one who insisted on accountability," he reminds her in a tone that only lets me see a cherry red ass. Not punishment wise. A real threat to her safety in need of serious correction. “You should have come to me, Kit Kat, and you damn well know it."

"Alex, it is not what you are thinking……."

"What I'm thinking is that either he's still pissed at me and taking it out on you, or you are just railing because you can't handle it. I know you Nyx. Rules are your safe place, there is a difference in you needing to explore and press a bit then you two flat out break them........."

“I am safe, and Nicky didn’t give him my information. It just happened to be a wrong place, wrong time thing again, honest. Nicky would never do anything to put me in harm’s way intentionally, so don’t get mad.”

“Then be more careful with your word choice, Nyx.” Alex grinds out. There is real fear in his tone, and it’s as called for as the anger.

“For one, that was over a month ago, Alex,” she huffs. “For another, Jonathan is unwell and misguided, but I promise he’s not dangerous. Even so, I’m following the rules, and checklists,” she promises. 

“You have nothing to worry about, and I don’t want to be a distraction.” The reassurance is falling flat on all of our parts, with the obvious fear in her breaking voice.

"Baby girl, you really need to hear me right now," it's firmer, and the pause for dramatic impact isn't needed with how hard he hits her with the dom tone.

"Nothing is more important than your health and your safety. That includes your mental and emotional well-being. Do you understand me?" I damn near nod my head at the whiskey tone warming and twisting its way through my body for compliance.

"I’m okay. I promise Alex, I just...."

"No," It's the sharpest and hardest that he's been thus far. "If you really understood, then there would be no butts or I just anything, Nyx. As much as I play mediator, I have never and will never get between you and Nick, but after Dante……” Any Daddy would be struggling to keep their composure in the threat, and I find myself as pissed as he is.

“Your relationship to Nick is as deep and unique as my relationship to you. Something I swore I’d never get in the middle of unless it came to your health and safety.” Somehow he manages to even out, and select his words carefully.

I wouldn’t bounce back that fast.

Haven’t. Doing my damnedest to lash down the monster waking up inside me, to listen. 

“No, Nick may never mean to put you in harm's way, and yes, the shit he comes up with is good at getting you out of your shell on a lot of levels, but neither of us will survive sitting next to your hospital bed, praying that you’ll wake up again.” Alex is being too calm. Too clear. Too clipped and pointed on his word choices.

The man is terrified, and it doesn’t take a genius to get the name-drop of Dante, being associated with the way she spat stalker. I may not know the story, but I know someone attacked her, bad enough that they almost lost her. 

Clearly defining his level of upset. Just not how or why she thinks it would be okay to hide it.

“The biggest distraction I could ever have is knowing that you’re hiding things from me.” Well that answers that. He’s obviously a soldier, and yeah, if we’re worried or our heads aren’t where they’re supposed to be…

Chances are we won’t have them come morning. Main reason I had Vince and Nico watching out for the few subs I took during my stint in the corps.

“Yes, I have a lot of shit on my plate, but none of that will matter if I don’t have the two of you to come home to. You should know that even better than him.” He doesn’t raise his voice a single octave, but this is definitely ‘Alex’s’ version of correction.

“Which is why I did call you!” She fires back, adding more to the conversation. “And guess what, it hasn’t stopped him bombarding me with strangers! So I guess you must have skipped right over the consent conversation with your fiancé', Mr. Accountability.”

“But didn’t call me a before or after they pulled a bullet out of your shoulder two hours ago!” Alex roars back, losing all sense of the previous calm and patience he had to that point.

I’ve never met the man, but I understand him to my quick. I lean and reach for the phone to stop it. Stop this. Stop myself because it’s a line I can’t cross, no matter how much I want to. Having been Alex in too many ways, I can’t……

Every soldier walking into hellfire has a reason for it. Whether it’s the brothers at their side or the people that they’re fighting to protect far off the battlefield, we all have a reason. Nyx is his, and officially off limits.