*Jane*It’s the first practice I attend where I’m actually early enough to see the whole thing. Rachel wanted to join but had a morning class she couldn’t skip. I watch with fascination as their coach runs the team through a series of light drills, much less intense than the other few sessions I’ve caught and I can only assume it’s because they actually have a game today. I try to keep things neutral, observing the whole team, but my eyes involuntarily go to Noah. I end up following him the entire session, watching as he goes through his training and admiring the way his body looks as he moves around the field. It hasn’t been that long since I’ve been in his arms, but there’s a pang of longing that strikes me. It’s strange and I don’t like it, and to distract myself I look around the bleachers to see who else has come to watch the Bulldogs practice. There are quite a few other students, some are probably here to support their boyfriends on the team, but most are just
*Jane*I’ve never been happier that Rachel had plans I wasn’t part of because I’m not saying no to anything Noah does to me and we get the room all to ourselves. The time we spent apart since the last time we were really together, excluding the strained session we had in his shower a few days ago, seems to only have intensified the desire we have for each other. This is the Noah I know, the one whose kisses draw me in and keep me tethered to the moment just as much as they take me out of my head and send me flying. This is the touch I’m familiar with, the one that’s desperate to feel more of me. This is the greed I’m used to.Every brush of his mouth against mine sends my pulse racing. His hands find their way under my jersey—his jersey—and he pulls back enough just to look at me wearing it one last time before he rips it off of me. I’m just as eager to get his clothes off, but I want to prolong this for as long as I can. I back him up against the door, bunching m
*Jane*At first, I’m frozen, not really sure how to react. But I soon realize that this new girl has held out her hand to me in greeting and that I’ve just completely zoned out. My initial response is to slap her hand away, for some or other reason. But I don’t.“I’m sorry, what?” I ask, and she smiles patiently at me. “My name’s Jessica. And you are… ?” she asks and I shake her hand.Despite her kind words, something about her just rubs me up the wrong way. I can’t quite put my finger on it, even though there’s no reason for me to be feeling like this.“Jane,” I tell her, hoping none of the bitterness that fills my mouth when I introduce myself is audible in my voice.“It’s nice to meet you, Jane.” She turns back to face Noah with a fond look on her face. “I also just wanted to wish you luck for the rest of the season, Noah. I know how this time of the year can be for you.”Noah nods curtly in acknowledgment but still doesn’t look too happy to see her. He pul
*Jane*“So she has the audacity, as Noah’s ex, to act all friendly with you,” Rachel confirms, touching up her makeup in the mirror. I throw the last of my books into my bag, checking the time to make sure we’re not going to be too late. I’m planning to stop at the Bulldogs’ practice session for the last bit just before I head off to class. Rachel and I both crawled back into our dorm room at an ungodly hour this morning. This meant that both the boys were most likely also going to be at least slightly late for their practice. It also meant that last night was a great night for both of us. For all her talk of me having a noticeable afterglow, I didn’t miss Rachel’s own bright spark in her eyes and her wild hair when I saw her for the first time earlier. She’d merely smirked at me, a knowing look on her face. But the second we began to debrief each other and the topic of Jessica came up, all playfulness left the conversation and Rachel became both intrigued and annoyed. S
*Jane*I’m so used to heading over to Noah’s that I immediately recognize the route to his apartment. He doesn’t say anything on the way there. He looks pensive, so wrapped up in his own thoughts that I begin to worry about what this big talk is really about. But upon closer inspection, he doesn’t look exactly worried. There’s a slight hint of nervousness maybe, but he has this tiny smile nestled in the corner of his mouth, as though he’s picturing something that’s making him happy. It’s so entrancing that I don’t realize I’m staring at him, like an idiot. I only figure this out when he turns to look at me, and that serene expression morphs into a cocky smirk, prompting me to snap my head back to stare out onto the road ahead. “Something on your mind?” he asks, finally breaking the silence. “Less than you, apparently,” I say, my cheeks burning bright at being caught mooning over him. “A hint about tonight would actually be kind of nice of you, you know.”“It’s
*Jane*For the first time ever, Noah and I drive to his morning practice together. He lends me a jersey to wear over my dress and it makes for a decent outfit which I figure I’ll just change out of on my way to class. But I like it—I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of wearing his clothes. It’s like a silent announcement to the world that he’s mine. Noah seems to be in an excellent mood today, one that carries over even into his practice session. It’s the first time I watch the full thing and I have to admit that I don’t get it. I mean, I understand that all athletes have to train hard to maintain and improve their athleticism, and I get that baseball is a very physical sport. But there’s something about Coach Parker that just rubs me up the wrong way. Noah doesn’t speak of him too fondly, and now having witnessed his training sessions from start to finish, I can understand why.The man is harsh. While I can’t say anything about the drills, it bothers me more w
*Noah*I throw myself into practice, pushing myself so hard that even Coach doesn’t manage to find a single point of criticism. The exercise and drills do enough to distract me from the shit show that happened yesterday, but the second I take a break, everything comes rushing back. I don’t know what happened and when everything changed, but Jane’s sudden flip into distancing herself from me was so unexpected that it just left me feeling stranded. She wouldn’t even speak to me. How was I supposed to fix something if I didn’t even know what was broken?“It just sounds like things got heated, man,” Oli points out as we finish up the last drill section. “You think?” I ask gruffly. “I just wish I knew what happened. One of the worst things is that she ended up defending some random friend of hers instead of just listening to me, or telling me what the problem was. I knew that bastard was trouble.”Oli shakes his head. “Come on, Noah. You know Jane. You know that she doe
*Jane*I’ve just pinned back the last piece of hair to the side of Rachel’s head when she finally decides to break her silence over what happened. “So … have you spoken to him yet?” she asks tentatively. “Rach, I really don’t wanna talk about this. There’s something much more exciting happening,” I tell her, going over to my cupboard to pull out the perfume she’d asked to borrow. “And if you don’t wanna talk about your date, we could at least talk about how amazing you look.”And she does. Rachel and Oli have made their relationship official and I couldn’t be happier for both of them. I actually kind of like Oli. The few times I’ve met him here and there, he’s been really nice. Plus, they suit each other in that quiet sort of way that makes so much sense in retrospect. And he’s coming to take her out tonight, meaning that Rachel has dressed up and looks immaculate as always—I’ve helped her do her hair in a half-up, half-down style and she’s wearing a stylish littl
*Jane*I knew that Noah was going to be picked. There was never a doubt in my mind, even if I could tell that he was beginning to question. But when the announcer called out his name, inviting him onto the stage, I couldn’t contain my happiness and excitement. I watched as Noah walked up, and received the Yankees hat. I watched as he shook hands with who I knew were very important people. I watched as he stood for photos and I’m watching now as he speaks to the press, all vying for information on this new rising star and his plans for the future. It fills me with such a feeling of pride and contentment, watching all of this. And I truly am so happy for him. But …There’s a small, nagging part of my brain that can’t help but ask the question … What now?What truly is next for Noah and me?If he joins the Yankees, that means he has to move. The whole long-distance thing is something I always thought would never work. But then again, I never planned on falling in l
*Noah*One whole month has passed since we beat Ole Miss and I still can’t quite wrap my head around what that means. It’s been an absolute whirlwind since then, with things never really slowing, but Jane has been there for the whole ride. That’s what made the whole buildup so much easier and the celebration that much sweeter. Ever since the night I opened up to her, things have only gotten better. She’s the first person I’ve felt secure enough to be vulnerable to, and I trust her fully to guard that. It’s difficult to imagine a life before or after her, it feels like she’s always been here. And she’s the one who’s there when the invitation to the MLB draft comes in. “Noah, this is amazing,” she squeaks, jumping into my arms. I hold her tightly, enjoying the closeness. “It’s still up in the air,” I say shakily, but I can’t keep the smile off my face. “Nothing’s one hundred percent certain yet.”“You know where I stand on all of that.” She draws back to look at
*Jane*This is it. The months of hard work and the struggles coming from the toll that took on Noah’s personal life are about to be tested to see whether they were worth it all.But I can tell how it weighs heavily on him. The game is tomorrow and he’s still lying awake at nearly midnight. I roll over and put my hand on his shoulder. “You’re still up?” I ask.He raises his head and turns back to look at me with a guilty smile on his face. “Yeah. Sorry, I thought you were sleeping already, babe. Didn’t mean to wake you.”“I’ve been up,” I tell him, adjusting myself and propping myself up on my elbow. He turns over completely so we’re facing each other. I can see the dark circles under his eyes and the weariness of his face. He’s tired but anxious. Reaching out, I caress his cheek with my knuckles. “It’s nothing you don’t know already, but you need to rest up, Noah.”“Yeah, I do know that,” he says. “So talk to me. Why can’t you?” He hesitates.
*Noah*I firmly believe that Jane Thomas is a good luck charm on top of being a curveball because the second game played after we made up is a clean sweep. Another day, another relationship-ending crisis averted. However, my behavior did force me to look at the way I let my father influence my life. I never want him to have that kind of power over me again and I definitely don’t want Jane to ever have to bear the brunt of that again, regardless of whether it was what I intended or not. But I’d just gotten so sick of hearing that kind of shit from him, from my coach, and so many other people who just saw me as a free ticket to whatever places my career could take me. And maybe a small part of me was terrified that Jane might be changing her mind about that too. It was just easier to ply myself with alcohol and pretend that I didn’t have to think about anything else. Jane getting pushed out of that was my fault. But it’s never happening again. My phone buzzes with an i
*Jane*When I wake up, I wake up alone. It puzzles me how short an amount of time it took for that loneliness to feel so unfamiliar. But then again, Noah and I have spent every single night together for the past month, so I guess it’s not that strange. New habits form quickly. But I still hate the emptiness of the bed, how cold it feels without another body laying next to me. I’m still meant to be pissed off though, so I shake all thoughts of Noah’s arms from my mind and head into the en suite shower. The sun is just barely piquing the horizon, but I can’t sleep anymore. As the hot water runs over my body, I think about how I’m going to go around facing him today. It’s bound to be uncomfortable. Plus, we’re stuck in the Airbnb together between games, so unless he’s decided to run off in the middle of the night half-drunk, I know that I’m going to have to face him sometime this morning. I put on one of the bathrobes hanging off the rack and stick my head out t
*Jane*I find my way back to the Airbnb by myself. I head straight for a shower, wanting to wash off the sweat and vibes of the afterparty from my skin. It was the first time I felt so … invisible. Usually, I could rely on Noah to always try and make me feel comfortable. But tonight just seemed like it was all about him. I get changed into my pajamas, then crash into bed with the book I haven’t finished reading yet. I pretend as though I’m taking anything in.“Baby?” Noah’s slurred voice calls out two hours later. I can hear as he barely manages to shut and lock the door behind him, and I’m surprised that he was able to find his way back here at all. I don’t move from my spot on the bed and I don’t even bother putting the book I’m reading down. I’m pissed. I’ll admit that. I know I wanted him to be able to enjoy his win with his teammates and fans and be able to focus on something other than his father but still… The fact that he was willing to let me walk out of
*Jane* “Hello? Have I seriously been having a conversation with myself this entire time?”With a small shake of my head, I bring myself back to the present. Rachel’s looking at me with a raised eyebrow and knowing smile, her hand outstretched palm side up like she’s waiting for something.“Sorry, what?” I ask, slightly embarrassed.My thoughts had been completely overtaken by memories of last night. I kept replaying how Noah spoke to me through it, how he held me, and how his body felt against mine. I’d completely lost track of where I was. Rachel was over at our Airbnb, getting ready with me for the big game today while the boys went off to the stadium. But I’d evidently been so distracted, that I hadn’t realized she’d been speaking to me the entire time. “Your eyeliner,” she says. “I asked if I could borrow it.”“Oh, yeah. Sure.” I hand it over, but the look on her face doesn’t change. “What?”“You know exactly what. I take it the date went well last night.
*Jane*I’m reading a book on the couch when Noah walks in from practice, his hair still wet from his shower. He looks so excited to see me, even more than he usually does, and I immediately put the book down. We’re currently staying in the Airbnb that he’s booked for the entire week we’re spending in Omaha. It’s beautiful, complete with a pool and full catering that I’m eternally grateful for because we don’t exactly have much time to go around searching for decent food stops. I get up to greet him, beaming, and he takes me into his arms and sweeps me into a kiss that curls my toes. He pulls back, a sweet boyish grin on his face. “I have a surprise for you,” he says like he can barely contain it anymore. I quirk up an eyebrow. “And how exactly would you have had time to put together a surprise?”“I have my ways,” he replies cockily, running his hands down my arms and taking my hands in his. He leads me upstairs, telling me to follow him. There was one section
*Noah*“And that does it folks, the Billmore Bulldogs are headed to their first College World Series!”The announcer’s words ring in my head over and over, swirling around like water down a drain as I replay the broadcast. It doesn’t feel real. None of this feels real. I made it. I actually made it. This is by far the biggest step of my career so far, and I can’t seem to wipe the smile off my face when I think about it—which is almost all the time. It’s a funny thing, reaching a huge milestone that up until this point has always just felt like a pipe dream. Something big enough to crush your spirit when you are pulled further away from it, but still too far ahead to really bank anything on without some degree of delusional faith. And now here it is, the opportunity to catapult myself onto a proper stage. But the resting thought side by side with what feels like the culmination of all the hard work I’ve done throughout my life so far is Jane. Jane Thomas.