*Jane*I’ve just pinned back the last piece of hair to the side of Rachel’s head when she finally decides to break her silence over what happened. “So … have you spoken to him yet?” she asks tentatively. “Rach, I really don’t wanna talk about this. There’s something much more exciting happening,” I tell her, going over to my cupboard to pull out the perfume she’d asked to borrow. “And if you don’t wanna talk about your date, we could at least talk about how amazing you look.”And she does. Rachel and Oli have made their relationship official and I couldn’t be happier for both of them. I actually kind of like Oli. The few times I’ve met him here and there, he’s been really nice. Plus, they suit each other in that quiet sort of way that makes so much sense in retrospect. And he’s coming to take her out tonight, meaning that Rachel has dressed up and looks immaculate as always—I’ve helped her do her hair in a half-up, half-down style and she’s wearing a stylish littl
*Jane*Time has gone by so fast that I barely blink and Noah is on another tour. But this time round, things are better. We're three days into our second attempt at making things work long-distance and already we’re making sure we don’t leave any room for further misunderstandings. Noah’s been true to his word, making sure that I know I’m a priority in his life and that I never feel like my presence in it is somehow detracting from his future career prospects. He even takes videos of some of the practices and games to send to me. For my part, I make sure I keep the communication line as open as I can. I want him to know that I support him in everything he does and that I’m here for him. He has yet to fully take me up on that offer when it comes to talking about that slimeball of a coach, but I get the feeling that he appreciates the offer all the same.Things are starting to feel a little bit more stable now, even though there is that tiny spark of doubt that waits fo
*Jane*“It was so good to see you,” Mom says, squeezing me tightly. “I couldn’t be prouder.”The lump in my throat makes it harder to speak, so I just nod, hugging her back. “I’m gonna miss you.”And I realize even as I say it just how much I’ve missed her in the time before she came to visit. Having my mom stay nearby for the past week and seeing her every day only reminded me about why I was working my ass off at Billmore. I grew up seeing her struggle so hard to take care of both of us all on her own. She was the inspiration for my work ethic, for my desire to make something of myself and become successful in my own right. And now that I have that mindset, I appreciate her so much more. I know she did her best with me. “Tell Noah I expect to see him soon and that he better take care of my daughter,” she adds, a mock warning that warms my heart.“I’ll pass on the message.” I smile at her. “Have a safe trip back.”I watch as she leaves and gets into her car,
*Noah*Whichever god out there is responsible for the misunderstandings Jane and I have had over the course of this month alone is one sadistic son of a bitch. I try to run after her, hoping to catch her before she makes the elevator, but I’m too late by a matter of seconds, my hand narrowly missing being caught in the closing doors. I’m in a towel, anyway. Not like I could’ve followed her out into the parking lot, even though I'm so out of my mind with desperation that I might actually have considered it.No way are things going to end with Jane thinking I betrayed her this way. There are so many emotions ranging from sheer panic to anger to fear, all vying for control, that it takes me a second to come up with a plan. But when I do, I go for it. I run back into my room, looking for my phone. Jessica’s still lying in my bed, a self-satisfied smirk on her face. I have no idea how she got here, or how she knew when to plan this, but I know one thing—I’m pissed the
*Jane*I managed to keep myself together again once I left that elevator and called an Uber to take me back to the dorm. But the second I put my key in the lock, I break down again. It takes me an embarrassingly long time to get the door open and I try to yank it open in frustration, but someone inside the room does it for me. Rachel opens up, her face twisted in concern. “Jane?”“I’m sorry,” I say, wiping my eyes and trying to collect myself. “I thought you guys would be at the hotel by now.”“We had a change in plans,” she says, and that’s when I look over her shoulder to see Oli waving awkwardly at me. Now I feel really bad. I obviously just interrupted something, what with Rachel still out of breath and Oli’s hair messed up in a way that definitely didn’t come from just chilling on her bed singing praise and worship. But instead of getting upset with me, Rachel just pulls me into a hug.“What’s wrong?”“I’m sorry, I’ll go somewhere else, it was nothing. I
*Jane*I shake my head, his refusal to let me apologize only causing me to start crying again. “It’s not okay,” I say. “Noah, I'm sorry that I didn’t believe you. I didn’t even give you a chance to explain yourself.”“Jane, it looked pretty suspicious from your viewpoint, plus how were you supposed to know my ex was capable of doing something like that? I don’t blame you for jumping to the conclusion you did.” He takes my face in his hands, wiping my tears away. “I’m just glad you gave me a chance to clear it up.”I consider leaving it there. I consider telling him I’m glad everything is sorted and distracting him with make-up sex now and just forgetting about the deeper reason behind why I freaked out the way that I did. But I know that I love him too much to risk the real reason creeping up again and potentially sabotaging this relationship. I ready myself, putting my hands over his.“Noah, there’s more to this whole story.” His brow knits in confusion but he lets
*Noah*I wake up with the very familiar scent of coconut and vanilla shampoo under my nose and without even properly opening my eyes, I smile. Jane lays sleeping on my chest, her blonde hair wild and untamed with some of the strands finding their way into my mouth. But her gentle breathing is so content that I almost stop my own, not wanting to wake her. She was amazing last night. The sex was easily the best I ever had, sure. But it was so much more than that, at least for me. It was the first time I ever felt such an acute desire for someone, and not just for pleasure alone but just to be with her. To be in that moment, feeling everything with her. The intensity of that is something I don’t think I’ll ever forget. It’s scary sometimes, the way this person who I didn’t know existed six months ago has now become the center of my whole world. I was terrified of losing her. But now that we’ve sorted through things and I have a better understanding of her fears and
*Jane*“I kept my end of the deal, Rach. It’s morning and I know Oli’s not there anymore, so open up.” I knock on the door of our dorm room again. I’d stupidly forgotten to take my key with me and left it here last night when I went out to see Noah. Then, of course certain things happened that wiped my mind completely so there was no chance of remembering anything as practical as taking my room key with me. But it is late enough in the morning for me not to feel too bad about waking Rachel up. I hear some groggy reply from inside before something crashes down and then finally, she opens up the door looking disheveled and completely unprepared for the class she has in fifteen minutes. “Hey,” she greets.“Uh, hi,” I answer, following her inside. The place is still covered with the burnt-out candles, flowers and food containers she used last night for her welcome celebration with Oli, but I don’t mention it, knowing her well enough to trust she’ll sort it out once sh
*Jane*I knew that Noah was going to be picked. There was never a doubt in my mind, even if I could tell that he was beginning to question. But when the announcer called out his name, inviting him onto the stage, I couldn’t contain my happiness and excitement. I watched as Noah walked up, and received the Yankees hat. I watched as he shook hands with who I knew were very important people. I watched as he stood for photos and I’m watching now as he speaks to the press, all vying for information on this new rising star and his plans for the future. It fills me with such a feeling of pride and contentment, watching all of this. And I truly am so happy for him. But …There’s a small, nagging part of my brain that can’t help but ask the question … What now?What truly is next for Noah and me?If he joins the Yankees, that means he has to move. The whole long-distance thing is something I always thought would never work. But then again, I never planned on falling in l
*Noah*One whole month has passed since we beat Ole Miss and I still can’t quite wrap my head around what that means. It’s been an absolute whirlwind since then, with things never really slowing, but Jane has been there for the whole ride. That’s what made the whole buildup so much easier and the celebration that much sweeter. Ever since the night I opened up to her, things have only gotten better. She’s the first person I’ve felt secure enough to be vulnerable to, and I trust her fully to guard that. It’s difficult to imagine a life before or after her, it feels like she’s always been here. And she’s the one who’s there when the invitation to the MLB draft comes in. “Noah, this is amazing,” she squeaks, jumping into my arms. I hold her tightly, enjoying the closeness. “It’s still up in the air,” I say shakily, but I can’t keep the smile off my face. “Nothing’s one hundred percent certain yet.”“You know where I stand on all of that.” She draws back to look at
*Jane*This is it. The months of hard work and the struggles coming from the toll that took on Noah’s personal life are about to be tested to see whether they were worth it all.But I can tell how it weighs heavily on him. The game is tomorrow and he’s still lying awake at nearly midnight. I roll over and put my hand on his shoulder. “You’re still up?” I ask.He raises his head and turns back to look at me with a guilty smile on his face. “Yeah. Sorry, I thought you were sleeping already, babe. Didn’t mean to wake you.”“I’ve been up,” I tell him, adjusting myself and propping myself up on my elbow. He turns over completely so we’re facing each other. I can see the dark circles under his eyes and the weariness of his face. He’s tired but anxious. Reaching out, I caress his cheek with my knuckles. “It’s nothing you don’t know already, but you need to rest up, Noah.”“Yeah, I do know that,” he says. “So talk to me. Why can’t you?” He hesitates.
*Noah*I firmly believe that Jane Thomas is a good luck charm on top of being a curveball because the second game played after we made up is a clean sweep. Another day, another relationship-ending crisis averted. However, my behavior did force me to look at the way I let my father influence my life. I never want him to have that kind of power over me again and I definitely don’t want Jane to ever have to bear the brunt of that again, regardless of whether it was what I intended or not. But I’d just gotten so sick of hearing that kind of shit from him, from my coach, and so many other people who just saw me as a free ticket to whatever places my career could take me. And maybe a small part of me was terrified that Jane might be changing her mind about that too. It was just easier to ply myself with alcohol and pretend that I didn’t have to think about anything else. Jane getting pushed out of that was my fault. But it’s never happening again. My phone buzzes with an i
*Jane*When I wake up, I wake up alone. It puzzles me how short an amount of time it took for that loneliness to feel so unfamiliar. But then again, Noah and I have spent every single night together for the past month, so I guess it’s not that strange. New habits form quickly. But I still hate the emptiness of the bed, how cold it feels without another body laying next to me. I’m still meant to be pissed off though, so I shake all thoughts of Noah’s arms from my mind and head into the en suite shower. The sun is just barely piquing the horizon, but I can’t sleep anymore. As the hot water runs over my body, I think about how I’m going to go around facing him today. It’s bound to be uncomfortable. Plus, we’re stuck in the Airbnb together between games, so unless he’s decided to run off in the middle of the night half-drunk, I know that I’m going to have to face him sometime this morning. I put on one of the bathrobes hanging off the rack and stick my head out t
*Jane*I find my way back to the Airbnb by myself. I head straight for a shower, wanting to wash off the sweat and vibes of the afterparty from my skin. It was the first time I felt so … invisible. Usually, I could rely on Noah to always try and make me feel comfortable. But tonight just seemed like it was all about him. I get changed into my pajamas, then crash into bed with the book I haven’t finished reading yet. I pretend as though I’m taking anything in.“Baby?” Noah’s slurred voice calls out two hours later. I can hear as he barely manages to shut and lock the door behind him, and I’m surprised that he was able to find his way back here at all. I don’t move from my spot on the bed and I don’t even bother putting the book I’m reading down. I’m pissed. I’ll admit that. I know I wanted him to be able to enjoy his win with his teammates and fans and be able to focus on something other than his father but still… The fact that he was willing to let me walk out of
*Jane* “Hello? Have I seriously been having a conversation with myself this entire time?”With a small shake of my head, I bring myself back to the present. Rachel’s looking at me with a raised eyebrow and knowing smile, her hand outstretched palm side up like she’s waiting for something.“Sorry, what?” I ask, slightly embarrassed.My thoughts had been completely overtaken by memories of last night. I kept replaying how Noah spoke to me through it, how he held me, and how his body felt against mine. I’d completely lost track of where I was. Rachel was over at our Airbnb, getting ready with me for the big game today while the boys went off to the stadium. But I’d evidently been so distracted, that I hadn’t realized she’d been speaking to me the entire time. “Your eyeliner,” she says. “I asked if I could borrow it.”“Oh, yeah. Sure.” I hand it over, but the look on her face doesn’t change. “What?”“You know exactly what. I take it the date went well last night.
*Jane*I’m reading a book on the couch when Noah walks in from practice, his hair still wet from his shower. He looks so excited to see me, even more than he usually does, and I immediately put the book down. We’re currently staying in the Airbnb that he’s booked for the entire week we’re spending in Omaha. It’s beautiful, complete with a pool and full catering that I’m eternally grateful for because we don’t exactly have much time to go around searching for decent food stops. I get up to greet him, beaming, and he takes me into his arms and sweeps me into a kiss that curls my toes. He pulls back, a sweet boyish grin on his face. “I have a surprise for you,” he says like he can barely contain it anymore. I quirk up an eyebrow. “And how exactly would you have had time to put together a surprise?”“I have my ways,” he replies cockily, running his hands down my arms and taking my hands in his. He leads me upstairs, telling me to follow him. There was one section
*Noah*“And that does it folks, the Billmore Bulldogs are headed to their first College World Series!”The announcer’s words ring in my head over and over, swirling around like water down a drain as I replay the broadcast. It doesn’t feel real. None of this feels real. I made it. I actually made it. This is by far the biggest step of my career so far, and I can’t seem to wipe the smile off my face when I think about it—which is almost all the time. It’s a funny thing, reaching a huge milestone that up until this point has always just felt like a pipe dream. Something big enough to crush your spirit when you are pulled further away from it, but still too far ahead to really bank anything on without some degree of delusional faith. And now here it is, the opportunity to catapult myself onto a proper stage. But the resting thought side by side with what feels like the culmination of all the hard work I’ve done throughout my life so far is Jane. Jane Thomas.