Chapter 2

As I make my way to where Nathaniel is sitting, my flight or fight is in full power. I push it down because I know I am being silly. He doesn't even know I had anything to do with his accident. He didn't even know I was the one who got ahold of the dispatcher first.

I sit in the empty desk to his right and hold my breath as I lower myself down.

Nathaniel fumbles with his paper which sits in front of him at his desk. When he remains silent, I know I am going to have to be the one to strike up conversation.

"Hi, there," I say. I clear my throat when my voice comes out sounding like I am being strangled. I watch his face as he taps his pencil on the wood of the desk. I shift uncomfortably in my seat. "I am Kelly."

"I k-know who you are," he stutters back.

My heart momentarily stops at his words. Oh God, he knows.

"You do?"

Nathaniel bitterly laughs which catches me off guard. He shakes his head when he catches himself. The snicker of a smile leaves his lips and instead, he clamps his teeth down. "We've been in the same school since kindergarden. Of, um, course I k-know who you are."

I don't know why but his nervousness calms me down a bit. Maybe it is the thought that he is just as uncomfortable around me as I am him. But I have to admit that it bothered me some that he is nervous. Everyone loves me.

"Oh."

Nathaniel continues to tap his pencil. My heart echoes the panging on the table, quick and profound.

"Would you like to begin?" He asks, shifting in his seat like I did not too long ago.

"Yeah!" I chirp up before closing my eyes and gathering myself. With a quieter, less falsetto voice I continue. "You can start."

Nathaniel goes still along with the tapping of his pencil. His head angles slightly towards me but the eeriness that I still haven't seen his face eats at my curiousity. In fact, the last time I saw his face was in the yearbook which happened to show his sophomore picture. Back then he was extremely skinny and gangly, his limbs growing faster than the rest of his body. Now, he sits here, even taller but more filled out. I soon catch onto my mistake. 

"Right, of course, um--" I finally gather my wits and focus on the task at hand. Opening the packet, I navigate the first question. "What are you most likely looking forward to in this course?"

Nate has taken out an iPad from his backpack and set it down on his desk. He sets a small keyboard in front of him and feels the little black keys for a few seconds all while picking up the headphones that are hanging around his neck. He pops one earbud in and begins typing out my question.

I watch, curious as to what is being done. Nathaniel must have felt my eyes on him because he clears his throat uncomfortably. I jump in my seat.

"Human Anatomy and DNA structure," is all that my partner says. I narrow my eyes at my paper before writing it down. Questions soar through my mind about Nathaniel's ability to actually participate in the class.

"W-what about you?"

I smile and turn on the charm. "Being your partner of course." 

I watch as Nathaniel's cheeks turn a dark pink and I am gleeful at the reaction I get. He never takes his eyes away from his desk.

I have a feeling that he thought I was going to push all the work on him. People already think that I am an airhead because of who my friends are so it only came natural to dumb myself down to my peers and play the part. Messing with him came naturally. But the second the flirtatiously dangerous words came out of my mouth, I instantly regretted them.

"I-I can't put t-that."

I sigh and decide that messing with him is too cruel of a punishment at the moment. "You can just put the same as your answer."

He taps skillfully on his keyboard and then pauses for a few seconds as I'm guessing the iPad reads his words back to him. I just stare with my mouth possibly hitting the floor.

The task goes on as such and when we finally finish the last question, I gather both of our papers, mine from my desk and his from the printer in front of us, and hand them into Mr. Faunt.

When I return, both of the headphones are back into my partner's ears and his eyes are closed. I lightly tap him on the shoulder. He simply opens his eyes and takes out the headphones. 

"Listen, Nathaniel," I say as I hovered in front of his desk once I returned. "How about we split the work when we do the labs and do the same for the papers to make the workload seem less heavy this semester. I get this feeling that you think I'm going to rely on you for a decent grade but I am very capable of holding up my own end."

"Okay." He indeed sounds surprised. 

"I just don't want you to feel like I'm going to push all the work on you. Because I'm not."

"Okay," he repeats.

"Okay." I sigh with relief and a smile spreads across my face. "Good. Then it's a pleasure being your partner." I reach over and grab my bag, ready to leave the small space with the person of whom is constantly on my mind. It is strange thinking about someone and then being trapped in a small, confined space with them. I am beginning to feel claustrophobic.

"Hey Kel!" calls one of the cheerleaders, Mariah, from the back of the room. She and Ryan start making their way to the front of the classroom once they got my attention. I am put out at how rigid Nathaniel's body grows the closer they get.

"Want to hit the Cracker Barrel for lunch today?" Ryan asks once he reaches my partner and me. He looks uneasily between us but I keep my facial features calm even though I feel like I am about to break down in tears.

"Sounds good." I look back down at Nathaniel who is placing his things slowly into his bag. "Would you like to join us, Nathaniel?"

Ryan looks over at me like I am crazy. I instantly feel my cheeks grow hot but then I remember that Nathaniel can't see any of my friends reactions anyway and I calm.

"Like he would want to come with us," Logan, another one of Danny's friends pipe in, his voice mocking. I bite my tongue until I taste blood to keep from scolding them.

Nathaniel continues to sit where he is at but he has visibly shrunk in his seat. The feeling to cry resurfaces.

"No," he finally answers me. He straightens the glasses perched on his nose. "But thank you for the invitation."

"Maybe next time." I smile down at him but it disappears with the realization that he can't see it.

"Y-yeah, maybe." But a slight smile graces Nathaniel's lips. He tilts his face up to where mine is, but just a little off-center. When he does this I nearly drop my books. His face is thin but his jaw is squared. The glasses he wore are in fact not sunglasses, but framed glasses whose lenses adjust to the lighting. And right now, they are clear and show off golden brown eyes.

His eyes look different though, as if a lunar eclipse overlapped the sun, haunted, as in ghostly around the pupils.

Right then the bell rings and students rush out the door including my friends. I hang back. Mainly because Mr. Faunt has called for me to stay for a minute.

While waiting for the teacher to speak, I watch Nathaniel stand and take out a long stick. I've seen people who were visually impaired use them in movies but never in real life. It felt wrong to watch him as he makes his way around the room and walk out the door but that doesn't stop me from doing so. The ticking of his stick tapping the floor is overwhelming even after he is now out of sight. The sound echoes in my mind as I stand by Mr. Faunt's desk. He, too, seems to be in an awe as we wait for Nathaniel to leave the room.

"Ms. Henderson, I wanted to make sure that you were okay with the pairing that was made today." Mr. Faunt shuffles with the papers on his desk, gathering them up, and shoving them into his leather bag. 

My brain stops. Here is my chance to tell him that I wanted a different partner. Here is my chance to confess to what happened that night and move on with my life. 

"I do believe you would be a good influencer for Mr. Haynes, though," Mr. Faunt continues. "You two are the same intellectually. You'll push each other."

"It's not a problem at all, sir," I end up saying. I taste copper in my mouth by biting down on my cheek too hard.

"Brilliant!" He swings his bag over his shoulder and I take that as my cue to leave.

I want to throw up. But instead I numbly nod, accepting my fate. 

I grip my book tighter and I then pivoted towards the doorway before I broke down in front of my favorite teacher.

Just before I make it out the door, I am stopped once again. "Oh, and Kelly, I sure hope my letter of recommendation will push for Dartmouth to reach out to you. I meant every word in it."

"Thank you, Mr. Faunt. I really appreciate it all the work you put into it."

"Keep me up to date, okay?"

I politely nod and round the corner to my next class. But I can't make my feet move. Walking down the middle of the hall is Nathaniel, tapping and navigating his way around. People have swarmed around him but not many stop and watch as I do.

"Kelly," Danny's voice rings through the hall as if amplified. My heart jumps into my throat when Nathaniel's attention jerks my way. My heart stops completely when I swear that he looks right at me before turning the corner and disappearing once again.

"What?" I unintentionally snap.

"Jesus. What is your problem lately?" He grabs onto my elbow and walks to the other side of the hall where we could get out of everyone's way.

My problem is you, I want to say but I shove those words down.

"I'm sorry, Dan. I'm just really stressed out. I have a lot on my mind." I grip my books tighter to my chest and hope that my eyes don't give me away. I've been told they do that. I am normally really good at masking my emotions but it felt like a can of worms was just opened inside my brain.

"So I heard that you've been buddy-buddy with the Haynes kid."

How the heck did word spread so quickly? I nonchalantly push away from the wall and start walking to my next class.

"He's my bio partner."

"Huh," was all he says after that.

"It's no big deal. We barely even spoke. It's not like I have a choice any way." That was proven to be a lie but Daniel didn't need to know that.

"I just know how you get when you're flustered."

I stop walking again and turn towards him. I can feel my face shift unattractively into a grimace. "I'm not going to bring up that night, if that is what you're insinuating."

"I'm just looking out for you, Kelly. Would you chill?"

I roll my eyes. I hated when people told me to calm down or chill. Even if I did need to calm down or chill, don't tell me to do so.

"You know this falls on all of us if someone opens their mouth. You know that, right?" Danny looks me directly in the eye so intensely that I have to look away. "A lot of futures could be messed with if people found out and pressed charges. You could say goodbye to Dartmouth. Your hands aren't exactly clean, Kelly."

That massive weight pushes itself down on my chest again and I swear that I am going to pass out from the panic that begins to take over my senses. "I'm not going to say anything."

"Good. See you at the Cracker Barrel." And with that he walks away.

The rush of things that I could have said to set him in his place wash over me once he disappeared into his next classroom. Why does that always happen? I freeze up. I chicken out instead of speaking up when needed. 

I spend all night laying in bed thinking of ways I could make things right with Nathaniel. It was unhealthy the way I am always thinking about him whether it was about the accident or the constant fear that this is going to blow up in my face. 

But tonight, it is about the gold in his eyes. How could such beautiful eyes see so little?