Chapter 1

During the May Day holiday, I took my girlfriend back to my parents' home.

Willow Mayfair was a very quiet and reserved girl. A relative introduced her to me after I graduated from university at the age of 22. We both happened to be working in the same city, Southvale.

I didn't understand why my parents were always so eager for me to date. They panicked when they noticed that I hadn't dated anyone at all throughout my university years, unlike my peers.

When I asked my parents about it, they cited that the reason for their anxiety was because there were more men than women in today's society. As a result of that, many men would end up single and wifeless in the future.

They then said that I looked like the type that would end up being single, so they hurriedly started taking action and making arrangements for me.

And so, I was forced to chat with Willow online intermittently for about a year before we finally confirmed our relationship. We didn't have the passionate kind of love that modern young people had. Our relationship was calm and ordinary, but we got along quite comfortably.

This lasted until one day when we were having a meal. My dad, Thomas Shaw, suddenly brought up Blake Wagner.

"I heard Blake was sent to work in Fioreca. They're saying that after a few years, he'll come back and be promoted to the position of vice president. He'll be earning hundreds of thousands of dollars a year by then!"

My mom chimed in, "How did you know that? Who told you? Are you sure it's true?"

"Hah! Do you think I'm capable of making this up? His dad told me when we were drinking together the other day. You know, this kid has been smart since he was young and has always been good at studying. It's no surprise he's successful now," my dad remarked.

My mom added, "That's right. He's always been exceptional. Well, he was always the top student in school, and he did really well in university too.

"It's no surprise that he's also doing well at work now. Back then, he always did spoil Nate, didn't he? When he was in school, he often came to visit Nate and always gave him extra pocket money. It's a shame that he's still single even when he's about to turn 30. I haven't once heard about him having a girlfriend."

"Maybe he likes guys instead of girls," I said with a laugh.

Upon hearing this, Willow, who had been quietly eating, suddenly looked at me. For some reason, her gaze seemed to hold some kind of elusive meaning to it.

"Don't say that. If your Great-Uncle Gregory heard you, he would throw a fit. How can you speak ill about Blake like that? He was so nice to you when you were little," my mom scolded.

My mom's disapproving look further fueled my urge to badmouth Blake. "Don't be so fast to dismiss me. Who says a man has to like women? What if he likes men?"

"Alright, stop it. Blake just hasn't met the right person yet. Given how exceptional he is, he must have very high standards," my dad said after taking a sip of his drink. He then changed the topic.

The older generation held on to antiquated views about relationships. Unlike them, I believed I was closer to the truth. I was quite sure Blake liked men, and perhaps he had always been that way.

I couldn't really explain why I was so sure about this—it was more of a gut feeling.

Blake was six years older than me. He was my great-uncle's son, so we were first cousins once removed. Technically, we had no blood relation. My grandmother, Mabel Wagner, joined the Wagner family after her mother remarried.

My great-uncle, Gregory Wagner, was the son of my great-grandfather and his first wife, so he and my grandmother were not related by blood. Nevertheless, this didn't stop them from forming close familial ties.

Blake was the undisputed golden child. No matter which academic year he was in, he was always the top student. He never gave his family any trouble. My great-uncle's family swelled with pride whenever they talked about him.

We spent most of our childhood together. According to the adults, I started bullying him from the time I was a baby.

When I was over three months old, my parents threw a baby shower for me. As Blake leaned in to take a closer look at cute little me, I punched him right in the eye.

Of course, I wasn't very strong back then, but it still startled him greatly. After that, I started bullying Blake incessantly.

No matter the time, as long as Blake got close to me, he would end up getting punched or hit. However, he never got mad at me. After school, he'd come to my house to play with me. He was always smiling and joking around.

When I started walking, I'd wobble around and chase after him with the help of the adults.

As I got older, I'd put a small stool over his neck as he lay on the floor. I would sit on the stool and hit him to my heart's content. Blake never fought back or ran away. He just smiled and allowed me to hit him.

I kept finding new ways to hit him every day, much to my great-uncle's amusement. He would laugh heartily at my antics.

When I started elementary school, I stopped hitting Blake because I had become more well-mannered by then. Meanwhile, Blake had started junior high.

Unfortunately for me, I had no recollection of those times when I used to hit him. If I remembered those precious moments, it would have helped dispel Blake's overpowering "golden child" shadow that constantly loomed over me.

Back then, we studied in the same school that housed elementary up till junior high grades.

Every morning, Blake came to my house on his bicycle. He waited for me to get ready and took me to school. In the afternoon, I finished classes an hour earlier than him. So, I stayed in the teacher's office doing my homework while waiting for him to take me home.

Everyone at school knew we were relatives. He was very famous because he was always the top student in every subject. Needless to say, he was beloved by teachers and classmates alike.

So, my entire school life had been under his shadow. Parents and teachers always brought him up as the ultimate golden standard when they lectured me about my studies.

For three years, we rode his bike to school together. He graduated junior high as the top student and went to the best high school in the city. With that, I was finally free from him.

People believed that early childhood was the most formative period in a person's life. At six years old, I was probably set in my ways. From as far back as I can remember, words frequently used to describe me were—obedient, quiet, introverted, and honest.

My parents started feeling worried that I wouldn't turn out to be masculine enough. Thus, besides wanting me to follow Blake's example in academics, they also wanted me to be more like him in character—cheerful, sunny, and eager to strive.

I had found it unbearable back then. But thank the heavens, Blake the jinx was finally gone since he was going to a different school.

In hindsight, I had celebrated too early about the good riddance. Even after Blake left, I couldn't really escape his shadow. The adults were always talking about how excellent he was.

On top of that, he came back home on weekends and often showed up at our place. He said it was to help me with my studies, but he just watched TV while I did my homework.

What a scoundrel! I made the bold assumption that he came to my house simply because his parents didn't let him TV at home.

Blake probably got a decent allowance back then. He always gave me money when he went back to school. I had gotten 10 or even 20-dollar notes from him.

In those days, having even one dollar was already a huge fortune for me. Hanging out with Blake meant that I got to enjoy some nice treats. So, I couldn't keep holding a grudge against him.

When I was in junior high, I heard that Blake got into an Ivy League university as the top scorer in the whole city.

Back then, I knew that I would forever be overshadowed by his glorious achievements. Fortunately, his university was far away, so he rarely came back after that.

But that didn't mean he never returned. Whenever he did, he would still drop by my house first to watch TV. He continued using the same lame excuse of tutoring me.

When he left, he'd still give me money, but he wouldn't give it to me directly. Whenever it was time for him to go home, my mom would walk him to the street. Even if I didn't want to go, she would force me to come along. I reluctantly followed them in my slippers to see him off.

Then, he gave my mom money to buy study materials for me. How generous of him!

Later on, I started high school, and he was also getting busier at university. We saw each other even less. But for some reason, Blake always came home whenever there was a holiday.

During holidays, we attended various banquets. I never understood why he bothered coming home because all the socializing seemed trivial to me. If it were me, I would opt not to come back.

I suspected that Blake came back just to hear all the praises our relatives and his friends sang for him.

Every time we attended a family banquet, he annoyed me by sitting next to me. He diligently put food on my plate and tended to stuff me all the things that I didn't like.

For heaven's sake, he was a grown man by then. Couldn't he get a girlfriend instead of always bugging me? Doting on me wasn't exactly a healthy pastime for him.

After I started university, I hardly heard about him anymore. But that was probably because I rarely went home. Sometime later, I politely messaged him once, but he never replied.

This made me quite happy, but there was a strange, indescribable feeling inside that I couldn't quite pinpoint.

After that, we never contacted each other. This was my first time hearing about him after all these years. It turned out that he had gone to Fioreca.

I bet when he came back, he would be unrecognizable. Perhaps he would be so tanned that he looked like an entirely different person.

For some reason, I was convinced that Blake liked men. He'd always given me the impression that he did since I was a kid. Maybe I was narcissistic, but I had this feeling that he had inappropriate thoughts about me. That was why I preferred to keep my distance from him.

Putting aside our family ties, we were two grown men—this thought alone made my skin crawl!

***

"Dad, I love Nate. Whether you agree or not, I'm going to be with him. I've loved him for so many years—I won't let go."

"Great-Uncle Gregory, we're truly in love. Please give us your blessing. I genuinely want to be with Blake!"

Tears blurred my vision, and everything around me became distorted. My heart ached as if someone had stabbed it with a knife. My chest felt sore and painful. I curled up on the floor, clutching my heart as tears streamed down my face.

My pillow was soaked with tears. Even after waking up, I couldn't calm down. The bitterness in my chest spread throughout my body, and the pain in my heart wouldn't subside. This was a secret I kept buried in my heart for many years.

Ever since I started university, I began having these dreams. I couldn't remember most of the details when I woke up, but every time, my heart would ache immensely. As I got older, these absurd dreams became more frequent and vivid. I felt afraid to recall them because the pain in my chest would intensify.

Perhaps I was cursed. I wouldn't and couldn't tell anyone about these darn dreams. I was sure I didn't harbor any such feelings for Blake. So, I couldn't figure out why I kept having those dreadful dreams.

After graduation, I didn't oppose to my parents arranging blind dates for me. I couldn't let some inexplicable dream affect my life. But even after getting a girlfriend, I couldn't escape these dreams. They had severely impacted my sleep and daily life.

Every time I woke up, my heart would ache for half the day. I even secretly went to the hospital to check if I had a heart problem, but everything turned out to be perfectly normal.

I started wondering if I had some psychological issues or had developed some sort of complex from living in Blake's shadow. Otherwise, why would I have these strange dreams? Because of this, I took a psychological assessment, and the results also showed that I was absolutely fine.

I was baffled.

This time, I woke up early. It was only 5:00 am. Maybe it was because we had talked about Blake over dinner, and it caused me to have this weird dream again at night.

Now that I was awake, I might as well stay up and read some novels to calm my nerves. Then, it would be time for breakfast.