BEN
When I get home to Josef’s place, the house is unusually quiet. I shut the door behind me and take a tentative step in. The television is on but no one is the parlour. I jog up the stairs to my room and stop.
Josef is in my room. He’s not alone. Mum is with him. They look up at the sound of my footsteps. I see fear in her eyes when she stands to hug me briefly. I am left alone with Josef. He pats the spot on the bed for me and I stagger towards him to sit.
“Benjamin.” It cannot be good. He never calls me by my full name. “I need you to be honest with me.” My palms moisten and I swipe them against my jeans. His tone of voice spells bad news. “Are you in trouble?” I shake my head, quite unsure what he might be talking about. He places both hands on his knees and sighs. “Are you doing drugs? Be honest.”
“What?” Josef sags. His whole body deflates and I feel th
This chapter made me so emotional. Don’t be so hard on Benny, okay? He did what he thought was best at that moment. Thank you for reading.
Let’s, no scratch that, Noah’s text comes in when I’m preparing for class. I change the name on my second phone from Let to Noah to avoid any confusion. Someone knocks on my door. I know it’s Mum. She doesn’t want me to be late on my first day of school but I don’t give enough fucks about anything right now to be worried about lateness.“I’m coming,” I scream at the door. Plopping on the bed, I open the message from Noah.Noah: Sometimes I don’t blame her for not believing me. I used to lie a lot, do stuff to hurt myself, then blame it on her. I just wanted us to go back home. So I guess when I told her, she assumed it was one of those lies. But it wasn’t. I wanted her to believe me. I really wanted my mother then.Me: sorryMy response sounds so insensitive but the truth is, I don’t care. I haven’t cared about anything or anyone since we moved to New York. Mum
There are a few things to note about my new school. I have only been here for a month and I love it. There is no hierarchy. The cheerleaders sit with the nerds. The jocks sit with anyone. The sitting arrangement has more to do with friendship than a ranking. Broadway Heights can learn from them.I join the queue waiting for lunch. They have a great lunch too and I’m already friends with the lunch lady. It is a bit sad but I am having a hard time making new friends. Mum says it will take a while but I haven’t made much of an effort to socialise.Someone nudges my arm. Annoying Calum. I am starting to get used to him. But today, I am extra sensitive. It’s our four months anniversary. I wanted to forget it like I did with our third month but Fazebook reminded me with a memory of us. Stupid Fazebook. Just when I was trying to move on from him.I disabled my account. I will create a new one when I think I can handle the little reminders about
“What’s the inspiration for the band name?” I ask Calum. Today is the gig but before then, we have to suffer in school first. I have stopped trying to get him off my back but he is still trying to get me to like him. “Did anyone break your heart or Mira’s or Leah’s or Sam’s or Lucas’s?”He laughs. “Not someone but what?” My lips press into a thin line. He laughs again but it lacks some of its usual warmth. Opening the door to our classroom open, I go in first and he follows suit. “Life did. So we are mending it ourselves.”“Nice. Maybe you will mend mine,” I mutter as a joke but he takes it serious. He frowns.“What’s your story, Tessa?” My mouth dries up. I am about to start rambling if I don’t get myself out of this situation and he sets me up with a question. “Have you ever been heartbroken?” I fight back the tears th
BENCrescent High is cool. What’s not cool is that guy putting his hand on Gracie’s seat. We need to talk. My phone buzzes in my pocket, I throw a look at the teacher before typing rapidly on my screen. Jonah wants to know how I am. Jonah is the oldest child of the family I am staying with in New York. I am not fine and it’s exactly what I tell him. “Benjamin,” the teacher’s sharp voice cuts me off. I offer her a sheepish smile and make a show of putting my phone away. Gracie’s head jerks up slightly. She wants to look in my direction but she doesn’t. If only she would spare me a glance. I miss my Gracie. The class is not boring but I barely pay attention. If Gracie refuses to speak to me, then I might have made the greatest mistake of my life by asking to come here. Josef is not just filthy rich, he knows the right people. He made the plans for me to come here after I got Gracie’s school details from Maria.
Mum drops me off at the venue. The car stops but I don’t get down immediately. We stay in that comfortable silence for a while till she pulls me in for a hug. She must know how much I need it because I’m still shaken by Ben’s presence. “Are you sure you are okay?” she asks while pulling away from the hug. I told her about Ben. “I’m fine.” “Aren’t you curious?” Now, she sounds like Maria. “Not really.” I just want to finish the rest of school without any drama. But my mind seems to think otherwise. It keeps pushing memories of me and Ben back to the surface. I hate my mind sometimes. “Do you think I was wrong to ignore him?” “You did what you thought was best for you and that’s okay.” Those words follow me inside the pub. On a regular day, Mum will never let me in a pub but she is worried about my nonexistent social life and excited at the possibility of me making new friends. The pub is
Stupid. Why did I let myself get carried away by a kiss? I touch my lips again. I have been doing that since I ran away from Ben. I am mad at him but I want to kiss him. It’s crazy. “Why do you keep smiling like that?” Leah asks. She throws an arm around me and drags me away from the entrance of the dressing room. The other members of the band are inside discussing their performance. Ben is also there. Maybe he needs as much space as I need from him. Back to what Leah asked me, why am I smiling? I know it’s stupid but I’m smiling because of the kiss. I really, really liked it. I’ve missed him. I’ve missed kissing him. I’ve missed being held by him. “Leah?” She stops. We are outside the pub. There’s a blue light hanging from the signboard bearing the club’s name and it shines on her forehead. I laugh because she looks funny with the light and her hands akimbo. “Can I ask you a question?” “Sure.” “Ho
BENI feel alone. I feel betrayed.Gracie doesn’t like me again. How do you go from kissing one guy to being the girlfriend of another in minutes? That boy was drunk, maybe tipsy but he shouldn’t have been allowed near a steering wheel yet she jumped on the opportunity to be with him.Thinking of it has made me sick. I don’t want to go to that school or be forced to watch them chew each other’s lips. Does she also giggle after they kiss?The sound of the door opening rips through the silence and I bury my face into the pillow. Jonah jumps into my bed and I groan. I thought he left for work already. He’s interning at some place. There is a two years gap between both of us but he acts like a kid sometimes. I slap his hand off me but he only hugs me tighter. This is just weird.I can’t even get a break on my second day of exile.Thankfully, today is Friday. Two more days and I&rsqu
Ben wasn’t in school today and yesterday. I wasn’t on the lookout for him but it’s easy to notice when a member of the band is missing. Leah and Mira asked about him, Calum was quiet throughout our meal.I swipe to the next picture on the Mending Heart Instaagram page. There’s a picture of Ben in their customised shirt and another of all of us in one frame. He’s smiling at the camera. Looking at the picture makes me smile and I have to remind myself I shouldn’t be smiling.It must be all the time I’m spending indoors that’s affecting my mood. I don’t miss him. I change into a more comfortable outfit and step outside with a small backpack and a metal flask. Knocking on the door to my parents room once, I wait for them to answer.Mum opens the door with a grin. Questions shine in her eyes as she takes in my bold choice of outfit. A long flowing kimono over a pair of shorts stopping at my mid-thighs and a
I feel like sexual assault against the male genders is not talked about as much as in the case of the female genders. As a friend to a few males who have been molested by people who were supposed to care for them, I knew I had to write about it someday. And I hope I was able to bring awareness to this, however little, through Ben. It’s never okay to molest a child. It’s never okay to molest anyone. That being said, here are some fun facts about this book; 1. It’s my first attempt at teenfiction. I was almost certain readers would notice and call me out on that. 2. BBTB was supposed to be a short story project. I was so worried it would be a flop so I planned to make it between 40-80 chapters. But the story grew wings and took off on its own. 3. This is the longest story I have ever written. I am just as surprised as you are and I was pleasantly shocked to see comments wanting their lovestory to go on for much longer. Those comments kept me going even on the bad days. So, thank y
It hurts too much. My body is on fire and it’s not yet right to push. Why isn’t it time? I need them to get the baby out of me. Not later, now. Sweat drips down my forehead and my eyes sting with tears. The doctor has stopped the bleeding. I have been cleaned up, changed into a hospital gown. They say everything is fine but it’s not. The contractions are ripping me from inside out and all Ben does is mutter unintelligible gibberish. He put the baby inside me, he should experience the pain too. “Are you okay?” Ben asks. I glare at him. How can I be okay? Whatever the doctor gave me is keeping me awake so I have no respite from the pain. Ben pushes my hair away from my sweaty forehead and I lean into him for comfort. I’m tired but I’m glad our son is okay. “I’m sorry, Gracie,” my husband says. Pushing past my pain, I offer him a questioning glance. Maddie is fine, right? My parents are okay too, right? Ben wipes the tears spill
I am packing up for Maddie’s weekend getaway when Ben strolls into her room. He picks a toy from the floor, tosses it into the air and catches it. I stall when he crosses over to me. All his attempts to take over the packing from me are futile. He protests by shaking his head. I am pregnant, not handicapped.When the bag is zipped up, I lower myself to the bed to catch my breath. Maybe I should have let him do it. But he never lets me do anything.Worried eyes stare into mine as Ben kneels between my legs. I’m fine, just tired. I pick the stuffed bear he dropped on the bed and sniff it. It smells like Maddie. And if I listen closely, I’ll hear her voice as she sings along with her favourite characters on TV.Maddie’s grandparents—my parents are in town because I’m due next week. They don’t want to miss it. She’s spending the weekend with them.Ben pries the bear from me and traces the
Laughter erupts from the living room, a kid’s voice follows and my lips curve in a smile. I pause the YuuTube tutorial I’m watching and set my tab down on the counter. I’m trying a new recipe I found online. Ben has been working extra hours so he can’t cook as much anymore and I’m tired of takeouts for dinner.With a hand under my belly, I meander to the living room. Maddie is on her feet, clapping and giggling at the television. There’s an old show playing. A family series I starred in one year after graduation. I clear my throat and my baby girl spins to face me. She grins and everything feels right. The nine hours of labour, the screams, the pain. They don’t matter.Running towards me, she stops a few inches from me and grabs my hand. “See Mummy,” she says, pointing at the television. I’m helping the second male lead set up his outfit for work. Her blue eyes flash with childlike innocence when she run
I feel the stare before I turn to Maria. “Will you stop?” I mutter. She says nothing but her eyes lower to my swollen belly, making it so obvious she had been staring. “Maria Vega.”“Theresa Carter.”Pink colours my cheeks. I hide my face in my palms and she bursts out laughing. It still feels so surreal being Mrs Carter, Ben’s wife. Our wedding was small and private like we both wanted. Aside from our family, we had our friends. Maria. Leah. Mira. Calum. Olivia also showed up. She and Ben are still in contact. We are kind of cool.Thinking about the wedding makes me smile and I twist the ring on my forth finger. My promise ring remains on my middle finger.I sit up and cross my legs. There are some pictures from the wedding scattered all over the living room floor. Maria didn’t get a chance to see them before her flight. She had a concert that day. I rub a hand over my stomach. Ben didn’t
Where is Ben? We will be late.I step out of the bathroom in only a towel and sashay to the wardrobe to get the gown for our date. There are a few options but I select a navy blue off-shoulder gown. Flipping through my playlist, I settle on Maria’s new single and settle down in front of the vanity to make myself up.A smile curves my lips as I brush my hair. I don’t look so bad at all. The makeup tutorial classes on YuuTube and Maria’s extra sessions come in handy as I apply foundation to my face. My gaze flies to the door. I’m in my room. Ben wasn’t in his room when I checked but he should be getting ready.The door creaks. I look up but Ben doesn’t walk in. My eye makeup is done. I apply a bright red lipstick and the door finally opens. Ben stalks into the room wearing a tux. My man is hot but in a suit and Oxford leather shoes, he is hotter. He closes the door with his foot and leans on it so I can assess
The drive to Ben’s office is a blur. I’m out of the car and in front of his office in a flash. I miss him. And I haven’t seen him in eight hours.I knock once on the door and open before he ushers me inside. Locking the door behind me, I bridge the gap between us and crush him in a hug. We live in the same house but God, I want to be in his presence all the time.“You’re back so early,” Ben says against my lips. I kiss him hard to make up for the hours without any kisses. Ben chuckles and hoists me on the edge of his desk. Then, he stands between my legs. “I missed you too, babe.”I grin. “I missed you more.”Ben touches his forehead to mine. “You’re here,” he says. His smile is sad. I nod against his body and his hands slip into my gown. I help him with the zip and pout. “I didn’t think you would make it today.”I had a pho
The mixer whirrs to life. I throw in more flour, add three eggs and whisk the batter into a smooth mix. Calum, my unwilling apprentice, watches from behind the counter. He came in last night. On my command, Calum oils the pans for the cake and turns on the oven. Done, he edges close to me. I swat his hand before he dips his finger into the mix. “Come on, Tessa. I came all this way, let me have some.” I roll my eyes. He came all this way, uninvited but I’m happy to see him. I empty the batter into the small pan. We will eat from that. “Just a taste.” “Fine.” I shove the spatula in his face and he snatches it from me. My face scrunches in disgust when he licks the spatula clean like a hungry dog. “Calum, what’s wrong with you?” He shrugs. “Nothing?” It feels like there’s something but I continue emptying the batter into the pans. When I’m done, I bring out the ingredients for the icing. Today is Ben’s
A look of fear flashes across her face. She levels me with a stare that shows she’s trying to control her temper. It’s unfair that I have to watch her kiss other guys under the guise of it being part of the job. “You are just making up scenarios that don’t exist,” she says. “Your job doesn’t even require it, Benny.” “But your job does...” I twist my hands so hard they ache. She doesn’t get it. “...and I don’t like it, Gracie.” Various emotions flicker on her face. She opens and closes her mouth twice without saying a word. The third time, she murmurs, “You asked me to trust you when Elena was involved, right?” I did. And I’ve established boundaries at the office, at school too. For fuck’s sake, she’s my screensaver, I wear my ring. They know I belong to Gracie. “So, can you please trust me on this one? It’s just a job, babe.” “Babe, it’s not the same.” Gracie stomps her feet in annoyance. I grit my teeth. She’s not the only one getti