The Day You Stopped Loving Me

It was still dark outside and the small bulb was the only source of light in the dreary hospital room. Even the deep green curtains were drawn close, blocking all the light coming from outside. Jonathan had now taken to holding Liza’s hand. He sat in the small chair beside her bed as he studied the shadow cast by the light on her pale face. Liza’s brown hair was matted and her cheeks had sunken in making her look weak. Jonathan sighed, thinking how much he wished to lay down beside her but the grey hospital bed was not big enough to fit them both and he was afraid of hurting Liza, so he stayed put in his place.

Jonathan had been building up his courage to read the letters for hours now but he still seemed to be afraid to read them. The beautiful box that was lying in his lap felt heavy to him. He knew that if he truly wanted to earn Liza’s forgiveness, he was going to have to read them; he was going to have to understand the pain Liza went through. Gulping, he opened the lid of the box and took out a letter written on a light orange paper, it was covered in tear stains and the black ink was smudged at certain places. He braced himself for the onslaught of pain, he knew was going to come.

‘3 September 2015

To Jonathan

I am not sure about what to do Jonathan. I have tried everything. You had promised to take me out on a date yesterday. I had worn your favorite blue dress the one which you said makes me look ‘Sexy as Hell’. You told me that you will meet me directly at the restaurant. I waited there for three hours Jonathan, three freaking hours. I was sitting there sipping the red wine slowly, waiting for you, when an old woman asked me if I was stood up by my boyfriend, I shook my head no and told her that I was stood up by my husband. She told me not to let you off easily and that if it were her husband she would have smacked him silly. You know what? That old lady had come with her husband for celebrating her 51st marriage anniversary and even after so many years of their marriage, every time her husband looked at his eyes were full of love. I want something like that Jonathan. I want to look at your eyes and want to see them full of love for me.

You came home at 1:30 in the morning, your hair was tousled, your shirt was creased and a button on your shirt was missing. But that was not even the worst part; the worst part was that you didn’t even give me an explanation for not showing up at our date. I can smell her on your every day Jonathan. I am the one who washes her marks from your shirts. It pains me a lot to know that while you are sleeping beside me, holding me in your arms, you are dreaming of some other woman, reliving your memories with her. You know, you rarely tell me that you love me now, every day when you leave for office you just say ‘take care and leave. I am not sure if you have even noticed it. Don’t you love me anymore Jonathan? Am I not enough now?

It’s difficult to keep a smile on my face when you return home after knowing that there is a huge possibility that you were playing around with that blonde of yours. It’s difficult to kiss you when I know that you have been kissing her with the same lips and it’s difficult to sleep in your arms after knowing that your hands have roamed on her body. I have cried myself to sleep every night. It feels like someone has poured hot boiling oil over me like someone has stomped over my heart again and again. I am not sure how much longer I will be able to take it. It’s hard and painful to love someone when you know that you are his second choice but I still love you, Jonathan. Maybe I am being a fool and maybe I am being pathetic right now but I really want to make this work, what we had was something invaluable and I can’t give it up, not yet. I will give you a chance and I will do my damn best to make it work. If you think she is charming, you haven’t seen me yet Jonathan. I will make you forget her. You will love me again Jonathan.

Eternally in love with you,

Yours and only yours,

Liza.’

Jonathan was swept by a whirlwind of emotions and memories. He had never even realized that he had stopped saying ‘I Love You’ to Liza. He used to do it every day before going to the office; it was like his good luck charm. He never left without saying it and hearing it from Liza. He couldn’t believe that he had caused so much pain to Liza. He remembered the date on which he had stood her up. He was going to leave the office early that day but then Stacy came and all the other thoughts had flown out of the window. He remembered how Liza had avoided his kisses, how she moved to the other side of the bed, he had chalked it all up to her cheating on him but he had never even thought about the possibility that it was due to his own indiscretions. It wasn’t that he was in love with Stacy. He didn’t like Stacy as anything more than a friend. The thing that drew him to Stacy that she expected nothing from him, there were no romantic emotions involved in their relationship. Thinking back to his thoughts made Jonathan even more ashamed of himself. Had he really ruined his marriage because he wanted to be free from expectations? Because he was feeling burdened by them? Jonathan rubbed his temples lightly as his brain went into overdrive, questioning itself over and over again.

That day he had given no explanation to Liza because he didn’t know what to say. As soon as he had seen Liza’s face he was overcome with guilt. He didn’t know what to tell her, how could he tell her that while she was waiting for him, he had completely forgotten about the day and had instead spent the entire time with some other women so instead of telling her anything he had simply held her in his arms while he slept.

Jonathan knew that he had caused immense pain to Liza but reading her letter had brought a fresh round of tears in his eyes. He had never imagined that he would end up hurting the one person he cared for. He had dated several girls through his school and college life but his heart had always belonged to Liza. She had this aura around her which attracted him like fire attracts a moth. Her kindness and grace had always left him spellbound. He winced at the thought of her washing of Stacy’s lipstick marks from his shirt. He knew that he had broken her heart to an extent that she may never love him again all he could do was to pray to God that there was a way to fix her again.