Sofia Adams - April, 2012Anne looked at me attentively, as if she could read what was going on in my mind."I know what you're thinking, Sofia. I know it's not easy. It's okay to be sad," she said.I weakly smiled. Of course, she knew."I prefer to focus on how happy I am for you, Ann," I replied honestly. Concentrating on positive things seemed to work a little to distract from the insane desire I had to drink."Have you thought of a name?" I asked.Anne laughed."We don't even know the gender, Sofia!" she retorted."But it's just a matter of time," I replied."Yes, but when we find out, we'll have even more time to decide," she concluded. "And between us, I'm avoiding the subject to avoid hearing the horrible names Tom wants to give," she whispered.Anne had barely finished the sentence when Tom abruptly entered the room along with Ethan."Hey, Timothy isn't that bad," he said.Timothy? That had to be a joke.Anne looked at me as if she wanted to say, "See? I told you.""We've alre
Sofia Adams - April 2012I was dreaming.I saw what appeared to be an older Nick playing with children on a sunny beach. One of them was a girl who looked about seven years old, with red hair just like his, and the other child was a slightly younger boy, maybe three years old, with dark hair like mine.Obviously, my deluded mind deduced that they were our children as I watched Nick toss the little boy in the air and catch him, while the girl clung to his legs, asking him to do the same with her.Nick let the two children play and came to lie beside me on the sand under a blue sky and bright sun.He lovingly touched my face, his touch burning more than the sun on my skin.I was smiling and happy."We never really had a chance, did we?" I asked."Of what?" Nick asked, still smiling easily."Of this," I pointed to us and the children happily running ahead. "We never had a chance at a future, and even if the accident hadn't happened, Nick's illness would eventually have become an obstacle
Sofia Adams - April 2012I blinked, returning to reality and realizing that Kate was still waiting for a response."Yes, it's because of the dream. I have this feeling that I can't live a life without Nick," I confessed. Kate gave me a knowing look, and her following words sent shivers down my spine."That you don't deserve a life when he died because of you," Kate completed, giving voice to my exact feelings. "And even though everyone says you're not to blame, you don't believe it."Kate understood more than anyone."Yes," I whispered."You stopped drinking recently, and now all the emotions you used to suppress with alcohol have nowhere else to go. You have to face them or let them overwhelm you. But that will only lead you back to alcohol," Kate said, softly uttering all of this with the authority and truth of someone who had been where I had been.We arrived at the café before I could respond, but I don't think she expected an answer.We sat at the table with our orders after wait
Ethan Hernandez - April 2012Anne had left just over a week ago, but that didn't stop her from taking care of everything from afar.I looked at her last message on my phone, wondering if it would be right to fulfill her request."Ethan, please distract Sofia a little... I trust her to be strong and all, but it must be hard for her. Maybe a conversation or just going out for a while will help. Keep me informed, okay?"I had noticed Sofia distancing herself in the past few days; she was avoiding me. And I could only think that it was because of Nick.It didn't have to be like that; I just wanted to be there for her and help. I wanted to see Sofia become herself again. I wanted our friendship back.I observed her slow improvement from a distance. Her withdrawal symptoms had eased, but she always seemed too spacey, distracted. As if she wasn't really there.And that was my fear. If she no longer had alcohol as an escape, maybe her brain would find some other way to shut down and distance
Ethan Hernandez - April, 2012Sofia smiled weakly and looked away. Our conversation had come to an end, but I wouldn't let her go like that. She needed to know that she could show me her sad side as well without fear.Since we reunited, I had received anger and bitterness. If I wanted to reestablish our connection, I would have to accept it all. And I did accept it.I accepted her sadness, her grief, her tears, and her crises.I accepted it because I knew who she was beneath it all. I loved what was underneath, and I would learn to understand what she had become on the surface.I took her hand and squeezed it. Sofia didn't return my gaze, but she squeezed my hand back, and I could see a slight smile on her lips.The Ferris wheel was slowly ascending. It would take 30 minutes to complete a full rotation, so we hadn't reached the top yet.I alternated my gaze between the window view and her. I couldn't help it; she was so beautiful.My mind traveled back to years ago, with a younger and
Sofia Adams - April 2012I was in my fifth meeting when I noticed a new member of the group leaning against the wall, far away from me.I waved cheerfully at Mick as he gave me a weak smile. He looked terrible... He had deep circles under his eyes, his hair was more disheveled than usual, and his clothes were wrinkled. A thin layer of sweat dripped from his face, almost in a sickly way. All of this, combined with his downcast expression and tired posture, led me to a conclusion: Mick was going through detox. May God help him at this moment because I remembered all too well the hell it was.Before I could reach him to talk, people approached to take their seats in the chairs forming a circle.It was time to share.A few days had passed since I went out with Ethan. I felt much lighter and somewhat confused. So when it came time to share in the support group, I finally gathered the courage to speak up."Hi, my name is Sofia, and I'm an alcoholic," I said, following the greeting I had he
Sofia Adams - April, 2012It had been a month since I arrived in Vegas. I didn't imagine the changes it would bring to my life. Maybe I was right after all... Vegas was a turning point for me.My phone rings in my purse, and I quickly answer after seeing who it is."Hey, how's the baby?" I ask.Anne groans on the other end of the line."Why does it seem like every time I talk to someone, their first question is about the baby? Hello, I'm here too, and I'm the one carrying him!" she says.I laugh at Anne's grumpiness. Tom had been complaining that she had been a bit irritable lately. And I absolutely loved that."You would get along well with Sky. She's also expecting and super grumpy," I smile, thinking of the blonde dwarf from my AA group."She's in your group, right? How are the meetings going? What step are you on?" Anne asks.On one hand, it was difficult to talk about the meetings. It still made me feel weak, like I had failed. But on the other hand, it was also a relief to know
Sofia Adams - April 2012We walk through the streets of Las Vegas."Is the fourth step still keeping you up at night?" Ethan brings up our conversation again."I just don't understand what there is to evaluate. I did bad things, got it, next step," I say exasperatedly.Ethan laughs."I don't think it's that simple, Sofia..." We stop at a familiar park since we've come here a few times to talk."Tell me the complete step," Ethan requests, sitting on one of the plastic benches. I sit beside him."The fourth step: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We were given instincts for a reason," I repeat.Ethan gazes into the horizon."Since these meetings started, I've been researching about it. The fourth step seems to be one of the hardest, and seeing you, I understand the difficulty. I think your main obstacle is not understanding why it's so important," Ethan says. I don't know how to feel when I hear that Ethan researched the twelve steps for me. It's confusing."Th
Sofia Hernandez - January, 2022I enter her room desperate not to see what I wanted. I try to contain the panic, while my logical side screams that she's only been missing for a few minutes.My cellphone beeps."I found her, she's in the tree."I exhale in relief and head straight to the garden. Up high, proudly standing, is my treehouse reminiscent of another life.I climb the stairs, which are sturdier than ever after the renovation five years ago.I hear her carefree laughter before seeing her face. "I'm sure it's not written like that, Daddy."My little girl looks at the book resting on her lap while her back is supported against Ethan's chest.- "Don't blame me, blame the book. It's right here," Ethan points to a passage on the page, laughing.Her childish face contorts into a grimace, and I know she won't stop until she gets the answer she wants."No, Daddy, that's not right. That word isn't "stinky" I know what stinky means, and it's not that," she responds, looking into his e
Ethan Hernandez - May, 2014As I embarked on my journey around the world, I thought of Sofia every day.We kept sporadic contact through messages, just checking in on each other. Every time I receive a message from her, my heart fills with joy. She seemed to be doing well, having landed a job as a primary school teacher near her home, and most importantly, she was sober.While traveling, I meet incredible people, visit fascinating places, and delve deeper into my career as an architect. But in every new location, there's an emptiness, a void that only Sofia's presence can fill.Two years quickly pass by.I look at my latest project nearing completion. A beachfront vacation home in Lanikai.This was the last house I would work on in the renovation of the friends Mr. Miller referred me to.After that, a position as a university professor awaited me in Chicago, my hometown, where my family lived.I was eager to live near my mother and sisters again, but I'd be lying if I said that the ca
Sofia Adams - May, 2012Entering the house where I lived with Nick feels strange because it seems like a lifetime ago that I was here, not just two months. I gather all the cleaning supplies, garbage bags, and boxes that I will need.Entering our bedroom is like being hit by a million memories all at once, including our last fight. Nevertheless, I stay strong and begin to clean. I carefully fold and store Nick's clothes that will be donated, pack away items I don't want to get rid of, and items that I know his parents would want.After everything is sorted and sealed, I start cleaning the room. I change the sheets, take out the trash, and I even find the empty box of the pregnancy test from that night. It was never a possibility, and I feel sad for the children I never had with him. But it's a sadness that I now know I can bear, and I can do it all without alcohol.I call Anne. I hear her sleepy "hello" from the other end of the line; I think I woke her up."I'm in my room," I say aft
Sofia Adams - April, 2012Spending ten days with Ethan, fully aware of my feelings, was almost magical. Whenever his work allowed, every minute was spent together. We visited every tourist spot in the city, went back to the Ferris wheel, talked on the rooftop until dawn. It was like how we used to be. Him and me in our own little bubble, stealing kisses here and there. It almost made me want to give up everything and follow him around the world. Almost. But here I was, sitting by the fountain one last time, looking at Ethan waiting for me.April is coming to an end, and so is our deadline."Have you made up your mind?" I ask, gazing at the undisturbed water. I tap my fingers, creating small ripples.Ethan touches his fingers to mine through the water."I've thought about it a lot, and I'm going to follow your suggestion... I'm going to accept. I've talked to my family, and in a month, I'll have a week off to visit them. For now, Hong Kong is my next destination," he says, taking a dee
Ethan Hernandez - April, 2012A long time passes without a response, and I offer another option."Or not, I can decline the offer, and we can go back to Chicago," I suggest.Sofia raises her head, and I see her eyes shimmering with unshed tears."We? Ethan, it's not your obligation to take care of me," she says, sounding slightly offended.It wasn't my intention to offend her with this conversation. We slowly resume walking aimlessly."I know that, I just want to," I say nonchalantly. I can't make a big deal out of it, or Sofia will run away.Sofia sighs."But I don't want that, and I don't think it's what I need right now," she firmly responds.Suddenly, I feel guilty. It seems like this conversation isn't going as I planned."But..." Before I can argue, she interrupts me."Look, Ethan, I appreciate the invitation. I really do, but I need to decline while you need to accept this offer," she says.I look at her confused; if I accept, the chances of us seeing each other will be almost
Ethan Hernandez - April, 2012Mr. Miller sent me another message asking if I accepted the offer.I send the following reply:"I'm still thinking, Sir. I promise to have an answer by May 1st."My phone immediately beeps."It will be two years traveling the world, Hernandez. You're young, you can make the most of this personal and professional experience. If it makes you more comfortable, I'm sure the costs of an additional traveler can be covered. Maybe that pretty friend of yours could go with you? ;)"I laugh at the message. Who would have thought my boss would play cupid. It's not the first time he suggests it; he's very generous.It would be a lie if I said that whenever the subject comes up, I don't stop to think. And to have a little hope.If Sofia were to come with me, traveling around and exploring places. Just the two of us enjoying our lives. It would be a dream.Before my mind wanders too much, I pull myself back to reality.Sofia is still slowly overcoming Nick's death. Sof
Sofia Adams - April, 2012I leave the meeting room with Kate in tow and find Ethan outside. For a moment, I forgot about our dinner."What's wrong?" he asks, already sensing that something isn't right."Jones didn't come. He's not responding or answering, and we think he's in a bad state," I reply, without mentioning his sister's possible birthday. It's not my story to tell."Where do you think he could be?" Kate asks."We could check his nightclub..." I reply uncertainly. Those environments were always challenging for a recovering alcoholic. There's plenty of alcohol available and reminders of the old life.Kate sighs, understanding my dilemma."I can go in there and look for him," Ethan suggests, seeing our distress.We breathe a sigh of relief."Yes!" Kate exclaims, already heading towards the exit.We arrive at the nightclub and wait outside while Ethan goes in.Some people are outside with their bottles in hand, chatting and having fun."Do you miss it?" I ask. Sometimes, I feel
Sofia Adams - April, 2012I stare at Anne, unable to believe what she's saying."I'm just saying she's changed. Maggie isn't the horrible teenager she used to be," she defends."Whatever, I'm just grateful she doesn't live here with her parents. I don't need to see her, and she doesn't need to see me. Everyone's happy," I respond, annoyed."Is this about Ethan?" Anne asks, adjusting herself on the bed in the room where she's staying at Tom's aunt and uncle's house."What? Of course not," I reply, avoiding eye contact and twisting the sheets on the bed with my fingers. "I've already gotten over that silly relationship they had. I've forgotten about it, and she was his first, that's all in the past.""I can see that," Anne responds, smiling at me.I caress her protruding belly."So, have you found out what it is yet?" I ask, changing the subject.Anne looks thoughtful."Well, unless I give birth to a pumpkin, I believe it's a baby," Anne responds seriously.I laugh at her terrible joke.
Sofia Adams - April 2012We walk through the streets of Las Vegas."Is the fourth step still keeping you up at night?" Ethan brings up our conversation again."I just don't understand what there is to evaluate. I did bad things, got it, next step," I say exasperatedly.Ethan laughs."I don't think it's that simple, Sofia..." We stop at a familiar park since we've come here a few times to talk."Tell me the complete step," Ethan requests, sitting on one of the plastic benches. I sit beside him."The fourth step: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We were given instincts for a reason," I repeat.Ethan gazes into the horizon."Since these meetings started, I've been researching about it. The fourth step seems to be one of the hardest, and seeing you, I understand the difficulty. I think your main obstacle is not understanding why it's so important," Ethan says. I don't know how to feel when I hear that Ethan researched the twelve steps for me. It's confusing."Th