Ethan Hernandez - March, 2012I left Sofia's room intending to give her some space. I could imagine what she was feeling... It was the same as what I felt seven years ago when I thought that being with her was betraying my friendship with Nick. But the difference is that I never got to experience what Sofia and I had, whereas she did... She got married, and I bet all her feelings were now amplified by the memory of their time together.I grabbed my cellphone to send a message to Anne. If Sofia's problem was now with me, maybe she would listen to her best friend. I just didn't want her to be alone after seeing how upset she was when I left."Is Sofia doing okay? Can you check on her later?"I typed and sent the message while I was in the elevator heading to my floor. After a few moments, I felt the vibration of my phone in my hand."What exactly happened? Can we meet to talk? If I know her well, she'll want some time alone before seeing anyone."I read Anne's message. It was clear that
Ethan Hernandez – March, 2012I shouldn't have left her alone."Sofia, did you do it again?" Anne asked, looking very sad.Sofia looked around, appearing confused and not quite understanding what was happening, until her gaze fell on me, and she remembered the past few seconds."You brought me here to meet him," Sofia spat, pointing at me as if it were unforgivable for Anne to have done that. "Of all people, Anne."Anne was trying to breathe calmly, and Tom stood up from the table, causing me to stand up reflexively.The people around us had stopped everything to watch the scene unfold without any subtlety. Tom walked over to Sofia and placed his hands on her shoulders."Sofia, this is not the right time for this."Sofia awkwardly pulled away from Tom, almost stumbling in the process, and I had to hold her hand to provide some balance.She looked at me angrily and let go of my hand."I don't need you, Ethan," she said, then looked at Anne. "And I don't need you, Miss Goody Two-Shoes w
Ethan Hernandez - March, 2012"Nick, I knew I would see you again," she said softly, looking at a fixed point in the corner of the elevator. But there was nothing there. Sofia was delusional."You died, and I died with you," she said, seeming angry, trying to reach for something that didn't exist. I didn't know if I should pull her back to reality or let her have that moment. It seemed like she was finally releasing everything she had been holding onto this past year."And I feel so alone all the time, Nick... You were supposed to be here, remember?" By this point, she was already crying again, barely noticing when the floor arrived, and I pulled her into the hallway. Seeing all of that was so sad. It was so much pain.Sofia was cooperating and allowing herself to be led until that moment. But at some point, she abruptly stopped and threw herself to the floor when we were close to my room. I quickly eased her fall, catching her at the last second, but she didn't seem to care about the
Sofia Adams - March 2012I was in the elevator, feeling like the most horrible person of all. Ethan was there with me, but I didn't even notice; I could only think about Anne and everything I had caused.Knowing about the baby and that she had hidden it because she was thinking of me... And how did I respond? By behaving in that shameful way. Guilt was devouring me alive.I felt like I was losing myself. The reality around me seemed distant; it was like the sensation of being underwater. And it was so hard to breathe.Until I saw him. Right there in the corner, looking at me. I smiled widely.I thought I would die without seeing Nick again, but there he was, as if in a dream. I examined his blurry and trembling image, but I would recognize him anywhere."Hi, love..." Nick said softly to me. After a year and a half, it was his voice that I was hearing again; I could hardly believe it."Nick, I knew I would see you again," I lied. Nick smiled sadly, looking at me suggestively."Still a
Sofia Adams - April 2012A week had passed since the scene I caused at the hotel.Anne had been hospitalized the entire week, but even though we stayed in touch through messages, I couldn't see her.In the first few days, I had horrible withdrawal symptoms. Headaches, cold sweats, and body tremors... Ethan was by my side the whole time, making sure I drank plenty of water and ate light meals. I couldn't sleep, and sometimes, I couldn't even breathe.The worst part was the daydreaming. Every now and then, I fantasized about Ethan getting distracted and me going to have a drink. The desire was so intense that I dreamed about it. I saw myself with a bottle in hand, drinking every last drop, savoring that poison. Suddenly, I would wake up with a dry mouth from desire and covered in shame, realizing where my thoughts had taken me.I remember going to the hotel restaurant on the third day after the cravings subsided. Ethan said it would be good for me to see the place with a fresh perspecti
Sofia Adams - April, 2012As soon as we got in front of the hospital, I took a deep breath. The last time I was in one, things didn't end well.I didn't feel ready to see Anne yet, even though she assured me she forgave me. I was still having a hard time forgiving myself. Anne found out she was prone to developing gestational hypertension, which left me completely desperate."In your own time," murmured Ethan next to me, waiting for me to move. I took another deep breath and started walking.After providing the room number at the reception and receiving permission to go up, Ethan and I headed for the elevator. As soon as we got out, I came face to face with Tom in the hallway, carrying a water bottle.I didn't know how to act around him. After that day, we hadn't spoken, and I felt like he was angry. I would be too if I were in his place.Tom didn't give any time for discomfort to set in. He immediately came to hug me as soon as he saw me.Tom rarely hugged me in life, which made that
Sofia Adams - April, 2012Anne looked at me attentively, as if she could read what was going on in my mind."I know what you're thinking, Sofia. I know it's not easy. It's okay to be sad," she said.I weakly smiled. Of course, she knew."I prefer to focus on how happy I am for you, Ann," I replied honestly. Concentrating on positive things seemed to work a little to distract from the insane desire I had to drink."Have you thought of a name?" I asked.Anne laughed."We don't even know the gender, Sofia!" she retorted."But it's just a matter of time," I replied."Yes, but when we find out, we'll have even more time to decide," she concluded. "And between us, I'm avoiding the subject to avoid hearing the horrible names Tom wants to give," she whispered.Anne had barely finished the sentence when Tom abruptly entered the room along with Ethan."Hey, Timothy isn't that bad," he said.Timothy? That had to be a joke.Anne looked at me as if she wanted to say, "See? I told you.""We've alre
Sofia Adams - April 2012I was dreaming.I saw what appeared to be an older Nick playing with children on a sunny beach. One of them was a girl who looked about seven years old, with red hair just like his, and the other child was a slightly younger boy, maybe three years old, with dark hair like mine.Obviously, my deluded mind deduced that they were our children as I watched Nick toss the little boy in the air and catch him, while the girl clung to his legs, asking him to do the same with her.Nick let the two children play and came to lie beside me on the sand under a blue sky and bright sun.He lovingly touched my face, his touch burning more than the sun on my skin.I was smiling and happy."We never really had a chance, did we?" I asked."Of what?" Nick asked, still smiling easily."Of this," I pointed to us and the children happily running ahead. "We never had a chance at a future, and even if the accident hadn't happened, Nick's illness would eventually have become an obstacle
Sofia Hernandez - January, 2022I enter her room desperate not to see what I wanted. I try to contain the panic, while my logical side screams that she's only been missing for a few minutes.My cellphone beeps."I found her, she's in the tree."I exhale in relief and head straight to the garden. Up high, proudly standing, is my treehouse reminiscent of another life.I climb the stairs, which are sturdier than ever after the renovation five years ago.I hear her carefree laughter before seeing her face. "I'm sure it's not written like that, Daddy."My little girl looks at the book resting on her lap while her back is supported against Ethan's chest.- "Don't blame me, blame the book. It's right here," Ethan points to a passage on the page, laughing.Her childish face contorts into a grimace, and I know she won't stop until she gets the answer she wants."No, Daddy, that's not right. That word isn't "stinky" I know what stinky means, and it's not that," she responds, looking into his e
Ethan Hernandez - May, 2014As I embarked on my journey around the world, I thought of Sofia every day.We kept sporadic contact through messages, just checking in on each other. Every time I receive a message from her, my heart fills with joy. She seemed to be doing well, having landed a job as a primary school teacher near her home, and most importantly, she was sober.While traveling, I meet incredible people, visit fascinating places, and delve deeper into my career as an architect. But in every new location, there's an emptiness, a void that only Sofia's presence can fill.Two years quickly pass by.I look at my latest project nearing completion. A beachfront vacation home in Lanikai.This was the last house I would work on in the renovation of the friends Mr. Miller referred me to.After that, a position as a university professor awaited me in Chicago, my hometown, where my family lived.I was eager to live near my mother and sisters again, but I'd be lying if I said that the ca
Sofia Adams - May, 2012Entering the house where I lived with Nick feels strange because it seems like a lifetime ago that I was here, not just two months. I gather all the cleaning supplies, garbage bags, and boxes that I will need.Entering our bedroom is like being hit by a million memories all at once, including our last fight. Nevertheless, I stay strong and begin to clean. I carefully fold and store Nick's clothes that will be donated, pack away items I don't want to get rid of, and items that I know his parents would want.After everything is sorted and sealed, I start cleaning the room. I change the sheets, take out the trash, and I even find the empty box of the pregnancy test from that night. It was never a possibility, and I feel sad for the children I never had with him. But it's a sadness that I now know I can bear, and I can do it all without alcohol.I call Anne. I hear her sleepy "hello" from the other end of the line; I think I woke her up."I'm in my room," I say aft
Sofia Adams - April, 2012Spending ten days with Ethan, fully aware of my feelings, was almost magical. Whenever his work allowed, every minute was spent together. We visited every tourist spot in the city, went back to the Ferris wheel, talked on the rooftop until dawn. It was like how we used to be. Him and me in our own little bubble, stealing kisses here and there. It almost made me want to give up everything and follow him around the world. Almost. But here I was, sitting by the fountain one last time, looking at Ethan waiting for me.April is coming to an end, and so is our deadline."Have you made up your mind?" I ask, gazing at the undisturbed water. I tap my fingers, creating small ripples.Ethan touches his fingers to mine through the water."I've thought about it a lot, and I'm going to follow your suggestion... I'm going to accept. I've talked to my family, and in a month, I'll have a week off to visit them. For now, Hong Kong is my next destination," he says, taking a dee
Ethan Hernandez - April, 2012A long time passes without a response, and I offer another option."Or not, I can decline the offer, and we can go back to Chicago," I suggest.Sofia raises her head, and I see her eyes shimmering with unshed tears."We? Ethan, it's not your obligation to take care of me," she says, sounding slightly offended.It wasn't my intention to offend her with this conversation. We slowly resume walking aimlessly."I know that, I just want to," I say nonchalantly. I can't make a big deal out of it, or Sofia will run away.Sofia sighs."But I don't want that, and I don't think it's what I need right now," she firmly responds.Suddenly, I feel guilty. It seems like this conversation isn't going as I planned."But..." Before I can argue, she interrupts me."Look, Ethan, I appreciate the invitation. I really do, but I need to decline while you need to accept this offer," she says.I look at her confused; if I accept, the chances of us seeing each other will be almost
Ethan Hernandez - April, 2012Mr. Miller sent me another message asking if I accepted the offer.I send the following reply:"I'm still thinking, Sir. I promise to have an answer by May 1st."My phone immediately beeps."It will be two years traveling the world, Hernandez. You're young, you can make the most of this personal and professional experience. If it makes you more comfortable, I'm sure the costs of an additional traveler can be covered. Maybe that pretty friend of yours could go with you? ;)"I laugh at the message. Who would have thought my boss would play cupid. It's not the first time he suggests it; he's very generous.It would be a lie if I said that whenever the subject comes up, I don't stop to think. And to have a little hope.If Sofia were to come with me, traveling around and exploring places. Just the two of us enjoying our lives. It would be a dream.Before my mind wanders too much, I pull myself back to reality.Sofia is still slowly overcoming Nick's death. Sof
Sofia Adams - April, 2012I leave the meeting room with Kate in tow and find Ethan outside. For a moment, I forgot about our dinner."What's wrong?" he asks, already sensing that something isn't right."Jones didn't come. He's not responding or answering, and we think he's in a bad state," I reply, without mentioning his sister's possible birthday. It's not my story to tell."Where do you think he could be?" Kate asks."We could check his nightclub..." I reply uncertainly. Those environments were always challenging for a recovering alcoholic. There's plenty of alcohol available and reminders of the old life.Kate sighs, understanding my dilemma."I can go in there and look for him," Ethan suggests, seeing our distress.We breathe a sigh of relief."Yes!" Kate exclaims, already heading towards the exit.We arrive at the nightclub and wait outside while Ethan goes in.Some people are outside with their bottles in hand, chatting and having fun."Do you miss it?" I ask. Sometimes, I feel
Sofia Adams - April, 2012I stare at Anne, unable to believe what she's saying."I'm just saying she's changed. Maggie isn't the horrible teenager she used to be," she defends."Whatever, I'm just grateful she doesn't live here with her parents. I don't need to see her, and she doesn't need to see me. Everyone's happy," I respond, annoyed."Is this about Ethan?" Anne asks, adjusting herself on the bed in the room where she's staying at Tom's aunt and uncle's house."What? Of course not," I reply, avoiding eye contact and twisting the sheets on the bed with my fingers. "I've already gotten over that silly relationship they had. I've forgotten about it, and she was his first, that's all in the past.""I can see that," Anne responds, smiling at me.I caress her protruding belly."So, have you found out what it is yet?" I ask, changing the subject.Anne looks thoughtful."Well, unless I give birth to a pumpkin, I believe it's a baby," Anne responds seriously.I laugh at her terrible joke.
Sofia Adams - April 2012We walk through the streets of Las Vegas."Is the fourth step still keeping you up at night?" Ethan brings up our conversation again."I just don't understand what there is to evaluate. I did bad things, got it, next step," I say exasperatedly.Ethan laughs."I don't think it's that simple, Sofia..." We stop at a familiar park since we've come here a few times to talk."Tell me the complete step," Ethan requests, sitting on one of the plastic benches. I sit beside him."The fourth step: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We were given instincts for a reason," I repeat.Ethan gazes into the horizon."Since these meetings started, I've been researching about it. The fourth step seems to be one of the hardest, and seeing you, I understand the difficulty. I think your main obstacle is not understanding why it's so important," Ethan says. I don't know how to feel when I hear that Ethan researched the twelve steps for me. It's confusing."Th