10KATYMy anger didn’t abate. It grew.For six days, it simmered and twisted in my gut. Six days as I waited by my husband’s bed for him to wake up. To open his hazel eyes and look at me. Smile. Frown. Groan. Anything.The medical staff told me to be patient. To remain positive. Both emotions were slowly draining from me.For six days, he remained trapped in a world beyond me. Where I couldn’t reach him. His chest fell and rose with his breathing. The full oxygen mask had been replaced by cannulas, his breathing tube gone. Thick stubble grew on his face, hiding some of the cuts. His bruises were changing, fading from black and blue to yellow and purple. His expression was peaceful, his body unmoving and unresponsive.When we were alone, I wept, begging and pleading with him to wake up. When other people were around, I remained calm, locking down my emotions, putting on a strong, brave, positive face, saying he would wake soon. Be with us.Still, he slept. Inside, I despaired. And bur
I needed his arms around me, his voice in my ear telling me he lovedme.What if our lives never went back to the way they were before theaccident? Would we be able to find our way?And finally…I didn’t want Maddox to go. I didn’t want anyone to go, but…“You need more control,” he finished for me, with a sigh. “Sorry, Katy.In trying to help, we’ve been bulldozing you.”I eased back, looking at him with watery eyes. “I should have said something. I didn’t—I couldn’t…”“Or you’d explode?” Smiling sadly, he wiped a finger under my eye, trying to lighten the tension. “Good thing that didn’t happen.”Fresh tears filled my eyes. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things.”“No. Don’t be sorry. We’ve been waiting for this. You needed to let it out, so I goaded you, Katy. You’ve been too stoic, too strong, and it was killing you. You were shutting down on all of us.”“I feel so angry.”“You have every right to be angry. Don’t give up hope, Katy. Above everything else, Richard needs th
11KATYThe next three days were filled with tension and anticipation. There were small signs Richard was waking up. The flutter of his eyelids—as quick as a hummingbird’s wings—so fast you would miss it if you weren’t looking. The tremor in a finger. The twitch of his arm. A quiet sound deep in his throat—something between a sigh and a groan.Each action made me stiffen with anxiety and yearn with hope. Ache with the need for the next sign. I didn’t leave his side, even sleeping with my fingers interlocked with his. I rushed to the bathroom when needed, swallowed the food that appeared, and raced through the fastest showers I ever had in my life, returning with wet hair and the same determination in my heart.I read to him. Talked endlessly. Played recordings of Gracie singing and nattering away that Laura sent me. I stretched and bent his limbs the way Colin had shown me—easy movements to help his muscles stay active. I tried desperately not to get upset at the dead weight his legs
KATYRichard said my name. Rough, hesitant, but it was my name. He looked at me, his eyes trying to focus as he blinked and stared. Hisgaze bounced from me to Maddox, who was smiling so hard, his eyes were small slits in his face.“Welcome back, Richard.”Richard’s gaze swung back to mine.“We need the doctor,” I said, unable to take my eyes off him. Maddox spun on his heel. “On it.”I leaned closer, not bothering to wipe the tears running down my face. “Hello, my darling. I know you’re confused, but everything is okay. I’m right here.”“Wh-where?”“You’re in the hospital.”He furrowed his brow, his eyes drifting closed once again. “You were in an accident.”He opened his eyes. I watched him struggle to lift his hand, and I helped guide it to my face. His fingers jerked on my skin.“No tears,” he uttered, the words low and jagged. “I don’t like it…when you cry.”That simple statement it took him such effort to say made me cry harder. He frowned. “K-Katy?”“Yes,” I sobbed. “I’m Katy.”
12KATYI was already rushing toward the door when Carol opened it, looking for me. I heard the sound Richard made, even through the walls, and Iknew he needed me. Screw protocol.I hurried to his bedside. He was almost panting in his panic, a sheen of sweat on his forehead. His hands were wrapped tight around the bed rails, and the stark fear in his eyes made my heart ache.I brushed my hand over his forehead, leaning in as close as I could. “Shh, Richard, I’m here, my darling. I’m here.”My touch seemed to calm him. I ran my hand down his arm, loosening his grip from the metal. I intertwined our fingers, lifting his hand to my mouth. “Right here,” I repeated, hating seeing him so unsettled, so vulnerable. So unlike the Richard I knew.Alan stood on the other side of his bed. “Listen to your wife, Richard.Breathe with her and try to relax. I’ll explain more when you’re ready.”I pressed his hand to my chest and breathed long and slow. He struggled to calm down, finally relaxing, th
13KATYMaddox came out of Richard’s room, his suitcase in hand. He had been a tower of strength for me, and I was going to miss him. Buthe had a wife that missed him, a job that had been pushed aside too long on our behalf, and a life he needed to return to.He dropped his case and swept me in for a hug. “If you need me, I’m a call away. I can be here in a day.”“Thank you for everything,” I murmured, the words somehow inadequate.He pulled back. “It’s not going to be easy, Katy. Be strong.” He glanced at Richard’s closed door, a faint scowl on his face. “He’s holding himself in.”“I know.” I had seen a subtle change in Richard the past few days. He spoke less, snapped more, and barely acknowledged the future. I watched him with the therapists. The determination I had seen the first day he woke was dimming. I encouraged him—everyone did—reminding him it would take time and patience, and although he nodded, I worried he didn’t believe us. If he gave up, he had no chance of recovering
14KATYRichard didn’t appreciate any of the changes. In fact, they either annoyed him, or caused another outburst.The repositioning of the furniture in the family room to make space for the exercise equipment was met with a glare and a downturn of his mouth.The lowered cabinet so he could reach the Keurig and make coffee was greeted with silence. The rearrangement of his office and the added height to his desk so he could get his wheelchair tucked under the edge earned mutterings and a glower.Refusing to let him see my rising frustration, I opened the door to the new elevator with a flourish. “Ta-da!”“Are you fucking kidding me with this?” he growled.“Richard!” I gasped, indicating Gracie, who was staring at him with round eyes.“You expect me to use that?” He kept talking, ignoring the fact that he had dropped the f-bomb in front of our daughter and was acting like a jerk.I remained calm. “If you want to get upstairs, you will.”“This is what you’ve been wasting your time on?
The words, achingly familiar and hurtful, hung in the air between us. Memories of another time when I used to snap at her using the same phrase pushed on the edges of my brain.Distress skittered across her face. However, she kept her voice steady. “What’s going on, Richard?”I ran a hand through my hair, grimacing as I realized I had milk on my fingers.“What’s going on?” I repeated, my voice getting louder. “What’s going on?” I leaned forward. “What’s going on is that I am trying to recover. I can’t help with the kids, I can’t clean up the messes, and I can’t handle the incessant noise. I need to concentrate on me, and you aren’t giving me what I need to do so!”She reared back as if I had slapped her.“I’m not giving you what you need? What is it that you want, Richard?Please tell me, because I’m confused.”“I want to be left alone. I’m tired of all of this.” I waved my hand.Her eyes were filled with hurt. Hurt I had caused, yet I couldn’t seem to stop myself.“All of this?” she
A my pulled off a miracle and, in ten minutes, had chocolate milk and a donut for Gracie. She sat with her, stitching her skirt as I changed into another suit, grateful my shirt had been spared the splatter. I sat down, sipping my coffee in appreciation. It was rare Amy brought me a cup, so when she did, I enjoyed it. I looked at the schedule. “Can we switch any of this?”“I already changed what I could. I have explained to the clients, and they are fine for a more casual meeting in your office.”I scrubbed my chin, realizing I hadn’t shaved today. “Okay. I’ll do my best. Can Gracie sit with you for a bit?”She shook her head. “Today is the training on the new software, Richard. If I miss it again, I won’t get another chance. I’ll only be gone two hours. I’m sure everything will be fine.”“Anyone else kid-friendly?”Again, she shook her head. “We’re all scheduled. And we’re already short. We’re swamped.”“I’ll be good, Daddy,” Gracie said, slipping off the sofa and twirling. Her skirt
TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER TO WORK DAYRICHARDI sat down next to Katy, chuckling as she moved her coffee cup out of my reach. Or at least thought she did. I leaned over and nuzzled her neck.“You smell so good, my Katy,” I murmured, darting my tongue out to taste her.She shivered, and I reached across her, grabbing her cup and sitting back in my chair, triumphant. I took a long, appreciative sip. “Ah, delicious.”She huffed out an annoyed breath. “There is a full pot, Richard. Why do you always have to steal mine?”“It tastes better. I keep telling you that.” “It’s the same coffee!”I shook my head. “Your lips touched the mug, my wife. It’s far sweeter.” Her annoyance turned into amusement.“You think you can sweet-talk me?”I tilted my head, studying her. “Isn’t it working?”She began to laugh. “Such a cheeseball.” She chuffed Heather under the chin, smiling as our baby kicked her feet against the high chair. “Your daddy is such a cheeseball.”“An incredibly good-looking, sexy cheeseball,
ASHLEYRichard—Dad—peeked out into the room where Luc and I would exchange our vows. The space was decorated with flowers and pine, the scent filling the air. I hadn’t wanted an over-the-top Christmas theme, but I went with gold, ivory, and burgundy and some fir and evergreen to add to the mix.He returned to my side and tucked my arm through the crook of his. He patted my hand in comfort. “Luc is there. Pacing like a lion.”I chuckled. “He does that when he’s anxious and there isn’t a keyboard around to work on.”He nodded in understanding. “He’s waiting for you.” “I hope he’s not disappointed,” I admitted.He gaped at me. “How can you say that, Ashley? You’re absolutely gorgeous. You took my breath away.”I smiled, feeling self-conscious. “I like simple things,” I admitted. “Clean lines, not a lot of fuss. My dress is pretty plain in comparison to some.”“I like your style. It’s classic and beautiful. It suits you, and you look exquisite. He is going to be blown away.”I felt my che
RICHARDI straightened my tie, glancing in the mirror. My cowlick was acting up today, and I ran my fingers through my hair repeatedly, trying to tamp itdown. I had no idea why I was feeling so nervous—I had done this before and knew my part. Walk her down the aisle, say a few words, then sit beside Katy.But today felt different. As if I had finally finished a long walk and could rest.The door opened, and Katy slipped out, smiling. She walked toward me, lovely in a green dress, her hair swept up. Her dress was longer than usual, but there was a slit on one side that showed off her shapely leg as she walked. I loved her legs.I held out my hand. “You look stunning, sweetheart.”She smiled. “Wait until you see Ashley, Richard. She is so beautiful, it’s beyond words.”“Is she okay?”“Nervous,” she replied, laughing lightly. “Worried Luc won’t show.”I joined in her amusement. “He’s been champing at the bit all day. We could barely get him to eat or concentrate on the game. They’re bot
EPILOGUEA FEW MONTHS LATERASHLEYM y phone rang, and I smiled as I picked it up. “Luc,” I answered. “Hello.”“Hey, love. Listen, I got invited to a dinner on Friday. I checked your schedule, and you have no events. Will you come with me?”“Of course,” I replied. “Where is it?”He chuckled. “Of all places, the winery.”I laughed with him. “Shoreline? Great.” I loved that place.“Actually, they had some extra spots, so I asked Heather and Reed as well. It’ll make it more fun.”“Sounds good.”“It’s semiformal, so I need a suit, and you need a pretty dress.”“Pretty sure I’ve got that covered,” I said dryly, thinking of the closet at home with all the dresses I used when I worked events.“I kinda want to treat you to a new one.” “Luc,” I scolded. “I have plenty.”“I might have already bought you one. I saw it when I was out to lunch, and it just looked like you. You’ll wear it for me, right?” He paused. “Please?”I couldn’t say no to this man. Ever. “Yes, I’ll wear it for you.”“Perfect
Matthew shook his head. “Not my fault Mom and Dad kept having kids until they got one they liked. Me. You notice they finally stopped. Deal with it.”Everyone chuckled, but I felt the flicker of worry. “I’m not trying to—”Matthew waved his hand. “It’s inevitable. You’re new. You’re going to find all of Dad’s stupid jokes funny. All of his old ad stories fascinating. His anecdotes clever. You’re fresh meat.” He patted me on the arm. “It’ll wear off. Soon, you’ll find him as boring as we do. You’ll fall in rank too.”Richard sputtered. “I’m not boring. Your mother doesn’t find me boring, do you, Katy?”Katy looked at me with a not-so-subtle wink. “Never.”“You laugh at my jokes! You love my stories!” he protested, looking aghast.Matthew snorted. “It’s habit, Dad. Face it. Boring. I’m telling you—you’re not all that and a bag of potato chips.”I tried not to laugh at Richard’s expression. Jaxson was smirking, trying to hide his amusement. Reed was shoveling eggs into his mouth like a s
32ASHLEYK aty and Richard left not long afterward, making me promise to call if I changed my mind. Richard wasn’t happy about leaving, and his genuineconcern touched my heart. It felt nice to be worried about by a parental figure.It felt nice not to hate him.I sat on the sofa, rereading my mother’s letter. Richard had left his envelope behind, and after a while, I slipped both letters into the manila envelope and put them back where I found them. I would replace the glass for the picture tomorrow and return it to my nightstand. The letters belonged with the pictures. They showed me growing up with my mom, and her story was connected to those pictures. I would keep them together.Luc called when he took a break, his voice concerned when I answered. “Ashley, love, you called? Is everything okay?”“I’m fine,” I assured him, then told him everything that had transpired.“Holy shit,” he muttered a few times during my explanation, otherwise remaining silent and letting me talk.When I
3 1ASHLEYT hey arrived in record time, both looking concerned. I had read my mom’s entire letter, often crying at points, feeling her fear, her regret,and her love in the words. She said so many things to me in the letter that she had felt yet never expressed. She regretted that and begged me never to do the same thing.If you love someone, tell them. If you have things to share, say them. Don’t live with regrets. Don’t make my mistakes. I loved you so much and never told you enough. Never showed you enough. That was how I was raised, and I should have done it differently.She had done it differently. I always knew I was loved, although I had always longed for more hugs and kisses. More cuddles and bedtime stories. I never knew how deeply her feelings ran. I always wondered if she regretted having me. Her letter had laid that to rest. She raised me the only way she knew how, although I suspected she showed me more affection than her parents had shown her. She had struggled daily to
30ASHLEYA couple of days later, I looked around at the few unpacked boxes Luc had brought over before he’d left on his business trip. His clothes nowhung in the closet, his T-shirts and underwear in the dresser Joyce had left behind and we had moved into my—our—bedroom. He hadn’t brought any furniture, laughing and shaking his head as he assured me none of it was salvageable after the years of him and his wild roommates abusing it.“We’ll pick out some new pieces together when we’re ready.”Joyce had left her few pieces of furniture behind, taking only her clothes and personal items. I had offered to buy them, but she refused, saying she was happy to know they were being used and to consider them a gift. So, the spare room was now a guest room, and I didn’t have to replace the side tables or the TV stand. The sofa and chair, I had purchased, as well as the TV, so it was an easy transition for everyone.It was hard saying goodbye to her, but she was so excited, I couldn’t be sad. Th