59Mom walked out after that. She really hated what happened and how I told the whole family that Maddix is my boyfriend right now. I can't help but be sad. It makes me sad that Mama doesn't want Maddix for me, even though she knew before na gusto ko si Maddix. Tatayo sana ako para sundan si mama, but Tito Peter stop me."Hayaan mo muna ang mama mo, Aliyah. Kumain na kayo," sambit nito kaya napabuntong hininga ako.She saw me get depressed years ago.She saw me calling Maddix while I was sleeping. She saw how much I want to go back to the Philippines; one of the reason ay dahil subra akong nakukunsensya, but she knows there is also another reason why I want to go to the Philippines. I told mom that I love Maddix when I really couldn't take it anymore, when I almost lost myself dahil nakunan ako. Napabayaan at nawala sa'kin yung sana magiging anak namin ni Maddix."Hindi mo naman na sana ginawa iyon," malumanay na sambit Maddix pagkapasok niya sa kwarto ko.Napasimangot ako. "What? M
60Halos malaglag ang panga ko sa gulat nang nakita ko si Jero at Kaye na magkayakap habang naliligo sa dagat. Bumaba kami dahil ilang beses na tumawag si Bella sa'kin, hinahanap kami, ayoko pa sana at gusto naming manatili na lang sa kwarto, but I know Bella very well. Ayoko naman na madatnan niya kami ni Maddix na nakahiga sa kama no!"Ano? Kaye pa?" Biglang tanong ni Maddix sa tabi ko habang natatawa, mukhang napansin niya na rin kung saan ako nakatingin."Anong? Bakit? Huh? Teka! Anong nangyayare?" Tanong ko at natigil na sa paglalakad. "Obviously. Kaye is Jero's girlfriend now, so don't be jealous of Kaye, okay? Don't also include her in our conversation," he said before pulling me to get closer to where Bella and others were sitting, where we were sitting earlier."Bakit ang bilis niyo naman atang maligo sa dagat?" Tanong agad ni Bella, pero masyado na akong ukopado habang nakatingin pa rin kila Jero.Ghad? What is really happening? Paano?"Can anyone enlighten me? What the hec
61Wala akong nagawa kung hindi sumama pauwi kila mama. I don't want to, and I really don't plan to stand up to what she wants me to do, but Maddix has already talked to me. He really wants to please Mama. I really want to talk to Mom right now about her behavior, but Maddix's words are really making me stop.What am I? Bata ba ang tingin niya sa'kin? Why did she have to do this? I just glanced outside, habang ang mga Tito at Tita ko ay subrang busy sa pag-uusap tungkol sa natapos na kasal. When we were already in our house, I literally ignored Mama when she tried to talk to me. I know I'm being rude, but I really can't believe what she is doing right now.Huwag niyang gamitin na excuse na si Maddix ang dahilan kung bakit namatay si Papa. It was already clear na walang kasalanan si Maddix. Papa did it by himself. Kagaya ko ay nagpalinlang ito kay Tito Alfredo. "Aliyah!" Tawag ni mama, pero tuloy-tuloy pa rin ang pag-akyat ko sa hagdan.Pagpasok ko sa bahay ay siya namang pagtunog ng
62"But why him, Aliyah? Of all people, bakit siya ulit?" Mom gave me a serious expression after that."Do you really think he can still trust you after what you did? Sinira mo siya. Sinira mo ang pangalan niya, lumayo ka pa nga diba? So why him? Ang iniisip ko lang naman ay kung bakit sa dami ng lalake ay bumalik ka pa sa kanya? Paano kung plano lang pala lahat ng ito? What if he is just doing this to get revenge for what you did to him years ago? Huh? Sasaktan ka lang niya para makapaghiganti sayo. Iiwan ka sa era pagkatapos ka niyang ubusin," tuloy-tuloy na niyang sambit at napatayo na rin.Nagtaas baba ang kanyang paghinga."What if sa pagkakataon na ito ay ikaw na ang masira? Ikaw na ang sirain niya? No. I will never give him a chance to do that. Subra na ang pinagdaan mo years ago, Anak. Hindi ka man nakulong gaya niya at hindi man muntik masira ang kompanya mo gaya niya, pero naghirap ka rin. Nakunan ka sa kakaisip sa lalakeng 'yun! Ni hindi kita makausap ng matino, you always
63That day was so good for me. Mama didn't really like Maddix for me, but her saying that she would respect Maddix as my boyfriend made me so happy that day.Tinapos ko ang niluluto kong adobo. It's been a weeks since that day at dahil day off ko ngayon, plano kong pumunta sa opisina ni Maddix. Hindi niya alam na ngayon ang day off ko, kaya wala siyang kaalam-alam na may plano akong pumunta ngayon sa opisina niya. Gusto ko lang talaga siyang isurprise.He always makes time to go to the hotel para magkita kami, so this time, ako naman ang pupunta sa kanya.I took the food container and put what I cooked in it. I also got another food container for our rice, and after that, I took off my apron. Mom was sitting while she was sipping juice.Pagkatapos nang usapan namin, hindi na kailanman nagpasok si Mama ng tungkol sa ibang lalake sa usapan. Hinayaan niya rin kapag pumupunta na si Maddix dito, and right now, she knows that I am cooking right now for Maddix. Wala siyang sinabi at hinayaa
64Instead of answering him, I just kissed him again. I felt that he was really already angry right now, but he still kissed me carefully. Punong-puno pa rin ng pag-iingat ang bawat paghalik niya sa'kin. He pulled away again when he touched the nipple tape I was wearing."And what's this? Fuck! What's this fucking thing, Aliyah? Damn it! You are making me fucking crazy!" He said that, still angry, before removing the nipple tape I was wearing and lowering himself. I held on to the edge of the table to gain strength when he pinched me and put one of my nipples in his mouth. I held one hand on his head for support.Nakagat ko ng mariin ang labi ko at hindi maiwasang mapapikit, hinayaan ang sariling maramdaman ang bawat pagsipsip niya.I was amazed and couldn't help but moan when he sucked it like a baby."Maddix," I moaned when his right hand moved again. Hinaplos niya ako hanggang sa marating pinakibabang parte ng katawan ko. I couldn't help but hold him very tight when he touched the
65 I tried to do that. Don't think about the news we watched. Days, weeks, and months passed, and hindi ko alam kung napapraning lang ba ako o ano. I felt like there was someone watching me from afar. I can't tell others that because I'm not sure. Maybe I'm wrong; maybe it's because I just thought about it often kaya minsan pakiramdam ko may nakatitig na sa'kin. It's been a month since Tito Alfredo was released from jail; maybe Maddix was right that Tito Alfredo will not do anything to make him go back to jail again. I'm just overacting. "Bakit pinagsakluban ka ata ng langit at lupa? Shouldn't you be happy? Finally, Maddix will introduce you to his whole family," Bella said while lying on my bed. Mahaba-haba ang vacation nilang mag-asawa. Kakabalik lang nila galing sa honeymoon at nandito siya kasi hindi ko maiwasang sabihin sa kanya ang sinabi ni Maddix sa'kin last time. Sasabog ata ako sa kaba habang iniisip na haharapin ko ang buong pamilya niya. Subra akomg kinakabahan sa mang-
66Para akong biglang naging bata na nagtago sa likod ni Maddix.Napahawak ako ng mahigpit sa kamay ni Maddix dahil pakiramdam ko mahihimatay ako sa subrang lakas ng kalabog ng dibdib ko ngayon dahil sa kaba."Oh. Nandiyan na pala kayo. Come here, Dix," umawang ang labi ko nang marinig iyon. Hindi ko sigurado kung sino iyong nagsalita kaya sumilip ako ng kaunti. I saw Maddix's mom smiling at us. Nanlaki amg mata ko. Nakangiti ito? Pero bakit? Maddix held my waist and put me in beside him."G-Goodevening po," pagbati ko at yumuko pa.Maddix walked to get closer to them, and I immediately followed him because he was holding my waist. Napasunod talaga ako kahit na gusto kong manatili na lang muna sa kinatatayuan ko. Maddix kissed his mom on the forehead, and when he was done, I didn't know what to do. Should I kiss her cheeks? Is it okay with her? Baka kapag hinalikan ko siya ay iiwas siya.I heard Maddix chuckle kaya tinignan ko siya."You look like a baby na hindi alam ang gagawin. R