43Doon ko na nakitaan ng ibang expression ang mukha niya, pero nangibabaw ang gulat. I want to stop myself, pero nagawa ko nang sabihin iyon kaya bakit pa ako titigil? After this, I don't fucking care kung hindi na niya ako mapatawad."S-Sa konsensyang nararamdaman ko sa lahat ng ginawa ko sayo, hindi ko namalayan na may buhay na pala sa loob ng katawan ko," sambit ko at pinunasan ang mukha ko dahil punong-puno na iyon ng pag-iyak, ni hindi ko na siya makita ng maayos dahil sa panunubig ng mata ko.Napansin ko ang paghakbang niya papalapit sa'kin kaya napahakbang ako patalikod."Mas lalo akong kinain ng konsensyang naramdaman ko noong nalaman kong buntis ako, pero wala na. Galit na ako sa sarili ko sa ginawa ko noon sayo, pero mas nagalit ako noong hindi ko nagawang alagaan ang anak natin, yung anak ko. That made me more fucking depressed and fucking want to just die, kasi wala akong kwentang girlfriend sayo at ina ng sana magiging anak natin. Pakiramdam ko mas lalo kong kailangang k
44I was quite the whole time. Even though I didn't look at Maddix next to me, I could feel him staring at me. He was just fucking watching me the whole time, even when my cousins were trying to talk to him, sumasagot naman siya, pero hindi niya tinatanggal ang tingin niya sa'kin.Tinignan ko isa-isa ang mga pinsan ko, hindi ko alam kung nagkukunwari lang ba sila na hindi nakikita at napapansin ang pagtitig sa'kin ni Maddix o talagang hindi lang talaga nila nakikita kasi busy lang sila sa pag-uusap at pag-inom? Dahil sa tingin nga sa'kin ay hindi ako makagalaw ng maayos.I'm just sipping my beer when Xian looks at me. He adjusted his sitting position and suddenly hit Verd, who was next to him. Irita naman na tinignan ni Verd si Xian."What's your fucking problem?" Si Verd at hinampas din si Xian ng pabiro."I asked Aliyah a while ago, hindi naman pala niya talaga boyfriend yung Ricy na 'yun," Xian said rason kaya tinignan ko siya ng masama.Why did the conversation turn to me? Why do
45I stared at my phone. He messaged me again. It's been a week since that night. I haven't seen him since then, but he always texts me. I don't know where he got my phone number, but the next day after that night, he texted me.Maddix:GoodmorningI bit my lower lips. Sumandal ako sa swivel chair ko at mabagal na nagtipa ng letra para sa kanya.Me:GoodmorningI put my phone on my table and got the paper on my table to read it, but before I could finish reading what was written on the paper, I took my phone when it beeped for a new message.Maddix:Are you busy?I stared at it again and leaned back in my swivel chair. In the past few days, we just exchanged good mornings and good nights. So I can't help but wonder why he is suddenly asking if I am busy right now.Me:May nirereview lang akong mga papers and checks some room service mamaya. Bakit?Maddix:So you are busy.Ngumus ako sa reply niya. I can just say yes, pero kusang gumalaw ang daliri ko magreply pa ng mas mahaba.Me:Hin
46"Oo nga. Papunta na ako," sambit ko kay Bella. I'm talking to her thru phone call. Kakalabas ko lang sa kotse ni Xian at kanina pa siya tumatawag."Sabi ko kasi 6 p.m, it's already 7 p.m.""May tinapos lang ako kasi ako," paliwanag ko at napasulyap kay Xian nang ibaba nga ang bintana ng kotse niya. "Tumawag ka na lang kung susunduin kita," Xian said. Tumango ako at nagpasalamat."Tsk. You always say that. Nakakainis ka na, Aliyah. You always think about your work." Napabuntong hininga ako at alam kong nakasimangot na ito ngayon."Sorry na. Paakyat na ako," sambit ko at nagpaalam na.Papatayin ko na sana ang phone ko, pero natigilan ako nang may pumasok na mensahe.Maddix:You are not answering my text. I held my breath, then sighed. I haven't answered Maddix's text message in a few days. I feel like this is what I should do. Instead of replying, I just turned it off.I hugged Seji tightly when I saw her sitting on the sofa in the VIP room. It's Bella's bridal shower today kaya ga
47The whole area was silent when Wendell entered, but my eyes widened when I saw who entered next. Maddix with his dark aura. I can clearly see the anger and irritation in him. I stood up quickly, even though I was really dizzy. Damn! What is he doing here?Kinabahan ako dahil sa nadatnan niya. Nakaupo ako sa kandungan ng ibang lalake. Kinabahan ako, pero nawala rin kalaunan dahil naisip ko na walang kwenta ang kabang nararamdaman ko. Bakit ako kakabahan? It's not like he found me cheating on him.His jaw tightened as soon as he entered. I did everything to stand properly. He immediately gave me a dark look, as if he wanted me to see that he didn't really like what he saw. I do not know what to do. Bakit ganoon siya makatingin sa'kin ngayon?Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kanya at sinulyapan si Bella na ngayon ay hila-hila na ni Wendell palabas."Maddix? Akala ko ba magkasama kayo ng kapatid ko? Where's Kaye? And why are you here?" Zoren suddenly asked. Tumayo siya sa tabi ko.Kapatid. Ka
48It's my day off today; Bella knows that, which is why I woke up full of messages from her and Seji. I think Seji got my number from Bella. I wanted to go out, and of course I said yes because I had nothing else to do right now, and maybe if I refused, magsusungit nanaman siya sa'kin. Kasama rin si Seji kaya pati siya ay tudo kung tumawag. I can't help but wonder if Bella and Wendell had a fight last night. Wendell was really kind of angry when I caught a glimpse of him; he and Maddix were both angry when they entered the VIP room. It's acceptable for Wendell to be angry because he is Bella's fiance, and Bella says that there are no guys, but suddenly there are.I can't stop myself thinking about Maddix. Marami akong nasabi kagabi sa kanya, pero totoong gusto ko na huwag na niya akong pakealaman. Napatitig ako sa phone ko. 9 am na at ngayon lang ako hindi nakatanggap ng goodmorning kay Maddix. Hindi naman sa hinihintay ko, pero nasanay lang talaga ako. This is what I want right? K
49Pareho kaming napasulyap ni Bella kay Maddix nang padabog itong tumayo sa kinauupuan. Kitang-kita na subrang badtrip siya. He is ready to leave. "Damn it, Aliyah. Sundan mo," mariin na sambit ni Bella sa'kin at sinamahan pa ng pag"Huh? Bakit?" Takang tanong ko."Sinong susundan?" Walang alam na tanong ni Seji sa'min at kitang-kita ko na rin na subra na siyang naguguluhan, but we both didn't answer her question.Inis akong tinignan ni Bella. "Just—" Hindi natuloy ni Bella ang sasabihin nang nasa pintuan na si Maddix, pero inis na bumalik siya. Nakasimangot itong bumalik sa upuan niya. Nang sulyapan niya ako at mas lalo siyang sumimangot.Ano bang problema niya?"Sino bang tinitignan niyo?" Takang tanong nanaman ni Seji at tumingin sa likod niya. Umawang ang labi ni Seji at muling sumulyap sa'min."No way," gulat na sambit ni Seji. "Maddix Villaranza? Siya yun right?" Mahinang tanong niya na para bang gusto niyang manigurado kahit na kitang-kita na nga niya na siya iyon.I remained
50I stayed there for a few more minutes before going out. I don't want anyone to see us leaving there ng sabay! It was a comfort room for a girl, tapos lalabas siya? Ghad! Mababaliw ako kakaisip sa pwedeng isipin ng mga makakakita.When I came out, I saw him outside. I wanted to run away, but he was right outside the door, as if he knew I might think of running away.Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang sumama sa kanya, walang nagawa? Really, Aliyah? Aminin mo, gusto mo rin. Haist! Napabuntong hininga na lang ako sa naisip ko.I was silent while in his car. I don't know where we are going. He just kept glancing at me while driving.I glanced at him and remembered what he said. She doesn't have a fiancé. Is that true? But how did that happen? Kaye was with him then, and I remembered last night what Zoren asked; the question and what he said indicated that they were together.Mukhang napansin niya ang tingin ko sa kanya kaya sumulyap siya sa'kin. Napaiwas ako ng tingin at muling bumuntong