I gently close my bedroom door so as not to wake anyone still asleep on the floor, but when laughter from the living room makes it up the stairs, I drop the extra effort. I doubt Blake decided today was the day to become a social fourth roommate. It's not often he's caught out of his hideaway on the third floor and he's never spent enough time with us to laugh about something.That leaves one other option. Drew and Grant.Sure enough when I stop in the living room Grant and Drew both sit on the couch. Wireless controllers in hand, both of them lean toward the television, their fingers quickly moving over the buttons. A bright green tank explodes on the television and both guys shout, "Yes!" while high fiving one another.They are both absolute morons.The surprising piece isn't how I'm surrounded by boys who enjoy blowing crap up, but the fact seeing Grant and Drew together no longer makes me want to kick ether of them in the balls. Sure, a small part of me wants to run for the
I sigh already knowing where this conversation is going. We've left the pleasant small talk portion of today's visit and gone straight to rehashing the past. Wonderful.It makes total sense because if I saw my daughter once a month I'd want to spend the time arguing with her. Even though I'm too tired to deal with this today, I let her continue because I've learned if I cut her off or get too impatient, she'll end the visit early. She may drive me insane, but she's also my mother and I only have these short moments with her until next month."Did you get the chance to contact your father?"It takes physical strength but I stop my eyes from rolling. It's her pet peeve and one I used to annoy her with all the time growing up."You ask this question every month." I look her dead in the eyes, hopeful this time she gets the point. "No."She sighs like I'm still the pubescent preteen I was the last time we lived together. "Clare when I got locked up I asked you to find him.""Mom
It was a few short months ago when I first met Marissa, the day her office came to help paint our gym. We spent hours talking while she was unable to help with a hurt ankle. It wasn't long after she invited me to my first girls' brunch. Each week since has been a back and forth about whether or not I'd attend, but it's the first Sunday where I'm dressed and happy to be on my way to one.Not only have I finally accepted myself as at least a partial member of the RDA gang, but I spent way too much time last night thinking about this whole Grant situation. It'll be nice to sit back, relax, and have girl talk that doesn't revolve around boys.The door to Cosmo's Comics and Café swings open and Jason the café owner raises a hand in greeting as he stands behind the checkout counter."Hey, Clare. You want your regular?" he asks before grabbing a mug and holding it up.I wave back. "Sure."Two ladies turn around to see me from their place on the orange couches at the back of the stor
A shiver causes my body to tense and I wrap the comforter around me tighter. It's not even cool in the house, but whatever sickness has invaded my body since lunch has decided I'm an icicle. Or burning. My body can't decide.It's possible my immune system is getting revenge for all those times I pretended to have a summer cold. Turns out being sick in the summer really does suck. At least I always faked that part right.The doorbell chimes for the second time and I groan. I am not leaving my nice warm bed. There must be another person in this house who can answer a damn door."Drew!" I attempt a yell, but it comes out much more of a tiny screech barely heard in my bedroom let alone in the hallway.A third chime of the doorbell irritates me enough I throw back the covers and make the walk downstairs clutching my box of generic face tissues. I don't have money in the budget for the nice ones with the germ fighting lotion. Whoever dared ring the doorbell better hope the house is o
"No, I took the whole day off to stay home with you." He leans over the edge of the bed almost falling off until I grab onto his arm to keep him steady. When he's back on the bed like a normal person, he places a black laptop on my lap. "You left this in my room the other day."It's the laptop he tried to force on me back when this whole thing started between us. I refuse to take the bait and say anything back in my defense. He knows why I left the laptop on his bed."You realize you are still logged in to the system?" he asks opening the top.I shrug. "Of course. I never log out. It's easier that way."Grant almost snatches the laptop back but catches himself. "You what?""Why would I log out? I'll just have to log back on the next time I use it.""For your security.""I don't have anything that needs securing on this laptop."Grant continues to shake his head at my answer while putting one hand in the air in a silent plea for me to stop talking. "Please, at least tell
A loud slurping sound announces my delicious pouch of juice packed in today's lunch is finished. I give it another two good sucks decompressing the bag entirely to ensure I get every last drop. When I'm satisfied I toss the metallic pouch on top of the empty Lunchable container. The last two days were relegated to nothing but my recuperation. For the most part I'm better, a few small sniffles here or there, but the overwhelming desire to lie down and die has passed.My return to work was approved by both Grant and Drew because they are still under the delusion they get to boss me around. It's cute... until I decide it isn't and then both boys are in for a rude awakening.John peeks his head around the door to my office. "Hey, Clare, good to have you back. You have a visitor out front.""Thanks for filling in for me," I toss my trash in the basket next my desk. "Do you mind sending him back?" I'm not sure why Grant wouldn't just come in."No problem." He knocks on the edge of my
Each of the old steps on our front porch creak as I land on them in my hurried attempt into the house. I skip a few, using the wooden handrail to pull myself higher.I spent the few short blocks of my walk in complete introspection unlike anything I've ever done. Even more than the semester I took an Intro to Psychology class, and the professor made us spend an entire unit analyzing our childhood. I had quite a few issues to work through, if you hadn't guessed.But today is different.Today all of that self-help mumbo-jumbo worked. I've spent the last twenty-four years promising myself it didn't matter or bother me that my father didn't want me. But that was all a lie because this afternoon I do feel great.Splendid.The best I've ever felt my entire life.My father is an asshole.Like a huge self-centered manipulating, delusional, asshole. There is no other way to describe him.And that's not my fault.I wasn't needy or ugly as a baby. I didn't have the wrong blood f
I shake my head. "Not yet." If I let him play, I'll lose control of the situation and I rather like being in control. "I want it fast and dirty.""I like fast and dirty," he says. His legs raise until he pushes my body further up his chest. "But trust me I can fuck you fast and dirty while getting a lick in too."He pulls my body down until I'm forced to reach a hand out to the headboard, bracing myself while he sticks his face in between my breasts. Grant licks a nipple and sucks hard, and I moan against the back of my hand.With two pant buttons undone Grant lowers my zipper slipping two fingers underneath my underwear. He rubs small slow circles as I grind against him on the bed until I've completely lost control of the situation. The tension taking over my body does not give a shit. He can have the control.Grant must feel it too because he flips me over, my back landing on the mattress and his rumpled sheets. He stands, stopping to lean on the edge of the bed, and in one h
Six months later"I thought you were painting this room silver?" Hudson asks dropping his half of the couch inside of our brand-new tiny living room. That's not fair. It's bigger than the apartment when I lived with Marissa. Living here will be like me having my own special mansion. Except this time the rent is higher.I put my end of the couch down and then promptly sit at the end of it. I've done my part of moving. This is why we hired movers. I don't know what it is about men wanting to lift heavy objects. Plus, it's not like there's much furniture to move. The old apartment came furnished. This stuff is new.I look at the wall, which shimmers in the bright light from our large open window in the new living room. "I did. It's Silver Fox.""This color is gray.""No, it's Silver Fox.""It looks gray to me."I shake my head in dismay. "Gray is darker."He nods slowly. "Uh-huh. Whatever you say."Hudson and I have been living together since he made the permanent move t
A few weeks later"Wow, Finn hooked you up." My eyes blink a few times trying to adjust to the overpowering glare of so many television screens in one room.Hudson laughs as he steps behind me. "Ridge taught me you can never have too many cameras.""Well, you definitely put his words into practice." No less than thirty flat screen TVs line a wall in the room Finn and Hudson started calling the war room. I'm pretty sure Finn has a camera everywhere Aspen may go in San Francisco. There is even one in the comic shop. The transition has gone well for the most part. Finn and Aspen had a heated debate over her bodyguard situation.Once Hudson accepted the position, he didn't waste time. It's been less than three weeks and he has a war room set up and is spying on half the residents of the city. My man gets shit done."Are you happy?" I ask turning around so we are face to face.Hudson rolls his eyes and says something silently to the ceiling of the room. He's recently taken up pr
The glass automatic door at the airport entrance slides open and I saunter in with a purpose. No woman has ever been as determined as I am to put a man in his place. Full Marissa style.And then maybe win him back. It depends on his response. I've been through tons of shit the last few weeks. I need someone who can handle me and won't chicken out.Aspen and Finn checked me out of the hospital and then took me back to my apartment making me promise I wouldn't leave when I asked to be alone. My mother even listened when I told her it was a great time to visit my brother in Washington. He'll love it.Besides my shattered heart, I'm medically fine. There's no reason for people to be stuck hovering around me. Hurt or not, I've still peopled too much these last few days, so it wasn't hard to press that I needed quiet time. I promised to head right into bed and sleep for a few more days.But I've broken many promises lately. And kept secrets. I am not the same girl I was last year. An
I hate to be a bad friend — who am I kidding, I'm always the bad friend — but Aspen could not have picked a worse time to make her visit. And I love her. She was here all day yesterday. Getting water, refilling water, fluffing my pillow and accidentally pulling on my IV before doing it again while apologizing for pulling on the IV. Hudson and I haven't had two minutes to ourselves. I tried to fake sleep yesterday afternoon, but then they stood around the bed looking and me and whispering."Do you need your pillow fluffed?" she asks for the thousandth time. It's become her filler question. What she asks me if she doesn't know what else to ask.I shake my head, giving Finn my best "calm her down" look, but he doesn't notice. He's so madly in love with Aspen he thinks everything she does is adorable. "I'm fine, Aspen. Relax."My best friend is definitely more put together than Hudson in the last two days, but not by much. Her hair is flat on one side, a little curly on the other, an
A STEADY STREAM of beeps wakes me up to a stream of light.A hospital. It's the place I've woken up the last two days. I can't complain. It's one hundred times better than a concrete floor in an abandoned factory in Oakland. Even still I fight the panic as my brain comes into consciousness. The hospital therapist says eventually there will come a day when I don't wake up ready to flee, but I'm not sure I believe her.My awake body is heavy and sluggish. Yesterday I spent most the day sleeping as my conscious mind worked around what happened after I was taken from the sidewalk in front of Cosmo's.Hudson was shot. I watched it with my own eyes. What I didn't know at the time was the bullet grazed the side of his body and most of his injury was due to the shock of being shot. Even though my mind didn't want to believe it at the time, he led the charge to rescue me. And yes, he absolutely shot Jimmy in the head — a scene I never ever want to see again, but one that plays on repeat e
Breathe. I hit reality with a start. Tears form as I blink my eyes to open them. My shoulder hurts, a tingling stiff sensation like I slept on it wrong. At one point I must have broken out in a cold sweat and my skin is clammy, moist yet chilled. My knuckle scrapes the hard ground underneath my body as I sit up and the events of what happened flood back. It wasn't a bad dream. I've been taken right from the front of Cosmo's. Kidnapped.They shot Hudson.I have no idea how long I slept or where I am. No longer in the van, the room is dark around me and it takes longer than I want for my eyes to adjust. Of course, there's no positive to be found when they do. Sawdust and dirt smells permeate the air. On the ground there's not only cold hard concrete but sharp pieces of wood. I wipe a few from my pants legs only to have them stick to the skin of my fingers.As I try to stand, there's a clink of metal. I tug my foot to find it doesn't move. My leg is bolted to the ground with thick m
"Are you sure you won't walk in there and start crying?" Hudson asks as we stop in front of Cosmo's Comics and Café.I take a deep breath and check myself before I answer because frankly he's probably right to be worried. It's been two days since we met with Drew at the restaurant in Oakland and I spent most of that night crying. I haven't talked to anyone since then. More than likely they think I've been taking this time to apologize to Hudson. He promises he's forgiven and forgotten and even understands why it took so long.Hudson spent the last few days consoling me as I came to terms with finally admitting what happened that night and saying goodbye to Drew if only in my own mind. He's been perfect. He didn't push or yell at me to do it faster or tell me I was being ridiculous. He listened and held me when I needed him. I couldn't ask for a better man.Hudson is everything I've ever wanted in a guy. Sensitive enough to figure out when I'm hurting, but strong enough to tell me
"That's your answer?" Hudson's eyebrows lift.I hit my knee against his. "Hudson."He sighs in agitation."Well, Drew, the way I look at it Amanda doesn't have much to tell. It sounds to me as if in her story you were a friend who was there to help her out. Who didn't want to get involved in a police investigation. But before I can trust her opinion that you're a nice guy, I need proof."Drew laughs even though it's inappropriate for the time. "I don't think I'm a nice guy, but thanks, Amanda.""Um, you're welcome?""I started working construction jobs part time when Clare and I were in foster care." He stops talking right as the story gets good."But you don't do construction work now, do you?" Hudson asks the exact question I've been thinking.It's like pulling teeth to get facts out of Drew, but what he doesn't understand is Hudson will have no qualms telling Ben if he's not satisfied with his answers."Yes and no. From time to time my boss asks me for extra favors
"Sorry, Dean, I've got to get home. Lots of Christmas prep to do."There's no time to chase another raid with so much work to do for Aspen's Christmas celebration. They overdo it for most holidays, but the big ones are the worst.He nods, accepting the answer. I rarely take him up on offers for more raiding or the hundred times he's asked me out for coffee. "Okay, see you next time." He waves, following a large group of people making their way to cars and bikes before heading toward the wharf.I step onto the sidewalk outside the baseball stadium to look for a cab. The road is eerily quiet since there isn't baseball in December and the people from the raid snatched up the cabs. Even though Grant, Clare's boyfriend would kill me, I scroll through my phone and find the Uber app. If I have to call for a ride anyway, I should at least make it a cheap one. He'd be pissed over how close I am to his neighborhood without someone here with me, but it's too late to worry about that now.