6 - Nausea

~Jessica~

Three months later

The water is cold in my office restroom as I splash it on my face, trying to fight down the nausea that has been plaguing me all morning. It hasn’t only been today, either. All week, I have felt off in the morning, my body refusing to cooperate with good health despite all the pleas I make to it. We have an important product launch today and I need to be on top of my game. I don’t get stage fright, so why I should be throwing up before going to make my presentation has me completely baffled.

Taking a deep breath, I touch up my makeup, dabbing a little more concealer under my eyes. Ever since I left Kyle, I’ve had a new energy and purpose when it came to work - or maybe it’s just since I was so thoroughly fucked by Enzo. He sent the picture from that night to both Kyle and Chelsea as he promised, but I haven’t heard a word from him directly since that night. I could feel used, but I don’t. I have no regrets about that night. If he used me, I used him right back. I’ve felt stronger and sexier than ever since then.

Except for now, when I just feel sick.

“Matthew, make me a doctor’s appointment for this afternoon,” I tell my assistant as I exit my office after pulling myself back together. I have to do this presentation first, but once it’s out of the way, I need to get myself checked out. There’s too much work coming up for me to miss any time now, so if I am coming down with something, I need to catch it fast and keep it under control.

Four hours later, I’m sitting in the upscale office of my Chelsea doctor. The waiting room is spotless and modern, reminding me a little bit of Enzo’s office, except everything here is white instead of black. Calm, soothing music plays over the speaker and I can smell the receptionist’s coffee, but thankfully, I’m no longer feeling nauseated.

A last-minute appointment is expensive, but given how well today’s presentation went, I shouldn’t have to worry about money anytime soon. Our investors were thrilled with what we’ve come up with and the public presentation tomorrow is all prepared. My financial future looks brighter than ever. 

Kyle got a small settlement from our divorce but not nearly what he wanted. With the evidence of his affair and the paperwork drafted by Enzo’s lawyers, he didn’t have a leg to stand on. I could have given him nothing, but I threw him a bone simply to get him to go away. Everything was settled incredibly quickly, just as I wanted it. 

He tried to talk to me at the one in-person meeting we had, but I ignored him, pretending I couldn’t see or hear him. Honestly, I wasn’t sure now what I had ever found attractive about him. His voice grated on my nerves, and his habit of running his hand through his hair, once charming, now seemed like an affectation.

“You didn’t really fuck this bastard, did you?” he asked, right there in front of our lawyers, bringing up the picture of me and Enzo on his phone. I said nothing as my lawyer threatened to sue him for harassment, which shut him up quickly enough. 

“Mrs Parker,” the receptionist calls when the doctor is ready for me, and I wince at the name. It’s more of a process than I realized to get my name changed back in all the places it needs to be.

“It’s Williams,” I correct him as I walk by. “Jessica Williams. Please update your records.”

Inside, the doctor gets straight to business, which I appreciate, asking me questions about my symptoms and my general health. It’s only when she gets to one routine, standard question, that I finally begin to connect the dots. 

“When was your last period?”

My heart immediately beats a bit faster as I try to remember. “I’m not sure. It’s been a busy time for me.”

“Okay, that’s no problem. We’re going to run some blood and urine tests to start and we’ll see if anything shows up there.”

She sends me to the restroom with a vial to pee into and I’m annoyed to find my hands shaking as I try my best to fill it. 

What are the odds I could be pregnant? The morning nausea makes a lot of sense in that context, and I have to admit it’s possible. I had stopped taking birth control just a few weeks before walking in on Kyle and Chelsea. Kyle and I had talked about wanting to start a family, and I knew it could take a while for the hormones to leave my system. I had sex with Kyle since then and, of course, I also had sex with Enzo, where he refused to use a condom. 

So yes, I certainly could be pregnant. And if I am, I honestly don’t know who the father of the baby is.

I didn’t think this kind of thing was supposed to happen to smart women like me. Maybe I’m not quite as smart as I thought.

By the time the results come in, I’m not even surprised when she confirms I’m expecting. Several other emotions run through me, including both excitement and worry. I had begun to get excited about having a baby when Kyle and I decided to try but I never imagined raising one on my own. If it’s Kyle’s, it will tie me to him for the rest of my life when I have only just left him behind. If it’s Enzo’s, I don’t know if he will care or want anything to do with it. I don’t even know how to reach him. Either path seems fraught with potential pitfalls, so I try to focus on practical matters for now.

“How early can I do a paternity test? What do you need to do one?”

The doctor doesn’t appear fazed by my question. “You’re already a few months along so we can do it at any time. We would take a bit of your blood, plus a cheek swab from you and the potential fathers.”

I can get one from Kyle easily enough but Enzo could prove harder to pin down. On the other hand, I really only need Kyle’s. If the baby is his, the test will show it. If it’s not, then it must be Enzo’s. I haven’t slept with anyone else. 

“Take what you need from me now and I’ll make arrangements to get the male’s DNA to you.”

She collects my samples professionally, not making any comment about my situation, and she promises to call me as soon as she has the potential father’s sample and the results for me. 

As I walk out, my thoughts begin to spin out of control. Although I thought I wanted a baby, now that it’s happening, it feels overwhelming. What do I know about being a mother? All my time is spent working which, according to Kyle, is the reason our marriage fell apart. How can I devote the time to a baby that it will need? My own mother gave me up for adoption; I never knew her or my father. The older couple who raised me were wonderful people but they never played with me the way I see other parents do with their children. I have no idea how to be a good mom other than what I’ve seen on TV. I always thought Chelsea would be there to help me through it, but now, that’s an option either.

I hope the baby isn’t Kyle’s, but then I hope it’s not Enzo’s either. He doesn’t seem the paternal type, and he’s made it very clear by his silence that he wants nothing more to do with me. 

It would be his damn fault for refusing the condom, my brain argues back. If it is his, he’ll have to come to terms with it. 

It’s impossible to make any plans with this many unknowns, so in the end, I call my lawyer to get in touch with Kyle to secure the DNA sample. Knowing will be better than not knowing, and until I know, I can’t decide how to move forward. 

For now, I will simply have to put it out of my mind, as impossible as that seems. 

Holding my head as high as I can, I head back to work.