Born To Kill: Only A Woman

For two years, Primo hadn’t forgotten about all the events in my life. He sent gifts during Christmas, Valentine’s Day and my birthday which is also the anniversary of our engagement and will also become our wedding anniversary. Although he never visits, but the gifts he sent weren’t just for show. They were really expensive. For Christmas, he sent me a diamond studded necklace with a watch that had the same design.  

Why must time pass by so fast? My 18th birthday is coming up and we’ll be flying to Chicago for the wedding. It’ll be held in a mansion owned by the Monticellos. I got out of bed to prepare. Mother and I will be going out to buy my wedding dress. Marina, Salvatore and Fabiano will come along. I dragged my feet while we were walking inside the shop. 

“Hello Ms. Vercelli, your wedding day is coming. Aren’t you excited?” I faked a smile. Excited? More like terrified for my life. She led me inside a dressing room and Mother and the rest stayed in another room. 

“So what’s your preference Ms. Vercelli?” I looked through the gowns and I found 3 that spiked my interests. I tried the first one on. It was a cream colored strapless beaded gown with a silvery embroidered waistband. I walked out the fitting room to show them the gown. Mother found it too simple so it’s crossed off the list. I tried the second one on. It was a simple off-shoulder gown with yards of Chantilly lace appliqués, which were embellished by hand with beading and embroidery. I walked out and showed them the gown. Marina didn’t like it because it was too revealing. So I crossed it off. The last one was my last chance. I put it on and it was a perfect fit. I loved it. It was similar to Princess Kate’s wedding gown. I don’t care what they say. This is the gown I want.  I walked out and they gasped. Mother said it was perfect and Marina agreed. We bought the gown and Mother had it prepared for the flight. 

We were flying in a private jet to Chicago. We will stay in a hotel near the mansion. I don’t see the point of staying in a hotel if they owned the mansion. Why can’t we stay there? I asked Mother and she said that it was bad luck if the groom saw the bride before the wedding. What bullshit. I endured the long flight by watching movies and listening to music. We arrived a few hours later. Cars were already parked outside the airport. They grabbed all of our stuff and drove them to the hotel. Mother and Father were together in one car, Fabiano, Salvatore, Marina and I were in another. 

When we reached the hotel, I slumped on the bed. I felt so tired and yet I want to explore the city. I know Father forbids us to walk around in unknown territory. But since when did I care? We asked Fabiano to take us to the mall. Fabiano asked permission from Father and he agreed. Fabiano was driving the car and Salvatore was in the passenger’s seat. Marina and I were in the back seat. Fabiano drove us to the nearest mall and Marina immediately went straight to Victoria’s Secret. She dragged me inside and I was a bit confused why she wanted to come in here then I realized where she was taking me to. 

“No way! Let me go, Marina. There’s no way in hell that I will even remotely touch those things.” She was trying to drag me to the lingerie corner of the shop. She looked at me with pleading eyes. “Don’t you want to seduce your husband?” My face turned red from what she said. “What the hell Marina?” She laughed and continued to drag me. I didn’t protest and I allowed her to choose one for me. But I will surely not wear it on my wedding night. 

She held up a few lingerie sets and she asked me to choose. The first one was definitely a giant no. It barely covered anything. The second and third were also a no because I found it too revealing. The fourth one was fine for me because it was simple and not too revealing although it had a huge slit in the stomach area. And the last one was also okay. It had a similar style as the fourth one except it was longer and the middle part was see through. 

“Thank you.” Marina said to the cashier. She paid for the 2 sets as a gift from her to me at my wedding. Marina has grown to be a lady. A sick and twisted kind of lady. Fabiano and Salvatore waited outside. We forced Fabiano to take us to McDonalds. He strongly disapproves but he had no choice. It was the first time we ate fast food. We enjoyed it nonetheless. After walking around we decided to go back to the hotel. When we arrived in the suite, Father was talking to someone. I was curious but I didn’t snoop. Father called me in my room and when I went in, Primo was there. 

I thought I’d grown a few inches taller than when we last saw each other but it seemed that he still towered over me. What did I expect? The man is practically a walking lamppost. Father excused himself and we were left inside the room. I suddenly got chills. I hoped he wasn’t planning on taking me right now. I heard that he’s quite a man. He looked at me with cold eyes. I stared at him and I noticed that his eyes were the color of the night sky. It was so mesmerizing. I snapped out of my gaze when he cleared his throat. 

“Am I that handsome?” I looked to the ground to hide my embarrassment. His voice was still serious but I had the feeling he was teasing me. He moved closer to me and out of reflex I stepped back. “I’m not going to touch you if that’s what you’re thinking. I can wait for a few more days. I’ve waited for two years after all.” I looked up at him and his face was still firm. There are no signs of emotion in his face. “So why are you here then?” He took something out of his pocket and handed it to me. 

“I came to give you this. Make sure you take one tonight. It’ll take 48 hours for the pills to work.” I was dumbfounded. He gave me birth control pills. I blushed at the thought. I covered my face with my hands. I felt my face burning up and I knew I looked like a tomato. He held my hand and I flinched at his touch. He lowered my hands and I looked up at him. The corner of his mouth twitched and I assumed he was smiling or was trying to smile. He let go of my hand and he left the room. I followed close behind. 

“Can’t wait till the wedding, huh?” Niccolo winked at Primo. He ignored his remark and said goodbye to Father. He gave me the ‘don’t-forget-about-the-pills’ look and I nodded. They left the room and I sat down on the couch next to Marina. Father went out and left Fabiano to guard the door. Mother was in their suite so Marina, Salvatore and I were the only ones in our suite. I pulled out the pills and Marina snatched it out of my hands. “Did he give you these?” I nodded. She smiled like a psycho and I knew what she was thinking. “Someone’s excited for the wedding night.” I took the pills off of her hand and I put it in my pocket. “Stop it Marina.” I went to my room and put it in my bag. I took one and drank it. Primo said it’ll take 2 days for these to take effect. It made me nervous all of a sudden. 

The following day, Marina and I went to the spa. The hotel we stayed in had their spa downstairs. She said it’ll help me relax and that’s the only thing I want to feel on my wedding day. Fabiano was with us but Salvatore went somewhere else with Father. I tried to think of positive things but instead my mind kept replaying yesterday’s events when Primo gave me the pills. Nevertheless, I enjoyed our spa day. It helped me loosen up and I felt less nervous than I was yesterday. Marina and I went back to our suite. When we arrived, our suite was filled with gifts and women whom some I have met and the rest I had no clue who they were. Mother was talking to a lady probably around her age. They turned their heads to me and the lady immediately pulled me in a hug. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you darling. I’m Luciana, Primo’s mother.” I smiled and hugged her back. Mother dragged Marina to the sofa along with the other women in the room. Luciana held my hand and dragged me to the center of the living room. “What’s happening here?” She smiled at me and pointed to the ladies. “This is Valentina, she’s my sister.” Valentina stood up and shook my hand. “This is Marianna and Viola, they’re Primo’s cousins.” I shook both their hands. The rest of the ladies that were here were my cousins, Alessandra, Celeste and Donna. They seem to know each other already. Mother took a chair and placed it in the middle of the living room and they told me to sit down. I agreed but I was still very confused.

“This is a tradition in New York to have a bridal shower.” I nodded and smiled. All the ladies were holding their own gifts in their hands and once Luciana gave me a gift, they all followed. I opened Luciana’s present and to my surprise, it was lingerie. The bad kind of lingerie. All the ladies in the room started to giggle and I felt my face getting hotter by the second. I just smiled and uttered a small ‘thank you’. The other gifts were either clothing or jewelry. Marina gave me her gift in secret since Mother was watching me open everything up. 

“When we reach the hotel, give this to the staff and tell them to put it in the bride’s room.” She nodded and kept the gift. I faked another smile and thanked all the ladies for the gifts. After the short bridal shower, all the guests left and Mother went back to their suite. I went back to my room and scanned the place. My eyes wandered to my wedding dress that was hanging in the closet. 

“There’s no turning back now.” I whispered to myself hoping I would believe it. I spent the rest of the afternoon thinking of possible scenarios that would happen after the wedding. Would he treat me like his wife or would he ignore me and only seek me for pleasure? I hope he’s not like Father who tends to beat up Mother once in a while. I’ll surely fight back if he dares to hurt me. I don’t care if he’s the most feared man in New York; I’ll fight even if I die. What if he’s a monster in bed? My face flushed red. Why am I thinking about these things? Have I completely lost my mind? 

“Thinking about the wedding night?” Marina strolled in and gave me a knowing look. “Must you know everything I think about?” She giggled and sat next to me on the bed. “I’m your sister. I have to know everything. Otherwise you’re going to explode from all that tension. Why don’t you just admit that you’re afraid of what’s going to happen after the vows.” I buried my face in my hands. “You remember when we were young thinking we’d marry our Prince Charming like in the books? I still want that. I’m hoping that maybe just maybe he’ll learn to see me as someone he can love.” Marina smiled bitterly. 

“I’m hoping for something like that too but love has no place in the mafia. The only love that they should feel is for the Cosa Nostra. It always has to come first.” I knew that. Father kept forcing that thought through our heads. “I’d still hope. Even if it’ll disappoint me.” Marina shrugged and patted my shoulder. She stood up and walked to her bag. She bent down and rummaged in it. She went back to me and handed me a wrapped box. “Happy Birthday Luna.” Tears started to fill my eyes. I hugged her really tight and she hugged me back. When I opened the gift, my eyes widened.

“Where did you get this?” I took the bracelet out of the box and admired it. It was a charm bracelet and there were 3 charms hanging already. The charms were us; me, Marina and Salva. It was beautiful and the details were amazing. “Salva and I had it made in California. We tried to make one ourselves but it was a lot harder than we thought and we were running out of time so we went to the nearby jewelry shop when you were picking out your wedding gown. I asked the man to make charms in our likeness and he gladly delivered. Do you like it?” I didn’t bother stopping my tears from falling. “I love it. I’ll never take this off.”She giggled and I hugged her even tighter. 

“Can I join in on that?” Our eyes met Salvatore who was standing in the doorway. I motioned him to come over and we had a group hug. My tears were spilling like Niagara Falls. I knew once Primo and I are married, I’ll be living with him in New York. I tried to focus on Marina and Salva for now. I wanted to be with them as much as possible. We spent the night watching movies and having fun but I could see how sad they were. We didn’t stay up too late even though I wanted to. Mother wants me to be well-rested for tomorrow. I didn’t try to argue, it was pointless if I did. I went to bed at 9 pm but I couldn’t sleep. A few tosses and turns and I managed to relax and fall asleep. 

I woke up bright and early to prepare. I took a long bath to ease the nervousness I felt. After an hour, I went out of the bathroom in only my robes. Marina brought a bowl of yoghurt and a cup of warm coffee. “Mother said this is the only food you should eat for breakfast. Other things might make you feel bloated.” She looked at the things she brought and was disgusted. She neither likes coffee nor yoghurt. I took the coffee but I left the yoghurt untouched. “You should eat this. You might faint during the vows.” I rolled my eyes and took the yoghurt from her. As if this is enough to fill my stomach. Even if I eat this I’ll still faint. Mother walked in with 3 beauticians following her. I didn’t wait for her to say anything. I sat in front of the vanity mirror and they did what they came to do. 

Before they put on my make-up, they had to wax me. They waxed my legs and my armpits. Thinking that the horror and pain were done, they asked me to lie on my back. They wanted to wax my privates. I felt really embarrassed. “Does your husband have any preference?” I shook my head and I looked at Mother. She instructed the beautician to leave a small triangle on the top. If the legs and armpits hurt, then this was hell. After the waxing, they fixed my make-up and my hair. Mother requested my hair to be pinned up but I insisted that it stay down so they curled my hair and pinned some to the back. Mother helped me in the gown and when she stepped back, a lone tear fell from her eye. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was beautiful as the bride should be but I wasn’t happy. I faked a smile and looked at Marina who was getting her hair done. 

“How do I look, Marina?” She looked at me and her jaw dropped. “You’re beautiful Luna.” She also put on her dress and she stood beside me. “Don’t forget to smile.” I nodded. Marina took out Primo’s gift for me. It was a beautiful necklace that went well with my gown. I sat down on the chair and she put it on me. Mother took the veil from the table and I bowed my head slightly so she could put it on me. I was done. Father and Salvatore were already in the mansion. We went out of the suite and they guided me towards the car outside. Despite the fact that I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t nervous either. I just sat in the car with Mother and Marina and I felt relaxed. Marina gave me my bouquet which was an arrangement of all my favorite flowers. When we arrived outside the mansion, nervousness crept up. When I stood outside the ballroom doors, the relaxed Luna was gone. I was so nervous I felt the urge to puke right there and then. 

“Smile Luna.” Father remarked and I put my hand on his arm. Music started to play and the doors opened. The ballroom was filled with guests. At the end of the aisle, I saw Marina standing next to Primo’s cousin Viola. Salva was standing next to Niccolo and next to him was Primo. He was stunning. I couldn’t keep my eyes away from him. The walk was slow but it ended too soon. Father handed me to Primo and we walked towards the priest. 

“You look amazing.” He whispered. I felt a blush spread across my face. The priest started and then came the vows. Primo and I faced each other. “Do you, Primo Monticello, take Luna Vercelli to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?” Primo looked at me with an emotionless expression. “I do.” His voice was monotonous at best. I put the ring on his finger. “And do you, Luna Vercelli, take Primo Monticello to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?” My mind was telling me to answer ‘it’s not like I have a choice’ but I ignored it and answered a shaky ‘I do’. He held my hand and slid the ring on my finger making me his. 

“You may now kiss the bride.” Primo lifted my veil and I know he could see how scared I was. I flinched from his touch but he ignored it. He bridged the distance between our lips and we shared our first kiss. I felt butterflies in the pit of my stomach. After the ceremony, it was tradition to accept the words of congratulations from our guests. Primo’s father Giovanni came with his wife Luciana and they congratulated us. I saw my cousin Amelia with her husband approach us. She congratulated us. Then a girl I don’t know came to us and when I looked at Primo, his expression changed from relaxed to guarded. 

“Chiara.” The way he said her name held a different meaning. “Congratulations Luna.” She embraced me and I did too. I was curious about her. I didn’t want to be impolite so I greeted everyone kindly. She grabbed my arm and whispered in my ear. “I have to warn you, Primo is a beast in bed. He’s going to rip you open and it’s going to hurt like hell.” I looked over at Primo and he was talking to someone else and he didn’t seem to notice us. I walked back to him and Chiara disappeared. Her words dawned on me. I was more terrified than I ever was. Primo held my hand and I flinched. He looked at me and I ignored him. We went on to our table for the reception. 

“You can’t keep ignoring me Luna.” I ignored his remarks. I was so focused on Chiara’s words that I didn’t notice that the food was already served. I wasn’t in the mood to eat anything. Primo noticed but he didn’t say anything. He did however tell the staff to put something on my plate. After the meal, it was time to dance. But before we could reach the dance floor, people started chanting “Bacio, bacio” which means kiss in Italian. Primo kissed me again and the butterflies were back. We were on the dance floor and the music started playing. I felt dizzy all of a sudden but I held on to Primo to keep me from falling. 

“When we get back to our table, you should eat something. I don’t want my wife to faint on her special day.” I looked up at him and his face was the same. No emotions. Why am I not surprised? He helped me back to our table and I ate the meat that was on my plate. I felt myself getting energized. I was about to tell Primo that I was feeling better when Alessandra sat next to me. I glanced at Primo and he was busy talking to Niccolo. “What did she say to you?” I was confused. “Who?” She looked around and then whispered the name Chiara. “She just congratulated us.” I tried not to think about her words. “Don’t you know? She’s Primo’s… play thing.” I was even more confused. What is she talking about? “Play thing?” She nodded. “You know, they have sex or something. I have to go.” I couldn’t comprehend what she said. I wanted to ask but she left in a hurry. Primo held my hand on the table and I jumped from the contact. He seemed angry but I didn’t care. We made our way back to the dance floor. After our dance, Primo’s father asked me for a dance. I was passed on from Giovanni to my father then to Salvatore. 

“How’s it going so far sis?” I looked at Primo and he was dancing with Mother. “Did you dance with Mother yet?” He nodded. “My feet are killing me Salva.” He chuckled. He was about to say something when Niccolo asked me for a dance. Salvatore smiled at me before giving me to Niccolo. “Luna, can I ask you something?” I raised an eyebrow. “Sure Niccolo.” He looked over my shoulder and I followed his gaze. He was looking at Marina who was dancing with Primo. “Is it about Marina?” He looked back at me and nodded slightly, giving me a flirtatious smile. “You don’t look quite alike.” I giggled. He looked confused. “That’s because we’re cousins turned sisters.” He had a surprised expression plastered on his face but quickly regained his normal flirty facial expression. 

“What do you mean?” I looked over at her and noticed that she and Primo are having a conversation and she was smiling. “My father and her father are brothers. When she was 6, her mother and father were killed by the Bratva. Father had legal custody over her so after the attack, he adopted her.” His face quickly changed from flirty to dark. “All the more reason to wipe out the Bratva.” He murmured. Then like a snap, he’s usual flirty smile was back. “Looks like our time is up.” He motioned to Domenico who was coming our way. I smiled at Niccolo and went to Domenico.

“That guy giving you trouble Luna?” He looked at Niccolo with menacing eyes. I shook my head and smiled. “Would you stop being so uptight? It’s my wedding for Christ’s sake.” He looked down. “Sorry, I know you didn’t choose to marry Primo and I just don’t want you to get hurt.” I smiled at him and he smiled back. Domenico and I were close friends. We’re about the same age and we used to be together until he became a Made Man. 

“Do you remember that time we were playing in your garden and you slipped in mud and cried?” I couldn’t contain my laughter. Eyes darted to our direction even Primo’s. “Why the hell would you remind me of that?” He chuckled. “You looked miserable and I wanted to see you smile. I guess I succeeded.” I smiled. Domenico was always the one to make me laugh whenever I felt down. “Looks like your husband wasn’t too fond of our laughing session. Enjoy the night Luna.” He smiled at me and Primo cleared his throat. “Luna.” I gave Domenico a grin. He nodded and left. I took Primo’s hand and we danced. 

“What were you talking about?” I looked up at him and smiled. “He reminded me of how clumsy I was when we were kids.” He seemed to believe me but then again, I don’t really know what approval to him looks like. He just has the same blank expression on his face. I noticed too late that I was staring. “You seem to have a hard time looking away from me.” I expected a smile or maybe just a smirk but nothing. His face was like a stone. I blushed and looked away. Suddenly he held my chin to make me look up to him. Just then the corner of his lips twitched. It was somehow a smile or a smirk. I stood on my tiptoes to bring our face closer to each other. I barely reached his face. I gazed into his eyes. I wanted to see if he would react to our closeness. Instead, I got lost in his eyes. 

After a few seconds of me staring deep into his eyes, I had the most outrageous feeling of laughing. I tried to stop myself but a giggle escaped my lips. I couldn’t dare look at Primo. I stood back normally and looked down. “You seem to be enjoying the evening so far.” He held me closer to his body and then Chiara’s words were back in my head. I tried to push myself away from him but his grip was tight. I was trembling; I knew he could tell because my hands were shaking like crazy. He loosened up his grip on my waist and I took a step back. I looked at his face and his expression was unreadable. I sensed he was getting impatient with me. 

“It’s time for the cutting of the cake.” I nodded and he held my hand. I stared at our entwined hands. It felt really nice but I knew it meant nothing. We stood near the cake. Primo took the knife and before he pushed it down the cake, he took my hand so we could both do it together. We got ourselves a small slice and he fed me a small portion. I took the fork and got a small piece with a lot of icing. I fed him the piece and the icing was stuck at the edge of his mouth. I grabbed a napkin to wipe it off but before I could, the crowd started to chant “Bacio, bacio” again. I had no choice but to kiss the icing off of his lips. I gave Primo a wry smile and he bent down to kiss me. It felt as if a thousand butterflies were in my stomach fluttering like there’s no tomorrow. 

People were starting to drink and the whole night was coming to an end. Niccolo seemed to have had too much to drink. Marina came up to me. “Feeling tired already?” I nodded. I couldn’t stay put. If I wasn’t on the dance floor, I was somewhere talking to the guests whose only intention is to give me advice about what’s going to happen in closed doors. “I did what you told me to.” I felt relieved. I really didn’t want Primo to touch me tonight. It just doesn’t feel right to me. Primo came up to me and Marina went back to Salvatore who was busy talking to the other members of the Castelvetrano. “Let’s go upstairs.” I felt alarmed. Chiara’s words rang in my head like an annoying alarm. I froze on my spot. The people started to cheer us on to go upstairs. I had no choice. Primo held my hand and we walked to the staircase. We passed Niccolo who seemed to be so drunk that his words were untranslatable. We reached the master bedroom on the second floor. Primo closed the door.

“Primo…” I started off. He looked at me with cold eyes. I would beg if I had to. “You don’t want me to touch you.” My eyes widened. Those words came from his mouth. He didn’t say anything else, he moved to the chair at the end of the room. My eyes followed his every move thinking he would be bluffing and he’ll actually force me to do things. He sat on the chair and he poured himself a glass of whiskey that was on the table next to him. 

“The bathroom is over there.” Primo is a man with few words. He pointed to the door near the closet. I went in and I closed the door behind me. I made sure to lock it. I looked at myself in the mirror. Get a grip Luna. Calm yourself. I washed the make-up off and I made sure to free my hair from all the pins that the beautician put in. I brushed my teeth and I searched for the only thing I could wear. I sighed in relief to see Marina’s gift. I put it on and even though it was slightly too revealing, I’d rather wear this than the one Primo’s mother gave me. I took a deep breath before I opened the door. I stepped out and Primo was eyeing me. He smirked, which was a first to me. 

“You don’t want me to touch you but you’re wearing that?” I looked down, missing his gaze. “Would you rather I sleep in my wedding gown?” I asked with a hint of fear in my voice. He shook his head and he entered the bathroom. I walked to the bed and I sat on the right side that was near the window. A few moments later and Primo stepped out of the bathroom wearing nothing but his boxer briefs. I couldn’t stop staring at his body. He was rippling with muscles. His body was full of scars and it actually made him look hotter. 

“You’re giving me a hard time trying to control myself if you keep staring like that.” I immediately looked at the floor. He let out a chuckle and that actually surprised me. He seemed so incapable of emotions that I thought he couldn’t smile or laugh. He sat down at the other side of the bed and he touched my arm. I flinched at his touch and he let out a sigh. 

“Why are you so afraid of me?” I rested my head on the headboard and I looked at him. “You want to know the truth?” He looked at me with the emotionless eyes. “I barely know you and most of the things I do know about you aren’t that pleasant. I’m afraid that you’ll hurt me.” 

 “What makes you think I would hurt you?” For a second, I thought I was talking to a guy who hadn’t killed a hundred men before him. I hugged my knees and dug my face in it. I prayed to God that he meant what he said. I want our marriage to work. I was hoping that I could make him love me. I’m allowed to hope, right? 

“What makes you so sure that you wouldn’t?” I couldn’t keep my voice from shaking. He reached out and touched my bare shoulder, I jumped at the instance his skin touched mine. I looked up and his face bore an emotionless expression. I looked deep into his eyes and I thought I saw a hint of weakness. 

“Let’s just sleep. I’m exhausted.” He turned the lights off and slept on the other side of the bed. Tonight was supposed to be our wedding night. I would feel different if I wasn’t forced into this. But what did my feelings matter? I'm just a woman, nothing more than to warm my husband’s bed, to give him pleasure. I moved to the other side of the bed and when I couldn’t get a wink of sleep, I stood up and moved to the sofa near the window. I stared at the beautiful view in front of me: a single pine tree in the middle of a blank plane covered with snow. Winter came early this year. I smiled at the falling snowflakes. How I wished I was still a child, oblivious to the world our family is in. My eyelids became heavy and before I knew it, I dozed off.