Chapter 5

The cave felt warm and peaceful that morning, the kind of warmth that settled into my bones and made you want to stay right there forever.

Alex, (as I later learned was his name), sat on a flat stone near the water’s edge, sharpening one of his knives with slow, practiced strokes, he said he wanted to fish, I wondered why he needed a knife to do it, he could always just grab them and throw them somewhere dry, but considering he was sick maybe he didn’t trust his reflexes.

His face, as always, was a mask of calm but I could see the stiffness in his shoulders, the way his left leg stretched a little too rigidly, as if trying to avoid pain.

I tilted my head sighing into a stretch, “come on lets go exercise my brave warrior”

“i don’t need you to exercise”, was his reply

“i know, but you don’t have the strength to balance on your own two feet for too long right now..” I swam closer to him and rested my head close to his legs, I took one of his feet making small slow circles,”You just woke you from a week long fever induced dream, you'll need time to rest you're just human.”

He looked at me like I had spoken something preposterous, I  watched him attentively like he was the most interesting thing on earth (he was)

“plus..” I continued”I would never miss a chance to touch you” my hand slid slowly up his leg my lips in a playful smirk waiting for his reaction.

He rolled his eyes something I had come to love the corner of his lips twitching almost imperceptibly. He let me stay where I was, massaging his left leg before moving to the other.

We sat there in silence for a moment, his eyes had fluttered closed at some point arms crossed over his chest like a last defense against something, I would like to think we had gotten a bit closer these past few days.

Although I know that was a lie, his guards were still up, he still cast a suspicious glance my way and he didn’t sleep well at night as if waiting for a danger that would eventually come, but he let me get close and allowed me to touch him, so I considered that a win.

“where did you learn how to give massages?” he mumbled, He was talking more another win.

I thought about it not stopping my movements.

 “I believe one of the bodies was a masseuse. Or at least, that skill.”

He hummed, his eyes darkening, focused on something far beyond the cave’s entrance. “I think I remember that.”

I did not bother him after all, if he wanted to tell me he would, pushing too much would make me lose the fish.

But then, unexpectedly, he spoke. “He was a casualty.”

I froze for just a second, shocked he was opening up. But I didn’t interrupt. I just smiled softly and kept my hands moving, giving him silent permission to continue.

“I was hunting a trafficker. He upset someone big — I didn’t get much info, but Jo—” He cut himself off, his lips pressing into a thin line, some shadow passing over his face. “My colleague at the time said it was possible he kidnapped the wrong person.”

“So we stalked him and found when he was most vulnerable.” His gaze drifted past me, toward the cave entrance.

“I waited for him in his house. He came in alone. I showed myself. He was terrified, begged to be let go. I just pointed my gun at him.” He raised his hand, mimicking a gun, his voice steady but distant.

“When I was about to pull the trigger…” He hesitated, his hand tightening. “Someone else came in. He grabbed them, used them as a shield. The bullet went right through their skull.”

His fingers twitched. Then he lowered his hand. “Then he ran for his gun. I shot him too.”

Silence. Heavy. I let it sit between us, let him decide if he wanted to say more.

When he finished, his eyes met mine, waiting for some kind of judgment.

I scratched my head thoughtfully. “You’re such a kind person.”

He blinked at me, clearly not expecting that. “I mean,” I continued, grinning, “you have killed a lot — and I mean a lot. I’ve eaten well for the past decade.” I flexed my arm, showing off muscle. “This is all thanks to your hard work. Yes, you can touch it.”

He rolled his eyes and I chuckled.

I stretched my hand to his face pausing just before I could touch him asking for permission to touch him, he looked at the hand studying it for a moment, then slowly, ever so slowly he rubbed his face in my hand and breather out.

My fingers traced his cheek gently. “You’ve killed many,” I said softly. “But you remember this one. You feel guilty and sad about this one person who shouldn’t have lost their life.”

Hi eyes looked down refusing to meet my eyes and I didn’t force him, I pushed myself out of the water sitting on the bare stone.

I grabbed his head and  pressed a kiss on his forehead.

“you're truly such a kind soul and ill make sure you get all the good you deserve”

His gaze darted over my face, searching for any sign of a lie. When he found none, he looked away—but he didn’t pull back.

“i’m hungry” he mumbled

I grinned. “Of course, my king. I shall be back with more food for you.” I dove into the water with a splash, flicking droplets from my tail at him.

He gave me a deadpan look and I tried to look as innocent as I could.

“ get some rest ill be back then we can do some exercise” I waggled my eyebrows at him, he just waved his hand at me.

He just waved a dismissive hand.

I pouted. No reaction at all. Of course, all we’d do was swim some laps, but he could at least pretend to be interested.

I thought about it. Was it because he didn’t think I could do anything?

To be fair, I had no idea how mermaid and human biology would work out.

But it would.

One way or another.

The cave was quiet. Too quiet.

I lay back on the flat stone near the water’s edge, my arms crossed over my chest,the weather was warmer today, in contrast to the cold of the night, Orion has taken to cuddling to me in the nights to keep me warm.

It was awkward at first but I got used to it, something in me told me that this would be too dangerous for him more than me, but another part of me wished to experience even if a little warmth, so I let him hug me to sleep, even though I couldn’t sleep much, the quiet making voices rear their ugly heads shadows accusing me of things that I do not know.

I ignored them all, I died once, and being free from the organization was so I could learn how to be more human, to feel more, the human body kicks into gear, orchestrating a complex dance of hormones and neural activity  to produce oxytocin, often dubbed the “cuddle hormone” or “love hormone.”

My chest felt funny whenever he hugs me to sleep or looks at me, although I don’t know if that’s a love, if we have more body contact I’m sure we can reach the levels of human emotion called love.

The place he kissed on my forehead burned

I touched it softly my skin was intact,

“am I allergic to mermaid saliva?” I muttered

I threw the thought to the back of my head, if Orion found out he would cry

Sigh

My legs still ached, my body sluggish from too much time spent fevered and weak. I knew I should rest. He told me to rest.

But the quiet was dangerous.

I felt the darkness spin at the edges of my vision, curling closer until it formed a cage around me — settling over me like a second skin, drilling into my very being.

“You’re getting too comfortable,” one voice whispered.

Another followed, sharper. “What gives you the right to want this?”

And then —

“You can’t be normal.”

That voice… that one sounded like Joshua.

I jerked up, the sudden movemnet knocking the air out of my lungs.

My vision went blurry and the world spun, I ignored it.

I need to do something, I looked around for anything to do.

Anything at all…the cave looked clean.

I glanced at the pile of neatly folded clothes Orion said was for a nest.

It could be better.

I folded and refolded the clothes again into a neat pile.

When that was done I looked for something else to do,  walking over to a pile of wood I thought of making a fire.

But my foot caught on nothing.

I stumbled and  fell to my knees pain flaring through my legs. I hissed through my teeth.

You can’t even stand.

The voices were laughing now, cold and cruel and familiar.

How do you think you’ll protect him like this?

My nails dug into my palms. I forced myself to my feet, jaw clenched so tightly my teeth ached.

I turned to the lake, maybe ill just go for a swim, the ache would soothe me.

I removed my shirt and dove into the water.

At first it was slow and timed strokes, I didn’t want to strain myself too much.

But the voices didn’t care.

Weak. Weak. Weak.

The word spun through my mind like a broken record.

I couldn’t be weak.

The weak didn’t survive.

The weak got things they cared about taken from them.

I cant be weak, I refuse to be weak, the weak get things taken away from them.

I am not weak.

You really tink you deserve peace

Do you think you can protect I’m like this

Hell just end up like liora

No..

You'll kill him too

“SHUT UP!” I roared, but the water swallowed my voice whole.

I heard a crack somewhere in my mind, the sound of glass smashing into a million pieces in a void, but I ignored it

Dread crept in slow and suffocating, I was unsure whether I was choking on my own thoughts or the water entering my lungs.

I pushed harder. Faster. Until…

The pain came first my leg cramping, muscles seizing so tightly I gasped.

My vision swam. Darkness surged in.

But I fought it, pushed myself toward the rocks at the edge with the last of my strength.

I hauled myself onto the stone, dragged my body up as far as I could, before the world tilted sideways.

And then everything went black.

When I broke the surface of the water fish in hand.

I knew something was wrong.

The air was wrong. It pressed against my chest, heavy and thick, like the whole cave had stopped breathing.

And then I saw him.

Alex lay crumpled on the stone ledge like some broken thing pale and still, his body twisted unnaturally. The fish slipped from my fingers, forgotten.

“Alex!”

I didn’t even think. I dove toward him, my tail slicing through the water with powerful, desperate strokes. I was at his side in seconds, dragging myself onto the stone and gathering him into my arms. His skin was ice cold.

No. No. No. No.

“Please,” I whispered, my voice cracking. “Alex, wake up…”

No response.

Panic clawed at my throat. I did the only thing I could think of,  I pressed my mouth to his, tasting the salt of his skin as I licked along his lips, willing him to take something,  anything, from me.

My magic, my warmth, my life, whatever it took.

It felt like an eternity, but slowly — so slowly — his color started to return. His chest rose with a soft, shallow breath.

I sagged against him, relief so sharp it was painful. My body felt heavy, like I’d spent every ounce of strength just to keep him here.

I felt a gaze on my face I turned to him, red hot anger building up on my chest, but when I met his eyes, it was a extinguished,” What happened” I croaked.

He said nothing, his eyes were on me. There was something in them, something vulnerable and wrecked, and before I could think, his hand guided me closer.

Our lips met.

It was tentative at first, slow and unsure. We didn’t know what we were doing, there were teeth, too much spit, awkward angles,  but we figured it out.

We found a rhythm, a shared softness.

I separated first our breaths mingling together.

My chest heaved up and down, I never thought I needed oxygen less in my life.

When we finally pulled back, breathless, he kept his eyes on my mouth.

“I was… trying to heal you,” I whispered, my face burning. “For some reason, it works.”

He arched a brow — and even that small gesture made my heart lurch.

“i’m not going to act like what happened didn’t ..what the fucking hell happened”

“you changed language again” was his reply

I glared at him

“Don’t deflect.”

He sighed “I wanted to swim. I cramped. then I blacked out”

“i told you to take it slow what the hell happened”

He kept quiet looking away from me

But he didn’t answer.

And that silence — that gods-forsaken silence — boiled my blood.

Without another word, I turned and dove back into the water.

I swam hard and fast, pushing myself down to the coldest, darkest depths of the cave. I needed space. I needed to breathe. But I didn’t go far — I couldn’t go far. Not when he could… not when something like that could happen again.

My hands shook as I tore into the fish I’d dropped earlier, biting down hard.

Stupid human. Stupid, stubborn human.

Ugh

He was hungry

It hadn’t even been a week since I dragged him out of the marsh,  half-dead, burning with fever and he was already throwing himself back into danger. Was he trying to drown?

But beneath the anger, there was fear. And I hated it.

Because no matter how furious I was, I couldn’t stop worrying.

And I hated that I couldn’t stay mad.

I huffed, forcing myself to calm down. At least… at least I got an actual kiss out of it.

I swam to the surface settling a frown on my face.

Alex was curled into himself, one hand stretched toward the water like he thought I might disappear if he didn’t keep reaching. His face was pale, his eyes distant and lost.

My chest cracked wide open.

I took his hand without a word. His fingers tightened around mine immediately, like he was afraid I’d slip away.

“Hey,” I whispered, my voice soft.

He flinched, his eyes snapping to mine.

“I’m not mad at you,” I murmured, brushing my fingers through his hair.

He side-eyed me.

“Okay,” I amended, “not at a terrible level. I was just—” My throat closed up. I swallowed hard. “I was scared. You weren’t responding. I thought… I thought you were finally dead.”

The words made my voice shake. I didn’t care.

“Y’know,” I added quietly, trying for lightness, “mermaids mate for life.”I think

“And like if you die what would happen to out kids” His eyes shot wide, his whole body going rigid.

I covered his eyes with my hand, laughing softly.

“Calm down I’m not pregnant” Then, just to mess with him, I glanced down at his stomach., “or are you? Do humans get pregnant”

“no “ he snorted

“ see you laughed”I teased.

His brows shot up he looked like a spooked cat

 But the sound of it hit me harder than I expected. I hadn’t realized how much I’d needed to hear it. And judging by his startled reaction, neither had he.

I brushed his hair back, my fingers gentle. “Are you going to tell me what happened?”

He paused looking unsure.

“i don’t like the quiet”he said softly

My heart broke. “ok ill sing for you whenever it gets too quiet”I whispered.

“and when youre not here”

I thought about it

“then put my scale to your ear”

I picked it up and placed it close to his ears.  I said, brushing it against his skin “just imagine me whispering into your ear like this”

His ears reddened

So, naturally, I bit it.

He yelped covering his ears and glaring at me

My smile widened

“you looked so cute”I said with a shrug “I couldn’t help it”

He sighed

He wasn’t smiling but the air around him felt lighter.

And just like that, a month passed.

Alex healed. But the quiet between us? That never really returned.