I kicked a stray pepple on the sidewalk and groaned in frustration. Ever part of my body ached. From my head, to my thighs, arms, back and feet. Practise today was hell. Coach had decided to take things to a whole new level for the female team. One of the biggest blessings of moving down here is their sports program. It is way better than my former school. I wanted to pour ice in a tub and soak my thighs in it. That's how much it was burning. Especially the laps he had us do. It was also already late. This is the latest I've ever had to leave a basketball court in my life. It was almost 8pm. The moment I stepped out of the elevator to the hallway that led to our own apartment, I almost burst into tears. I could hear loud music booming from one of our apartment and I couldn't help praying that it shouldnt be coming from our next door neighbours. When I came to stop in front of our door and found out that the loud music was indeed coming out of our own apartment it just ramped
LUKA I'm grateful that today is a Saturday and I have nothing major to do at campus this morning. I stretch tiredly before going to make myself a protein shake. I haven't been in the gym all week and I needed it to get pumped enough to start the day. The living area was the same way I left it last night. I tried to do some preliminary cleanup, just so it didn't look like a dungeon but it still needed professional cleaning to get it back to my taste. I woke up Joey, the cool guy from engineering I met a few weeks back. He had a twisted kind of dark humor which always cracked me up. He was the only one I let sleep over last night. Everyone else left last night including the two that continued the party in Bella's room. I raise my head to her door now thinking of her. She looked pretty mad at me yesterday. It's not my fault that she didn't see the message about me informing her of having friends over on time. That's on her not me and I wouldn't have even been mad at her if she ha
BELLAThe dejavu I felt waking up in a hospital bed with Luka beside me was the first thing that hit me. We have too many of these scenarios between us already. Me fainting his car and him taking me to the hospital, him staying right beside me after my kidnap and now this. He had his head on the bed beside me, and he was clasping my left hand tightly. I reached out to feel a wet piece of cloth on my forehead and a drip inserted. I felt better. Definitely not as weak as I did yesterday and the aching had subsided. I must have scared him again. Considering the fact that he was full blown frowning in sleep and his lips were slightly parted. I tried to pull my hand out of his grasp and the motions woke him up because he was getting up immediately, "what is it? Are you okay? Do I go and get someone? Do you want anything?" He asked the questions so fast like he was rapping out lyrics to a song that I barely had time to answer. "I'm fine," I croak out and notice that my throat is dry.
Luka tasted even better than I remember. Maybe it's because I missed him and this so much. Kissing him until it's so difficult to breathe then barely coming up for air before kissing him again. His lips were hard and demanding at first but it slowed down later on to a deeper one, with him seeking as much entry as I could give him. His hands went to cup my bottom, squeezing it hard as he held onto me and my hand was wound around his neck. He suddenly breaks the kiss and my body slides down his then he moves away from me creating distance and I sighed. I came in here to quench the fire inside of me, being apart wasn't solving that right now. I dart out my tongue to wet out my lips a little and also to relieve the taste of his lips that was there few seconds ago. "We need to get this out of our systems. This way we put a good ending to things between us," the sensual fog his kiss put me in was cleared off with what he was proposing. I don't want to get things out of my system, I w
BELLAIt's been one week of acting like we didn't have sex. Not just once but thrice. I slipped out of his bed the next morning of that day and maybe he did get me out of his system because he had been avoiding me to the maximum. Coming back home late when I was asleep and leaving earlier or not out for breakfast when I'm going to school in the morning. He always texts me to ask if I'm feeling okay or sick everyday. In his own weird way he was still checking up on me. Today is another Sunday and here I am standing outside Luka's door like a creep because I'm not sure how he will react to me reminding him of the promise he made to go with me to a local basketball court to record some of my drills.It was also super early, I wanted us to go when the lighting was good and I wasn't too tired to get things done. I took a long drag of hair and smoothed my hair before knocking on his door. I knocked twice before trying the handle. He was sitting up with the sheets bunched around his waist
BELLA"I'll edit the videos and send them to you." Luka said, taking his eyes out of the road for less than a second. I saw the three legged animal hopping in front of the car and I yelled, "Luka, Watch out? " He pressed the brakes so hard the car jerked forward and we lurched forward with it. I raised my head quickly to see the dog who was limping trying hard to scurry away and my heart stung in recognition. It was the same dog that kept me company that night. Before I had time to process my thoughts, I was yanking off my seatbelt and hurting off the car, even though he didn't park properly and was in the middle of the road. He was so shocked that I could hear him calling out for me as I raced after the hurt dog. I ran after the Labrador Retriever which had brown and white fur and the cutest, soulful eyes till I got to an alley and it turned and barked at me. "Hey doggy it's me. Your lonely buddy from that night." I tried to explain our relationship and it still stood afar w
LUKAAre you okay? They are projecting their own issues and miserable lives on you, don't let them. Plus Erica is my friend and nothing more. I erased the whole message I had typed down to Bella. I shouldn't have to explain that picture. It's not my fault anyone chose to misconstrue it plus we are not in a relationship and no way she is jealous about that. Or maybe she didn't even see the whole thing anyway which is even better. Bella is not one that is glued to her phone all times and follow conversations anyway. I return the phone to my pocket and try to follow the conversation around me but barely. Should I have debunked the rumors? I am not answerable to them anyway which is why I didn't. I guess this isn't just about me, those rumors were mostly about her than me. I didn't even read through but the stuff they were saying was just downright mean. Someone had said all she got for seducing me was an unwanted pregnancy and I dumped her when I found out what a tramp she was. "S
I've always hated quick endings. It's one of the reasons why I'm obsessed with goodbye's and closure. I believe that you should pull out of situations slowly giving yourself time to adjust. Pulling out too quickly will leave you bereft with absolutely nothing to fall back on. Like when my father left us. He had been leaving home and rarely coming back more and more. It took me a while to understand that maybe he was finally preparing himself to leave. But one thing is for sure, with every long month's end trip he took we slowly got used to his absence. Every single time till that very day. I could see the determination in his eyes when he told me he was going on a business trip. His suitcase was larger than all the ones he had previously taken and there was a lingering look of sadness as he smoothed Annie Marie's hair and kissed her forehead. So, when my mum didn't get up to follow him because they had fought last night about his prolonged trips and how he hasn't been there for u
My hands trailed on the rough skin on Bella's thigh with so much concentration that I didn't miss it when she flinched away. The loving and tenderness that I have spent the last one hour coaxing into her skin was gone. In its place was the rigid straightening of her spine and shoulders, an indication of how tense she suddenly became, almost as if she knew what was coming.The last six months we have been living in a bubble. I had accepted that it was okay for her not to say those three magical words that used to make my heart soar back to me, but lately it's been getting to me. Or maybe it's the way she never wants to talk about the 2 year gap in our relationship, or the baby we didn't know we had but lost. I want to know if she still secretly blames me for what happened. If every single time she sees the scars she hates me the way I do myself. I didn't mean to but I sighed loudly, my shoulder drooping before I rolled her body away from mine and got up padding softly to the bathroom
"I'm really sorry for the part I played in this. Especially knowing that you saw everything that happened that night. We staged a ruse and didn't take you into consideration and for that I'm sorry. Luka is my friend, and all I want is for him to be happy. He means so much to me that's why I came here and I told you my side of the story, it's up to you now whether you believe it or not." Erica ended and got up to leave. I couldn't bring myself to nod or acknowledge her. She had shown me proof that she was after all in a relationship with someone then, who was a professor at their school and telling me this could put her in trouble but she had chosen to do it anyway. I don't know what I was expecting to feel when the 'proof' came, but I'm not sure it's this. If I don't have the usual anger or person to blame for all my predicament then where do I stand? What is this deflated feeling I have in my stomach? Like a balloon punctured at the far end. "Bella," Luka began after a whi
The ride down to Luka's place was one of the most uncomfortable rides I've ever had to endure. My reference to his trysts with other girls was like an elephant in the room. It made me irritated and angry but he looked sad and kept giving me glances which I acted like I wasn't aware of. It was a different apartment from the last one which came to me as a suprise. But what I didn't expect was to see a fur covered, energetic dog launch at me. It did occur to me to go back to the shelter and ask about her wellbeinh after I got out of the hospital but I always assumed she would have been adopted or have moved on without remembering who I was. The moment she saw me she barked loudly and ran to me, wagging her tail. She remembered me, and that made me so warm and happy inside. I spent the next few minutes sitting there on the floor of Luka's studio apartment recieving her licks and hugs and reciprocating her love with my belly rubs and hugs. It took a while before she went on to greet Luk
Life was slowly and steadily returning to normal. Did I cry alot after that phone call with Luka? Yes. Did I fight the urge to go to him and be sure he is okay concerning the pregnancy bombshell I dropped on him? Yes. Did I think he'll show up after that night and actually accept responsibility to apologize for the way every thing turned out? Again Yes. But he didn't. Somehow, whatever I said to him must have resounded with him because he stayed away just as I asked. And it took a while but I took a day at a time. I showed up to classes, I smiled when it was necessary and went to as much of the freshers parties I could go to while my therapist tried to make sure I didn't loose my mind. Day in day out, I told myself that now that I have confronted Luka with all the hurt and the pain, I didn't need to see him again and I was happy that he didn't show off so why was he here now and why did I feel the familiar warmth and twinge in my chest that was usually there whenever I was near h
LUKAKnowledge isn't always power, it's sometimes pain. The kind that has you buckled over like you were kicked in the nuts. Nothing about this all consuming pain makes knowing about everything feel powerful. l feel powerless. With no single idea on how to fix this. My eyes burn and my wrist hurts from drawing and painting all day today. I also felt weak all over. When I drove down to Bella's dorm room last night all that was going on in my head was that I needed it not to be true. That there was a way out, a slim ray of hope that still gives me a redeemable chance but it had turned out to be the opposite of that. Not only had the details of what happened over the one year that I had stormed into my dad's office to get, found out to be true there were also more. Like a baby, a child between Bella and I that had miscarried. So much has happened, and I have no idea how I'm going to fix it. I haven't slept in almost 72hours. From the flight down home, to the flight back to going to
BELLA"Who is there?" I snapped. The loud noise coming from the person banging at the door repeatedly and forcefully echoed around my little room. "Who is there?" I called out even louder than earlier and was met with no response, just continuous, loud, pounding on the door. I thought about ignoring the person since they didn't answer me, and also because it was too late at night to be calling on someone since it was raining heavily. I grabbed my phone, "if you're not going to answer, I'm calling Campus security." The knocks and pounding stopped for a while after my threat and I heard the person curse out loudly in a strange language that wasn't totally foreign to me, since I knew the accent. Before I could come up with a solution, the loud knocks continued. I opened the door intent on giving the person a piece of my mind if it was who I thought it was and I was right. It was Luka. He was standing there soaking wet from the rain with his teeth chattering from cold and his eyes re
LUKAI woke up with an insane need to vomit and shot out of the tiny bed, searching with my eyes for the nearest toilet before I did it all over the floor. I barely made it to the toilet bowl before I found myself puking all over the cramped toilet floor. I puked and puked till I started to retch and my entire body felt weak and tired. Where the fuck am I and how did I get there? I lay back down on the cold floor, a little farther from the mess I just made but close to the toilet seat, and rubbed my head trying to remember bits and pieces from last night. It was the same thing from the last few days. I went out to drink, then Dylan joined me and the night ended with me drinking to stupour basically.I looked around the room, the toilet floor did look clean and I had zero energy to lift my body up right now anyway. The patterns on the floor of the toilet were faded like it had been scrubbed off due to use. From my position on the floor I couldn't see past a flowery pattern shower c
BELLA"I ran into Luka at school." I tried to make my declaration as unimportant as possible so that my mom wouldn't be alarmed or throw a fit and I must have succeeded because she didn't say anything. She was putting away the groceries and if not for the slight pause in her movements I would have thought she didn't hear me. "Ma, did you hear me?" I asked just to be sure. "It's been more than two weeks now why are just telling me?" My mouth opened on its own when she said that. "How...how did you know?" I managed to stammer out. "Are you having me followed?" I chuckled at the question, "nah, we don't have enough money for that." "Seriously mum, how did you know?" "Why else did you put your head on my laps and was crying some weeks ago? And what else could be the reason behind you moping? The only reason you're telling me now, is because you're moving to the dorms tomorrow." Wow. Nothing ever passed by this woman. Nothing. As in Zilch, Zero, Nada. "Just because I didn't say a
LUKAI threw my bag to the floor and fell on the couch like a sack of potatoes before sighing loudly. Sam, who when she heard the door open ran up to me wagging her tail in excitement followed me now to the couch and I stretched to pat her on the head. It did make me feel good everytime I walked in and there was always someone excited to see me. I barely had any time to think about my sad life and everything that happened today; from seeing Bella earlier to her running away, to me going back to school to finish up some school work to coming back home.But I know that I'm tired, very much so. I really think it's more mental exhaustion than physical. I guess I deserved this cold treatment but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt cause it hurts like a bitch. I got up and trudged to the fridge to get a bottle of water and the moment the cold liquid entered my stomach in protest it grumbled. I haven't eaten anything almost all day. I opened the fridge to search for something I could eat