Chapter 1

I bolt straight in my bed, panting, my hair falling to my face. All I can hear is my fast beating heart, threatening to burst out of my chest. I close my eyes, pushing hair away from my sweat-covered face, then fall back in sheets again, trying to calm my ragged breath.

I know I won't be able to fall asleep again tonight. Damn. I glance through the window, seeing a full moon still high up in the night sky. I lay still for a while, debating what I should do, then finally sit up again. I stay like that for another minute, letting the coldness of my room seep in my skin.

The moon is still shining, its light caressing my face, teasing me, calling me, luring me... It's been over a year now.

Finally, I give up and push myself to stand up. The wooden floor creaks gently under my weight, the coldness of its surface makes my toes curl. I hesitantly tiptoe to the narrow corridor, leaving my bedroom door slightly ajar, go down the stairs and open the front door. Cold spring breeze kisses my face, the moonlight clings to my skin, and I instantly feel better.

Barefoot, I step outside, feeling the familiar pull of the full moon, the forest, the smell of the night. Still feeling a little hesitant, I head to the nearest trees, and while I slowly pull off my clothes, I debate whether I am not making a mistake. Finally, I drop my clothes near the tree trunk, breathe in full lungs of the night, close my eyes and, hating myself for what I am about to do, I shift.

The feeling is surreal, as always. I can feel and hear my bones crack, then seal again in different forms and angles, the vibrant sounds and smells of the night hit my senses and I can't help but feel relief. I missed this. I was caging this part of my life for so long I forgot how I needed this. I shake my cream-colored fur, stretch my legs and go straight to the woods.

It is beautiful at night. Even more through the eyes of a wolf. I can smell night flowers finally blooming after the winter, hear the creatures running around, filling their bellies after long starvation. The earthy scent fills my lungs and I can't help but feel safe here. This forest is my home, my territory, my safe haven. I pick up my speed and run north.

I run and run and run. My father and I used to run like this together, exploring our lands, letting our wolves free. At that thought, my breath catches up, heart flutters and I speed up even more, straining my muscles to take me farther away. He loved this forest as much as I do. And then everything changed.

Since that night my father died, I couldn't bring myself to shift for a long time. I felt like I didn't deserve to run like this, to feel this freedom. I stood there, watching the life leaving his eyes, and did nothing. I could have shifted then, could have tried to protect him. But I stood there and watched, frozen in my spot.

Memories of my father flash in my mind, every single one causes my heart to ache. I run and run and run, trying to escape them, to cleanse my mind, to ease the pain. At this point, I think I try to run away from myself. The sights and smells around me change, but I just can't stop running. Even after a year, the memories of him are still too much for me to handle.

The lush deciduous forest slowly turns to pine, allowing more moonlight to reach the ground. The lingering smell is so different here too, foreign, and my instincts finally alert me that something is terribly wrong.

Wait, stop. What am I doing? I slow my pace to a trot, looking around suspiciously, then stop completely. My wolf senses are nagging me to turn back, to flee this spine-chilling place. I feel I can't be here. It smells different here, the forest doesn't welcome me anymore.

Fuck. It's the other pack's territory. How could I miss it? Could I just forget about it? No, this pack is new, unknown to me. There shouldn't be another territory for at least 40 miles yet. But I was out of the forest in my wolf form for so long now... Anything could have changed in a year.

The chill goes through my back, my muscles tensing. I must go back. I turn around to sprint home as fast as I can, but it's too late - I can already hear it. Paws hitting the forest grass behind me. Shit shit shit.

I wait no longer - I bolt forward, my tail hung low between my back legs, hairs on my back standing up, ears pushing down to my head. I dig my nails deep in the ground, trying to push forward as fast as I can. I know what happens to a wolf that gets caught in another pack's territory. Death, most likely.

I am starting to hear a heavy panting behind me, sticks and leaves crunching under big paws, low growling that sends chills deep to my bones. The serenity I felt before is gone now, changed by whole-consuming dread. I don't think I will be able to escape...

But as I start to hear a quiet ripple of running water, I know I still have a sliver of hope. Just a little more, I say to myself, just a little more. The wolf behind me is now just mere meters away, trying to catch up and take me down. I turn sharply to the left, to the river that I know runs through the woods. If I could only reach the water...

The sharp pain sears through my left thigh as I tumble and fall to the ground. Panic hits me even stronger, adrenaline singing in my veins as I try to get up up up, please, I need to get up! But the wolf not only bites me, but he also holds my leg in his teeth.

I feel the warm liquid pooling under me, a sharp metallic smell empowering every other scent around me. I shake myself as strong as I can and bite to the other wolf's neck, drawing blood from him too, but it is not the killing blow. The wolf releases my leg though and I try to get up again.

Pain in my thigh is searing through my whole body, sending fire up to my spine. It's hard for me to stand straight and I know I am hurt badly. I won't be able to run away from my pursuer with this wound now, so I turn around, ready to fight.

Then I see my attacker in full view. The moon is shining on his dark brown coat, illuminating his threatening stance, his light blue, almost white eyes pierce mine, his teeth bared at me, showing huge canines covered in my blood. A wild snarl escapes his throat and I know I will never win a fight against this beast.

So I do what my pride hates me for - I lay on my side, expose my belly and my neck to him and hope for the best. Maybe if I look small and powerless, he will leave me alone. It is my only chance now.

The wolf prowls to me and sniffs my now dirty cream fur. I take his scent deep in my lungs too and then I feel it.

Well shit.