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Prologue
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2020-10-20 19:40:38I pushed my now bruised legs to move faster, my feet felt numb yet kept on moving even when my mind was anything but.
My heart thud hard against my chest, breath coming out short and in puffs with my burning chest, trying to pump in as much air as possible.
I could hear their distant calls trail off with the wind, the same which threaded into my slightly wet long curly hair, that landed at my mid back. I couldn't think straight, my head fuzzy while I tried to block out what I'd been running away from.
How could they do this to me?
I've done nothing wrong, yet tonight made it seem otherwise .
I should have listened to my dad when he told me to stay, but stupid naive me believed him when he said it would be fun.
Fun my foot, when I was at the receiving end of their joke. I'll never take anyone's word ever again.
This would be the last of the joke and I'd get the last laugh.
I was done with this, I was done with all of it.
'It's dangerous out there in the woods,' my father had said.
No father, the woods are one less thing to worry about right now. Everything about tonight matters, the now matters, because the now is all I've got.
Adrenaline slowly drains from me as I pull to a stop, close to the edge. I've entered dangerous territory, a way forward is a road to no return.
I'm bruised and hurting, but nothing could compare to the pain in my heart. It had been years since anything came close to affecting my heart, like the one night years ago, that changed everything for me.
The water at the bottom calls one to attention, the edge of the hill daring. My bruised hands clench into fists on my sides, my torn red dress dancing around my skin in it's own rhythm.
My bare feet take slow and easy steps forward, each one matching my heart beat. I don't want to prolong this, the decision has been made, it's finalised, a done deal.
I'm not turning back from this. I can't. I won't.
The wind slightly shoves me forward, encouraging me to end this. My eyes automatically close, my lashes brushing against my skin.
'It's better doing it with eyes closed.' He'd said.
Him, the one who's name I'm afraid to even mention. I don't even know why my thoughts have taken me back to him. Guess he never really left this half heart of mine.
I'll never see him again, but that doesn't mean I won't allow him to be part of this moment, the moment we dared each other to have once grown. But I'm here, all grown and alone.
I've always been a counter and I won't stop now.
' 1, 2, 3....'
' Sweet?' A voice says from behind.
My heart stops, my eyes pop open and all I can think is, he's here.
I must be hallucinating already, my mind making up things just to mock me.
Well not even you, with your teasing can do any more harm.
I'm putting an end to it.
A surge of adrenalin hits me at a go, unexpectedly. With my mind set, my shoulders squared and head tilted up with my last dignity intact, I take my final step.
' Sweet!'
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I already feel out of place. I shouldn't even be here but somehow I let Avery drag me to the bonfire. Thank God it wasn't at the creek or anywhere close, though it was near the forest, so I can't really complain.Being in the company of Avery, I've already gotten the sense that she's intent on making the most of her senior year. At first, in the years passed, you'd never really see her involve herself with parties and things like that, but last year, I saw a bit of change in her.Now that I'm her roommate, I am afraid she'll try drag me along with her everywhere, when it was my intention to not do so. The bonfire was set in a clearing , surrounded by trees. To me, it simply gave off that House of Wax vibes, but that's my opinion. While most people huddled around the fire, there was still different groups scattered around, creating a more wider circle.Cars were parked on top of a small hill while th
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I must be dreaming, seriously.He can't be back, he can't.'But he is.' My consciousness tells me.I close my eyes as I lean my back against the tree, trying to wrap my head around what just happened back there. I knew that I shouldn't have come, I had a troubling feeling all along and even though, I didn't think something like tonight would happen, I knew something would.Roman Joel O'Connor.He's back.Things would have been much easier if it weren't for what happened years ago, when the first and only boy I've ever really trusted, broke my heart. He left with no trace, but kept memories behind.He should have left a long time ago, when there was the first hit. They made it public and it surely wasn't pretty.I believed he wouldn't leave me and that I had nothing to worry about, guess I was wrong, he found a reason to leave , to
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We've been sitting in silence, Sam and I. After he chased after me, he led me back to the hostel, but we remained outside, within the premises.Sam Desai, the only person who was there for me after that night, who never did any wrong and recently, I've discovered, is my cousin. Sam and I had grown up around each other , neither one of us knowing much about our relation, he was always there. He was present during my birthdays or family gatherings and at first, I took it as him being my mom's Godson, never thinking much to it. Now that I've learnt that he's my cousin, gives me a sense of relief.Atleast I have someone close with me here." Tonight must have been hard on you." I turn my head in his direction, my gaze forcing him to look at me." Seeing everyone and being reminded of what happened."" I thought I would forget and put it behind me." I say, looking ahead." How could you, you al
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"It doesn't matter to me." I speak up, turning around to face him after Ingrid basically ditches me." Ah and she speaks." His lips twitch into a grin. "It's good to have you back, thought I'd lost you there for a second."He says, taking a step towards me."Don't you dare come any closer, stay away." I warn with my hand up, stepping back and making him stop.He sighs. "How long will you keep running?"Until you leave me the heck alone."You just couldn't stay away could you?" I say."And how could I?" He steps closer." After that night...." He trails off.My eyes search his own for any kind of knowledge, and with the emotion flickering in them, I know it's true.He was there.How was he there?" Were you there that night?" I softly ask, feeling desperate to know." Sw
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Two days have passed with neither Roman and I running into each other, more like I've been trying to avoid him, staying out of his way.Hard work indeed.After finding out about his girlfriend, I was given more reason to stay away, for us to not run into each other.It didn't feel right for me, to be following after Roman even if it's to check on him. I have no right to interfere in his life, to even bother him, though he's done just that.What would his girlfriend think if some strange girl followed after her boyfriend?......No. Avoiding him is the best option.And speaking of relationships, my own is still on the unclear, Danny and I haven't spoken much after his encounter with Roman, so talking to him was out of the question for now.So I spent most of my time in the school library, having the peace I so craved for, the first time I arrived here. Deep down I knew that I
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I shouldn't be feeling like this, experiencing the feeling of regret because I've received what I wanted. I should sigh out in relief that he's not bothering me right?Today, he literally left me alone and didn't even glance my way the whole time, our paths would cross. He's kept his way and I should do the same, not over think things and not allow my mind, to be in deep thought about him.His friend's words had hurt to be honest, for someone to paint a picture of me as vindictive and someone who loves attention, not to mention selfish and all types of wrong. He made everyone sound like they are the victims and I'm the bad one here. His words should not matter to me yet they invade my thoughts every now and then.But he was right about Danny, I've been keeping him at arms length, even after so much time has passed. He's been trying to reach out to me, from some time now and honestly, what he did was really a mistake,
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" I can't believe you brought me here." I say, looking around the bowling alley, whilst Sam and I wear our bowling shoes." Yeah and I can't believe you invited your boyfriend here." He says." He won't join us till later, besides, it's my way of proving that I really meant what I said. To go back to how things were between us.""You don't need to prove anything to anyone." He argues."Well this is also for me, a step to moving past something and trying to get back what I've placed on pause." I say, rising to my feet."Maybe you could also apply that on someone else."I break eye contact, not feeling up to talking about Roman. All I want to do is have a nice night, a relaxed evening and to laugh, to laugh with no reason."Let's play, shall we?" I say, walking on to start playing."Hey, hey." His hand on my elbow stops me. " I'm sorry, I sh
Last Updated : 2020-10-20
Latest chapter
BEGIN AGAIN Epilogue
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BEGIN AGAIN Chapter 70
My dearest Hazel...By now you are a young woman, full of dreams and your heart still searching, for more to recieve. I do hope that by the time you read this letter, every bit of desire I had for your life, has come to pass. I hope that you are happy and in love. I hope that you are finally at that point in your life, where you know that your decisions matter, your voice matters.I hope that finally you and Roman have realised that you two, are soulmates.Maybe it's my wishful thinking but I see something there, something that is rare. As young as you two are, I see it and you two ending up together makes total sense, if you know what I mean.I hope that in whatever life has thrown at you, in every way, you must know that you will breathrough each hurdle that comes your way. I want you to know that it's okay to trust people, it's okay
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I can't get his words out of my head, no matter how much I try. What he said, has brought so many thoughts into mind and those words, could only mean one thing, whatever it is, is important. His body language and tone suggested it and I can't think otherwise.I know that he has given me free reign over his phone, like I have done so too, but I just couldn't find myself checking his phone as if I am snooping around. I mean I trust Roman so much, it's bloody impossible for me not to.I can't go and straight out ask him, because that would mean I was eavesdropping. I didn't mean to overhear his private conversation, I just happened to hear, that's all. There are so many things I don't want do, that may come out wrong in his eyes. " Urgh, this is so exhausting!" I groan out." What's exhausting?" My head snap up in the direction of his voice, where he stands at the doorway.Before I can an
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" Hazel?" I snap out of the trance I was just in, turning to look at my dad.His eyes show concern, even his approach towards me is slow and careful. I watch him silently as he sits on the coffee table, infront of me.We stare at each other for a moment, before he sighs, taking my hand in his own." This is the second time you've been up like this, in the middle of the night. You need to sleep sweetheart."" He wont talk to me. " I say numbly." Hazel...."" Roman wont talk to me, he wont answer my calls. I'm selfish aren't I?"" Hazel don't do this." I pull my hand away, cutting him off." I should feel different after having made this decision, but I'm not. " I rise to my feet. " Being here has made me realise that it's no longer just about me anymore."I walk away and head up to my room, feeling exhausted but not enough
BEGIN AGAIN Chapter 66
I'm sorry.They are the words that my grandparents couldn't help but repeat too many times. It's been years since I'd last seen them and I thought I would never see them again. Tensions and disagreements were the cause of us seperating. After my mother's passing, nothing was the same again. My grandparents never saw eye to eye with my father again, both parties mourned differently. My grandparents thought it would be best for them to leave with me and raise me, whilst my father had time to mourn yet my father disagreed. He refused to let me go.The tension was too much and it was not good for either one of us. They suddenly left and communication thinned, until it was no more. Though it saddened me to lose out on contact with them, I accepted that I would never see them again. Years passed but now they are back, they want to mend our relationship and right, their wrongs.
BEGIN AGAIN Chapter 65
It truly hurt me to see my dad the way he was last night. The image is still stuck in my head. His words caused an ache to my heart. It hurts that my dad feels so hurt, the blame that he placed on his himself was not right.I don't want him to constantly blame himself, for what happened to me. It's not his fault. I want him to understand this. I have to set things right, I know I have to. Things cant go on like this, it's exhausting to go through this rollercoaster ride once again.It's like my family and I can't catch a break. We need a break from all this. It's my first morning being home, having woken up in my own bed and breathing homey air. It feels weird not waking up next to Roman or him, not being the first one I see. We are so used to being around each other, now only being a phone call away just feels different. Everything feels different but not too bad, though I miss him terribly but being
BEGIN AGAIN Chapter 64
I could never catch a break.I thought I was done with hospitals already, now to find myself in here again, it tells a different story. I have woken up and Roman is the first person I see. His head is rested on my bed, his hand holding mine. I shift slightly and try pull my hand away but his grip tightens, refusing to let me go.I close my eyes and will myself not to cry. I am so exhausted emotionally and I feel like I can't deal with what happened to me and what, I had learnt not so long ago.I almost died again.I faced death but the difference is that I remember now. I thought I was done with the lies, I guess not. I knew that there would be people who did not like me, but for someone to hate me enough to kill me, that's a whole different level. I have had enough honestly and a part of me, wants me to quit on life but I know I can't. Roman, my dad, my family and friends wont allow me to.
BEGIN AGAIN Chapter 63 part 2
You stole everything from me.What does that even mean?" How can I steal something from you, when I don't even know you?......You're Roman's friend, no, you aren't anymore. " I shake my head." When Roman finds out about this, he will never forgive you. Never." I say, turning my back to them.I can't believe she would do this to me, to Roman. She is Kyle's partner in crime and she's been pretending to be a good person." Don't you dare turn your back on me Hazel!" She shouts." I can do what ever I f*ckin' want!..... You can't tell me what to do and who do you think you are to order me around huh?!" I say, glaring at her over my shoulder." Oh you'll be eating those words very soon you lil' b***!"" I'm sure I wont. Not when I'll be out of here in no time. Roman is coming for me." I say in confidence of my words.I turn b
