5. INTO THE PAST-1

Ayla is riding her car on the wide wet roads of London crowded with vehicles.  Her heart is thumping out of anticipation of what is going to happen once she reaches her office. As she drove into a peaceful street, she saw a teen covering her head with a yellow colored raincoat on the side pathway. The girl shoved her hands into pockets of her skirt and walking slowly when someone from behind came running and removed her coat off her head. She didn’t say anything and walked like that. The girl reminds Ayla of herself.

        She has been through many harsh things when she was a teen. She grew up with her mom in Istanbul. When she is old enough, she started questioning her mom about her father. He was somewhere in Europe. Every time she asked about him, her mom used to smile. Just a smile, a smile of assurance saying that she was there and Ayla doesn't need anyone. And that made her feel secured enough.

       She was sixteen when her mom took her to Ankara for a tour. She started to prepare Ayla mentally to live without her. Ayla ignored everything her mom said making herself busy in chatting with Blake, an English flirting boy, she met on face book. The day after the trip, she finally released the bomb that Ayla should stay with her father during her high school.

          She has to live with the person she has never met before, the country she had never been to. Her mom informed that he was coming to take her in two days. The decisions regarding her life were already made and she had to obey them.

         Her mom gave her own reasons saying that her studies won't be disturbed, she will have a great time there etc, etc. For two days, Ayla was on hunger strike. At last, she knocked the door and said, "Gitmezsen ilaç almayacağım" (I won't take medication,if you don't go) That was the last memory she has of her mother.

        Her aunt Zeynap was to take care of her mom and Ayla was taken to Nottingham. All her life, she had been dreaming about meeting her father but not without her mom. As much as she is grieving to go away from her country, Ayla was equally excited to meet his father. She tried to talk to him at the airport, in the plane and in the car. He didn’t show much of interest to make that father-daughter conversation to happen. He had a villa there while her mom, whom he abandoned, worked her finger to bone to pay the bills and raise her. Her father, Noah Dawson, his wife Evelyn Dawson, her son Jack, they are all strangers and she realized that from the first week itself.  

       Evelyn was good to her. She decorated all her room with pink color. It could never be her room. Everything in the room is pink. The walls, the queen sized bed, the carpet, the curtains and everything. She could no longer see a future there. She hates pink. She hated it because most of the girls like it. From trying to be unique, not seeking interest in things that interest others and slowly no interest turning to disliking and the dislike has turned to awful thing, pink has become something her eyes couldn't abide.   

       "It really gave me much joy to decorate this room. I personally planned this. I hope you liked it, Ayla." She said with much delight bringing her hands together to her chest. She was definitely proud of her work. Ayla doesn’t understand why would everyone think that a teen girl likes pink? She had no idea if I had a say in this or not. That was not her house, they were not her people. She had to adjust. Even the thought of objecting somehow terrified her.

        Blake was like a light ray in the darkness. He is the only person she knew there. She remembered half of her sophomore year. It was a hell. For some reasons, Blake was not there, she was always bullied, and she had no friends. And one day, when she woke up, her high school was over, her mom was dead, Blake was her boyfriend and her room had no pink at all.

      She didn't remember any of these things. Memories of one and half year of her life were so simply erased like they are a speck of dust. Some accident, it seems. She was hit by a truck. She doesn't even remembered how she cried for her mom, how she craved for a home. Her final year of high school was completely gone. She didn't remember her first kiss, her first time, nothing. They were all gone. She doesn't know what kind of memories are they. She doesn't want to know.

     One year went with therapy and Blake never left her side. They dated for six months. When they tried to have sex, she felt odd like she was betraying herself or someone, she doesn't know. She can't explain that. She missed the warmth of her mom. Even when Blake and Ayla cuddled in bed for hours, she never felt that warmth and that secured feeling. And that damn dream always reminds her that she has something to search. She was so confused about everything. She doesn't know what to do with her life.    

       On an occasion, a young entrepreneur was invited as a chief guest for some program she vaguely remembers. He was Jayden Knight. He shows no emotion but his eyes are ablaze, she feels like those ocean blue pair are talking to her, like she know him for ages. “You are not rich until you have something you can call yours. That something is not your father’s property, not your girlfriend, your love or the thing you buy. That something is something you create with your hands. Don’t ask me if the babies you create after so much tedious work falls under that account, I can’t say. But, guys, trust me. You are capable of more than increasing the population. You can built.” The auditorium filled with cheers when he said that. He continued his speech by telling some other interesting stuff. And that’s how everything started.

         He knew what he wants. He was so clear about what he wants. He had purpose. His speeches, his interviews, they are like some kind of inspiring podcasts. And then she found her purpose. He became her role model. She just wanted to talk to him once. His eyes say something his words can't say. He was like a puzzle. She admires his work, not his body, his money, his fame or success or something. Anyone who saw him could say he has well built body. She never cared about that. She doesn't even have any idea how many packs he had. She doesn't have any crush on him. After him, she knows what she wants.