01

"I nominate Joycelyn Lopez as muse." Said one of my classmates.

I was immediately taken aback when I heard my classmates giggle. Our teacher barely cared or just laughed at what was happening in the room. The nominated president is busy writing the name of the nominated muse in class.

"Is that all?" The president asked innocently while my classmates continued to giggle.

"No more, is there anything more to Joyce's beauty? Close it." My classmate replied.

Until the end of the polls, my classmates continued to giggle, I did not speak because I will just be annoyed and cry because I can do nothing to mold their crooked brains. Eventually, I just sighed.

In grade 10, my classmates have been making fun of me for years because of my appearance. I can't deny it because it's true, this is how I was born. What can I do? I also don't have enough money to fix my face. Even the school allowance is still on loan at the store. 

The day ended with mockery of what happened, while on the way home many people were looking at me. I don't know why, maybe they heard the news that I am a muse.

I saw Alexandra, the captain's daughter here in our barangay. She is rich and has many admirers for her good looking face and kind manners. But she doesn't like boys, the rumors say that she's been hitting a girl. 

"Think about it, Joy is your name but you are not happy." Dave said suddenly appearing in front of me.

"You son of bitch." I cursed him.

Dave is rumored to be the son of one of the Mayor in Pangasinan. I don't know why he studied here and I am not very interested in his life. We are not friends, we only met this year.

Their family is also rich. The father is a mayor and he has fancy shoes and a bag and clean clothes. They also own a few resorts here in the area. As well as the market place, they are also the owners.

I don't know why he suddenly appeared in front of me, my life is not very interesting. He’s handsome and he can meet a lot of beautiful women or maybe he just wants to trip me up like my fellow students.

I ignored him and I just continued to leave school, I would like to buy a fishball because my stomach is already boiling with hunger but I just put up with it and I did not buy it.

"Here." I was surprised to see a hand holding a fishball in front of me. It almost dropped in front of me. I turned to the side and saw that it was Alexandra. I frowned.

"Why?" I curiously asked.

"Why? Accept it. It's still hot oh." She offered the fishball but I still did not accept it.

"Why are you giving me that? Are you crushing on me?"

Her eyes widened at my question, even me but I did not want her to notice it. Eventually, she almost choked laughing after realizing what I said, I just sighed and continued walking.

She chased me and gave me the fishball, I was so irritated by her presence so I just accepted and ate it. As I was eating fishballs I saw Dave coming to us.

"Hey, are you stupid Alexandra? You have a girlfriend again? Isn't the grade 12 student also your girlfriend, at ABM."

"You're stupid too, did I insult you?" said Alex. Dave just laughed at her.

"Are you serious? Isn't your girlfriend is from grade 9 SSC then you also have a grade 12, right? You are a two-timer."

"Why do you care? You can also have a girlfriend if you want! Oh right, you are not allowed because they’ll arrange your marriage to someone, aren’t you? You will be miserable."

"Hey! You're getting personal, Alex ah. Of course, if my heart beats for someone then she’ll be my girlfriend! You’re corny, you’re talking about arranged marriage. I don't have Chinese descent!"

"You're cornier! You still believe about that heartbeat thingy there, what are you? A kid?"

I was busy eating fishballs, not minding their argument. I don’t know why they approached me. I just didn't say a word, I didn't even thank them for what they gave me, I just kept eating the fishball.

When I got home I immediately cleaned my body, I did not see mama and papa. Maybe, papa is fishing while mama is selling the leftover fish that papa caught yesterday. I also didn’t saw my brother at home. Maybe he just bathed in the sea.

Our house is close to the sea so provincial life is not too sad, it is far from the school and the town. I still need to ride a tricycle when I go to school, but when I come home from school I don't ride anymore because it's a waste of money, even if it's tiring, I have to save money.

There are only a few assignments today because the class is just starting, I'm just busy cutting out pictures in the old magazine and I'm going to make a journal. This is what I do every day, looking at the pictures in the magazine and admiring them.

"Is it, one plus one equals windows?" Jun, my brother asked me while answering assignments. He just got home from school but he didn't seem to have learned anything.

"Eh, what if I slip your head out on the window." I answered rudely.

"Just joking, eleven is the answer." He said and wrote it down on the paper.

I just shook my head, I don't know if my brother is studying. Maybe he just goes to school because of the allowance.

It’s already night when my parents came home, when they got home we ate dinner right away, they even asked what we did at school. After we ate I washed the dishes because I am the oldest.

I went up to the bedroom after I washed the dishes, there’s no signal in our house so I don’t know how to do my assignment. I wonder if I can just do it tomorrow, but I won’t have enough time. The signal in the sea is not weak, it’s just a little far from the house and the surrounding is dark because it is night.

Because I don't want to cram for tomorrow, I just brought a lamp for light, it's a bit dim but I put up with it, my skin is not good enough for me to act.

I just shook my head when I got to the sea and saw my skin on my leg, it was bleeding from the mosquito bites. I immersed it in the sea to somehow be healed or to avoid infection. When I landed my leg in the sea I immediately felt the pain, I was also afraid that someone might pull my legs maybe by a shokoy or mermaid because it was night. Even in modernization, my outlook on life is still old-fashioned.

The pages of the notebook I left on the sand are flipping because of the wind. When I felt that my leg wound is not so bad, I went up to do the assignment.

I spent my time doing it, we were only assigned to do something about definitions, and it was not so hard because it hasn’t been taught yet.

Many fishermen are still passing on the shore, with boatmen and few rich people. Tourists maybe. I even saw Dave paying attention to the boatmen, they grabbed the net and pulled it to the shore. I don't know why he shook it, Manong Berto jokingly hit his head. 

"Fix it, Dave, we might lose the fish we caught." A boatmen with him said I can't see who spoke because they were in the dark part of the sea.

"I'm tickled!" I heard Dave say. Then, he should not just do that or meddle with the work of the boatmen. He's just gonna cause a problem.

I just ignored them and just continued what I was doing, they were just too noisy, they were counting while pulling the net.

When I finished my assignment, I fixed my things, I was surprised when someone walked into my place. I looked around and saw Dave's face smiling like a dog. I averted my eyes and then resumed fixing my things...

"Are you doing an assignment?" he asked.

I just nodded.

"I'll help you?--"

"Finished." I said. 

"Let's do it again, erase your answer and then we'll both answer!" His suggestion is useless. My forehead wrinkled when I looked at him.

He scratched the nape of his neck when I stopped talking, I left the spot where I sat earlier. I could feel him following me but I’m not even worried that he might do something.

"I'll walk you home ah."

I stopped talking, as soon as I got home I immediately closed the door. I did not offer him to enter. I suddenly felt guilty for what I did to him.

I don't know why he is kind to me, or he is really like that to everyone he meets. I feel like, his kindness to me is like he needs something strange, I do not know if he’s tripping me or if there is another reason.

When I entered school, almost everyone is looking at me, I just ignored it. Their looks seemed to be mocking, frustrating. I just sighed to calm down somehow, there might be a fight here.

No one seated by my side, even though we were given an assigned seat yesterday they still did their own decision on where to sit, I just ignored it, as I always do. I would have liked someone to be by my side but it seems like I have a dangerous disease and they are disgusted to by my side.

I just read the assignment that I did last night, my handwriting is getting a little better than before. I even added designs so I wouldn't get bored while waiting for the teacher in class.

"Hi, good morning. Do you have an assignment? Can I copy?" Dave said when he was seated next to me, he said nothing and get my notebook. I also did nothing but to let him read it and did not snatch my notebook from him.

"Your handwriting is beautiful, it's nice to copy" He said, nonsense.

"Just give it to me, when you’re done copying."

He returned my notebook. "I'm done with my assignment, I'm just joking about copying... anyways, come with me later during recess. Lexa will be with us, she brought lots of food--"

"I don’t want to."

"Why? The food she brought is delicious--"

"I don't want to, don't force me--"

"Might agree?" He joked but my face remained serious. "Come with me."

"I don't want to! Just ask someone else! We’re not close!"

He was surprised by my sudden burst, his eyes also widened and his lips parted, I do not know why I was suddenly angry. I suddenly felt guilty for what I’ve done to him.

I left the room in embarrassment, my classmates kept whispering about what I did to Dave.

"Joy!" I heard a woman shout, I turned around. I saw Alexa waving her hand as she approaches me.

When she got in my direction, she suddenly hugged me, I don't know why. I frowned at her behavior.

"I've heard that our classmates and schoolmates always bully you. Are you okay?" She asked worriedly.

I just nodded. My face did not show any emotions either, just blank.

"Dave is looking for you. He said you were angry with him because he forced something on you. He did not say what he did." She said. "He said he felt sorry for you because a lot of people are mocking you so he asked me to find you. I just arrived at school, it's a bit late. You still have class, you better go back to your room."

"After the first class." I said, she was stunned and eventually smiled.

"O-okay, I'm going to our room. I'll be leaving you now ah?" She said and pointed behind her.

"Alex." I called and she stopped walking away from my direction. She went back.

"What is it?" She asked curiously as if she’s a child.

"Please tell him... I don’t need his sympathy."