Chapter 4 – Atman

LAMIA

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I begin questioning Mathias once Kellen and Mike have left, ignoring the scowl on Mathias's face as Kellen walks out holding Seneca. “Mathias!” I snap, gaining his attention.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I question once more, crossing my arms and glaring at my Atman with intensity. “Why would you even attempt…”

“What was I supposed to do?” He explodes, his face reddening by the second. “I’m the Alpha of fucking Alphas!” He jabs his chest, stepping over the shattered plates and glasses, avoiding the food that splattered across the floor. “If not me, then who?”

“And Finn?”

“That was his choice. Aodh needed to be stopped.”

“Not at the cost of your life!” I retort, angered by his stupid decision.

“You don’t get it, Lamia! You weren’t here. This realm is suffering, ALL kingdoms are under attack, he will destroy this realm. When we failed to bring you back after the first try, it was all that could be done. You do not get to stand there and dictate what I should and shouldn’t have done. I had lost you; I had no idea if you were coming back or not.” He carried on, his voice getting louder and louder until he stood in front of me, looking down with a harrowing glare in his eyes.

“So, you thought you would commit suicide? Because that’s what it was, going against him without me! Suicide!”

“I couldn’t bring you back. I thought you were gone forever!” He spits out, droplets of his anger splattering on my face as he yells through clenched teeth. “My mark burned off, Arcas retreated in defeat. He felt your loss!” Ripping open his shirt, exposing his broad and muscular chest, Mathias bears his neck where my mark once sat. His bonding mark from the blue moon, also gone.

I gasped, not realizing what had transpired, and could only imagine the pain and heartache he had been through. Knowing Mathias and his beast Arcas, I could understand how he might feel lost and self-destructive.

My heart pounded wildly as I watched his anger grow, I wanted to reach out to him but kept my arms crossed I needed to hear this from him. He needed to unload his burdens.

“Yeah, I went after Aodh, and he kicked mine and Finn’s ass royally. He could have killed us, maybe he should have. But he didn’t. And do you know why?” He questions, with fervor. I shake my head, leaning back as his large frame crowds me. “Because he wanted me to watch you suffer when you returned. He wanted me to watch as he claimed you for himself like a fucking prize. That’s the only reason he left me alive and barely at that.”

My chest pinched at the thought of him dying. The goddess inside me reeled with anger and began plotting revenge against the old god. I, as Lamia, fought to hold back the tears that I could have returned to a realm with no Mathias and no Arcas.

In a sudden move, with no thought, I jumped at Mathias, crushing my lips against his, and kissed him like there was no tomorrow because there might not be.

It took him a second, but once he got over his shock, heavy arms wound around me tightly and his lips moved against mine.

Sparks danced across my skin as the heat between us grew. My hands awkwardly roamed down his arms and over his chest as I began to reexplore the body of my Atman.

“Little wolf,” He breathed, breaking the kiss.

My eyes fluttered open and were met by steely grey ones that searched my face. “King,” I replied on a shaky breath eager to taste him more. His eyes darkened but flecks of silver began to shine as he took me in.

Nimble, large, and strong fingers slid down my body, reaching my thighs and slipping under the shirt I wore. Those calloused fingers stroked up the outside of my legs, lifting the shirt as they gently trailed upwards.

A pleasurable shiver broke over my body as I leaned into his touch and begged with my eyes for him to kiss me again.

My breath hitched and the air around me became thick and palpable with the growing intensity between us.

“Yes,” I hissed when his fingers dug into my bare ass and he pulled me against him, letting me feel how aroused he is.

The floodgates opened, and memories of our first time invaded my thoughts. The scent of my own excitement filled the surrounding air in hopes that we were going to reconnect.

I inhaled his toxic scent of vanilla and aged dark rum, bringing past encounters to life and fueling my desire to have him consume me.

Realizing how much I had missed my King, all of him, as his herculean body encased mine drawing impossibly closer while deepening the kiss, turning it into something hungry and consuming.

His large body shuddered against me, there were no words as his mouth plundered mine. What started as a gentle kiss, a seduction; was quickly turning into a fiercely hot claiming.

I submitted to the emotional demands of his mouth and lips. I whimpered, and his tongue slipped forward to claim domination over me. Clutching his massive shoulders as he left me breathless and panting.

My legs had weakened, and I was left feeling dizzy when he drew back. With heavy lids I looked up at him, his dark curly hair falling over his forehead, not quite reaching his swirling silver eyes.

His rough hands smoothed over the bare skin of my ass, long fingers dipping between my thighs, grazing my sex.

“Fuck, I’ve missed you little wolf,” He muttered in a sinfully hot deep voice. “I was hoping we would get here.” He drawls out, bending to nip at my neck.

A mewling sound leaves my lips as I feel powerless to do anything but that.

His skilled fingers brush between my lower lips and I can think of nothing but being filled by him.

I thought I remembered what he tasted like. I thought I remembered the feeling of him. But as I gripped his shoulders and felt him sweep through my wetness, coating his fingers, I realized I knew nothing. Remembered everything wrong.

Everything I thought I felt for this alpha of a male was pale in comparison to what he was doing to me without even trying.

“Atman,” I whisper seeing the reflection of my glowing green eyes in his.

With a smooth rush, Mathias’s hands glide up my body, lifting my shirt, my arms automatically lift with his touch and fall to his shoulders once I stand bare before him.

Trailing my fingers down his chest, I rip his shirt open to expose his magnificent, hardened body. I take a moment to explore the dips and curves. Seeing scars that weren’t there before. He was bigger than I remembered, with more brawn, and more depth to his dips and curves.

His bronzed skin was hot beneath my fingertips, his abdomen tight. I walk my fingers back up his sculpted body, laying my palms to rest on his chest which heaved deeply.

Mathias was barely containing his beast. I could see Arcas on the surface by the way Mathias’s skin rippled with each touch. I saw him in the silver swirls of Mathias’ eyes. “Do you still want me Arcas?” My words are gentle and full of hope.

“Yes,” Mathias replies for him. His words are barely above a whisper, yet the way he stares at me has heat creeping through my body and settling low as that one word echoes and bounces between my ears.

“Then mate me, my King,” I seductively whisper, now craving to feel Mathias between my legs.

I watch with intrigue while Mathias removes the remains of his shirt and slowly takes off his pants. My tongue comes out to wet my lips as I lustfully gaze over his body, my eyes settling on the girth between his legs.

Mathias walks me backward until we fall in a tangled mess onto the soft mattress. With no effort he picks my body up, scooting it to the middle of the bed, and climbing between my legs.

Kneeling, he looks down at me with seriousness and intensity covering his face. “I love you. Everything you are and everything you are not. You are my strength, my weakness, my light in the dark. The mother of my cubs, my queen. You are everything, Lamia.” I moan at the heartfelt and emotional words that pour from his mouth.

Any response is lost as Mathias twines our hands together and falls over me. Capturing my mouth in a fervent kiss.

A sense of serenity fills the air, and a tranquility of calmness overcomes me. As if the realm stood still and nothing existed outside of us.

My inhibitions melt away as I stare into those cool and alluring steel eyes. My breath hitches and the flutter of desire between my legs intensifies.

My legs spread wider, wrapping around, and I dig my heels into the hardened flesh of his ass. I feel the tip of his strained, thick, and long arousal brush against my sex and whimper into his mouth.

The silver of his beast flashes in his eyes as he takes a deep breath, scenting my arousal.

There was no need for words, just the look of longing and need passed between us before my lids heavily slid shut.

Mathias pulls back from the kiss, my eyes fly open and lock with his penetrative and predatory stare causing a heat I thought I would never feel again. “Lamia,” My name rolls off his tongue with strain, “I don’t know how gentle I can be.”

“I told you once before, I’m not fragile my king…” In the most possessive way I could imagine, he claims my lips again. A low growl vibrates from his chest and resonates throughout me, causing my already heightened and sensitive body to shiver with pleasure.

My hands wind in his dark locks, my back arches, and my sharp intake of breath turns into a moan, as he slowly and torturously pushes into me until he is fully seated inside, and we are truly one once more. Only then could I finally catch my breath.

Mathias makes love to me, long slow strokes that have my toes curling. He keeps me on the edge, making me feel every stroke and every smooth inch of his cock.

“Mathias, please.” I moan.

“Watch me little wolf, watch your body submit to mine as it should. Only like this can you show weakness. Only like this will I give you all of me. Only when it’s you and I.”

I understood what he was saying, only for me would he be vulnerable. Only for me would he give me all of him. No one else but me. I am his everything.

Gripping his forearms tightly, he quickens the pace, his beast glimmering in his eyes as he reclaims me.

A tingling sensation came over my gums, my K-nines began to elongate. The Lycan beast side of me wanted to mark him.

Leaning up with full intentions of sinking my teeth into him and giving my King my mark again. I halted my action.

Softly at first then brighter, a blue glow began to emanate between us. Markings appeared on Mathias’s chest, the same ones from when we first bonded.

Long ago, the markings the three sisters had painted on us had been washed away. Now those same foreign symbols began to appear, etched in a hue of blue.

Mathias didn’t stop, rather the appearance of the glow drove him on as slammed into me harder as if he couldn’t get close enough. He intended to possess me and be possessed.

Our breathing evened out until our passionate moans were in sync. A tidal wave of euphoria passes through me, my walls tightening around my king’s cock as he drives into me.

My eyes locked on him for a brief moment, catching the beast in his. My lips curl back, and I lean up and sink my teeth into searing flesh.

Roaring like a feral beast, I feel the pain of his incisors clamp down on the skin between my shoulder and neck. I cry out in ecstasy and pain and come with a crash that leaves me seeing stars behind my lids. The warmth of Mathias's seed spills into me and he only slows his pace once he is spent, and the grip of his teeth pulls from my flesh.

An enigma of shock from his bite, and the high of orgasming overcomes me. Werebears imprinted, they didn’t mark. Not with their teeth. It was too dangerous.

“I needed to see my mark on you again.” Mathias calmly explains, his cock slipping out from my warmth. “I wasn’t going to wait.”

My hand lifts to my neck, and I wince. Would I heal like I did before, or will I heal at a slower pace like we did in the other realm?

I was different now. I didn’t know what else would be different too.

Smiling up at my Atman, I shake my head and reach up to pull his face closer. “I’m glad you didn’t,” I say with all honesty because, in reality, I didn’t care just as long as I was still his.

Now that he imprinted and marked me, and he wore my mark, I had no doubt about his love for me. I should never have worried in the first place.

Mathias rolls onto his back, bringing me with him. I straddled the big beast, propping my chin on folded arms that lay against his broad chest. I could hear the strength in his heartbeat and took a closer listen.

A silly grin plays across my face when I hear no time distinction between the two beating organs. They beat together, in sync, for each other.

“It was different,” Mathias says, quietly.

“I am different. You are different. You are my Atman.” I tell him pointedly.

“Inanna…”

“I am Inanna, she is me.” I answer before he can fully form his question. “Inanna and Arcas were always meant to be. I see it, feel it, understand it. You are the reincarnation of the great god Arcas, you carry his spirit within you.”

“Strange,” Mathias says, shifting his body and rolling us to the side, “Odeia said the same thing.” There’s hesitance in his tone, and something akin to the look of confusion in his features. “She told me things were different this time, I was the difference.”

“She right my King. In my past life as Inanna, I never met you. I was already in this realm and had fallen in love with Conri.” I see the muscles in his jaw clench, and the vein in his neck pulse. “But it was always meant to be you. If Inanna and Arcas had met in the realm of God’s, all this, I lift my hand in gesture, “The past, the present, would never have happened.”

“All this?” He questions with skepticism.

“Yes. Anu would never have promised Inanna to Aodh. Inanna and Conri would never have met. And Ascena would never have been born. Neither would I.” To me it makes sense, by the deep look of thought on Mathias’s face, he was still trying to wrap his head around what I meant.

Gently, I palm his cheek, feeling the hum of our connected souls. “You will see soon enough. Everything will become clear my Atman. We are both stronger now. Aodh can not defeat us. Not now. Not ever again.”

I only hoped the confidence I exuded in my words would become the truth. Together we were stronger, more so now that we had bonded and imprinted.

This was the closest we were going to get to normal in our lives.