Chapter 2 – Reacquainting

KELLEN

My hands shook. I looked at them as if watching would stop them from trembling. It didn’t. I balled them into fists tightly, my jaw set, and teeth clenched. I had woken up several times during the night and now I just sat on the side of the bed not knowing what to do.

Tala slept soundlessly on the other side of the plush bed - her soft breathing rhythmic. When I was trapped in the other realm all I could think about some days was reclaiming my Queen. What it would feel like to reconnect with her.

Two days later, all we had done was hold each other. She asked me questions, ones I couldn’t answer. Not because I didn’t have an answer, but because I didn’t know how to articulate my words. Putting my feelings into words seemed difficult.

I remember everything. Not just from my Life as Kellen Moon, but I also hold Conri’s memories. The way he once felt about Inanna, what happened to him, how he became a spirit animal under the Moon Goddess, and how Inanna had once loved him.

The memories were from a lifetime ago, yet his memories, coupled with my own were still fresh in my mind. Like Lamia, I no longer had a wolf to communicate with. We were one and the same. In the other realm, it was easy to grasp the memories. Maybe because my mind was on us surviving.

But here, back in our realm. I was struggling with my identity. “I am Kellen Moon. King of the werewolves.” I say trying to convince myself, or perhaps to remind myself of who I am, would be more accurate.

“Yes, and you are my mate.” I turn to see Tala sitting up looking at me with confusion. Her hair hangs loose, flame-red strands stick out and up and it’s a beautiful mess. She holds the satin white sheets against her chest, covering her bare body.

I stare at her intently. There’s so much I want to say yet I don’t know how. I can only hope she can see what I feel in my eyes. Does she even still want me? I know I still want her. Without a doubt.

“I'm going to get cleaned up,” I tell her, standing and walking to the adjoining bathroom. Like a coward, I walk away from her and hear her exhale abruptly and groan as I shut the door behind me. Bracing my hands on the counter, I bend and lean. My head comes up to glance at my reflection in the mirror. The scar across my face is the only thing I see.

How could Tala still want me when I look like this? Marred. How could she still want me when she learns I'm broken and having an identity crisis? It wasn’t like this in the other realm. We knew what we were. We just were. But now? Now I don’t know who I'm meant to be. Kellen or Conri.

The door to the bathroom opens revealing Tala in a simple blue T-shirt and nothing else. “Kellen talk to me.” She props herself against the frame of the door, the morning light casts a glow around her, only making her beauty more ethereal.

Gods did I miss her.

I right myself, pushing off the counter and coming to my full height.

“You gave me pieces of your time away but nothing about you.” Those teal eyes hold concern, and her face holds so much pity. I didn’t need anyone feeling sorry for me.

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you,” I whisper, schooling my face to hide my true emotions.

“I want you to unload your burdens onto me. I want to hear the ugly truth. I want to know where your wolf is?” Her arms are crossed, and she tightens her hold on herself. “I want to know what happened with you and Lamia for the past three years.”

And there it was. I tip my head back briefly, closing my eyes and exhaling with a growl. “Three thousand,” I say not looking at her. “And what you mean is you don’t trust that I was faithful to you.” That was said a little harsher.

I knew I had gone too far when I heard a sharp intake of air. Instead of creating an argument, Tala sighed. I hear her arms drop to the side and then feel them as she lays her hands on my shoulders. I open my eyes and look down at her.

“That’s not what I meant Kellen. And if you did… sleep with each other there’s nothing I can do about it. And if you were there for three thousand years in that realm's time, then I wouldn’t hold it against you.”

“Yes, you would.” I snark back at her with a curled lip.

“Don’t you dare perceive to tell me what I would and wouldn’t think.” She bites back, her wolf coming to the surface. “Tell me how you got this scar,” She asks much calmer, and gently runs her finger over the deep cut.

I want to tell her. I really do. I just don’t know where to start. As if reading my mind Tala smiles up at me and says, “Start wherever you want, try telling me who or what gave you the scar.”

“Lamia.” I give her a one-word answer and her expression changes to shock.

“Lamia?” She questions in disbelief as if she didn’t hear correctly. I nod.

Tala moves from my side, maneuvering around me, and turns the faucet for the bath on. “Here, I know you said you wanted to get cleaned up. Let me take care of you like you have done for me so many times.”

She pulls me to the large tub where the water is filling up fast, a little steam billows off the surface. Obediently I step in and sink into the rising water. Tala takes a cloth and begins to wash me.

The steam from the hot water soothes my aches, I sit hunched over, and for several minutes there is silence as Tala tends to me. Until I speak. “When she gave birth to Seneca.”

“Sorry?” I feel Tala’s hands pause.

“You asked who gave me the scar. It was Lamia when she gave birth to Seneca. She was sucking the life out of Lamia and her wolf. Inanna gave up her life force to keep Lamia alive, in the process Lamia attacked me - gave me this.” I trace the tight line that runs from my forehead to my cheek. “That’s when her hair turned completely black. They had both lost too much blood. I gave mine to Seneca to save her and gave what I could to save Lamia.”  I turn my face so she can't see my eyes. “Am I ugly to you now?” I dare ask the question that has been playing on my mind the most.

“Ugly?” She laughs. “Ugly?” She repeats and her tone does nothing for my confidence. “Kellen, my mate,” Her fingers catch my chin, and she forces my head to turn. “By moons, you have no idea how silly you sound. You have been so distant; I’ve been afraid to put my hands on you. You are more handsome now and that scar only adds a flare of danger to those boyish looks you had.” She’s smiling at me, but the smile drops as she looks into my eyes, her face morphing into concern. Her next words are laced with apprehension, and I can sense her distress.

“And where is your wolf Kellen? Mora cannot sense him at all, but she can still scent him.” Tala’s hand drops from my face and continues to wash me down, her hands never faltering.

“That’s more complicated,” I tell her solemnly.

“Try me.”  She says with a bitter and commanding tone. I knew that tone, remembering it well.

“That place did something to me. I don’t know if it was because I gave too much blood or if it was the place we were in itself.” My words peter out as I try to formulate a sentence that would explain what I am. Who I am.

Silently, patiently, Tala continues to wash me down, small hands travel over my hardened muscles. Her light touch is tantalizing and familiar. Closing my eyes, I inhaled her scent, leaning back and letting the warm water swish around my body.

The salty and orange smell that surrounds her, heady and mouthwatering, calms my inner turmoil. My head is filled with my memories as far back as I can remember but in the darkness of my mind, lay other memories. Memories of long ago: Conri’s. A past life that comes to light behind my eyes.

“I remember everything,” I whisper to Tala, still keeping my eyes closed. I feel her dainty touch pause before carrying on with her administration. The cloth glided over my chest, down my abs, but never venturing lower.

“My wolf, Conri, like Lamia’s, joined with me. We became one. There is no separation. No beast and man. No voice in my head. No spirit animal to guide me. It's just us. Me.” It sounds confusing trying to explain it. It was confusing to me and now we were home, out of the other plane of existence, it was more than just shared memories. It was… “I remember my past life, if that makes sense, rather Conri’s life.”

I couldn’t formulate words to explain how I felt or what had changed about me.

Slowly I open my eyes to see Tala’s bright teal eyes looking right at me. Our gazes lock, and she stares into me with intensity. The look has my blood pumping and I'm suddenly overcome with the urge to mate and mark her. Again.

Under the water, I clench my fists, because the idea of reclaiming Tala scares me. I want her. I love her. I have dreamt about her for decades, missing her flame-red hair, the sparkle in her eyes, and the way her lips purse when she’s thinking hard. Just like now.

I wanted nothing more than to pull her into the cooling water, shred her shirt and fuck her like there was no tomorrow.

So why was I restraining myself? That I couldn’t answer but my gut was telling me it wasn’t time. I felt nervous, overwhelmed, and dangerous. There was a fear rooted deep inside that I would hurt her.

Tala’s chest rose and fell heavily, her nipples pebbled beneath her shirt and her breath quickened. The room filled with her arousal and my cock hardened beneath the surface of the water.

Slowly, I shake my head back and forth. Telling her no with shame in my eyes. I wanted her, but it scared me. I watched as those magnificent hues of blue glazed over with tears. “Kellen?” She questions with disappointment, an air of melancholy surrounding her.

“Why don’t you want me? I thought… the way you kissed me when you came through the opening…” She doesn’t finish her sentence, instead swallowing down the words as if they were caught in her throat. A lone tear escapes, sliding down her cheek.

I reach up, catching it with my thumb, the tear disappearing in the droplets of water from my hand. “I want you, Tala. You are my mate. That has not changed. Believe me, I want you, but I need time. I'm scared I will hurt you, physically. This realm… resonates differently. I can feel the vibrations of every molecule that surrounds me. Like a pulsing frequency that hums over me.”

“There is no Conri. Only me. I am Conri. Conri is me. We are one.” My eyebrows scrunch together as I try to make sense and know by the confused look on her sad face that I’m talking in riddles. “I am still Kellen… Just…”

My words are cut off when I feel pressure in my mind and Lamia’s voice filters through. *Come to my chambers Kellen,* Obediently and without hesitation or explanation to Tala, I stand from the water.

My still rock-hard cock bobbing as I climb out of the water. “Lamia needs me.” I simply tell Tala and walk out of the bathroom dripping wet, leaving puddles as I walk through the room and out the door.

I faintly hear Tala’s voice calling my name as I venture through MacTire castle.

In the back of my head, I knew I had just insulted my mate, but it was second nature, survival that when Lamia called for me, I ran. Because where we had just come from it was a matter of life and death. We didn’t question why we needed each other. We were there for one another because we had no one else.

Even though we are back in our realm, home, that instinct wasn’t going to go away any time soon. So, with focus I weaved through the halls passing several members of MacTire, shocking a few young females, and passing a very befuddled Josiah.

It was only as I passed a young maid, did I realize, I was stark naked and still had a boner that could rival the hardest of rocks. The girl blushed and hid her face behind her hands, the smell of her desire wafting in the air.

I didn’t even think to put on a pair of pants or even dry myself off. I hadn’t done it in so long that I forgot some shifters were modest. It was going to take time to get used to our realm again.