Kairos Gregor Rouvin Vejar'sDay one"Ako na."I smiled at Mariake right after I took from her the big box she was holding. We were on the stairs and she was trying to out the box to the nursery. Nilagpasan ko siya pagkatapos ay dumiretso na ako sa loob ng gagawing nursery. I had my people fix things here in the house. I am very excited about them coming home."Papa, look po, I found these po sa toys namin ni Ate. Pwede bai tong ilagay sa crib ng babies?"I put down the box to accommodate Ada. She was holding a musical mobile. I remember that thing. It was the first thing I bought for Danielle when I learned that Mariake was pregnant with her – na hindi na iyon false alarm. I didn't know how or what to feel back then, but one thing is for sure, I am excited to see Danielle. I wanted Mariake to give birth the next day."Why, Papa? Why are you silent? Nagugutom ba ikaw?" Ada asked me again. Ginulo ko iyong buhok niya at saka tumawa."This is the first toy I bought for Ate Danielle." I t
Prologue: O to the M to the G!Since I was five years old, I know that something inside of me is different. First, I have three sisters, Amalthea, Pan and Dionne, they are all pretty and they all like pretty things. I also have a brother; his name is Kairos Gregor Rouvin Vejar. We're supposed to always play together but Kairos likes playing tough games like rugby, football and others. Habang ako, I like playing tea party with my sisters. I love brushing Pan's hair, I love braiding Ate Amal's hair. I love putting lipstick on Dionne's lips. I love hanging out with my sisters so much.When I was eight years old, Pan introduced me to her new friend, Elisha Marie Limaco Magkaklase sila ni Pan at sabi nila mag-best friend daw sila. Pan and I and my other siblings study at the same school. Araw-araw kaming magkakasama kaya araw-araw rin naming kasama si Elisha.Elisha became a part of our lives. Kumbaga, parang extended sister na siya. Mama became very close to her. Wala rin namang kapatid s
Alejandros'"Have you heard from Elisha?"I did not react. I just sat there and ate my pasta while I listen to my boyfriend and my sister talk about the woman I fucked and probably the mother of my child now. It's been two years since I last heard from Elisha and no one really knows where she is. She went off the grid. Even her parents don't have a single idea of where she is right now. She's not missing – she just doesn't want to be found."I kinda miss her." Pan said. Sabino seconded her. I remained quiet."Babe, are you okay?" Sabino asked me. I looked at him and smiled."Of course. I miss her too. I just hope she is okay." I smiled at the two. Sabino kissed my knuckles and wiped the side of my lip. I didn't know that I had something in there. I wasn't myself. I am not myself for two years now. My mind is where Elisha is right now. How I wished that I went after her to ask her. What if he's pregnant? What if I got her pregnant? I haven't told anyone about what happened to us. I can
Alejandros'"What are we even doing here, Alele? Buntis ako, tapos kung saan – saan mo ako dinadala?"I was still inside the car with Cachi by my side. Yes, she is very pregnant but I really needed someone to be with right now. Ngayong araw ko kakausapin si Elisha. After a long while, after finding out that she had lost our baby. I am inside my car looking at the house she lives in. It doesn't look safe. It was an old hous, sa ilalim ay ay barber shop, na may nagche-chess sa gilid, sa right side may tindahan na may mangiginom sa kanto. I looked at Cachi who was eating her McDonald take out. She was savoring the cheesey friens. Suminghap pa siya habang kumakagat."Wis, Ateng! Six months na iyang tyan mo, kung umarte ka para kang naglilihi pa rin!" I told her. Hinampas niya ako sa balikat."Ano bang ginagawa natin dito?!" She hissed at me.I sighed. "Kakausapin ko si Lisha. It's been almost a year and a half, kailangan na naming mag-usap.""But I thought that she lost your baby? Why do
Lisha's"Gusto mo bang pakasalan kita?"Napatingin ako kay Alejandros matapos niyang sabihin sa akin iyon. Hindi ko alam kung nararapat bang sagutin koi yon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit niya kailangan itanong iyon sa akin? Kung normal na sitwasyon siguro, baka, sumagot ako ng oo. May anak na kaming dalawa, wala man kaming relasyon pero gusto kong bigyan si Alba ng maayos na buhay, iyong may buong pamilya kami, iyong masaya. Sa sobrang pagkatulala ko sa kanya ay napaluha ako. Nagulat naman si Alejandros."Huy, h'wag kang umiyak, baka isipin ng mga tambay sa kanto na inaaway kita! Baka gahasain nila ako!" Frantic na sabi niya. Agad kong pinahid ang mga luha ko. Inayos ko ang sarili ko. I reminded myself that what we have isn't normal just like the others. Bakla si Alejandros at kaibigan ko siya, hindi ko kukunin sa kanya ang kalayaan niya. He's a good man and a good friend and I am sure that he is going to be a good father. I am not going to take it away from him because he deserves to be
Alejandros'I wasn't able to come to Lisha's for three days because of work. Napakarami kong ginagawa buti na nga lang at nandyan si Kairos para hatian ako sa trabaho. Nakikibalita rin naman ako sa company ko and the people there told me that Sabino is back in the country and he's the one in-charge of the fall make – up collection. I really wanted to go to the company because I wanna see him, iyon nga lang, nahihiya ako sa kanya."Catherine's not answering my calls." Nagulat ako nang magsalita si Kairos sa tabi ko. Hindi ko napansin na nakapasok na siya sa office naming dalawa. We share the same space. May dalawang table lang doon na magkaharap. Minimal lang ang design sa office namin, the tables, the couch, sa tingin ko ang attraction ng office namin ay ang view ng airport sa likod.I eyed my brother. Can he really be this insensitive?"Baka naman busy iyong tao." Sabi ko na lang."Busy? Wala naman siyang ginagawa sa Qatar. Wala siyang work. She's just there for a vacation. Pinauuwi
Alejandros'Sasama akong sumundo kay Elisha ngayon. I woke up early because I have to take a bath and shave and do all my morning rituals. I was looking at myself in the mirror thinking about my actions. I am gay. I know that I am still gay but why the hell am I being attracted by her lips, her hips and her breasts.I sighed. I am back to being confused again. Oh to the M to the G.Nagbihis na ako at lumabas ng kwarto. I was told by the maids that Mama and Papa was waiting for me in the dining area kaya dumaan muna ako roon. I saw my whole family there. Si Kairos ay pinapakain si Mariake ng fruits. Ang laki na kasi ng tyan ng hipag ko at mukhang tuwang – tuwa sila Mama at Papa sa pinagagawa ni Kairos. If they only know..."I'm leaving, Ma. I'm going to pick up Lisha and Alba.""We're coming with you." Sabi ni Papa sa akin. "All of us. Even Mariake." Napatingin ako sa kanya. "Anak, we're doing this together. Pamilya tayo at hindi ka namin iiwanan.""Your father is right." Dagdag pa ni
Elisha's"Nakakahiya naman po, Tita, halos kayo na po ang nag-iiwi kay Alba."Hiyang - hiya talaga ako kay Tita Gianna kasi halos siya na ang nag-aalaga kay Alba. Hindi pa kasi kami umuuwi sa bahay na binili ni Alejandros. Dalawang araw na kami ni Alba dito sa mansion at sa dalawang araw na iyon, damang – dama ko iyong pagtanggap nila sa amin ng anak ko. I was smiling at her. Si Tita Gianna naman ay natawa lang. We were having breakfast in their gazebo."Anong nakakahiya? Anak ni Alejandros ang anak mo. Mahal na kita bata ka pa lang so anong nakakahiya, Elisha?" Hindi ako nakasagot. Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. "How are you and you're family? Nagkausap na ba kayo ng Mama mo?"Umiling ako. "If I go home now, Mama would tell me how disappointed she is of me. Wala naman po kasi akong kapatid, Tita, so ako lang talaga ang nakikita at nakikita nila, I am a disappointment in the family." I laughed. Dinaan ko na lang sa tawa ang lahat kahit medyo masakit na ang nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko ipap
Esmeralda Alba Vejar'sI could still remember that day when my Mom and Dad walked down the aisle. I was only ten years old back then and I am very much happy because I know for a fact that it's that day that will change everything in our lives.My dad told me that he had always adored my mom when they were younger. He had always seen her as a special girl. He was just too gay to even realize that.Their wedding was six years ago, and now, I am sixteen and I am watching them as they talk to each other in the gazebo while drinking tea. Momma smiled at Dad and they laughed again.I sighed."What are you doing, Ate?" Eros asked me. I looked back, I think he just got home from school."Look at them. They're so perfect for each other." Sabi ko pa."Oh yes. So perfect that they had two other kids." Tumawa si Eros. May dalawa pa kaming kapatid, si Alexandro at si Sarita. Sarita is our youngest, she's in kinder now, si Alexandro naman ay grade four. We have a semi - big family and my parents h
Alejandros'"You didn't tell Sabino you're back? Pinasundo mo lang siya papunta dito sa CLPH? Bakit? Dapat ikaw ang sumundo sa kanya, Alele. He cannot walk."I was having a morning walk with Ate Amal that morning. Kahapon ako dumating galing Seattle at kahapon ko rin nalaman ang tungkol sa katotohanan kay Sabi. Ang hindi ko maintidihan ay kung bakit kailangan niyang gawin iyon. I know, maybe it's about love or because he didn't want to feel alone.I feel responsible for whatever happened to him. Ako talaga ang may kasalanan noon kasi naman iniwanan niya ang pamilya niya para sa akin at kailangan kong harapin iyon. Kahit na hindi ko na siya mahal sa paraang nais niya, he is still my responsibility. Hindi ko siya pwedeng iwanan basta. Alam kong dapat akong magalit sa kanya but as I looked at him that day, I realized that he changed as I did.Pareho kaming nagbago. At sa pagbabagong iyon, naiwanan ko si Sabino."Ate, Sabi can walk. He's been trying to hide that for a long time. Not sure
Elisha's"Momma is Papa gonna be alright?"Eros was sitting beside me. His hands were clasped together and he was looking at me with his wide almond shaped eyes."He is going to be fine, Eros. He promised you and Ate right?" Ginulo ko nang bahagya ang buhok niya. Nasa waiting area kami ng ospital at naghihintay sa kanila. Si Alba ay nasa kabilang couch at nagbabasa ng libro niya. Alba is a wide reader, isang bagay na namana niya sa Papa niya. I remember seeing a lot of books in his rooms when I was a teenager. He loves reading, mana si Alba sa kanya."But will we be able to eat the candies in his coat pocket after it's done?" Eros asked me."Of course! But Papa needs to eat many broccolis because he needs to get healthy after it's done." He smiled at me. Napangiti na rin ako."I miss him already Momma. After its done, I'm letting him hug you because he helped Rom. Rom's gonna be alright after this, too right?" He asked again. I could only hope. I am hoping and praying that everything
Alejandros'"Papa, are you still bakla?"I was going upstairs with Alba in my hands. Pikon nap ikon ako kay Elisha. Kung sino-sinong lalaki ang kinakausap niya. Inabot na siya ng tanghali sa labas! Hindi naman niya kasama si Eros. Kahit pa sabihing may baby sitter doon. Anong magagawa noong baby sitter?! Sasabunutan ko na talaga itong babaeng ito! Hindi siya nag-iisip!Ini-stress niya ako samantalang bukas na ang operation namin ni Rom! Hindi niya baa lam na bawal ma-stress ang beauty ko?!"Anak, stop asking me that." I plainly said to my daughter. She shook her head."According to google, baklas don't go around punching people if they're upset. They slap people around, pulling their hair, then they don't have kids. "Cause they're baklas. Papa, I don't think you're a bakla nymore. I think you love Momma that's why you punched Mr. Jarvis. He's Mommy's friend and he gave us two bottles of cow milk for Rom. You're jealous, Papa. You're in love with Momma."Hindi ako nakakibo. Tinitingnan
Alejandros'"Thank you, Alejandros ha."Pagpasok namin sa apartment ay iyon agad ang sinabi ni Elisha sa akin. Thank you. Nagpapasalamat siya dahil pumayag akong maging donor para kay Rom which is never really a problem kasi pamangkin ko naman ang pinag-uusapan at isa pa kailangan talaga ni Rom ng tulong. I saw the kid. He was too weak. Kamukha siya ni Rem pero mas maliit siya at mas maputla at mas payat dahil nga siguro sa sakit nito."It's nothing. I'm glad to help." I told her. Sinusundan ng mata ko si Eros. Kanina sa plane ay magkausap na kami. Natutuwa ako sa kanya dahil para bang ang independent niya tulad rin ni Alba. Now, he's taking out all his toys and the he looked at me."Hey, Papa, let's play with my cars and lego! Faster!" Gigil na gigil siya habang kinakawayan ako. Napatawa ako tapos ay agad na nagpunta sa kanya. He gave me some lego blocks and told me to build whatever I want. Alba joined us and played too."Papa, are you going to marry Momma?"Natigilan ako. I looked
Alejandros’“Come fly with me, Alejandros.”I couldn’t decide on what to do. Gusto kobg sumama kay Elisha pero hindi ko basta pwedeng iwanan si Sabi. But then, looking at her now, in front of me makes me want to fly with her – gusto kong sumama sa lahat ng lugarna pupuntahan niya. Gusto ko na siyang makasama at ituloy kung anuman ang naudlot noon. We have kids. Two of them at hindi ko hahayaan na mawala na naman sila. I have missed seven years of Alba’s life. Hindi ko hahayaang madagdagan iyon. Hindi ko rin hahayaang mawala sa akin ang anak konh si Eros. The way he looked at me earlier - iyong para bang kinikilala at tinatantya niya akong mabuti ay sobranh awakward para sa akin. Hindi naman dapat ganoon iyon. I sighed."Please, Alejandros. Let's fly to Seattle. Please..." Hinawakan niya ang braso ko and I swear, I felt fireworks all over me. Napabuntong - hininga na lang ako."I will arrange our plane, Lisha.""Oh my god! Thank you, Alejandros!" Bigla na lang niya akong niyakap. Natig
Eight years later...Kindred Hospital Seattle – First HillElisha's"Momma, will he be okay? I mean really, really okay? I am really really worried about him. Rem keeps on asking me if Rom is going to die. Mama Cathy doesn't want us to think that Rom is going to die. Rem said that if Rom dies, he wll die too, is that true? If that is, where are we gonna bury him? In Qatar, here in Seattle or in the Philippines? It's so confusing because we have like dual citizenship."Alba keeps on talking while we walk around the hospital to find Cachi. I just got back from picking Alba and Rem from their school and since we got in the car, hindi na tumigil si Alba sa kakasalita. Hindi ko maintindihan kung paanong naging napakadaldal nang anak ko samantalang noong baby siya ang tagal niya bago natuwid sa bulol niyang pagsasalita. She's now seven years old. Two months from now, eight years old na siya, I was thinking of giving her a birthday party. Ngayon lang kung sakali siya makakapag-party."Rom is
Elisha'sWe are now walking back to the main base of the CLPH. Alejandros was holding my hand while we walk. I couldn't contain my happiness. Basta masaya ako at mukhang masaya rin naman siya."Hey, Alele!"Napansin kong may golf cart na huminto sa tapat namin. In there, I saw his cousin, Apollo Vejar kasama ang girlfriend nito. They were laughing while talking to Alele."Saan kayo? Tara, sakay na!""Sure! Saan ba kayo pupunta ni Wewe?" He asked. "Si Lisha nga pala." He looked at me then he grinned. "Jowa ko." Napansin kong kumunot ang noo ni Apollo."Jowa?" He repeated what Alele said."Girlfriend iyon, Pol." Sabi noong maliit na babae. Hindi naman nagsalita na si Apollo pero halata sa kanya ang pagtataka. Inalalayan naman ako ni Alejandros hanggang sa makaupo kaming dalawa sa likod ng golf cart. Hindi niya pa rin binibitiwan ang kamay ko. I am happy – so happy. Mahal ko naman kasi si Alejandros. Iyon nga lang, hindi ko alam kung mahal niya ba ako. Paano kung hindi, paano kung ganito
Elisha's"Ateng, lalaki na ba siya? Parang lalaki na siya... feeling ko lalaki na siya."Taa nang tawa si Catherine Fe sa akin. Nasa bahay niya ako nang umagang iyon. Naghahanda kasi siya sa pagdating ng Mommy niya. Excited ang lukas. Sabi niya nga bantayan ko siya dahil baka atakihin siya ng epilepsy sa sobrang excitement niya. Ganoon daw kasi siya kapag mataas ang emotions. Inaatake siya."Hindi ko alam." She smiled. "Malay mo naman. Ano nag-wrestling ba kayo?" She asked me."Hindi. Umiyak kasi si Alba, so I had to attend to her. Ewan ko ba. Parang napapaso na rin ako. Umalis nga ako sa kabila, tulog pa rin si Alele. Sa iisang kama kami natulog eh. Bahala na, basta." I sighed. Nasa play pen si Alba, habang si Rem at Rom ay nakahiga sa crib nilang dalawa at para bang nag-uusap."Everything has to be perfect. I don't want Nanay to think that I am losing it." Tumawa siya. "Anyway, h'wag mon ang pakaisipin si Alejandros. Kung gusto ka niya at kung may nararamdaman siya sa'yo, gagawa siy