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Not My Life
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Related chapters
All Grown Up Have To Get Back
AudreyI had to get out of the house, I decided. I couldn’t sit here wallowing, or I was going to drive myself crazy. What did I used to like to do around town when I was younger? I thought back.Then, the perfect idea came to me. I headed to Annabelle’s room. I thought about it as her room now, even though the queen-sized mattress had been temporarily removed and twin beds had been put back in, just like when we were kids.I perused the shelf of books that she had on display. There were tons of them. She said she got a lot of them for free for working at the bookstore. I hadn’t heard of half of them, but finally, I found one that I vaguely remembered having wanted to read at one point in my life. I grabbed that, dropped it into a bag, and headed into town. Even with my ankle, it wasn’t far to walk, and I used to do this all the time.I looked down main street, which looked different in the daylight than it had when I had gone out to Gabby’s the other night. I hadn’t really been payin
All Grown Up Only Friends
JesseI was going through one of the delivery slips, checking it against my order slip and making sure that we had gotten everything that we had ordered when Joe came behind the counter and nudged me in the ribs. “Well, would you look at that,” he said, nodding toward the window.I grunted but didn’t say anything, even though I knew that, in itself, was probably damning. The truth was, I had seen Audrey already. She had walked by the shop not that long ago on the other side of the street. I had found myself hoping that she would stop and turn, that she would come inside. But why the hell would she do that? She probably didn’t know the first thing about hardware, and it wasn’t like she was going to suddenly decide to build something for her mom’s place.Although come to think of it, she was probably bored out of her mind here in Aberdeen. It would probably do her some good to have a project to work on. Not that I would ever suggest that to her. I didn’t know what she would think of the
All Grown Up It Slips Out
JesseIf I went anywhere else in town, I’d not only be leaving the shop in Joe and Chance’s hands—and who knew what might happen then—but everyone in town would wonder why I wasn’t there in the middle of a workday. Joe would probably be more than happy to tell them why I was gone.Besides, there was a part of me that wanted to use this as the excuse to go and talk to Audrey. She might not like me like that, but I still liked her, and she was my friend.I slowly walked over toward the park.Audrey saw me coming and put her book down, smiling up at me. “I was wondering if you were actually going to walk over here, or if you were just going to stand there watching me,” she said teasingly, and I realized abruptly that while my whole inner struggle had been going on, she had been sitting there watching me.I ducked my head, kicking at the grass. “I didn’t want to disturb you,” I muttered. “You looked, I don’t know, peaceful.”“Honestly, this book is terrible,” Audrey said, holding up some
All Grown Up Digging A Hole
AudreyThe minute the words were out of my mouth, I wished that I could take them back. Was there any possibility that Jesse hadn’t heard me clearly? From the shocked look on his face, he clearly had. Oh brother.“I mean, maybe not the biggest crush,” I immediately said. “I don’t know if it really was a crush at all. It was more like, you know, we just spent a lot of time together, and everyone I knew who spent a lot of time together with a member of the opposite sex, they were basically dating, right? And everyone I guess sort of thought that you and I were, you know, an item. That’s all. I never really thought that we were. I mean, it’s not like I wanted to be with you or anything. I just thought that we’d be good together. That’s all.”I realized that I was digging the hole deeper and deeper, and I felt mortified. My cheeks were burning, and I wished that I had never brought up that day in the first place. Hell, I wasn’t drunk now. Why even start rehashing all the times that Jesse
All Grown Up Not A Date
AudreyI knew that the original plan was for six months here, but the longer I was here, the more certain I became that I’d be able to go back sooner. I was coming up with hobbies and exploring other interests just like the director had asked. I had done the research that he wanted me to do. And my ankle wasn’t bothering me at all anymore, really. It was feeling pretty darn good. Mom still wanted to get me in to see a doctor about it, but I had a feeling I was going to be cleared to start training again sooner rather than later.It was a good feeling to have, but it meant that now wasn’t the time to start something with Jesse, who was clearly going to stay here in Aberdeen for the rest of his life, working at his father’s store and driving the same truck that he’d had since we were teenagers.There was nothing wrong with that, either—not for him—but I wasn’t going to be sticking around here. No sense in getting attached on either of our parts.Finally, I decided to put on a simple bla
All Grown Up Bowling
JesseI smiled over at Audrey as we pulled out of her mom’s driveway. “It must be nice to get to spend a lot of time with your family. Even if you did have to leave Paris and come back here for six months to do it.”Audrey cocked her head to the side. “I guess,” she said slowly. “I mean, it’s great to see them. I just can’t help feeling like, I don’t know…” She trailed off, and I could tell that whatever it was that she was feeling, she was reluctant to talk to me about it.“Come on, you know that you can tell me,” I told her.She sighed. “This might sound bad, but I just can’t help feeling like there isn’t a place for me here anymore. I mean, things have changed here since I’ve been gone. That’s for sure. But I can’t help thinking that maybe I’ve changed more than everyone else.” She paused. “God, that makes me sound so full of myself, doesn’t it?”I frowned, thinking about that. “To be honest, I kind of understand that feeling,” I told her. I took a deep breath. I hadn’t really talk
All Grown Up The Night is Young
JesseWe finally paused to grab food, although with the score tied at one game each, we were already promising one another more rounds of play afterward. “God, I forgot to ask if you were still on a dancer’s diet,” I said suddenly as we looked over the pizza menu.“It’s fine,” Audrey said.“No, seriously, I’m sorry,” I said. “I should have thought about that.”“And taken me where?” Audrey asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “I don’t think Aberdeen has any low-fat, no-carb, whatever-whatever places where I could stick to my diet. I knew what I was getting myself into.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve been pretty lax on my diet since I got here. And I mean to be better. I don’t want to give it all up. But at the same time, well…” She trailed off again, looking embarrassed.“Well what?” I asked her.She gave me a tentative smile. “The director gave me a challenge when he was sending me here,” she said. “He told me to treat this like a research project. To find some hobbies and, like, figure o
All Grown Up Letting Him In
AudreyI shouldn’t have been surprised with the way that the evening ended up going. It was classic Jesse, through and through. God, how many nights had we gone out bowling with our friends when we were teenagers, all because Jesse wanted to? Granted, it wasn’t like there was all that much to do around town, but he always seemed to be the one to get us off the couches and out the door.There was something to be said for that.Then the conversation? I supposed it was no surprise that I found myself talking about my feelings, my wants, my dreams, my desires, with him. He always had a way of getting me to open up to him. I felt comfortable around him in a way that I didn’t with anyone else. I felt like I could tell him how out of place I felt here, without him thinking that I was just some stuck-up dancer with her head in the clouds.And for the first time since coming back to Aberdeen, I started to wonder if maybe I had been wrong. Maybe there was someone here in North Carolina who real
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All Grown Up All Grown Up
AudreyI couldn’t believe that Jesse had gone to all of this work to build the perfect nursery for our baby. From the looks of the crib, it was hand-built, not just one of those flimsy things that you put together from the store. I could tell that there was still some work that he planned on putting into that, and there was a rocking chair only half finished on the floor. But Jesse was building me a nursery for our baby.I could barely believe it.Here I had been so worried that he would want nothing to do with me or the baby, when in fact, exactly the opposite was true. He wanted this enough that he was willing to put his love and dedication into incorporating us into his life and his home. He wanted our baby to grow up here just like he had grown up here.He was so perfect. I didn’t know how to tell him that.Instead, I was given the opportunity to show it to him.I caught his hands in mine and tugged him out of the nursery and back down the hallway to his bedroom. This time, I was
All Grown Up Moving Forward
JesseWhen I heard Audrey’s reasons for why she hadn’t told me about the pregnancy, I felt my heart break a little. Not because her reasons were terrible, but because I’d been so terrible to her this week. If she’d only explained things to me before. I knew that was my fault, though. I hadn’t let her explain. We’d been tired and too full of emotions to really talk last weekend, but I at least should have made time to see her earlier in the week.I didn’t know what I’d been expecting from her, but her actual reasons for not telling me were almost too sweet.“I’m assuming that you want to try to get yourself back into shape and go back to being a ballerina once the baby is born?” I said now, at dinner.To my surprise, Audrey shook her head. “Honestly, I think those days are over.”“I’m sure you can talk to your director and work something out with him,” I said, frowning. “I know there was the injury as well as this, but he seems like a reasonable guy. It’s not like you don’t have the ta
All Grown Up Mending Bridges
AudreyJesse slowly came up to the porch, like he thought I might run in the other direction. “You look really pretty,” he said quietly.“Is that all you came here to say?” I asked tartly.The lips of his mouth twitched with a grin. “Just the start of it,” he promised me. “Have you already eaten? I was hoping that maybe I could take you to dinner and we could talk.”I stared at him for a long moment. So now he wanted to talk? I wanted to hear whatever it was that he wanted to say, though. I wanted him, so badly that I ached. I found myself nodding. “Let’s go,” I said, heading toward his truck.We were both silent on the way to the restaurant that had been our favorite as teens. I should have known that he would take me there. Back to where it all began. There was a part of me that was terrified that I was never going to be able to come back here again after this too-serious conversation that we were about to have.There was another part of me that soared with hope, wondering if this m
All Grown Up Missing Him
AudreyI shook my head. “It’s more complicated than that,” I sighed. “He just got mad because I didn’t tell him that I was pregnant until we were on the way to the hospital. I lied to him about why I was back here, and he can’t trust me anymore.” I bit my lip. “I deserve it, for waiting for the perfect time. I just didn’t think waiting was going to end up making things so terrible.”“Oh, Audrey,” Annabelle sighed, coming over to sit next to me on the bed and giving me a hug. I knew she was probably going to be running late for her shift, but she didn’t seem to care. She just wanted to make sure that I was all right. I nearly cried with how much I appreciated it.She noticed. “Are you crying?”I had to laugh. “Hormones,” I told her. “I’m pregnant, remember? My emotions are all over the place.”She shook her head and went to grab me a tissue from the box on the dresser. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’ll be mad at you forever,” she said. “You didn’t see him when you were in Paris
All Grown Up Baby On Board
AudreyI’d had a great day with Mom and Annabelle, cooing over all the adorable little things that we could buy for the baby in the local mall. I knew that they were really excited about the baby, but as much as I tried to match their enthusiasm, I still couldn’t help but feel upset and unsure. It would have been so much easier if I had known that Jesse and I were an item and that he was going to be there for me. For us.I still hadn’t heard from him, though, and now it had been nearly a week since he had found out about the fact that I was pregnant.It had been a long week. Other than that shopping trip, I had barely left the house. What was there to do? Anywhere that I went around town, there was a chance that I might run into Jesse. I didn’t want to admit that I was avoiding him, but the conversation that he and I needed to have wasn’t one that I really wanted to start in public where anyone could witness it.It was a small town. Soon enough, everyone was going to realize that I wa
All Grown Up Audrey
JesseI took a calming breath to steady myself. No. I at least knew Audrey well enough to know that she wouldn’t do something like that without at least telling me that was her plan. Even though I hadn’t reached out to her, she knew where to find me if she really needed to talk about something like that. She knew where I worked, and she knew where I lived.At least, I thought I knew Audrey well enough to trust in that. If not Audrey, though, I had a feeling I would have caught an earful from Annabelle if her sister was even considering that.“You’re sure it’s yours?” Joe asked.“Yeah,” I said. I grimaced. “I actually asked her if it was someone else’s and that was why she hadn’t told me about it. She got pretty upset that I had even dared to think that she might have been with someone else. I believe her.”Joe nodded, and I could tell he was thinking everything over.“Am I right to be angry with her?” I asked, when he didn’t say anything. “I mean, she flat-out lied to me. You were rig
All Grown Up Processing
JesseI knew that I should probably talk to Audrey. Not talking to her was driving me crazy. She had always been one of my best friends, and if there was anyone that I wanted to talk to, it was definitely her. I missed her. I wanted to know how she was handling all of this. I wanted to know what she was thinking.I wanted to make sure that she was following the doctor’s orders to rest and stay off her feet for a little bit, in case it was the stress that had caused that terrible cramping that she’d had the other night. It had been hard for Audrey to stay off her feet before when her ankle was injured, so I could only imagine how she was coping with it now.I hoped for the sake of the baby, our baby, that she was taking the doctor’s words seriously. I had a feeling she would be, though. Somehow, I knew that she was going to make an incredible mother. That little baby was lucky.It was one of the few things that I was sure of.The rest of it was all uncertainties, and that right there w
All Grown Up Stress
Audrey“Eleven weeks,” I said. “Annabelle and I went for the ultrasound on Friday.” I pulled out the picture to show her, and her face lit up.“Look at that little peanut of a thing,” she cooed. “He looks adorable.”“He?” I asked skeptically. “You can’t possibly tell that from the picture.”Mom tutted. “Let me have my dream,” she said. “It would be good to have a little man around the household again. Besides, look at the way he’s positioned. He must be a boy.”I tried not to laugh. “Maybe it’s a boy,” I said, glancing at Annabelle.“Audrey’s hoping it’s a girl so that she can teach her to be a ballerina,” Annabelle said.“The world could use more male ballerinas,” Mom said, winking at me. “I always wished that I would have a boy to balance out you girls.” She sounded wistful, and I suddenly realized that I had never known if two kids were all that she planned to have or if things just hadn’t worked out for more. It suddenly seemed like something that I should know.Mom was wrapped up
All Grown Up Telling Mom
AudreyI had barely left my bedroom for the rest of the weekend after Jesse dropped me off at home. I couldn’t help thinking of the terrible things that he had said to me out in the driveway. I couldn’t help thinking of how much I deserved for him to say those things and more to me.I had fucked up. I knew that now. No, I had known that all along. I knew that I should tell him about the baby. All the reasons not to tell him seemed so stupid now. I couldn’t even think how to apologize to him, in fact, that’s how stupid all the reasons sounded in my head.Not that I was going to get a chance to apologize to him. I had given him his space on Saturday. He wanted time to cool off and process things, and I would give that to him. Sunday, I hadn’t been able to stop myself from texting him, though. I understood if he wasn’t ready to talk yet, but I just wanted to know when he might be ready to talk. The uncertainty was killing me.He hadn’t responded. Suddenly, I felt panic go through me, eve
