I got out of my ride and grabbed my bags. For a moment, I just stood there in the driveway, staring up at the family home there in Aberdeen. Oh Lord.
Place hadn’t changed since I had left. Not one bit.
I looked around, up and down the street. A couple of younger kids were out playing in the cul-de-sac, just like we used to when we were kids. The Leroy house was painted blue now instead of gray, but even that blue paint looked faded and worn now.
I looked back at our house. What the hell was I doing here again? For the first time, I started to think about where I would even fit into this life. This was a tiny, two-bedroom house. Back when Annabelle and I were kids, sharing a room had been fine, but what about now? The whole unit wasn’t very big. There would be no getting away from Mom or her boyfriend. We’d constantly be bumping into one another.
Not for the last time, I was sure, I found myself feeling homesick for the Academy’s dorms. It was just housing for us dancers, but I’d had my own room in a three-bedroom unit. The shared living room had been spacious, with lofted ceilings and incredible views out over the Seine. The metro was just a couple blocks away, and in under an hour, I could be wherever I wanted to be in the city, from art museums and galleries to tourist sites to nightlife and anything else.
Here, I was a couple of blocks away from what passed as main street in town. A few shops, a tawdry bar that I wouldn’t be caught dead in, and who knew what else that had been put in since I had last been here. It wouldn’t be much.
I already couldn’t wait to get out of there, and I hadn’t even been inside yet.
I took a few steps toward the door. As much as I was worried about how the cramped space would feel once I was back in it, there was no denying that I’d had some good memories here in this house. Baking in the sunny, yellow kitchen with Mom and Annabelle. Twirling around in the living room as I watched hours and hours of ballet on repeat and tried to copy their moves.
I might have always wanted to get out of this town, but it hadn’t all been bad.
I knocked on the front door. It felt weird just to let myself in. I might be family, but I hadn’t lived here for years now. And I wasn’t the same person that I had been when I left. I was sure of that.
A young woman answered the door, and it took me a moment to recognize her as Annabelle. She had dyed her light brown hair dark, and it was styled in a sleek bob with a cute fringe just brushing her eyebrows. Her blue eyes were a dead giveaway, though, as was the squeal that she let out when she saw me. She flung her arms around me.
“You’re here!” she exclaimed. “Mom said you were coming home, but I thought she was joking. I didn’t think you were ever going to come back here. What’s up? You’re not engaged, are you?” She peered past me, like she expected some mystery beau to suddenly spring up behind me.
I shook my head. “No, not engaged.”
I sighed, trying to think of a way to explain. I had been vague with Mom, just telling her that I unexpectedly had some time off and thought that it would be nice to come home. Of course, she didn’t buy that for a second, but she had thoughtfully refrained from asking any prying questions, at least until I came home.
I had also been vague on my exact arrival details. The last thing I needed was her making a scene at the airport. I just couldn’t deal with that right now.
“You must be tired,” Annabelle said, grabbing my bag and dragging it inside. “Come on. I cleaned up the room just in case Mom wasn’t joking. You can have my bed for now. We’ll figure out something else soon. Sorry, I upsized to a queen, and there just wasn’t room for another twin bed in there after that.”
She looked so apologetic that I had to laugh as I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it,” I said. “I didn’t expect everything to be the same. It’s been a while.” I paused. “Is Mom here?”
Annabelle shook her head. “She and Clayton just went out to get food,” she said. Suddenly, her face lit up. “Oh, now I know why she was so adamant that we weren’t just having boring meatloaf leftovers tonight.” She giggled. “Anyway, they should be back soon, and then we can have dinner, and you can go straight to bed. Grandma.”
I rolled my eyes and gave her a light push. I had missed her laugh, and hearing it now was like a balm to my soul.
I headed down the hall to our old bedroom. It definitely looked like Annabelle’s place now, but there were certain hints of the fact that it had once belonged to both of us when we were kids. The glow-in-the-dark stars were still peeling off the ceiling above where our twin beds had been, and a couple of my pictures still hung on the walls. Nostalgia punched me in the gut, but I pushed it away.
I didn’t want to live in Aberdeen. Not before, and not now. Not ever. I was just here to pick up the pieces of my life, rest up, and train hard. I would be back in Paris within six months. Sooner if I had my way. No time to get attached to things here.
“Oh my god, you must be loving France, right?” Annabelle asked, flopping down on the bed next to where I had gingerly sat down, more to give my ankle a rest than out of any real desire to lay down there. I couldn’t help feeling out of place. I should offer to stay out on the sofa, I knew, but I also knew that a few months of sleeping on an old sofa was not what the director wanted when he told me to take six months to heal up.
“Paris is great,” I said, shrugging. I didn’t know what else to say. Annabelle had never been the kind of person to travel. She still lived here with Mom and Clayton, while theoretically saving for college. But she’d been saving for college for years now. I knew that school was expensive, but I was sure that if she really meant to leave, she would have by now.
She had never once come to visit me abroad, not even when Mom came to visit me. I knew she was too scared to travel. She’d probably live here in Aberdeen for the rest of her life. She wouldn’t be the first person to do that.
It was still crazy to me that we had once been so close, and yet we couldn’t have turned out more differently.
“So are you, like, getting transferred to an academy in New York or something?” Annabelle asked. “Is that why you’re back here? You know, Mom would love it if you were a little closer.”
AudreyI shook my head. “No,” I said. “I love Paris. I don’t want to leave any time soon.” I paused, thinking back over my time there. “The Global Traveling Dance Academy of Performing Arts is so amazing, Annabelle. They’ve helped me so much with my dancing, and—what?”Annabelle was cracking up, and I tried to think about what I’d said. “The Global Academy of Traveling Pants, or whatever it is,” she said, giggling. “Do they make you say that every time you talk about them?”I bristled, unable to help it. “The Global Traveling Dance Academy of Performing Arts,” I corrected. She giggled some more. “It’s one of the most prestigious dance academies in the world.”“Sure,” Annabelle said. “Well, we watched that DVD performance that you sent Mom. Hate to say it, but it all just looks like ballet to me. I mean, really good ballet. But just ballet.”I shrugged, looking down at my hands. I didn’t know what to say to that. I knew that no one here in Aberdeen would ever understand anything about
JesseI was expecting Dan to show up on Saturday morning, which was part of why I hadn’t wanted to draw things out with Joe the night before. Dan owned a restoration company in town, and he always came to me for lumber, tools, and other odds and ends for his crew. He was a big money-maker for the store, one of our best companies. I didn’t trust anyone else to handle business with him.That was partly because Dan was one of the most demanding customers that we had as well. I watched him run his hand down a piece of lumber. He looked up at me with knitted eyebrows. “This the best oak that you’ve got?” he asked. “We’re refinishing countertops and trim in some of those old cabins out by the lake, and the woman who has us doing it wants everything to last into the next century, not just the next decade. Look at all the knots in this piece!”I peered at the sample and then the piece of paper attached to the pile. Then, I nodded, jabbing my finger at it. “Yep, this is the stuff for the trim.
JesseJoe followed me into the back. “Maybe you should have hired the kid on probation,” he said.He didn’t say it loudly enough for Chance to overhear him, but I still gave him a look. “Everyone deserves a chance,” I said.Joe snorted. “Chance deserves a chance,” he said. “That’s really funny, Jesse.”I rolled my eyes. “Come on, get to work.” “Aye aye, boss,” Joe said, saluting me, his eyes twinkling.“Mixed metaphors,” I muttered under my breath, but I couldn’t help grinning as well.We hadn’t done much when Chance came running back to find me. “There’s not enough cash for me to give change,” he said, sounding panicked.I frowned. I had counted the drawer this morning, and unless someone was trying to pay with a really huge bill, there shouldn’t be any problem. Most people paid by card, so I doubted the drawer was already empty. We hadn’t had that many customers in there that morning, even.Joe gave me a look like “can you believe this fucking kid”.“I’ll be right back,” I told him
AudreyWhen I got up on Sunday morning, I could smell breakfast cooking in the kitchen. Bacon, pancakes, orange juice, and who knew what else. Mom always liked to go big on Sunday morning breakfasts, and I was sure going to get big if I started eating like I used to. I’d never get back to dancing again. I really needed to talk to her about that.I was surprised when I wandered into the kitchen, though. Mom beamed at me when she saw me, gesturing toward a plate. “I remembered when we were in Paris that you always ate those egg white omelets and fruit for breakfast,” she said.I knew the omelet had probably been cooked in butter, but I was touched again by the effort that she was making, even though I had just shown up here out of the blue. “Thanks, Mom,” I said, sliding into my seat at the table across from where Annabelle was already seated.“How are you feeling this morning?” Mom asked. “Better?”I nodded, and in fact, I somehow was. I was getting used to the idea of being here, at l
Audrey“That sounds like fun,” Mom said. “I bet you really would love it, Audrey. Maybe you’d run into some of your old friends. You could probably show them a move or two.” She winked at me, and I had to fight not to roll my eyes.Show them a move or two? Did she think I was going to bust out a few of my ballet moves right there in the middle of some small-town bar? It just showed how much she really thought of me and my career.“I’m not in contact with any of my old friends,” I said, hoping that would be the end of the matter. The last thing I wanted to do was go to a bar by myself. I didn’t want to be that desperate stranger standing off to the side, trying to attach myself to a group.I felt another pang of homesickness for my life in Paris. I hadn’t gone out alone in all the time that I’d been there. The other dancers at the Global Traveling Dance Academy of Performing Arts, the ones who had been there for a while, had immediately taken me under their wings when I had arrived, sh
JesseI mounted the sign back where it was meant to go and climbed back down, to applause from Tristan’s daughter. “You fixed it!” she said excitedly as she peered up at it.I grinned in spite of myself. “Wasn’t too difficult,” I told her, but I accepted the high five that she gave me anyway. I straightened back up and turned to Tristan. “That wind last night was pretty crazy, huh?”“Yeah, came up out of nowhere, too,” Tristan said, looking worried. “I’m afraid what that means for storms this year.” Then, his worry cleared as he clapped me on the shoulder. “At least I’m lucky enough to work right next door to the town handyman. You want to come inside for a piece of pie?”“God, that sounds great,” I said. I’d been going since dawn that morning. Not only did I have the hardware store to open, but I’d gotten calls from half a dozen people in town who all wanted to know if there was any way that I could help them with storm damage that they had suffered overnight.I’d left Tristan’s dine
AudreyI dug through my bag, trying to find some sort of outfit that would be suitable for a bar in Aberdeen. Annabelle and I had snuck out to go to shows in town when we were teenagers, with more or less success, depending on the night. What the hell had we worn back then? Jeans? I didn’t think that I had worn jeans in years now. Surely not in all the time that I’d lived in Paris.When we went out there, I was usually in a dress or slacks and a button-up blouse. But both of those things seemed too formal for wearing around Aberdeen. I didn’t really care about what everyone here thought of me, but I wanted to be comfortable and not look like a snooty rich girl out of her element. If this really was about research, that wasn’t going to help me one bit.“God, I wish I were as skinny as you,” Annabelle said as she came back into the bedroom after her shower with just a towel wrapped around her.I snorted. “You look amazing, and you know it,” I chided. “But if you want to give up on all t
Audrey“I’m in flat shoes,” I reminded her. Her shoes. She shouldn’t need reminding.Annabelle shrugged. “Come on, get in,” she said, walking over to the van.I stared at the door that she held open for me. I wanted to argue, but the words wouldn’t come. And anyway, I could tell that this was the kind of battle that I just wouldn’t win.I slipped inside. When Clayton put it in drive, the van lurched, and I winced. It made a terrible sound as it drove through town, and I felt more and more embarrassed. Finally, we came to a sputtering stop outside the bar. People were definitely staring as Annabelle and I got out.I cringed, but I was surprised to see that Annabelle didn’t seem to care about the attention. Instead, she smiled and chatted to a few people she knew, talking about how nice the evening was and how good it was to be done with winter finally.We headed inside. Gabby’s was nicer than Finnegan’s, but it was still definitely a dive bar by anyone’s reckoning. You would never find
AudreyI couldn’t believe that Jesse had gone to all of this work to build the perfect nursery for our baby. From the looks of the crib, it was hand-built, not just one of those flimsy things that you put together from the store. I could tell that there was still some work that he planned on putting into that, and there was a rocking chair only half finished on the floor. But Jesse was building me a nursery for our baby.I could barely believe it.Here I had been so worried that he would want nothing to do with me or the baby, when in fact, exactly the opposite was true. He wanted this enough that he was willing to put his love and dedication into incorporating us into his life and his home. He wanted our baby to grow up here just like he had grown up here.He was so perfect. I didn’t know how to tell him that.Instead, I was given the opportunity to show it to him.I caught his hands in mine and tugged him out of the nursery and back down the hallway to his bedroom. This time, I was
JesseWhen I heard Audrey’s reasons for why she hadn’t told me about the pregnancy, I felt my heart break a little. Not because her reasons were terrible, but because I’d been so terrible to her this week. If she’d only explained things to me before. I knew that was my fault, though. I hadn’t let her explain. We’d been tired and too full of emotions to really talk last weekend, but I at least should have made time to see her earlier in the week.I didn’t know what I’d been expecting from her, but her actual reasons for not telling me were almost too sweet.“I’m assuming that you want to try to get yourself back into shape and go back to being a ballerina once the baby is born?” I said now, at dinner.To my surprise, Audrey shook her head. “Honestly, I think those days are over.”“I’m sure you can talk to your director and work something out with him,” I said, frowning. “I know there was the injury as well as this, but he seems like a reasonable guy. It’s not like you don’t have the ta
AudreyJesse slowly came up to the porch, like he thought I might run in the other direction. “You look really pretty,” he said quietly.“Is that all you came here to say?” I asked tartly.The lips of his mouth twitched with a grin. “Just the start of it,” he promised me. “Have you already eaten? I was hoping that maybe I could take you to dinner and we could talk.”I stared at him for a long moment. So now he wanted to talk? I wanted to hear whatever it was that he wanted to say, though. I wanted him, so badly that I ached. I found myself nodding. “Let’s go,” I said, heading toward his truck.We were both silent on the way to the restaurant that had been our favorite as teens. I should have known that he would take me there. Back to where it all began. There was a part of me that was terrified that I was never going to be able to come back here again after this too-serious conversation that we were about to have.There was another part of me that soared with hope, wondering if this m
AudreyI shook my head. “It’s more complicated than that,” I sighed. “He just got mad because I didn’t tell him that I was pregnant until we were on the way to the hospital. I lied to him about why I was back here, and he can’t trust me anymore.” I bit my lip. “I deserve it, for waiting for the perfect time. I just didn’t think waiting was going to end up making things so terrible.”“Oh, Audrey,” Annabelle sighed, coming over to sit next to me on the bed and giving me a hug. I knew she was probably going to be running late for her shift, but she didn’t seem to care. She just wanted to make sure that I was all right. I nearly cried with how much I appreciated it.She noticed. “Are you crying?”I had to laugh. “Hormones,” I told her. “I’m pregnant, remember? My emotions are all over the place.”She shook her head and went to grab me a tissue from the box on the dresser. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’ll be mad at you forever,” she said. “You didn’t see him when you were in Paris
AudreyI’d had a great day with Mom and Annabelle, cooing over all the adorable little things that we could buy for the baby in the local mall. I knew that they were really excited about the baby, but as much as I tried to match their enthusiasm, I still couldn’t help but feel upset and unsure. It would have been so much easier if I had known that Jesse and I were an item and that he was going to be there for me. For us.I still hadn’t heard from him, though, and now it had been nearly a week since he had found out about the fact that I was pregnant.It had been a long week. Other than that shopping trip, I had barely left the house. What was there to do? Anywhere that I went around town, there was a chance that I might run into Jesse. I didn’t want to admit that I was avoiding him, but the conversation that he and I needed to have wasn’t one that I really wanted to start in public where anyone could witness it.It was a small town. Soon enough, everyone was going to realize that I wa
JesseI took a calming breath to steady myself. No. I at least knew Audrey well enough to know that she wouldn’t do something like that without at least telling me that was her plan. Even though I hadn’t reached out to her, she knew where to find me if she really needed to talk about something like that. She knew where I worked, and she knew where I lived.At least, I thought I knew Audrey well enough to trust in that. If not Audrey, though, I had a feeling I would have caught an earful from Annabelle if her sister was even considering that.“You’re sure it’s yours?” Joe asked.“Yeah,” I said. I grimaced. “I actually asked her if it was someone else’s and that was why she hadn’t told me about it. She got pretty upset that I had even dared to think that she might have been with someone else. I believe her.”Joe nodded, and I could tell he was thinking everything over.“Am I right to be angry with her?” I asked, when he didn’t say anything. “I mean, she flat-out lied to me. You were rig
JesseI knew that I should probably talk to Audrey. Not talking to her was driving me crazy. She had always been one of my best friends, and if there was anyone that I wanted to talk to, it was definitely her. I missed her. I wanted to know how she was handling all of this. I wanted to know what she was thinking.I wanted to make sure that she was following the doctor’s orders to rest and stay off her feet for a little bit, in case it was the stress that had caused that terrible cramping that she’d had the other night. It had been hard for Audrey to stay off her feet before when her ankle was injured, so I could only imagine how she was coping with it now.I hoped for the sake of the baby, our baby, that she was taking the doctor’s words seriously. I had a feeling she would be, though. Somehow, I knew that she was going to make an incredible mother. That little baby was lucky.It was one of the few things that I was sure of.The rest of it was all uncertainties, and that right there w
Audrey“Eleven weeks,” I said. “Annabelle and I went for the ultrasound on Friday.” I pulled out the picture to show her, and her face lit up.“Look at that little peanut of a thing,” she cooed. “He looks adorable.”“He?” I asked skeptically. “You can’t possibly tell that from the picture.”Mom tutted. “Let me have my dream,” she said. “It would be good to have a little man around the household again. Besides, look at the way he’s positioned. He must be a boy.”I tried not to laugh. “Maybe it’s a boy,” I said, glancing at Annabelle.“Audrey’s hoping it’s a girl so that she can teach her to be a ballerina,” Annabelle said.“The world could use more male ballerinas,” Mom said, winking at me. “I always wished that I would have a boy to balance out you girls.” She sounded wistful, and I suddenly realized that I had never known if two kids were all that she planned to have or if things just hadn’t worked out for more. It suddenly seemed like something that I should know.Mom was wrapped up
AudreyI had barely left my bedroom for the rest of the weekend after Jesse dropped me off at home. I couldn’t help thinking of the terrible things that he had said to me out in the driveway. I couldn’t help thinking of how much I deserved for him to say those things and more to me.I had fucked up. I knew that now. No, I had known that all along. I knew that I should tell him about the baby. All the reasons not to tell him seemed so stupid now. I couldn’t even think how to apologize to him, in fact, that’s how stupid all the reasons sounded in my head.Not that I was going to get a chance to apologize to him. I had given him his space on Saturday. He wanted time to cool off and process things, and I would give that to him. Sunday, I hadn’t been able to stop myself from texting him, though. I understood if he wasn’t ready to talk yet, but I just wanted to know when he might be ready to talk. The uncertainty was killing me.He hadn’t responded. Suddenly, I felt panic go through me, eve