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EPILOGUE- 2
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Afraid to Love Again EPILOGUE- 3
I twist my fork over and over near the scrambled eggs, pancakes and grits that Gavin made me for breakfast this morning and even though I know I should be eating, especially after yesterday’s news, I don’t have an appetite.“You’re not eating, Beautiful,” Gavin says as he pushes a curl of my hair behind my ear. I nod, not really meeting his eyes and it’s not the first time this morning I’ve done this.The loud clattering of silverware makes my eyes shoot to Gavin’s angry ones and I don’t get a word out of my mouth before he wraps his arm around my back and one under my knees and picks me up in a nanosecond.“W-what are you doing, Gavin?”He doesn’t say anything as he strides into our bedroom, kicks the door shut and sits down against the headboard where he arranges me so I’m facing him. I cross my legs in front of me and fiddle with my hands as I look down at them. The look in his eyes says enough. He wants to know what’s going on, but what am I supposed to say?Hey, baby guess what?
Afraid to Love Again EPILOGUE - FINAL
Gavin rests his head beside mine on the hospital bed and I run my fingers through his hair. It shouldn't be long now and I treasure these last moments of quiet before we meet our baby boy for the first time.When I feel another contraction coming on, I grasp his hand in mine and squeeze it through the pain. He wipes my tears away and presses a kiss to my forehead."What can I do, Sophia? I hate seeing you in pain."I lean my forehead against his and shake my head."Just having you here is enough, Gavin. Thank you."He grazes his knuckles down my cheek and lifts one of my hands to his lips to kiss my knuckles."For what baby?""For loving me, having your love is everything I've ever wanted, Gavin."He kisses me then, long and sweet and slow, pouring his love into our connection until I'm breathless."Always, baby. I’ll never stop"It seems like hours until Dr. Hines comes in and sits at the end of my bed. She smiles and another doctor brings in the epidural. Why I couldn’t have it thre
Afraid to Love Again PROLOGUE
"Sophia, look," Farah whispers from our adjoined desks, as we sit toward the back of Mr. Nelson's history class. Her hazel eyes zero in on someone across the room, her slim eyebrows raised as she cocks her head to the side in that way that tells me she's looking at a guy. And she likes what she sees."What?" I whisper, peering down at my notebook filled with the lecture notes I'm supposed to memorize by next class. My overly excited best friend doesn't stop nudging me, even as I try in vain to ignore my curiosity at whom she's staring at. The last thing I'm interested in is some jock that Farah has her sights set on, but hell, I am curious. Aggravated, I turn to where she tilts her head and follow the movement only to gasp audibly, seeing a pair of chocolate brown eyes staring at me from three desks over. I was right. He is what you'd call a jock. A Lakers cap is drawn low on his head and there are three girls surrounding him, wanting his attention while he has his sights set on
Afraid to Love Again CHAPTER ONE
I clasp the locket in the palm of my hand and take a deep cleansing breath. The dancers, young women whom I've grown attached to over these past three weeks of endless training, practicing, and obsessing in readying ourselves for this very day, glide elegantly over the wooden floors, masses of grace and beauty. I watch and hope that I'll be just as confident when I take the floor. I approach my coach, mentor, and dance partner of six years, Eli Jones, and try to cover up my trembling hands with the wrap I’m holding.I don’t know why I’m so nervous.Dancing is like walking to me. I’ve done it ever since I was old enough to put one foot in front of the other. It’s been an outlet for me through the lonely nights of middle school and the stressful exam-filled days of high school, and especially through my four years at Julliard. It’s been my relief from everyday life. But this will be the first time since my stay at the hospital four months ago that I'll dance in front of an audience. O
Afraid to Love Again CHAPTER TWO
I don’t realize that tears are falling until they sting my cheeks and chin. Kel wipes them away, her amber eyes filled with worry. I miss him so much.“It’s okay," I whisper, struggling to rein in my emotions. Kel wraps her arm around me and leads me to her car, knowing that I have to move, to do something other than relive those terrible moments. We walk across the parking lot and I spot a canary yellow sports car with a black pinstripe detailed on each side. I can tell from the make that it is a fairly new Jaguar. I don't know all that much about cars, but this has to be the coolest car I've ever laid eyes on. Every inch is sleek, painted in the lightest shade of yellow, and the designs up one side with thin lines of navy blue and black are a stark contrast to the bright yellow. The hood is up and I catch the sight of a lean pair of hips pressed against one tire while working under the hood.I lose my breath when a pair of piercing blue-gray eyes lock on mine and I swear my hear
Afraid to Love Again CHAPTER THREE
Still, I find myself nodding my head and I turn to my KIA before I say something else. My thoughts are rattled and all I can think about is how soft his lips look and how those eyes captivate mine.Suddenly, he catches my hand again and immediately my heart speeds up as the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. His touch resonates through me and when I see the sincerity in his eyes, I gasp audibly."Can I at least have your name?"This man's drawl knocks my heart into overdrive again, his eyes searching mine for long seconds. I wonder what he's thinking as he trains his eyes intently on my face. A strand of my hair flies in front of my face and he deftly lifts it away and tucks it behind my ear. When his fingers dip to my cheek where a blush has spread across my skin, fireworks spark underneath the touch.“Sophia," I whisper just loud enough for his ears, my name a whisper on my lips.He nods, his eyes heating with something I wish I had a name for as his finger grazes my cheek
Afraid to Love Again CHAPTER FOUR
As we turn the corner and near the apartment, we see Lucas, my sister’s fiance as of three days ago, leaning up against our door. With messy blond hair and a lip piercing, topaz green eyes and a lopsided smile, he’s every girl’s dream and I can see how happy she is with him. He looks up and smiles when he sees us."Hey, sweetheart." Immediately Kel steps into his arms and he kisses her forehead.“You don’t have your key?" she asks, smiling as she looks at him through her thick-lashed eyes."I do, just thought I’d wait for you. How did it go, Sophia?"Lucas wraps an arm around my sister’s shoulder and then releases her to give me one of his well-known and loved bear hugs, lifting me off my feet easily. I grin and laugh and wipe the moisture from my eyes before he sees it."It went great,” Kel says for me as Lucas takes my keys to unlock our door. The minute I make it to the couch I set my dance bag down and plop onto the love seat, where Kel joins me.“You were amazing," Kel says, ob
Afraid to Love Again CHAPTER FIVE
I take a deep breath, trying to lift my body that’s numb from the medication I must be on. Pain spears me in the chest as I remember his face, my cries for him to stop, and the pain down there and throughout my whole body. I just don't understand how I hadn't seen him for what he really was until that moment. I was so blind. I cover my face with my hands in an effort to gather my scattered thoughts.“He came home really angry...I tried to talk to him, but then he hit me and I must have blacked out because when I woke up I was in his bed. He...Oh, God..." My voice cracks as I realize the three words that I can’t seem to wrap my head around. He loved me, I know he did, but last night, God, he was just...a monster.Kel squeezes my hand and with her eyes full of sympathy and love, urges me to continue."He forced himself on me, Kel," I say in a shaky voice, grasping onto her as she wraps her arms around me and hugs me tight, allowing me to finally let go of the overwhelming emotions tha
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Afraid to Love Again EPILOGUE - FINAL
Gavin rests his head beside mine on the hospital bed and I run my fingers through his hair. It shouldn't be long now and I treasure these last moments of quiet before we meet our baby boy for the first time.When I feel another contraction coming on, I grasp his hand in mine and squeeze it through the pain. He wipes my tears away and presses a kiss to my forehead."What can I do, Sophia? I hate seeing you in pain."I lean my forehead against his and shake my head."Just having you here is enough, Gavin. Thank you."He grazes his knuckles down my cheek and lifts one of my hands to his lips to kiss my knuckles."For what baby?""For loving me, having your love is everything I've ever wanted, Gavin."He kisses me then, long and sweet and slow, pouring his love into our connection until I'm breathless."Always, baby. I’ll never stop"It seems like hours until Dr. Hines comes in and sits at the end of my bed. She smiles and another doctor brings in the epidural. Why I couldn’t have it thre
Afraid to Love Again EPILOGUE- 3
I twist my fork over and over near the scrambled eggs, pancakes and grits that Gavin made me for breakfast this morning and even though I know I should be eating, especially after yesterday’s news, I don’t have an appetite.“You’re not eating, Beautiful,” Gavin says as he pushes a curl of my hair behind my ear. I nod, not really meeting his eyes and it’s not the first time this morning I’ve done this.The loud clattering of silverware makes my eyes shoot to Gavin’s angry ones and I don’t get a word out of my mouth before he wraps his arm around my back and one under my knees and picks me up in a nanosecond.“W-what are you doing, Gavin?”He doesn’t say anything as he strides into our bedroom, kicks the door shut and sits down against the headboard where he arranges me so I’m facing him. I cross my legs in front of me and fiddle with my hands as I look down at them. The look in his eyes says enough. He wants to know what’s going on, but what am I supposed to say?Hey, baby guess what?
Afraid to Love Again EPILOGUE- 2
The on call doctor isn’t Dr. Hines when we arrive at the hospital, but I’m still ushered in to a room and after a few tests of my vitals, blood pressure, and a blood test, the nurse leaves me to change. I pull my eyes from Gavin as he sits in the armchair across from the bed, scanning his eyes over me as if I have a physical injury he can see.“What?”He grins slowly and comes to stand in front of me as I lift the blue sundress I’d been wearing over my head and set it beside me. Holding up the flimsy hospital gown, he helps me put it on and secures his strong arms around my waist instead of tying it behind my back.“You feeling okay, now?”I nod and curl my arms around him, pressing my palm to the base of his neck and pulling his head down to meet my waiting lips. My mouth melds to his, his tongue escapes into mine and I try to show him how much I appreciate him in my kiss. A faint knock on the door makes a low groan emit from Gavin and he rests his forehead on mine.“I’ll wait outs
Afraid to Love Again EPILOGUE- 1
One year laterGavinI slide the glass door open and lean my back against the doorway as I watch my beautiful wife work in the garden she insisted on planting herself. Between her dance school for girls and my striving business at Thomas, there really is no reason for her to have to spend countless hours planting and tending to a garden in the harsh sunlight of the morning. But soon after her mother came to see our new house, Sophia had this idea of a large, complex garden that she could tend to as the years went on. It was something to do now that most of her summer classes were done at the school and the weather was getting cool enough to spend time outside. Her determination amazed me and there was no way I was crushing her dream of this beautiful, colorful garden I see now. I watch as her long black hair sways into the wind behind her as she presses soil into the ground beneath her. Her skin is flushed from her time in the sun and she wears a sky blue sundress with a pair of
Afraid to Love Again CHAPTER EIGHTY-SIX
Kel pulls me away from the arms of my man moments before I see Elizabeth wrap her arms around him and speak softly to him. I know they deserve some time and I know I have to thank my sister and truly, everyone for helping make this wonderful day happen.“Are you sure you want to do this, Honey? You can always change your mind. I know how much you guys have been through and we all just wanted to help make this day as special as possible. I hope you’re not mad at me for keeping the secret from you.”My sister’s big brown eyes fill with worry and I shake my head hastily.“No! Please, Kel this is so wonderful for you to do for us. But how? Buying this land, getting an officiant and everyone to be here, today. How did you all do it?”I watch as she worries her lower lip between her teeth before she grins knowingly and shrugs her shoulders.“Honestly, Mom set a lot of it up. I helped schedule everyone’s flights back home and ordered the dresses for us all. I picked one out that I think you’
Afraid to Love Again CHAPTER EIGHTY-FIVE
As I unpack the two small suitcases Gavin brought back here for me, I realize this place has become home to me and I hadn’t realized that until I woke up without the warmth of Gavin’s embrace as we slept. My phone chimes with a text message and I place the last items in the bathroom cabinet before walking back through the bedroom to retrieve it.Come find me when you’re done unpacking. I want to take you somewhere.I’m smiling as I make my way to his office that’s connected to the hallway that connects the bedroom, half bath and a small room Gavin uses for his business away from the business. If he can, I know he’d rather work from home. I peek my head in the door to see him looking down at his cell phone. I knock twice and his eyes sweep to mine.“That was fast,” he says, coming around the desk and wrapping me up in his arms. A contented sigh passes my lips at the feeling.“I didn’t have much to unpack, actually. Most of my stuff was left here.” “Hmm,” Gavin hums under his breath a
Afraid to Love Again CHAPTER EIGHTY-FOUR
SophiaI slide my eyes open the very moment I feel strong arms tighten around my back, warm breath against my cheek and a contented sigh coming from my lips. I am momentarily confused, wondering where the hell I am. But then I catch the scent of mint and musky man that can only be mistaken for one man. The memories, sweet, sweet memories of last night come flooding back and I can’t stop myself from turning into Gavin’s strong embrace and burying my face into my favorite spot, just below his jaw. I feel his heartbeat under my lips as I kiss his neck and that makes this morning feel much less like a dream. God, how many times had I dreamed of waking up in our bed, seeing Gavin lying across the pillows with one arm slung over his head? I’d noticed it was how he would sleep most nights. Damn, even that turned me on about him. I feel his body stiffen a bit next to me and then he wraps one hand around my nape and pulls me fractionally closer.“You’re here.”I smile, though his eyes are s
Afraid to Love Again CHAPTER EIGHTY-THREE
Gavin“Is it too late to ask you to spend forever loving me, Gavin? Will you make breakfast for me every day for the rest of our lives? Will you love me again?”Her goddamn beautiful emerald green eyes are like two stones of the finest riches. They cloud with love and fear and hope and it fills my heart to hear her say those words.I never stopped loving you, Sophia Georgia Jones. I never will.I drop to my knees in front of her and clasp her waist tightly in my hands as I look up in the brightest green eyes I’ve ever seen. This is the moment I’ve waited so long for. Why is she here? Are we truly healed? Christ, is it even possible to heal from this? I don’t know the answer to any of that, but this, right here, her, she is here. That’s all that matters to me. Her and the love shining through her eyes.“You never have to ask me to love you, Beautiful. You are my everything and I don’t want to eat breakfast without you again. I don’t want to wake up before dawn without you. I don’t wa
Afraid to Love Again CHAPTER EIGHTY-TWO
I smile at her note and tuck it under my arm before carefully sitting down in the front seat. The white flow dress I wore for Lena’s last scene is made of a mixture of loose satin material for the skirt and thin lace covering my torso. It’s gorgeous and if I tear it I’m sure the theater will have my neck. It must cost more than my paycheck is worth. Once I’m sure it won’t tear from how I’m sitting, I put the car into drive.I am ready to take back my life. I’m ready to heal. As that thought sticks in my mind, I turn around towards the east end of the city, knowing there is one thing I have to do.I pull up to Marley’s Cove and pull the key from the ignition. I don’t know how I found myself here, but here I am. I remember when Gavin brought me, it was technically our first date because the day we met, I wasn’t sure if I even wanted him to come to the party my sister sneakily invited him to. But he showed up and afterwards he brought me here. I remember this place being the first pla
