Our encounter in the shower was a thousand times better than the one from two nights ago.And in a wildly different way, so was the after-party.After we got dressed (I insisted on putting on some makeup and changing into new clothes on the tour bus), Derek took me on his arm and escorted me backstage – and into the midst of a couple dozen celebrities. Suddenly I wasn’t the wallflower reporter skulking on the sidelines; I was on the arm of the most desired man in a room full of fame and fortune. Hell, the most desired man in the country. Rappers, rock legends, film stars, TV actors – all of them were looking at me like, Who’s this? A couple of the rappers playfully hit on me, then joked with Derek like they were afraid he would come after them (“Awright man, you know I’m jus’ playin’ – I wouldn’t do you like that, dawg – but daaaamn, shorty is tight”). The older rockers and movie stars were courtly and polite, but the women – especially the younger women, the ones who had probably com
He strolled over to us, smoking a joint and strumming his guitar.“‘Ello, luv,” he smiled at me, then looked at Derek. “We still on for tomorrow, yeah?”Derek stared at him blankly – and then closed his eyes and winced. “Oh, shit, I totally forgot…”I frowned. “Forgot what?”For the first time ever, I saw something other than a look of placid contentment on Killian’s face. He looked flat-out disappointed. “Aw, c’mon now… I’m happy you two are in the midst of connubial bliss, but you promised, mate.”“Connubial…?” I slurred, now firmly in the grips of the champagne. “I don’t think that means what you think it means…”I giggled, realizing I sounded a lot like that quote from The Princess Bride:Inconceivable!You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.Which I thought was hilarious.Come on, cut me a break. I was drunk.Everybody else, though, was ignoring me.“Killian…” Derek said, sounding like he was about to try to weasel his way out of something.“You
When Derek and I got back to the room, I was freaking out over what I had agreed to do.“I don’t know if I should,” I fretted.Derek stepped up behind me and wrapped me in his arms. “It’ll be fine.”“But it’s illegal.”“So is speeding. You ever speed?”“No! Wait – are you talking about the drug, or…?”He laughed and kissed my neck. “I’m talking about doing 70 in a 55 mile per hour zone, dummy.”That irked me a little. I don’t like being called a dummy.But I did feel a little stupid.“Oh. Yeah, of course.”“Okay, then. You were doing something illegal.”“They only fine you for that, they don’t throw you in jail!”He kissed his way up my neck and nibbled my ear. “You worry way too much, do you know that?”In spite of my nervousness over the Joshua Tree situation, my body responded the way Derek knew it would.Unnnhhhh.I melted a little in his arms as he continued to kiss my neck… but then the merry-go-round of thoughts started spinning again.“I need to be able to do my job.”“You wil
And thus I found myself driving across the California desert the next afternoon in a 1969 Mercedes convertible with three of the four members of the hottest rock band in the world.Joshua Tree is almost two hours due east of Los Angeles. Which means we had a good bit further to go from San Diego. Everybody got up late, as they always did, so we didn’t actually hit the road until 2PM.Derek drove, and I sat beside him in the front seat. Ryan and Killian were in the back. Killian was plinking away on a guitar, as always. “Beautiful car, mate,” he called out.“It is, isn’t it?” Derek agreed.“You’re welcome,” Ryan said playfully from the backseat.Derek glanced in the rearview mirror. “I’m never gonna hear the end of this, am I?”“Nope.”“Did you pay yourself back yet?”“I haven’t exactly had time, what with all the drug trips out to the desert,” Ryan deadpanned.Their little exchange sparked a memory from the car dealership. I turned around and looked at Ryan. “Derek said something wh
On the way to Joshua Tree, we stopped in a little town called Yucca Valley to get provisions. It was so small and out of the way that not a single person in the tiny grocery store recognized the band.“Don’t forget the orange juice,” Killian commanded. “We have to have orange juice.”“I didn’t know you liked orange juice so much,” I said.“It’s for all of us,” he explained. “Helps with the mushrooms. Intensifies the high. And helps you wash them down, since they taste like shite.”“Literally,” Derek said. “Since they grow in cow shit.”“Great,” I muttered, my stomach turning – and not just from the image of what I was going to ingest being plucked out of cow patties.No, my stomach was upset because now it was real.This was really going to happen.We actually didn’t go to Joshua Tree National Park – at least not right away. Instead, we wound our way through dusty back roads, past trailer homes and barren fields of cactus and rock, until we wound up at a tiny group of cabins out in th
“Hey, I want to ask you a question,” I said as we walked along.“What?” Ryan asked.“What’s Killian’s deal?”“What do you mean, ‘what’s his deal’?”“The only questions he wouldn’t answer in the car were about his love life.”“Yeah, so?”“So, is he straight? Is he gay? What is he?”“He told you about those two girls.”“Yeah, but he might as well have said they were playing tiddlywinks. I know about Derek… and you told me about some of your adventures – ”“Is that what they were?” he joked. “Not misadventures?”“Call them what you like, but at least you had them. And I’ve seen Riley in action – which is something I wish I hadn’t seen. But the entire time I’ve been here, Killian hasn’t so much as made a pass at anybody. The most I’ve seen him do is share a joint.”Ryan was quiet for a moment.“Maybe you ought to ask him,” he suggested.“I did, remember?”Ryan sighed. “I didn’t tell you this, okay?”“Okay.”“Seriously, this is off the record.”“Of course.”“I’m not sure Killian has a ‘thi
Ryan and I got off of the heavy topics and onto some more light-hearted fare – how his sisters kept asking him for cell phone pictures they could show around school, how his mother kept trying to set him up with the daughters of her friends – when I started giggling uncontrollably at one of his comments.“It wasn’t that funny,” he said.“I know,” I said, slightly alarmed at my reaction.“Well, thanks,” he joked.That set me off giggling again.“No, I mean… oh my God, is it happening?” I asked, suddenly remembering that I had eaten an illegal substance about twenty minutes ago.“Could be.”“Could be?”“I don’t know. I never did mushrooms.”“What did you do?”“Cocaine, pot, some uppers and downers… nothing psychedelic.”For some reason beyond understanding, that was the funniest thing I’d ever heard.He just stood back and smiled as I doubled over in laughter.“Are you okay?” he asked.I was more than okay.I was absolutely fan-fucking-tastic.“I’m just… happy,” I told him. And it was t
We finally reached the cabins. And Bob.He was outside in the dark, surrounded by the dogs, who were running around him and yapping.“You guys okay?” he asked.In reality, his tone of voice was probably just concerned. Solicitous. Wanting to make sure we were alright.But remember, at this stage of the game, I was still convinced he was God.I believe I now have some insight about how Adam and Eve must have felt when their Maker showed up in the Garden of Eden and asked, Hey, have you two crazy kids been eating any apples?I felt like my soul was laid naked before him, and he could see all my sins. All I wanted to do was run and hide.Not Derek.“Never better, Bob!” he crowed.Killian just giggled uncontrollably as he kept playing his weird, atonal guitar solos.As the lone sober person, Ryan stepped in as ambassador for the rest of us druggies. “We’re good, thanks.”“Okay,” Bob said. “If you need anything, just holler.”And then God and his angels retreated to Heaven, leaving us mer