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Affair with the Rockstar First it was little
First it was little run-ins at the studio. Me getting a drink and him cornering me.“You should be with me.”“Stop.”“You know he can’t make you feel the way I do.”“What, cheated on and miserable?”“Never again, Kaitlyn, I swear it.”“You do a lot of swearing, I’ll give you that.”“I know how to make you say things that’d make your little boy scout blush. Do you talk dirty to him in bed, like you used to do to me?”“Get away from me,” I seethed, trying to push past him – because, unfortunately, it was turning me on to remember the things he used to say to me, the things he used to do to me.“Kiss me,” he whispered in my ear. “You know you want to.”I had to dump water, soda, even coffee on him to get him to leave me alone.But he just came back for more.His presence… his intensity… his sexual mojo, whatever you want to call it… his smell, the pheromones he was putting out, matched with a hint of his cologne – unhh – It was beginning to wear me down.So I stopped going out of the co
Affair with the Rockstar The weekend before
The weekend before the Austin City Limits concert, Ryan threw a small party on Friday night. Derek was conspicuously disinvited.“Do not show up,” Ryan warned him at the recording studio.“I’m not.”“No singing on the front lawn, none of that crap.”“Consider that my solo project.”“I’m serious. I’m hiring security to make sure you don’t gate-crash.”“Well, now, that sounds like a challenge.”“Derek – ”“Fine, I know when I’m not wanted,” Derek said mildly.“That’s the trouble, I don’t think you do.”“The trouble is, you don’t know that I am the one she wants.”Then he looked at me and winked.Ryan gritted his teeth and walked out with me on his arm.That night, lots of local musicians showed up, as well as some famous ones from out of town. It wasn’t the star power that accumulated after one of the arena shows, but that wasn’t what Ryan was going for. It was a casual, laidback evening – friends listening to music and sharing a few drinks.Except everybody kept asking where Derek was
Affair with the Rockstar it was a long night
It was a long night.The paramedics showed up and hauled her off to the hospital in the back of the ambulance. They assured us that she would be okay, but that aspiration into the lungs might have occurred, and she could have some serious complications – like pneumonia.Ryan, Killian, and I rushed to the hospital but weren’t allowed to see her. Somebody had notified Miles, and he was there within minutes – the first time I had ever seen him without a tie, though he still wore a crisp white dress shirt and a suit.“What the fuck happened?” he raged.“Riley threw up while she was asleep and almost died,” Ryan said. “Kaitlyn saved her life. She was the one who found her and gave her CPR.”“Oh.” For the first time in his life, Miles was actually cordial to me. “Thank you.”I just nodded. I was too exhausted to do anything else.Derek walked in next, still wearing his jeans and t-shirt from the recording studio earlier that day. He looked deathly worried.It was interesting – he didn’t go
Affair with the Rockstar Austin City limited
Austin City Limits was only a week away.Bigger almost didn’t go. In fact, they wouldn’t have gone except for Riley.“You fuckin’ pussies can bail, but I’m not, and fuck ALL y’all if you try to say it’s cuz of me,” she said angrily as she sat up in her hospital bed.It was a band meeting with Derek, Killian, and Ryan in her hospital room on Sunday night. Miles was there, too, as was I. Megan had wanted to stay, but Riley forced her to catch a redeye back to New York so she could return to her med school classes Monday morning.“Riley, your health is the most important thing here,” Ryan said.“I’m fine.”“You’re not fine. You almost died.”“Well I’m not dead NOW, am I? So we’re playin’ the fuckin’ concert!”“Riley, you’re in no condition to play,” Derek said.“Fuck you – I’ve done gigs where I was beat up, bleeding, almost dead and I still played.”“Not with Bigger, you didn’t,” Miles growled.“No, not with fuckin’ Bigger, cause you’re all a bunch of pussies!”“As manager – ”“As manag
Affair with the Rockstar i hastily wiped
I hastily wiped my tears off my cheek, then the taste of Derek off my lips.“Just a minute – ”There was the sound of a beep, and the click of the lock.The door opened before I could get it, and there stood Ryan.He looked furious.I cringed, imagining him about to say all the horrible things about myself I knew I deserved to hear – “Did he hurt you?” he asked, striding into the room and enveloping me in his arms.Oh my God…I was feeling so guilty about my desires, and all he could think of was if I was alright.“No,” I sobbed.“Tell me the truth – did he hurt you?” He held me out at arm’s length, his face a mask of fury. “I’ll kill him – so help me God, I’ll fucking – ”Our eyes met, and suddenly he knew.All the anger drained away and was replaced by hurt. But when he spoke, his voice was dead. “…you kissed him.”I exhaled shakily. “He kissed me.”His arms went slack and he let go of me. Just stood there, looking at me. Then he walked past me like he was in a trance, sat on the e
Affair with the Rockstar After the interaction
After the interaction with Miles – one more strand of loss in my personal Gordian Knot – I lost my taste for any further drinking and went back upstairs.Ryan was already in bed. As soon as I came in, he rolled over. “Hey.”“Hey,” I said as I sat down on the edge.We stayed in uncomfortable silence for awhile.“I still want to be with you,” I said quietly.A long pause.“…but…” he said, waiting for the other shoe to drop.“I don’t know. I’m… I’m…”I started to cry. Not out of any attempt to get out of the discussion, but because I was so tired. And so worn down. And so unhappy about hurting so many people – including myself.Ryan is nothing if not a softie. He lay there for a few seconds listening to me, then stretched out his hand. “Come here.”I sniffled and crawled across the covers until I was nestled against his bare chest.“I want to be with you,” I whispered.“Are you absolutely sure that’s what you want?”I nodded ‘yes,’ because I wasn’t entirely sure I could convince him with
Affair with the Rockstar Jessie's girl finally ended
“Jessie’s Girl” finally ended and they launched into one of the new songs, “Gold And Diamonds.” Derek didn’t alter anything in that one, but the shenanigans weren’t over yet. Not by a long shot.As soon as it was over, he announced to the crowd, “I’m thinkin’ another cover… what about ‘My Best Friend’s Girl’?”The Cars’ 1978 hit.He was sticking to a theme.Again, Killian looked panicked.Again, Ryan nodded his consent… but he looked like he might pop out a switchblade or a Saturday Night Special any second.Derek sang the song.I felt sick.Derek was trying to tear Ryan apart, all on account of me. Just because he was doing it by fucking with his head didn’t make it any less painful or brutal.Next up was a Bigger song – “Girl, Please Stay.” Which kind of stuck to the theme.The crowd sang along.Another spontaneous cover followed: Blink 182’s “Dammit.”Ryan agreed again when Killian looked at him, even though it was evident what Derek was doing. It was hard to miss when he changed t
Affair with the Rockstar They stood there
They stood there staring at me mutely for what seemed like ages.Derek spoke first.“…what?”“I want both of you. I need both of you in my life.”“We’ve both been in your life the last few weeks, and I think we’ve seen how that worked out,” Ryan said darkly.“Which means you two are going to have to work it out and learn to live with each other – if you want to stay with me.” I turned to Derek. “I know you can’t be faithful. Not forever, anyway – ”“I can and I will,” he protested. “You just have to give me a chance.”“I already gave you a chance,” I said. “You even said back in Vegas that you would have cheated no matter what.”“That was the old me!”I shook my head. “I can’t – I won’t – be with somebody who would lie to me, who would rip away everything we built together like that,” I said, snapping my fingers.“I wouldn’t do that,” Derek protested.I just looked at him for a moment like, Really? REALLY. He sighed in pain. “You won’t ever trust me again, will you?”I hesitated for
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Affair with the Rockstar we took little breaks
Affair with the Rockstar Derek kissed me
Affair with the Rockstar Ryan was the first to move
Affair with the Rockstar A couple of times
Affair with the Rockstar They stood there
Affair with the Rockstar Jessie's girl finally ended
Affair with the Rockstar After the interaction
Affair with the Rockstar i hastily wiped
Affair with the Rockstar Austin City limited
