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CHAPTER 138
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A vow of hate CHAPTER 139
The next couple of days passed in a monotony of repeated moments. Christian was monitored closely, his vitals checked, tests done, Dr Fletcher coming and going. I got to know the team of hardworking, dedicated nurses. I came and went, staying longer than I was supposed to, but they turned a blind eye to the fact that I stood beside Christian’s bed, holding his hand and talking for hours on end. I stepped out of the way when needed, but otherwise, I was by his side. I had no idea if it was because he pretty much owned the hospital and was their boss or if it was because they just felt sorry for me, but whatever it was, it worked in my favour. Grandpa and Sarah came in briefly. Sarah had cried at the sight of her son hooked up to so many machines, and they both insisted on my taking a quick break. Grandpa had arranged a place for me to shower and change, and I called Valerie everytime. Tina stayed with her when Grandpa and Sarah were here, or Mia stepped in if needed. It was a great com
A vow of hate CHAPTER 140
I sat, staring at the cold cup of coffee in front of me. My half-eaten sandwich was pushed aside. It tasted like dust, and I had no appetite. Despite what Alan had advised, I couldn’t eat. I would try later. Alan’s words kept running through my head. Christian’s recovery—the difficulties we faced. The way our life together would change. Everything I knew, everything that was us, wouldn’t exist anymore. At least not right away—in fact, perhaps never.It depended on what happened when Christian woke up. If his mind was affected. If he was still Christian—or an altered version of the man I loved. I rubbed a weary hand over my face, one thing certain in my mind. Whatever happened, whatever the result was, I still loved him. I would always love him, and somehow, we would find our way through all of this together.I had texted Grandpa, Mia and Sarah to let them know Christian was being moved and that I would send the information as soon as I had it. They responded with encouraging wor
A vow of hate CHAPTER 141
As he promised, Maddox didn’t keep me from the hospital for long. We returned as soon as I got a message saying Christian had been moved. Maddox followed me into his new room, a silent companion, there to support me. I went directly to the side of the bed. There were still machines whirring and beeping away, but there were fewer of them. Christian had obviously been given a sponge bath, his hair damp around his ears where they had wiped with the wet cloth. The room was large and bright with two comfortable-looking chairs and even a small sofa. The usual kind of hospital bathroom was in the corner, and the walls the same green, but it was private and had a window that looked over the street.I cupped Christian’s cheek. “Hello, my darling. I was gone for a while, but I’m back. You look so much better. And look who I found!”Maddox stood at the end of the bed, his hands wrapped around the metal frame. “Hey, Christian’s,” he stated easily, although I saw the stress around his eyes. “Don’t
A vow of hate CHAPTER 142
I carried her inside, setting her carefully on my hip while she showed Sarah her lamb, and I inhaled the scent of her hair. The feel of my baby snuggled into my chest made tears sting my eyes, and I had to bow my head to hide them from her. Valerie was still a baby, and she was still too perceptive not to notice. “Why you cry, Mommy?” “I missed you,” I sniffed. She looked confused. “I was wight hewe.” I forced a smile, brushing away the wetness under my eyes. “I know. How silly of Mommy.” Sarah cupped my cheek affectionately. “I have her dinner ready. I knew you’d want to feed her. Go upstairs with her, and I’ll bring it. You have a little time with her.”“Thank you,” I murmured, not trusting myself to say much else right now. My emotions were too raw. Sarah, being Sarah, understood. “Of course, dear girl.” Upstairs, I settled in the nursery they had set up for Valerie. Valerie had spent weekends with her grandmother in the past, so it made sense
A vow of hate CHAPTER 143
My anger didn’t abate. It grew. For six days, it simmered and twisted in my gut. Six days as I waited by my husband’s bed for him to wake up. To open his dark brown eyes and look at me. Smile. Frown. Groan. Anything.The medical staff told me to be patient. To remain positive. Both emotions were slowly draining from me. For six days, he remained trapped in a world beyond me. Where I couldn’t reach him. His chest fell and rose with his breathing. The full oxygen mask had been replaced by cannulas, his breathing tube gone. Thick stubble grew on his face, hiding some of the cuts. His bruises were changing, fading from black and blue to yellow and purple. His expression was peaceful, his body unmoving and unresponsive. When we were alone, I wept, begging and pleading with him to wake up. When other people were around, I remained calm, locking down my emotions, putting on a strong, brave, positive face, saying he would wake soon. Be with us.Still, he slept.Inside, I despaired.And b
A vow of hate CHAPTER 144
I was stunned by Mia’s words. “I think if Valerie saw him, it would help, not hurt. And I think you need to sort your priorities.” The anger, the bitterness I had been swallowing down exploded, and I lost it. “My priorities? Stop telling me what to do!” I screamed, all rational thought gone. “I am sick of being told what to do and where to go! Leave me alone!” “No.” I crossed the room and pushed at her chest. “I don’t want to go see Valerie. I don't want to sleep.” I pushed again. “I don’t want to bring Valerie here. I’m tired of eating when I don’t want to. I’m tired of taking your goddamn orders!” She remained in place, her feet firmly planted on the linoleum. “Too bad.” “Fuck you, Mia Walker! I’m not leaving this hospital again until my husband wakes up!” “He’s not just your husband, Hazel! Have you even thought about that? Do you realize it? You’re not the only one who’s hurt. You’re not the only one who’s scared and in pain! He’s my brothe
A vow of hate CHAPTER 145
Valerie clutched my hand tight as I bent low to talk to her. “Remember what I said, okay? Daddy is only asleep.” She bobbed her head. “He knows I dere.” “Yes.” “How, Mommy?” Maddox crouched beside me. “Like in dreams, Valerie. He’ll know you’re there and he can hear you, but with the medicine he takes, he can’t talk back right now. He’ll remember when he wakes up soon.” Her little brow furrowed, she twisted her lips, then nodded. “I leave him my Lambie. He know dat I dere.” Maddox ruffled her hair. “Good plan. He probably needs something to cuddle. I’ll take a picture and show him when he wakes up.” He stood, his lips quirking. “You are so bad,” I muttered. “I am paying him back for the Oscar the Grouch stunt when I was recovering. Tit for tat, Hazel.” Christian would expect no less. I hesitated pushing open the door to Christian’s room. I had discussed this with Sarah and Grandpa as well as Christian’s doctor, who made all the arrangement
A vow of hate CHAPTER 146
The next three days were filled with tension and anticipation. There were small signs that Christian was waking up. The flutter of his eyelids—as quick as a hummingbird’s wings—so fast you would miss it if you weren’t looking. The tremor in a finger. The twitch of his arm. A quiet sound deep in his throat—something between a sigh and a groan.Each action made me stiffen with anxiety and yearn with hope. It made me ache with the need for the next sign. I didn’t leave his side, even sleeping with my fingers interlocked with his. I rushed to the bathroom when needed, swallowed the food that appeared, and raced through the fastest showers I ever had in my life, returning with wet hair and the same determination in my heart. I read to him. Talked endlessly. Played recordings of Valerie singing and nattering away that Sarah sent me. I stretched and bent his limbs the way Colin had shown me—easy movements to help his muscles stay active. I tried desperately not to get upset at the dead weigh
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A vow of hate EPILOGUE
CHRISTIAN & HAZEL I chuckled as the doctor squirted the gel on Hazel’s tummy, making her squirm. Hazel always reacted to the cold. I kissed her and watched as the wand moved back and forth, and the image became clearer. “There’s your baby.” The doctor, Suzanne smiled, clicking and measuring. I held my breath as she turned on the sound, and I heard the heartbeat. The odd noise filled the room, the fast, steady sound like music to my ears. “You’re sure you want to know the sex?” “Yes!” Hazel and I exclaimed. “It’s a girl,” Suzanne announced. I laughed. “I’m surrounded. My own little harem.” Hazel’s eyes were focused on the screen. She tilted her head, looking confused. “It all looks good…” Suzanne’s voice trailed off. I frowned at the subtle change in the noise. It was faster, like an echo of itself, the strumming continuous. “Well, look who’s been hiding,” Suzanne mused and glanced over at us. She grinned and winked at me. “You did good, Christian.” She peered at the screen in
A vow of hate CHAPTER 169
HAZELI crawled into bed with Christian, snuggled into his side, and rested my head on his chest. He groaned as he shifted.“Are you all right?” I asked, worried that I had hurt him.He nodded. “Colin warned me that getting the sensation back in my legs was going to hurt. He’s fucking right.”Between rushing after Valerie, walking for everyone, moving around the house with his walker, and sitting on Valerie’s bed as he read to her for over an hour, I knew he was exhausted. But when I asked if he was ready to sleep, he said he wasn’t. I felt the same way too. Mentally, I was still wide awake. “Do you want some pain killers?”“No. As weird as it sounds, I want to feel it. I never thought I would get to this point, so aches and all, I’m going to go with it.”I laughed softly. “You’re right, Christian. You are weird.”He dragged her up his chest,causing a little gasp of surprise to escape me.“You wanna help me forget about the aches, Hazel?” he murmured in my ear, biting my lobe. “Make m
A vow of hate CHAPTER 168
The room around me buzzed with activity. Voices, people moving, talking to me, trying to get my attention. I held my breath, scared that if I even so much as breathed, I would miss something important.My focus was on one thing. The doctor examining Valerie. I had insisted, and finally Hazel relented, seeing how upset I was about her. My wife glanced up, smiling as she lifted Valerie to her shoulder. She tilted her chin, letting me know everything was okay. A fact that she was certain of, but I needed to be sure. She handed Valerie over to me and escorted the doctor out and I relaxed, pressing a kiss to my daughter’s head. She looked up, wrinkling her nose.“Hi, Daddy.” “Hey, baby girl.” She patted my hand. “Boo-boo better,” she cooed. “Good.” “Yeah, Daddy feels better.” I brushed a curl off her face. “How did you know?” She pushed on my cheek with her tiny finger. “You Daddy again. You smile.” I dropped my head, pressing kisses all over her sweet little fa
A vow of hate CHAPTER 167
I had never tried to comfort a person still caught between being a young man and a grown-ass adult. I had never reached out and been the role model.It was another lesson I was learning.Dennis was emotional. Filled with apologies. Begging for forgiveness. Once I broke through his stuttering words and barely held-back sobs, I set him straight.“What happened was not your fault. You didn’t put me in this wheelchair, Dennis. None of it is your doing. You need to stop blaming yourself.”“I can’t.”“You can. Get some help. I’ll ask Randy to take you on. He is an amazing person to help you sort things out and get your head straight.” I barked out a laugh. “If he can handle my shit, he can help you.”“But he’s here.”“Yes,” I agreed. “Which is where you need to be. You have a life waiting here for you, Dennis. A job you’re good at. Friends. Family.” I huffed out a breath. “Don’t let that day define you. Move past it.”“The guilt,” he said quietly. “It holds me hostage. That I’m walking arou
A vow of hate CHAPTER 166
I grabbed her hips, guiding her. Pushing her up and pulling her back down. She sobbed my name, her back arching as her release washed through her. I watched as she lost herself in the moment. I had forgotten how beautiful she was in her release. The way her entire frame shuddered. How she bit her lip and lowered her chin as if sinking into the feeling. The breathiness of my name falling from her lips. And how it felt when her muscles fluttered, tightened around me, taking all I had—giving me so much more.My body strained, the urge to thrust and grind against her eclipsing everything else. An orgasm hit me, obliterating everything in its path. I saw stars, the ecstasy was so great. I opened my mouth in a soundless scream, and somewhere, deep inside, I felt a flex, the pinching of muscles not used for so long now gripping, then vanishing as fast as they had engaged. A long, agonized sound escaped as my entire being surrendered. The pain, the pleasure, the sweet torture of it all.Hazel
A vow of hate CHAPTER 165
CHRISTIANThe taste and feel of my wife chased away the last lingering remnants of my dream. Hazel wasn’t walking away. She was right here, with me, in my arms.Right where she should be.I kissed her deeply, seeking out her tongue with mine, stroking hard and deep. Reclaiming her mouth. Reclaiming her. I yanked her tight to my chest, pulling off the towel she had draped around her body. I pushed down the blanket that covered me, needing to feel her. I dragged her over my lap, groaning at the feel of her weight pressing down on me. Still kissing her, I slid my hands over her silken thighs, parting them and settling her so she straddled me.She pulled back, gasping. “Is this okay?”“Fucking yes, it’s okay.” I pressed my mouth to her neck, licking up the damp, elegant column of her throat. “It’s fucking perfect.” I murmured. “You’re so perfect for me, Haze. And I’m such an idiot. Everything that has happened, it only made you stronger, but not me… I got weak.”She grabbed my face, holdi
A vow of hate CHAPTER 164
Valerie’s feet kicked in excitement as we turned down the street. I smiled at her in the rearview mirror.“Daddy waiting!” she crowed.I felt both excitement and trepidation as I pulled into the driveway. I wanted to come home so much, yet I was afraid of what was going to happen when we were alone. Would Christian continue moving forward, or would our presence once again cause him to slide backward? Once he got over the initial pleasure of seeing his child, would he again find her, and me, more of a bother? I wasn’t sure I could take it if that happened. I couldn’t watch the man I love disappear into the shell he used to be. But a small voice in my head kept telling me he wouldn’t. The gifts, the notes, the calls, and texts from him were all sent by the man I loved. He had made sure I knew how sorry he was feeling and how hard he was working to come back to us. He even opened up and expressed his worries, finally letting me know the depth of his fears. Finally letting me understand w
A vow of hate CHAPTER 163
HAZELChristian lifted his face from my neck, his eyes red, his cheeks damp. I had never witnessed him break down that way. The rare occasions when he cried, he still held himself in check, his pride unable to allow even me to fully see his pain. I grabbed the tissues Maddox had dropped beside us and wiped Christian’s face, cupping his cheeks. “Hey,” I whispered, looking up at him from where I crouched between his legs. “I guess I lost the last piece of my man card with that display,” he mumbled.“I doubt it. Maddox was openly weeping before you even finished walking, and Mia had to leave the room.” He frowned in confusion. “Why?” “They’re as proud of you as I am, Christian.” “Where are they?” “Maddox made sure you were back in your chair, and they left. I heard the car driving away, so I assumed they left to give us some privacy.” He looked down, surprised. “I have no recollection of being moved.” I softened my voice. “You were pretty emotional.”
A vow of hate CHAPTER 162
Hazel loved the spa. She sent pictures of them all enjoying the treatments, sipping champagne, even funny ones of Valerie getting a baby massage and having her toes done with the girls, holding up a glass of apple juice. They made me smile, even as my heart ached. I sent flowers to the hotel for Hazel. I added a box of her preferred chocolates. When she went back to mom and Grandpa’s, I sent a chef to make her favorite meal. A basket of bath products to indulge her love of soaking in the tub. I sent it with a stuffed bear, fluffy and cute with a card attached, reading: "Snuggle this until you’re home. I’ll take his place when you’re ready. All my love—Your Christian". One night, lying in our bed alone, I turned on some music. I shut my eyes and listened as the soothing voice of Neil Diamond played in the darkness. A song came on, and for some reason, the lyrics hit me as they never had before. “The Story of My Life” spoke of the depth of his love for the woman in his life
