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CHAPTER 121
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A vow of hate CHAPTER 122
CHRISTIAN I watched her yell in my face for what seemed like hours, even though I knew it was just mere seconds. And my heart twisted painfully as I saw the look of pure hurt on her face. Pain that was caused by me, it was all my fault.Yeah, I should have never lied to her. I thought I was doing the right thing, but in reality, I was just being selfish. I shouldn’t have spent all those years following her, just hidden out of reach. I shouldn’t have reached out to Mark when I found out that their relationship had been nothing but horrible for her. What was I even thinking? Had I really thought I could just come into the picture and sweep her off her feet? All because of a night that we had years and years ago? I shouldn’t have lied and punished her for things that I knew she didn’t do, all because I was desperate to have her. I definitely shouldn’t have looked her right in the face and lied when she asked me if there was anything else that she needed to know. I felt bad. But I knew t
A vow of hate CHAPTER 123
TWO WEEKS LATERIt had been two weeks since Hazel was last awake, two weeks since I stood helplessly behind the glass doors and watched the doctors work tirelessly to keep her alive. Two weeks of Valerie asking over and over again for her mommy. I watched her frail body shake with severe convulsions that looked too painful for a human being to endure and the fear I felt at that moment must have been palpable. I thought I lost her, I believed I did. I saw the desperation and sense of urgency in the eyes of countless doctors and nurses, I watched them all shake their heads at me without giving me a direct answer to the one million questions I asked. I knew that things weren’t looking good.I didn’t leave the hospital for the first few days. I refused to leave, until Grandpa had to forcefully pry my fingers away from the glass doors of Hazel’s room, saying that I needed to shower and get some real food in my system, and work was piling up too. But I came back everyday after work, struggl
A vow of hate CHAPTER 124
HAZELThe golden streak of sunlight streamed into the room through the peek in the curtains and landed on the blanket covering me. I paid attention to the tiny dust particles floating in the air, illuminated by the sunlight, and a small smile appeared on my face. I thought they were beautiful. The last hour had been hectic, and that was putting it lightly. I was sure I had seen at least five doctors since I woke up. I had been put through a dozen tests, tiny flashlights had been pointed into my eyes, moving from left to right until I felt like I would actually go blind and they would have a real problem on their hands. The oxygen mask was taken off me and the machines that I was hooked up to were taken away, and eventually the doctors left me alone when they were convinced that I wouldn’t die or something. I felt weak and sore, but that was to be expected when you spend two weeks in bed without moving. I would have to go through some kind of physiotherapy for sure.But for now, I wa
A vow of hate CHAPTER 125
“I don’t know where to begin,” Christian said.“From the beginning, Christian. Don’t leave out any detail," I answered, not wanting to go soft or cut him any slack.“Okay.” He swallowed again, looking helpless like a little child. “I didn’t think I would ever think about you again after that night at the hotel, I thought it was just going to be a one time thing. But then I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and I just knew I had to find you and tell you.”“And that’s how Rose came into the picture,” I whispered, saying my sister’s name for the first time in years.Christian frowned. “Yeah. I was going crazy and I put out fucking fliers,” he chuckled and I couldn’t help but smile too. It was silly, but in a sweet way. “Months passed and I was already losing hope, but then you- Rose walked into the restaurant where I was having dinner with the team. And I thought I must have done something good in my past life because I really figured I wasn’t going to find you again.”“Hmm.”“We spent a
A vow of hate CHAPTER 126
CHAPTER 126The next week swiftly went by, I was able to leave my bed for a few hours everyday, and I was feeling stronger by the minute. I’d had a lot of hospital visits and while I appreciated all the love and care, I just couldn’t wait to be in my own bed, away from all the needles and prodding and everything. The doctor and my physiotherapist did one last check on me and Christian was wheeling her towards the exit in no time. The car was out front, and I frowned when I didn’t see Dennis anywhere around.“Where’s Dennis?” I asked, still looking around as I twisted my neck to look at Christian.“I gave him the day off.”“Oh… you’re driving?”“You sound so surprised.”“You can’t blame me. You’re a good driver, but you try to avoid driving as much as you can.”“Hmph,” he grunted as he helped me into the passenger seat and buckled me in before jogging to the other side of the car to get in. “You ready?” He asked as he started the car.I cast one last look at the hospital and smiled sof
A vow of hate CHAPTER 127
Walking into the house was like taking a breath of fresh air after you’ve been stuck in a dusty smoky room for a long time. And as I looked around the living room filled with all my loved ones, there was nothing that I could do to stop the tears.“I missed you, mommy,” Valerie said, placing a kiss on my cheek. She had jumped into my arms the second I walked into the room with Christian behind me, and had refused to let go.“Awww,” I kissed her back. “I missed you too, my baby.”“Was Gamma number two sad that you were leaving?” She asked, and I remembered Christian saying that he had told her I went to the beach to see my mom.I shook my head. “A little bit, but she said she’d be okay. She wanted me to come back home to you.”“I’ll pray tonight and thank Gamma for letting you come home,” she said before her face brightened with an idea. “Oh I know! We can take her cookies too!”“Okay mama, okay,” I assured her as the whole room burst into laughter.“Welcome back, Mrs Walker,” Tina smil
A vow of hate CHAPTER 128
Christian turned to the other side and turned off his bedside lamp, and I followed his lead and did the same too. Darkness instantly flooded the room. Now we were both lying on our sides and facing away from each other, I had one hand under my pillow, and the other busied itself with a stray thread on one end of the pillow. We both stayed silent for a while, and I could hear every intake of breath that he took. I was sure he could hear my heart thudding in my chest, I shut my eyes in embarrassment and tried to control it, but all my efforts proved to be futile. Five minutes passed in silence.“Hazel?” Christian finally called.“Yeah?” I answered, still playing with the fraying end of the pillow.“Were you sleeping already?”I shook my head, but realized the room was dark enough that he couldn’t see me, so I replied out loud instead. “No.”“Okay…”I couldn’t see him, but I could picture him opening and closing his mouth, contemplating if he should say something. I wanted him to talk t
A vow of hate CHAPTER 129
I woke up alone the next morning. The sheets looked slept in, but they were barely rumpled, and if there was one thing I knew, it was that Christian slept like a crazed wild animal. So now I was starting to question if he even slept in the bed with me all night, or if he got creeped out and went to one of the other rooms in the middle of the night. He probably did. Sitting up, I nibbled on the inside of my cheek. It was all sore and had these weird chewed up parts, but ever since I started doing it at the hospital since I woke up, I couldn’t seem to drop the habit no matter how much I tried. I moved on from that as my mind circled back to everything that happened last night and I smiled. I wrapped my arms around myself as I imagined Christian’s strong arm around me. It was like I could still feel his breath on the nape of my neck, and hear the sound of him inhaling as he sniffed my hair. Did I regret last night? Definitely not. But I was definitely confused and nervous. What did this
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A vow of hate EPILOGUE
CHRISTIAN & HAZEL I chuckled as the doctor squirted the gel on Hazel’s tummy, making her squirm. Hazel always reacted to the cold. I kissed her and watched as the wand moved back and forth, and the image became clearer. “There’s your baby.” The doctor, Suzanne smiled, clicking and measuring. I held my breath as she turned on the sound, and I heard the heartbeat. The odd noise filled the room, the fast, steady sound like music to my ears. “You’re sure you want to know the sex?” “Yes!” Hazel and I exclaimed. “It’s a girl,” Suzanne announced. I laughed. “I’m surrounded. My own little harem.” Hazel’s eyes were focused on the screen. She tilted her head, looking confused. “It all looks good…” Suzanne’s voice trailed off. I frowned at the subtle change in the noise. It was faster, like an echo of itself, the strumming continuous. “Well, look who’s been hiding,” Suzanne mused and glanced over at us. She grinned and winked at me. “You did good, Christian.” She peered at the screen in
A vow of hate CHAPTER 169
HAZELI crawled into bed with Christian, snuggled into his side, and rested my head on his chest. He groaned as he shifted.“Are you all right?” I asked, worried that I had hurt him.He nodded. “Colin warned me that getting the sensation back in my legs was going to hurt. He’s fucking right.”Between rushing after Valerie, walking for everyone, moving around the house with his walker, and sitting on Valerie’s bed as he read to her for over an hour, I knew he was exhausted. But when I asked if he was ready to sleep, he said he wasn’t. I felt the same way too. Mentally, I was still wide awake. “Do you want some pain killers?”“No. As weird as it sounds, I want to feel it. I never thought I would get to this point, so aches and all, I’m going to go with it.”I laughed softly. “You’re right, Christian. You are weird.”He dragged her up his chest,causing a little gasp of surprise to escape me.“You wanna help me forget about the aches, Hazel?” he murmured in my ear, biting my lobe. “Make m
A vow of hate CHAPTER 168
The room around me buzzed with activity. Voices, people moving, talking to me, trying to get my attention. I held my breath, scared that if I even so much as breathed, I would miss something important.My focus was on one thing. The doctor examining Valerie. I had insisted, and finally Hazel relented, seeing how upset I was about her. My wife glanced up, smiling as she lifted Valerie to her shoulder. She tilted her chin, letting me know everything was okay. A fact that she was certain of, but I needed to be sure. She handed Valerie over to me and escorted the doctor out and I relaxed, pressing a kiss to my daughter’s head. She looked up, wrinkling her nose.“Hi, Daddy.” “Hey, baby girl.” She patted my hand. “Boo-boo better,” she cooed. “Good.” “Yeah, Daddy feels better.” I brushed a curl off her face. “How did you know?” She pushed on my cheek with her tiny finger. “You Daddy again. You smile.” I dropped my head, pressing kisses all over her sweet little fa
A vow of hate CHAPTER 167
I had never tried to comfort a person still caught between being a young man and a grown-ass adult. I had never reached out and been the role model.It was another lesson I was learning.Dennis was emotional. Filled with apologies. Begging for forgiveness. Once I broke through his stuttering words and barely held-back sobs, I set him straight.“What happened was not your fault. You didn’t put me in this wheelchair, Dennis. None of it is your doing. You need to stop blaming yourself.”“I can’t.”“You can. Get some help. I’ll ask Randy to take you on. He is an amazing person to help you sort things out and get your head straight.” I barked out a laugh. “If he can handle my shit, he can help you.”“But he’s here.”“Yes,” I agreed. “Which is where you need to be. You have a life waiting here for you, Dennis. A job you’re good at. Friends. Family.” I huffed out a breath. “Don’t let that day define you. Move past it.”“The guilt,” he said quietly. “It holds me hostage. That I’m walking arou
A vow of hate CHAPTER 166
I grabbed her hips, guiding her. Pushing her up and pulling her back down. She sobbed my name, her back arching as her release washed through her. I watched as she lost herself in the moment. I had forgotten how beautiful she was in her release. The way her entire frame shuddered. How she bit her lip and lowered her chin as if sinking into the feeling. The breathiness of my name falling from her lips. And how it felt when her muscles fluttered, tightened around me, taking all I had—giving me so much more.My body strained, the urge to thrust and grind against her eclipsing everything else. An orgasm hit me, obliterating everything in its path. I saw stars, the ecstasy was so great. I opened my mouth in a soundless scream, and somewhere, deep inside, I felt a flex, the pinching of muscles not used for so long now gripping, then vanishing as fast as they had engaged. A long, agonized sound escaped as my entire being surrendered. The pain, the pleasure, the sweet torture of it all.Hazel
A vow of hate CHAPTER 165
CHRISTIANThe taste and feel of my wife chased away the last lingering remnants of my dream. Hazel wasn’t walking away. She was right here, with me, in my arms.Right where she should be.I kissed her deeply, seeking out her tongue with mine, stroking hard and deep. Reclaiming her mouth. Reclaiming her. I yanked her tight to my chest, pulling off the towel she had draped around her body. I pushed down the blanket that covered me, needing to feel her. I dragged her over my lap, groaning at the feel of her weight pressing down on me. Still kissing her, I slid my hands over her silken thighs, parting them and settling her so she straddled me.She pulled back, gasping. “Is this okay?”“Fucking yes, it’s okay.” I pressed my mouth to her neck, licking up the damp, elegant column of her throat. “It’s fucking perfect.” I murmured. “You’re so perfect for me, Haze. And I’m such an idiot. Everything that has happened, it only made you stronger, but not me… I got weak.”She grabbed my face, holdi
A vow of hate CHAPTER 164
Valerie’s feet kicked in excitement as we turned down the street. I smiled at her in the rearview mirror.“Daddy waiting!” she crowed.I felt both excitement and trepidation as I pulled into the driveway. I wanted to come home so much, yet I was afraid of what was going to happen when we were alone. Would Christian continue moving forward, or would our presence once again cause him to slide backward? Once he got over the initial pleasure of seeing his child, would he again find her, and me, more of a bother? I wasn’t sure I could take it if that happened. I couldn’t watch the man I love disappear into the shell he used to be. But a small voice in my head kept telling me he wouldn’t. The gifts, the notes, the calls, and texts from him were all sent by the man I loved. He had made sure I knew how sorry he was feeling and how hard he was working to come back to us. He even opened up and expressed his worries, finally letting me know the depth of his fears. Finally letting me understand w
A vow of hate CHAPTER 163
HAZELChristian lifted his face from my neck, his eyes red, his cheeks damp. I had never witnessed him break down that way. The rare occasions when he cried, he still held himself in check, his pride unable to allow even me to fully see his pain. I grabbed the tissues Maddox had dropped beside us and wiped Christian’s face, cupping his cheeks. “Hey,” I whispered, looking up at him from where I crouched between his legs. “I guess I lost the last piece of my man card with that display,” he mumbled.“I doubt it. Maddox was openly weeping before you even finished walking, and Mia had to leave the room.” He frowned in confusion. “Why?” “They’re as proud of you as I am, Christian.” “Where are they?” “Maddox made sure you were back in your chair, and they left. I heard the car driving away, so I assumed they left to give us some privacy.” He looked down, surprised. “I have no recollection of being moved.” I softened my voice. “You were pretty emotional.”
A vow of hate CHAPTER 162
Hazel loved the spa. She sent pictures of them all enjoying the treatments, sipping champagne, even funny ones of Valerie getting a baby massage and having her toes done with the girls, holding up a glass of apple juice. They made me smile, even as my heart ached. I sent flowers to the hotel for Hazel. I added a box of her preferred chocolates. When she went back to mom and Grandpa’s, I sent a chef to make her favorite meal. A basket of bath products to indulge her love of soaking in the tub. I sent it with a stuffed bear, fluffy and cute with a card attached, reading: "Snuggle this until you’re home. I’ll take his place when you’re ready. All my love—Your Christian". One night, lying in our bed alone, I turned on some music. I shut my eyes and listened as the soothing voice of Neil Diamond played in the darkness. A song came on, and for some reason, the lyrics hit me as they never had before. “The Story of My Life” spoke of the depth of his love for the woman in his life
