Chapter 1

They said love is a feeling that you can't endure or ignore. It will hit you for how many times until you gave up. 

Crying every night? Sashi used to it. 

Hiding her feelings? She's also used to it.

Maybe she just need her facade to cover everything up.

"How's your day?" Clark immediately sat beside Sashi's chair.

She smiled bitterly before rolling her eyes just to hide her emotions.

"I'm fine, Clark." She answered before gathering all her things from her table.

"I'm not asking if you're okay. I'm asking if how's your day?" He said sarcastically just to pissed her off. 

"Shut it, Clark. By the way, I can't go with you this time, right? You have a date with Larah." 

Her voice is as bitter as a bittermelon. Clark dark eyes darted on her. His brows furrowed which made him more good looking.

His ash grayed hair. His pointed and almost perfect and kissable lips, of course you will be crazy over him. 

"Then what's with the irritated voice, huh?" Asked Clark.

Sashi and Clark are childhood best friends. The night and shining armor of each other but then they grew up and Sashi thought that they shouldn't stay like this forever.

"No, Clark. Maybe we should go now. What if Larah's waiting for you already?" She asked but Clark's still confused about his friends mood.

Sashi rolled his eyes before finally leaving the classroom. She knows that Clark will going to follow her again but she's hoping that he will not this time because she's tired. She's tired on pretending. She's tired on showing that everything is fine and okay for her. It's breaking her. 

"Sash! Do you want me to cancel the date?" 

Her eyes widened when she heard what Clark did just said. She faced him before giving him a glare.

"Are you really an asshole?" She asked but Clark stiffened because of her sudden rage of anger.

"What's wrong? Are you mad at me?" 

Sashi's brows furrowed because of Clark's voice. It was so gentle and so worried that it almost give her butterflies and almost forget how mad she is.

For how many years of being friends She doesn't know how to control this feeling. She doesn't know because it is also the feeling who made her alive. The feeling of being in love.

Yes, she's madly and hopelessly in love with a guy who finds her only as his best friend while she's daydreaming that someday she will be choosen even once in Clark's life. 

She wants to cry right now. She want to tell him that yes she is mad for making her feel like this. For making her feel like she's important but yes she is, indeed, as a friend, and it hurt her more to think that it will never change, never.

Clark slowly pull her hands so that he can ask her more about her problems but Sashi immediately stepped back. She doesn't want to feel anything. She's scared.

"Clark, please. Just, j-just go." She stuttered because she can feel the tears that almost falling from her eyes. She shouldn't cry in front of him! For Pete's sake! He would know!

"Clark! Please!" Her voice cracked even more. Clark's eyes widened.

He grabbed Sashi's hand again and determined to make it up to her.

"No! Let's talk." He said, full of authority.

Wow! Great! Just great. He really knows how to get her easily.

Clark continued on grabbing Sashi's hands while they're walking towards the gate. Sashi's heart is pounding and she can't stop it anymore.

She wants to get rid of this feeling and the only way is to avoid him. Avoid him!

"Clark." 

They both stop from walking when they heard a familiar voice.

"Clark? Where are you going? And why are you with Sashi? It's our date." 

Larah's voice is so confused that's why Sashi immediately pulled her hands from Clark.

"Nothing, Larah. We're just having some misunderstanding. You know, were always like this." She explained trying to suppressed her tears.

Larah nodded and give a glare for her boyfriend, Clark.

"What did you do to Sashi? You really is so stubborn, huh?" She said trying to scold him.

Sashi swallowed the lump on her throat. She's hurting again. 

Sashi don't have any match from her, she's pretty and smart. Well that's what she thinks because she's insecure. Sashi have a lot of suitor and she's also a top dean lister but her heart only belongs to someone she can't have.

"That's why I'm trying to make up with her." Clark said before facing Sashi again.

"Clark, please. Can you please just go. I'm not mad. I'm just fine!" Sashi's voice are braver right now. 

"Let's go, Clark. She said she's fine." 

Sashi lifted her gaze to see Larah's face. 

"Yes, I'm fine, Clark." She said, full of finality before turning her back from them.

She swallowed the lump on her throat again just to suppressed her tears but she failed.

What's wrong with her? For almost 10 years of pretending this is the first time that she failed. Maybe her facade are fading now. Lately she can't control her feelings anymore. She's been hurting herself ever since. Everytime she's seeing Clark with other girls, she can still manage to smile and support him because his happiness always matters to her first. But this time, she wants to be happy too, but she also know that she can't if she's still dreaming and trying to reach something she can't have. Now, she want to run from this feeling.

"Larah, let's cancel the date. Let's talk tomorrow."

She closed her eyes when she heard what Clark said to Larah. It can't be. He should choose Larah over her. That's the right thing to do.

After a few minutes her instinct didn't failed her when Clark called her.

"Sashi!" 

She continued from walking and ignore him. But still Clark didn't stop.

"Sashi please. Not like this, please." He pleaded when finally he have the chance to get near her.

"Clark. What's wrong with you? What's wrong? Why are you here? You even cancelled your date with her and followed me here? Are you really an asshole? She's your girlfriend and I'm your best friend. Stop that! Stop it! Fucking stop!" Her throat hurts when she shouted. This is insane!

"I don't know, Sash. Please just tell me what's wrong? Do you want me to break up with her?" Clark muttered with hesitation.

Sashi's eyes widened on what he said. It feels like she's going to explode in anger.

"What? No! What the hell are you saying, Clark. Go back to her right now! Continue the date and leave me alone!" 

She can't believe it. She can't. How could he come up to that idea easily.

"You didn't like it whenever I'm with her. I don't want you to feel like that, Sash. I'm breaking up with her if you want."

A hard slap immediately landed on Clark's face. He is really an asshole.

Yes, Larah is her girlfriend for almost three weeks but he can't dump her so easily. He shouldn't play with anyone's feelings. Yes, she witnessed how he jumped into one girl to another but she can't tolerate him right now, not this time that she's also mad. 

Mad because she's feeling this way. Mad because even if she already knew how ass Clark is, she's still falling for him.

"Goddammit, Clark! Go back to her right now." She said with exhaustion. He's giving her false hopes again and she's tired.

"No, After all, I just courted her because you want it. Because you told me that her sister is your friend and you two kinda close and I thought you will be okay about it! Even if I don't want it, I tried just to please you, but what's this, baby?" Clark said with a determined and confused voice.

Sashi's brows furrowed on what he just said. She can't understand him. She can't. 

"I want to go home now, Clark. I'm tired." She said as she wiped her tears.

Clark nodded with his worried expression.

"Yes, let me give you a ride." 

She nodded even if she can't still process everything.

The next day Sashi received the humor that Clark broke up with Larah and everyone's trying to get on her nerves from spreading that she's the reason of their break up. She hate it!

She doesn't want to get involved.

She can't defend on herself about the humor. 

"Bitch. Relationship wrecker. She's the reason why Clark's relationship doesn't long last." 

"Ugly piece of shit." 

Everyone's judging her because of what happened but she chose to be silent about it.

Maybe she should find a way to make this issue fade. What if her brother will hear about it, ugh! 

Sashi immediately open her social media accounts and set the relationship status in there into "in a relationship" just to stop people from judging her.

A few minutes later there are already hundreds of comments from her classmates, school mates and friends.

She saw Clark's comment.

Clark Miller: Who the hell is that, Sash?

She replied quickly.

Sashi Andra Taylor: None of your business.

After that she didn't replied again to all the comments. There she saw that everyone's congratulating her and others are saying that they shouldn't judge her because she have someone after all.

At least her name cleared now. The next thing to do is to ignore.....Clark.

Tommorow is weekend and Sashi wants to go in the river and take some fresh air but she's afraid that Clark might go there too, it's their hideout.

At the end she decided to stay at home and finish all her school works.

She's expression and mood change when she heard knock outside of her room.

"Sash," 

She bite her lips when she realized that it's Clark again.

She heaved a sighed. Of course her mother would allow him because they're childhood best friends. Damn!

"Sash, open the goddamn door! We need to talk." 

Sashi continued reading the books in front of her and decided to ignore Clark until he gets tired. He will, anyway.

"Sashi, baby. Open the door. Don't make Clark wait here. Did you two had a fight again?" Sashi's mother's voice echoes outside.

She rolled her eyes again before gritting her teeth.

"Mom, God! I'm sleeping!" Sashi answered with irritation but her mother was so determined to make her open the door.

"Sleeping my ass! It's 10:30 in the morning, baby." Her mother added.

"Sash, just give me a sec." Clark pleaded with his usual gentle voice.

She closed her eyes to stop her self from the urge of opening the door.

After a few minutes Sashi still didn't open the door. 

Just like what she said, she should avoid him. She knows that she doesn't have a chance on him and to start she need to forget her feelings for the guy.

Maybe if she already moved on about him, one day she will only laugh about the idea that once in her life she fell in love with him.

"Sashi, Clark's gone. You two should talk. He's so worried about you." 

It's already three in the afternoon when she heard her mom knocked again. She decided to open the door so that she can eat.

Her mother greeted her with a sighed. She smiled bitterly.

"Hays, you're too young, Sashi, you can forget that feeling one day."

Her mother knows everything but she don't have a say, the only thing she can give is comfort whenever she's hurting.

"He said call him if you're ready to talk. He missed you too, that's what he said to me." 

She nodded because of what her mother said.

"Yes, Mom. Maybe I will just going to moved on about this feeling. I need to forget him, but I don't want to. He's always around. He's always caring to me. Make me feel like I'm his everything, I am falling even more." She heaved a sighed and wiped her tears when their telephone rings.

Her mother immediately answered it casually.

She faced the food in front of her even if she already lost her appetite.

"W-what?"

Her brows furrowed as she heard her mother's voice stuttering in front of their telephone.

"Mom, what's wrong? What happened?" She asked as she stared at her mother's reaction.

"Sashi, it's Clark's brother. He said...Clark, Clark got in an accident."

It feels like her world stopped.

She stiffened. She can't move when she heard it.

She want to teleport just to see Clark quickly. Her tears are falling like a water falls as she find a taxi. She swallowed the lump on her throat.

"God, my life."