Chapter 3 - Julian

Just keep one foot in front of the other, don't stop the momentum.

That's what I keep repeating to myself as I leave Willow's room.

I could tell she was struggling to keep her tears at bay and now that I'm out of the room, I can hear her hiccups echoing all around me. It's the most disheartening sound to listen to, more so when I know that her pain is because of me.

My wolf whimpers, desperate to comfort his mate. The more distance I put between Willow and myself doesn't make the ache go away. It only gets worse. But until I have Nareena's blood on my hands, I'm going to have to learn how to deal with this feeling.

Just as I get to the landing the front door opens and in walks Willow's family. They all look grief-stricken. I inhale sharply as they see me standing in their home.

My mate's father steps forward first, his fist balled and raised; ready to attack.

"How dare you show your face here!" he bellows out. His face is red and the vein on the side of his forehead throbs violently beneath the skin.

I remain calm. I understand that he's upset and I'm the one to blame for it all.

"Kent, please calm down," Willows mother says to her mate. She places her hand on his shoulder, only for him to shrug it off.

"He killed our Kai, Wendy! My male is dead; he's buried in the ground all because of this...this heartless rogue!" he seethes.

This is the second time I've been called heartless in a matter of a few hours. If I hadn't met Willow, I would have laughed at the insult. But I no longer feel unfazed by that word. I don't want my mate, or her family for that matter to see me like that.

Wendy moves to stand in front of me, she's blocking me from her mate and he doesn't like it one bit.

His eyes widen as he straightens his shoulders. "What are you doing?"

"I also had to bury my male today," she says in a surprisingly calm voice. "Don't make today even more difficult than it already is"

Kent relaxes his stance, but he's still giving me the stink eye.

No words are spoken as Wendy grips her mates hand and leads him upstairs. As she passes me, she presses her cheek against mine and continues up the stairs.

Kent looks like he wants to protest but doesn't say a word.

Once they're gone, it's just Willow's brother and sister to get through.

The young male is a spitting image of his brother Kai. He eye's me warily, but his look isn't as intense as his father's.

The young female on the other hand is a different story. She's furious. Her face is practically lit up with the emotion. Angry tears shine in her eyes that look so similar to her sisters.

Her face is as hard as stone, making her soft features look anything but.

She lifts up a hand and points a shaky finger at me. She's so angry, her body is quivering.

"Leave my sister alone. I don't care if you're her mate, you've hurt our family enough," her voice trembles as she speaks. "She wouldn't ever want you. All you are is a wild rogue. You'll never be good enough for her. You killed her brother, I hope she rejected you," she sneers.

My own anger comes crashing like a tidal wave. It's hard to reign in my emotions when I myself feel at fault for their brother's death. I try to remind myself that if I can feel like it's my fault, then of course Willow and her family will feel the same.

Still, my reasoning doesn't help with keeping me calm. My anger is more towards myself than it is at the young, upset female. Willow should have rejected me for what I did, but she hasn't. The reminder is a hard pill to swallow.

I bite down hard on my tongue in an effort not to respond to the anguished female.

"You're disgusting. If you have any bit of remorse you'll stay far away from Willow," she vents further.

My jaw aches because of how hard I'm clenching it, but I'd rather keep a lid on it than explode and make an even bigger mess.

"Kendall that's enough," her brother says. "We've had a long day, just go to bed."

She gives me one last displeased look and storms off in the same direction her parents went.

Willow's brother looks at me sympathetically. "It's been a rough day." He shrugs his shoulders.

I nod my head, completely understanding his explanation.

He jerks his head to where Kendall walked off. "She'll come around soon enough."

"I don't expect her to. I don't expect any of you to," I respond. "I...I truly am sorry about what happened to you brother." My voice comes out weak.

The male sighs and gives me a tired smile.

I take that as my cue to leave and move to open the door.

"Are you really not coming back for her?" his question stops me.

"Your family hates me, she's bound to hate me too. And your sister was right," I reply, not turning around.

"Has she said that?"

I'm silent for a while. She hasn't said those words exactly, but it's just a matter of time before she does.

"I take it she hasn't then. That should give you reason enough to stay."

"JOEY! It's Willow!" Kendall's frantic voice interrupts our conversation.

My heart starts hammering in my chest. Before her brother can even move I'm already halfway up the stairs.

There's a huge lump in my throat as I race up the stairs and into Willow's room.

Kendall is hunched over my mate on the floor.

Not even thinking about my actions, I rush over to them and shove Kendall out the way.

Kendall throws some colorful words at me, but I pay her no attention.

All I think of is Willow. She appears to be unconscious on the floor. I put my hands under her body and move her onto the bed, to get a better look.

Kent, Wendy, and Joey come barging into the room.

"What happened to her?" Wendy asks.

I ignore them and quickly check Willow's head to see if she hit her head and has any wounds. Thankfully she doesn't.

Her breathing is normal, her pulse is regular, but I'm still worried.

If she had just fallen asleep, she would be on the bed, not on the floor.

Someone grabs onto my shoulder, attempting to move me away from Willow.

But my wolf and I aren't having it. My canines elongate as I turn my neck to snarl at the person.

Kent responds with a vicious snarl of his own.

The need to protect my mate is the only thought running through my mind. My wolf sees her own father as a threat. His grip on my shoulder tightens.

With my claws now extended, I grab his wrist, pull his hand off my shoulder, and pull on the joint hard enough until I hear a pop.

If he was angry before, he's raging now. His hand hangs loosely, as he attempts yet again to move me away from my unconscious mate.

Luckily Wendy pulls her mate away from me.

My wolf is itching for a fight. How dare someone tries to stop him from seeing his mate.

With Kent gone, I can finally tend to Willow. It's unnerving that she looks so peaceful. I need to see her eyes open and for her to say something so that I know she's okay.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I brush her hair off her face, shivering as I feel the sparks ignite.

"Baby wolf," I whisper in her ear. "Wake up."

I try my hardest to keep a gentle tone, in case she does wake up. I don't want her to be scared when she does wake up.

"Get away from her!" Kendall screeches.

I roll my eyes so hard, that they start to feel like they're going to pop out.

I've had enough of them trying to take me away from Willow when she's in this state.

Reluctantly, my hands leave Willow's face and I stand to my full height. I don't really want to hurt Kendall, but her attitude is pissing me off right now.

As I tower over her, with a deadly look plastered on my face, I'm slightly impressed that her tough demeanor hasn't crumbled yet. But the longer I stare her down, I can see how her shoulders begin to sag and her eyes slowly lower to the ground.

Finally satisfied that I can have a moment with Willow, I sit back in my spot and take her hand in mine. My wolf peaks through, urging me to sink my canines into Willow's creamy flesh.

I ignore his primal instincts and try to wake her up. It doesn't seem like soft words are going to rouse her from her deep sleep.

So I gently shake her shoulders.

When that doesn't work I shake them a bit harder.

The lump from earlier is back, as she shows no signs of waking up.

With the fear of what could happen setting in, I shake her shoulders violently. Her head rolls from side to side until finally, her doe-eyes snap open.

I breathe a sigh of relief, resting my forehead against hers for a moment.

"What...what happened?" Willows asks, looking very confused.

She tries to sit up, but I press my hand on her stomach.

"Take it easy," Joey says from behind me.

Willow blinks a few times like she's trying to make sense of what's going on. Her reaction is worrying because she hasn't hit her head.

"Don't you remember what happened?" I ask her.

She scrunches up her eyes, before opening them again. "You...you came and we were speaking." She begins, rubbing her temples. "We spoke, you pulled me onto your lap and...and, that's all I remember."

"You don't remember coming back to your room with me?" I ask anxiously. If she doesn't remember any of that, then it's possible she must have blacked out.

"My room? What? No, I...that didn't happen," my mate replies, looking very perplexed.

Guilt stabs me right in the gut. I stupidly added to her stress, by leaving her during her most vulnerable state. The pain in my chest is harsh, I deserve it though.

All my actions have proved how bad I am for Willow. I don't want to be this, I don't want to keep messing up, but I also don't know how to make it better.

Unless Nareena is dead and Willow can forgive me for what I did to her and her family, I don't think we'll be able to be together.

"See what you did?" Kendall butts in. "You were the last one with her and she ends up forgetting a whole chunk of her night?"

"Kendall just quit!" Joey shouts at his sister.

Thankfully it was he who did the shouting.

"I need to sit up," Willow explains, lifting herself into a sitting position.

I prop some pillows behind her, making her comfortable. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I think so. I just feel a bit out of it," she admits. Willow takes my hand in hers and places it on her lap. "What happened to me?"

I swallow down the lump of guilt and stare into her eyes. "You may have blacked out from everything that happened today," I reply.

It sounds even worse saying it out loud.

"Do you see what he's doing to you? He's making everything so much worse. And if it weren't for him, things would never have been as bad as they are now!" Kendall starts once again.

Willow growls at her sister and subconsciously grips my hand even tighter. I don't mind the vice-like grip one bit. "Don't say that about him!" my sweet mate defends me.

Kendall scoffs and opens her mouth to retort, but thankfully Wendy and Kent come back in the room.

Wendy's eyes are puffy from all the crying she must have done today, so when she comes closer to her daughter, I slip my hand out of Willow's and allow her mother to take my place.

The rest of her family all gather around her. I have never felt more like an outsider in my life. I don't belong here with them. Yet that doesn't stop me from wanting to claim Willow as my mate.

In fact, it makes me more determined than ever to track down Nareena. Once she's been dealt with, I can come back and beg Willow for forgiveness.

I'll make myself worthy enough to be her mate and hope that she'll forgive me and accept me as hers. 

I take the cowardly way out and leave whiles she's distracted, just like I did the last time. I can't see tears in her eyes again or hear her voice break when she tries to speak. She won't understand why I need to do this. 

Soon I'll be able to come back here and be proud that I can offer my deserving mate a much better life than I can right now. 

However, that comes with the sacrifice of my heart being in a constant state of brokenness from being away from her.