The Friday exams have topped off with me harboring a silent mental deterioration. The subjects were difficult, but at least I knew what I was doing. Now, we'll be waiting for next week to catch sight of our exam results. I hope I've done well. I believe in myself, but I can't sidestep being apprehensive. It's coded in my very flesh already.Anyhow, it's lunch already. The afternoon classes are vacant for the preparation of the gymnasium for the seniors' ball tomorrow evening. I sit among Reign's girlfriends together with the several varsity teams around the long table. I just feel like socializing today. I settle down between Reign and Colton to get some tea. I take a bite of my cheeseburger before talking to Reign. "Hey.""Hi, Stella," she greets after swallowing some of her juice."Ready for tomorrow?" I ask."Kind of. How about you?""I guess so.""Who's your date?" she queries.O God. Oh, gosh. Yeah. I forgot about it. I don't have a date. Is it really essential to have a date? Ugh
I wake up at an icy Sunday dawn. I yawn out a mist of breath and then immediately wear another layer of sweatshirt. It's gotten colder and snow is bound to fall in next week. At last. The third quarter's exams are done. The seniors' ball was fun. I guess it's time to treat myself to an early morning run. I wear my running shoes and leggings and then get out of the apartment, taking off to the uncrowded streets.I've already jogged for more or less half an hour when I arrive at the park. Fog still covers the surroundings, so it's quite hard for me to concentrate on exercising. Instead, I walk along the dewy row of benches to get a little bit warmer. It straightens my cropped tank top and then redo my ponytail.The small café I occasionally stop by isn't open yet, so I resume sauntering through the bricked-up paths. I turn to my back and start stepping backward, my arms stretching out up in the air, feeling the energy of nature as I shut my eyes tight until somebody bumps into me. I'm ab
I'd been feeling okay these past few days, but it's all gone now. Any moments of joy and cheers in my studies and work have just been set ablaze into ashes since Mom got admitted to the hospital. I feel the void in me eating all of my strength away. Our father and Sean already left us. I'm not used to Mom being away, especially when she's not in shape. I wonder how she's doing at the hospital. I hope the medical staff are taking good care of her thereI idly sit on the couch and lean my head against the backrest. It's still a tragedy to me how Mom managed to camouflage the pain she suffered. Is that how worried is she about my own weal? That it took her to mask her own agony just to make me feel like I was doing everything right? To make me feel like my sacrifices are worth it? She really should've just told me about her spinal injury complicating.I toss down the glass of iced milk and then undo my socks. I put my legs on the small table and put out my phone. I look at Aunt Hilda's nu
I go to school and send my subject teachers my apology for my absence from the morning classes. Throughout the afternoon classes, I have a clearer mind than I had yesterday. It may be because I've already secured the money needed for Mom's treatments. Or have I? I'm sure Ryle meant that. He'll lend me money in exchange for those three conditions. I have to work it out well for Mom. Just for Mom.It's an afternoon recession. I run across the street and enter Aunt Hilda's block. As I enter their open entrance, Marco greets me, "Good afternoon, cousin."I nod and then smile. "Good afternoon too, Marco. What's up?"He sits on an upholstered stool. "I think Reign and I are going along well so.""Well, that's good.""How about you and Kent?"I let out a long sigh. "Marco, I thought I'd told you about this thousands of times. We're never going to get back together. It's not going to happen anymore. Not now, and not in the following decades until I lie in my grave."It's not a lie though. Ken
Ryle and I have been traveling for at least an hour now. I don't know where he's taking me, but I don’t care — I'm too eased up by this trail of wind hitting against us. It's all comfy, cozy, and cushy. I feel like my lungs have just gotten rid of the pollution the city has handed over. We've just passed the suburbs and are now on the feeder sandwiched between the fields of lavenders. The smell of wind has gotten more aromatic and fresh as we go deeper into the unknown.I tighten my embrace when we continue along some rockier part of the feeder until the path totally ends with a dry dirt patch. I look around. There are hills ahead and I can see an arrangement of thingamabobs on top of one. Ryle takes his leather jacket off, causing me to instinctively get off his motorcycle. I then turn away from his frame when he spins his head in my direction.He chuckles. "You can watch me, Stella," he says arrogantly.What the hell? Is he out of his mind? I'm never wat
It's already a quarter past ten in the evening yet guests continue entering the restaurant. After some more minutes, the count of heads has subsided. At last. I can get home now. I've decided that I'll visit Mom once a day since I have a busy schedule. I hope she agrees with that. I know she will. I then go to the table of the newly arrived customer in a black hoodie and beanie."Good evening, signore," I greet with such low spirits since I'm tired already. "Have you already chosen your meal?""Not yet." His voice disturbingly sounds familiar. "Can I have the ninth dish on the menu, please?"I nod, scanning his face. I look at his familiar lips and then get beside his seat. I pinch his upper arm, causing him to chuckle in pain. It's Ryle. "What are you doing here?" I ask"I'm going to go eat, Stella," he responds before holding my hand and kissing it.I get off his touch and shove him away weakly. I don't want my co-workers to see his shi
As the afternoon classes come to an end, my anxiety has just risen and risen. I'll get the money today from Ryle. That means tomorrow is when Mom will get her spinal cord surgery. I'm joyful knowing that she's recovering one step at a time. I saw that this day would come . . . but not this sooner. Thank you, God. Thank you, universe. Thank you time and fate. On the other hand, this also means I have now to repay Ryle for the money. I have to spend a night with him. Am I ready yet? Honestly, not really. I've told myself since this morning that I can do this, but that seems to be a blur as seconds dramatically fly into nonexistence. I wish I could just requite with money, but that would be another burden to carry and I'll never have that kind of number in a month or two. It'll take me more or less half of a year to wholly recompense him.I go out through the school gates and cross the street and then head to Aunt Hilda's block. I'm sort of proud of what I've done to endure sa
My heart beats faster as I look up at Ryle's eyes and all I can see is his lecherous side. I seemingly can't find my composure in the current situation. I've been chaste for my whole twenty years of existence. Kent and I never had sex when we were in a relationship, so I can't have the right grip right now. I kind of ignore sex education in our school, so I'm severely anxious to do the next step. What if I do it wrong? He won't be satisfied and he sure will leave me. He won't give me the money I need for Mom's surgery. Oh, gosh. This is disastrous, but I have to do this if I don't want that to happen. I have to pull this off. I need to please him.I then slowly rub my hands up and down against his thighs, bringing more heat to our skin. I gasp when he pulls my hair gently and then grabs my chin with his other hand. An odd, salty, sweet taste subsists in my mouth after he's slid his thumb into it. I don't know what to do. I'm super nervous. I envelop my tongue around his cal