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19. Cillian
Last Updated:
2022-12-12 00:31:49
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A Damaged Alpha 20. Matilda
I’m on a terrifying form of auto-pilot. The cheering, the insane rushing noise as everyone squealed at our good fortune was maddening. I was the centre of attention and couldn’t even think straight.Tange held my hand with a grip of steel, keeping me close to him. Nina was whirling around, so thrilled to be close to the wolf the Moon Goddess has chosen for her. His hand was warm, yet the skin roughened by years of working. Calluses grittily rubbed against my softer skin and yet under his touch my fingers curled around his welcomingly./Our mate! Our perfect mate!/ she cried over and over.Nina, I have to reject him. /No! No, we will never know this feeling again if we do that!/ Nina snapped.Is this feeling better than a kiss from Cillian? I chose to love him with my free heart and mind and now I’m meant to jump completely the other way? The way Cillian made me feel when I laid on that table for him. I could live a life with that being my only affection. This mate bond does not have
Last Updated : 2022-12-13A Damaged Alpha 21. Cillian
Franz dropped me and Zena off over ten miles outside of Cragstone. If I had had a wolf to grumble to about the lunacy of this, I'd have been deep in conversation. With only my own silent grumpiness, I follow Zena deep into the leafy forest, following a muddy trail. "Don't mention Zena to anyone," I reminded him."Obviously," he said drily, "see you both in a few hours then."Franz carried on without us in the battered grey truck. His brown eyes were rolling away, and his long brown hair pulled into a high knot. He could catch up and see what is happening at the pack in my absence. Get some truths.Maybe I'm paranoid, but I worry the way things appear when I'm at home is…coddled. Like I'm this Alpha baby who needs soothing or distracting into thinking everything is okay. Plus, Zena had insisted some alone time between us would be good. I had no idea what the hell she thought was likely to happen. I know I don’t require any alone time with her, but seeing as she's my only link to find
Last Updated : 2022-12-14A Damaged Alpha 22. Matilda
The night the mate bond was activated with Tange I didn’t sleep a wink. Not that the small room Briss so kindly lent me was not comfortable. He was truly sweet to have given me his small space.Only a few minutes after I locked myself in, Tange came looking for me anyway. Thankfully Briss was there.“My mate?” he growled. It shamed me but the deep husk of his voice instantly made my thighs clench. Nina begged me to speak, to run to the door and beg him to break the hinges off. I clamped both hands over my mouth instead.“She has asked to be given time to accept the situation Sir,” Briss replied calmly. “She asked for a safe space she could lock herself in with, this seemed an easy solution.”“Your room, indeed Briss, what’s your game here?” There was a possessiveness to his voice that made Nina keen with pleasure but I only clamped my mouth shut tighter.“There is no game. The young lady asked for help. She is only just eighteen-”“I should have been consulted!” and the sound of somet
Last Updated : 2022-12-15A Damaged Alpha 23. Cillian
It was dawn by the time she woke up. Even with me splashing her face with water, nudging her gently, roughly, full-pelt shaking her to try and get a response. She just fluttered her eyes, freshly awoken from a great night’s sleep once the dawn sun hit her. I am a wreck. Up all night watching Zena get her beauty sleep whilst Matilda wonders what games I am playing. “Morning, did you get any sleep?” she asks nonchalantly.“Are you for real?” I snap back at her. “You had a fit, convulsed and then just passed out for like eight hours!”“Oh yeah, it can happen. It’s very intense getting readings you know. Especially via fire. It’s very draining.”“So you knew this might happen. That I would break the promise I gave?”“Cillian…” she started but I had already set off walking. “Screw your prophecy! I just wanted to make sure you were alive.”Without giving her a second to answer I stormed along the muddy trail. My pulse thundered in outrage. I have never wanted to throttle someone so badly
Last Updated : 2022-12-16A Damaged Alpha 24. Matilda
Tange’s deep voice continued to seep through the doorway. There was no escape from his words and the effect on my body.“Come on kitten, you should be able to talk to me like an adult?”“I can talk…but I don’t want to come out. Not yet.”“Are you planning on rejecting me then?” his voice growing lower by the second. Shadows covered the light from under the door as he stood ever closer. Goosebumps raced up my skin, Nina was excited to know our mate was so close. “No…I just-” “Then talk to me. I want nothing more than you to be happy here.” Even with a door between us I could pick up the hint of his red pepper and grassy scent. My head was dizzier, clouded by his influence.“I…you are nothing like what I expected my mate to be, that is all.”He laughed loudly and the sound of his hand slapping the stonework around the doorway cracked loudly. Nina placed an image in my head of that same rough, sandpapery hand, the one I had touched to activate this bond on the dance floor making a sim
Last Updated : 2022-12-16A Damaged Alpha 25. Cillian
With a groan and a dozen filthy swear words I wake up and realise I need to find Zena. Quickly. The rain is bucketing down outside, the patter usually soothing enough to keep me asleep. Except I'm wired. Matilda’s sweet little face, the sensation of her kiss is taunting me. I can't burn the world down to get her back to my side without knowing if my prophecy even places us together in the first place.Fuck.I haven't spoken to Zeke either.Or Jackson since putting him on home leave after Anton's death.Ivan the Inferno wouldn’t have had this happen. Groaning into my hands there are so many things I need to do. Including getting a shave because this grizzled orange bear look is not doing me any favours. The crashing noise of a shattering glass silences all my selfish pondering. Cries rise up and panic races through the packhouse like a stiff breeze. Automatically, with no fear I leapt out of the bed, flung up the wooden window sash and swung down onto the porch. My feet thudded onto
Last Updated : 2022-12-17A Damaged Alpha 26. Cillian
Zena shifted awkwardly in the tree. The rain fell gently around us, pattering down on the leaves. War is coming. I’m going to end up in a war and see death and carnage brought to the place my whole life is meant to be about protecting.“Zena, what else did you see?”“I saw the same war, the very same battle but you are steel. Your face is twisted in hate. Your warriors are too afraid not to fight for you. Desertion is occurring. You’ve become cruel, bloodthirsty. Consumed by revenge and hatred into driving Shadowlands beyond a just war into something else.”“For what purpose though! If I don’t know who I’m fighting, how do I avoid turning into the second one?”“You’re seeing it wrong Cillian. War is inevitable. You cannot change that the same as you can't rearrange the stars.""How will I know I made the right choice, when it comes to this decision?""You have morals and principles don't yo"I growled lowly, "of course I do. I know right from wrong.""Then I'd keep doing things right
Last Updated : 2022-12-18A Damaged Alpha 27. Cillian
I’m an Alpha on my knees because that is what the newly widowed Bianca deserves. In the darkness of the night my knees are in the squelching brown mud, the fire torch of her doorway flickering between us. Inside the house bustles with activity as a mourning vigil begins. To my suprise Bianca offered me her hand. I had half expected her to be angry with me, for failing to protect two members of her family. Instead she tried to pull me upwards and invite me inside but I shook my head. “Alpha, he loved you so much-” she started but I interrupted her with a shake of my head. “I cannot. I cannot stop until I know who has killed him. My soul won’t let me rest Bianca I…I am asking your permission to head up north and investigate tomorrow.” “Not attend Jackson’s pyre?” her voice light and gasping. “There is no man, not any Alpha fit to light the pyre of such a man. You should do it,” taking her slender, shaking fingers in mine. Looking up at her from my mud-drenched stance on my knees.
Last Updated : 2022-12-19
Latest chapter
A Damaged Alpha Epilogue - Cillian
We are three weeks into this war with the Hybrid Army. My mind buzzes with mindlinks. The silence and lack of activity only raises tension as we stare down the country roads. Men are positioned on clifftops, every vehicle movement monitored.Staring for hours down a silent valley of green forest I couldn't help reminiscing. The surprise at seeing Maddox, carrying his hurriedly written sealed letter. He arrived just after the Full Moon Dance, the single, unmated hopefuls having completed their line ups. I was relieved none of my battalion made a match, to rip that new bond apart would be brutal. He stood panting as I read how Helena had made the move to declare war via ripping Beta Patrick’s eye out. I was shocked, but I wasn’t against the move. It's unhealable too, it used to mean someone who abused women. It’s still the sign of a criminal today. He took the vials of all those stolen wolves. He's guilty as sin and I'll happy rake his other eye when I get chance.Sadly, Maddox’s arriv
A Damaged Alpha Epilogue - Genevieve
He is a beast. In the best possible way. He slinks around on the bed like some lazy, dark-eyed cat. Then, in an instant he’s full of fire. The intensity in his eyes is breathtaking. How much he cares for his pack. The way he sends me to heaven with his touch. How beautifully his muscular body shines in the water, the droplets from his black hair landing on me like drum beats as he devoured me. I’m in love with every single side of himWe have marked each other, we’re bound to other body and soul, and yet there are still surprises. The strip-sparring was the silliest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I had to beg him to stop in case I was sick, wrapped up together in a heap on the floor. And he let me win, just like he said he would back before our attack.It felt wrong to have enjoyed the past few days so much when we walked into the yellow parlour room. There was no mistaking the sound of her voice as he opened the large wooden door. Nikolai’s big sister is a curious personality. Lik
A Damaged Alpha Epilogue - Nikolai
There was no secrecy or hidden drop-off by the steely-eyed Maddox as we approached White Forest castle's courtyard. The flags fluttered at half-mast in formal mourning. A quick shudder raced down my spine.The drive saw Maddox had fill Vee and I in on the events of the past week. Phillipe had been sniffing around my parents the instant the news of my alleged death broke. Maddox had overheard at least one enquiry about their intention to still lead. Reminding them Freya was here to help. A peaceful conquest.“Is Freya okay?” Vee asked, her green eyes full of worry. “She must have been devastated at the news.”“She’s been in a bad way. Not much let up on the crying to be honest the couple of times I’ve seen her.”Coldly I interrupted Maddox, “the more upset she is now, the more likely that hurt will propel her into doing the right thing. Rejecting Phillipe and getting the hell away from him.”Then the sweet, teasing voice of Vee filtered through./The prophecy Padgett gave me. She said t
A Damaged Alpha 58. Matilda
I almost dropped to the floor when I saw my sisters. The copper-haired dark-eyed stares of my beautiful little sisters. All dressed up and already squealing with excitement. A year younger than me, Leona and Naomi wore cream and beige-toned clinging maxi-gowns, their athletic shapes on display. At just sixteen, Eleanour wore an elaborate white concoction that had an insane amount of feathers. She was a gold, white and silver bonanza. Little Phoebe, our baby of thirteen, sported a bright pink, almost flamenco style dress.“What are you all doing here? You all look so beautiful! Oh Goddess I am so pleased to see you all!” I cried as we hugged, most of us trying to stop any tears from spoiling our make-up.Leona inhaled sharply after the initial elation dialled down, trying to stop her tears escaping. Taking my hand she whispered. “This was Alpha Cillian’s idea. He knew that Papa would have wanted to give us away at our Ceremonies, so he suggested we start a new tradition in his honour.
A Damaged Alpha 57. Matilda
"This space is ours now. Brand new just for us?" I asked softly, my fingertips gently wandering up Cillians chest. My other hand entwined with his, my wrist against his, feeling the strength of his pulse against mine."Our suite. Our space. Not soundproofed, yet though," he added and I smiled. I placed a soft kiss on his cheek and got on my tiptoes. Whispering into his ear as my free hand now searched downwards his body jerked into life. "Well the room needs christening Alpha. It's bad luck for us to leave now…and I'm too loud…"His eyebrow raised and then as I started gently massaging the front of his pants. Letting go of his hand as I deftly began unbuttoning. First his shirt then pants, all the while rubbing and toying with the ever-stiffening bulge I was longing to see. He shut his eyes, hissing as I grew braver.Placing kisses down his neck, on his mark and down his chest his breathing quickened. I sucked and licked every ridge of muscle, I thoroughly followed the sharply defined
A Damaged Alpha 56. Cillian
The scarlet blush on Genevieve’s face as I told her I would be sending the bill for the redecoration to White Forest was sweet revenge. Certainly not revenge enough for walking to Nikolai’s bare ass and my office turned into a dilapidated sex den, but Matilda had asked me so sweetly not to be angry about it I yielded. Nikolai was more serious, completely straight-faxed. He, naturally, wanted to know everything about his parents' reaction. He only started grinning when I said his father had gone full claws-out rage at me.As he proudly strutted about, occasionally wrapping an arm around Gen’s waist while he listened I was amazed at his strength. The fact he had recovered so swiftly from the tired heap yesterday showed just how immensely powerful his wolf was. No wonder he had struggled for control before. Barely concealing a smirk as we stood paper-strewn wreckage, “I thought he might flare up."“No heads-up though?” “Nah, you’re quicker than him, but he’s scary as fuck when he gets
A Damaged Alpha 55. Matilda
He resembled his father so strongly. Dark coffee brown eyes with flashes of ruby and jet black curls down to his jawline. Clenched tightly he looked ready to cause some damage if I didn’t stop gaping with an open mouth and answer him quickly.“Gen came to chat to me, I asked if we could swap rooms, have a change of scenery,” I lied, as Gen had blushingly begged me to. She wanted to surprise Nikolai with the reason why he was moving rooms. I wasn’t going to start asking too many questions about their sex life. I knew the power of the mate bond, the way one’s wolf keens and yearns for the other's touch. /Locked in a room, unable to make a sound together, you’d have climbed onto the roof and made for the trees with Cillian/ Nina mocked. I always considered myself fairly shy and boring but I have become alarmingly addicted to what Cillian can do to me. I am no different to Gen in craving my soul’s partner.“Swapping rooms? Is she insane? Is this a trick, are you in danger?” his voice dr
A Damaged Alpha 54. Matilda
I’ve never experienced such a swing of emotions. When Cillian is here everything is joy. Even though war is coming and the preparations are clear to see across the town centre if he is in my eyeline I am the happiest woman on earth.Groups of men are being organised into battalions, put through drills and formations. I watched as the first batches were taken almost within an hour of us first arriving back alongside the pyre. Alongside the still smoking heap of collapsed wood men were completing their circuits. Group after group of exhausted, sweating semi-naked men tumbled into the square, all timed with a stopwatch by a stone-faced Zeke and his clipboard.Losing Franz has broken him inside. He’s hurting with nowhere to let it out. When I was fixing him up back at Tange’s he confessed to me how much he hated Zena.“She just walked out, for the exact amount of time it took to kill Franz? I don’t buy it,” he had scoffed. “Just left him there!”At the time I didn’t know what to say. I d
A Damaged Alpha 53. Cillian
Beta’s Maddox and Adrian led me away, leaving a quietly distraught Helena and Alexander with the letter. Deposited in a library with huge vaulted stone ceilings, candelabras, and endless lines of bookshelves containing detailed historical records. Rise and fall is inevitable. I know in my bones Shadowlands is too young a pack to be cut down now. We will prosper. Finding out how Phillipe is protecting himself from harm is a big one. There is always the danger that killing Ruth would still leave him as Alpha, wielding power. “Mind if I read while I wait?”“No problem. It’s only the public record, anyway,” Beta Adrian replied, taking a seat by the door. Maddox kept his thick, tattooed arms folded. He wasn’t taking his eyes off me for a second.Random curiosity made me grab the books covering years when my father was a Beta here. He was head of the Beta Warriors and fought against the now defunct Five Lakes pack two decades ago. I read for hours about the lead-up to the attack, culmina
