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25. Cillian
Last Updated:
2022-12-17 02:28:07
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A Damaged Alpha 26. Cillian
Zena shifted awkwardly in the tree. The rain fell gently around us, pattering down on the leaves. War is coming. I’m going to end up in a war and see death and carnage brought to the place my whole life is meant to be about protecting.“Zena, what else did you see?”“I saw the same war, the very same battle but you are steel. Your face is twisted in hate. Your warriors are too afraid not to fight for you. Desertion is occurring. You’ve become cruel, bloodthirsty. Consumed by revenge and hatred into driving Shadowlands beyond a just war into something else.”“For what purpose though! If I don’t know who I’m fighting, how do I avoid turning into the second one?”“You’re seeing it wrong Cillian. War is inevitable. You cannot change that the same as you can't rearrange the stars.""How will I know I made the right choice, when it comes to this decision?""You have morals and principles don't yo"I growled lowly, "of course I do. I know right from wrong.""Then I'd keep doing things right
Last Updated : 2022-12-18A Damaged Alpha 27. Cillian
I’m an Alpha on my knees because that is what the newly widowed Bianca deserves. In the darkness of the night my knees are in the squelching brown mud, the fire torch of her doorway flickering between us. Inside the house bustles with activity as a mourning vigil begins. To my suprise Bianca offered me her hand. I had half expected her to be angry with me, for failing to protect two members of her family. Instead she tried to pull me upwards and invite me inside but I shook my head. “Alpha, he loved you so much-” she started but I interrupted her with a shake of my head. “I cannot. I cannot stop until I know who has killed him. My soul won’t let me rest Bianca I…I am asking your permission to head up north and investigate tomorrow.” “Not attend Jackson’s pyre?” her voice light and gasping. “There is no man, not any Alpha fit to light the pyre of such a man. You should do it,” taking her slender, shaking fingers in mine. Looking up at her from my mud-drenched stance on my knees.
Last Updated : 2022-12-19A Damaged Alpha 28. Matilda
It is becoming harder and harder not to break. The small room Briss so kindly gave me feels like a prison. Especially when Tange spends hours of the day outside it. He insists he wants to get to know me. Yet he knows his scent is flooding the room. His wolf’s call to Nina is almost over-powering.That red pepper scent that reminds me so badly of Cillian, merged with a murky mossy tang, is everywhere. It means my dreams are now lust-fuelled assaults of my mind. I curse Nina each morning as I wake up with slick thighs and a hoarse throat.I have given the room key to Briss, making him promise not to unlock it during the night. I do not trust Nina one bit. She is so desperate to match with Tange’s wolf that I half expected her to make me sleepwalk straight into his bed. I have not spoken to her for several days. I know what games she is playing.The past two nights, I dreamt of unlocking the door, standing naked, and beckoning my mate forward. I offer my body to him like a sacrifice, sta
Last Updated : 2022-12-19A Damaged Alpha 29. Cillian
I can do this. I swore to Zena I wouldn’t do anything rash until we knew how to get Vez back. Right now, it is taking every sinew of strength not to punch that smug bastard in the head. He knows exactly what he is doing. Every stroke of Matilda’s hair, every squeeze of her smaller body into his, he has his eyes on me. He knows this is killing me.Maybe if he had been genuine. If he had truly sought to comfort her sadness for Jackson’s death, then maybe I could start to get a handle on this. Instead, he is peacocking. He is showing off his ownership of her instead of caring. His eyes have a peculiar gleam. Grey tinged with fierier shades of orange and yellow where once there was more orange. He is taller, prouder and stronger in every way.This place is grim too. It is not for Matilda. So much grey concrete, the tall pine trees sapping all the daylight and happiness away. I hate myself for imagining Matilda living at Cragstone, with me. The rising sun would bathe her perfect skin ever
Last Updated : 2022-12-20A Damaged Alpha 30. Matilda
I despised myself all day. That dinner was the final straw. Even my mother, by the end, was holding my hand and checking I was okay. “I have never known you talk so much in your life! What has happened to my quiet girl,” she said with confusion in her soft blue eyes.My natural shyness comes from being one five. Some personalities rise to the top, like Naomi and Leona, and others are happy to be spectators like me. Yet tonight, it felt that if I didn’t keep talking that somehow the world beneath my feet would crumble.I am holding onto my sanity with the ragged edges of my fingertips. Sat next to me at the table was my mate. The silver haired lion of a man whose touch sends fireworks shivering down my spine. The person who Nina wailed for. Yet across from me was Cillian. The man I have loved for so long.As soon as everyone else retired, leaving us alone in the grey, miserable room, Tange took my hand and whispered, “now kitten, come and join me.”“Where?”“In our bed. I have been pat
Last Updated : 2022-12-21A Damaged Alpha 31. Matilda
Wordlessly Cillian, his hands planted on my hips guided me towards the bed. His blue eyes were locked onto mine. I had just my bra and panties on as I sat on the edge of the bed.He stood before me and steadily removed his clothing. In the dim light of the room, I greedily took in his perfect skin, those toned muscles, and rugged shoulders. All leading down towards a sculpted v-line. Without thinking, I stuck my hand out and felt along that ridge of muscle. My fingers were inside the hem of his briefs as he let out a low growl. I pulled him towards me with a soft grin. As my back hit the mattress, he leaned over my body, supported by his elbow and arm as he lavished kisses on me.My hands roamed his bare chest and shoulders. He was so perfect, more than I had ever imagined a man could be."I love you," I murmured as he undid the front fastening of my bra. "I wanted to do this so differently…I wanted it to be perfect, I wanted you in my room as my Luna. I wanted to shower you in eve
Last Updated : 2022-12-22A Damaged Alpha 32. Matilda
I scuttled back to my room and almost threw myself into the shower. Dawn had risen and I had to meet my mother for breakfast with Tange. It was excruciating. Sipping orange juice and eating pancakes I knew I could prepare better myself. I had to nod politely at small talk.“Is Alpha Cillian not joining us?” Mama asked.“No he requested Briss take him and Franz out straight away this morning, after completing their inspection I believe the plan is to return and pick you up,” Briss replied disinterestedly. “Ah well, more opportunity for us to catch up!” she said with a wide smile and I wished with all my heart I could tell her what was going on. How in a few hours I would be severing the bond that still flickers between myself and the grey-haired man beside me. His hand rested on my back, toying with the ends of my hair. Nina purred, less enthusiastically than before knowing how much I hated her manipulations but she couldn't help basking in his touch. My skin goosepimpled as the spark
Last Updated : 2022-12-22A Damaged Alpha 33. Cillian
The journey with Briss had been productive enough. Seeing all the traps and devious little schemes going on at the human border just showed how much he has to contend with. I saw the truck tracks about an hour away from Tange’s, where the exchanges must be taking place. As Briss suggests, there is no way to know when it is happening, but there is something afoot. I don’t believe Tange could know this area as well as he does, having farmed it for so many years and not know. “I want them under your command, not Tange.”“I’m not sure how that will work, Alpha,” he had replied cautiously as we rumbled back up the driveway. “There is change coming Briss. I don’t think Tange is going to be the Beta of this area for very long. I want you to consider your options. I can always bring a guy in from Cragstone, there are long-standing Beta’s who we can depend on but I know we need to give younger men a chance too. Like yourself.”“Well, the first thing I would do is post a permanent watch on th
Last Updated : 2022-12-23
Latest chapter
A Damaged Alpha Epilogue - Cillian
We are three weeks into this war with the Hybrid Army. My mind buzzes with mindlinks. The silence and lack of activity only raises tension as we stare down the country roads. Men are positioned on clifftops, every vehicle movement monitored.Staring for hours down a silent valley of green forest I couldn't help reminiscing. The surprise at seeing Maddox, carrying his hurriedly written sealed letter. He arrived just after the Full Moon Dance, the single, unmated hopefuls having completed their line ups. I was relieved none of my battalion made a match, to rip that new bond apart would be brutal. He stood panting as I read how Helena had made the move to declare war via ripping Beta Patrick’s eye out. I was shocked, but I wasn’t against the move. It's unhealable too, it used to mean someone who abused women. It’s still the sign of a criminal today. He took the vials of all those stolen wolves. He's guilty as sin and I'll happy rake his other eye when I get chance.Sadly, Maddox’s arriv
A Damaged Alpha Epilogue - Genevieve
He is a beast. In the best possible way. He slinks around on the bed like some lazy, dark-eyed cat. Then, in an instant he’s full of fire. The intensity in his eyes is breathtaking. How much he cares for his pack. The way he sends me to heaven with his touch. How beautifully his muscular body shines in the water, the droplets from his black hair landing on me like drum beats as he devoured me. I’m in love with every single side of himWe have marked each other, we’re bound to other body and soul, and yet there are still surprises. The strip-sparring was the silliest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I had to beg him to stop in case I was sick, wrapped up together in a heap on the floor. And he let me win, just like he said he would back before our attack.It felt wrong to have enjoyed the past few days so much when we walked into the yellow parlour room. There was no mistaking the sound of her voice as he opened the large wooden door. Nikolai’s big sister is a curious personality. Lik
A Damaged Alpha Epilogue - Nikolai
There was no secrecy or hidden drop-off by the steely-eyed Maddox as we approached White Forest castle's courtyard. The flags fluttered at half-mast in formal mourning. A quick shudder raced down my spine.The drive saw Maddox had fill Vee and I in on the events of the past week. Phillipe had been sniffing around my parents the instant the news of my alleged death broke. Maddox had overheard at least one enquiry about their intention to still lead. Reminding them Freya was here to help. A peaceful conquest.“Is Freya okay?” Vee asked, her green eyes full of worry. “She must have been devastated at the news.”“She’s been in a bad way. Not much let up on the crying to be honest the couple of times I’ve seen her.”Coldly I interrupted Maddox, “the more upset she is now, the more likely that hurt will propel her into doing the right thing. Rejecting Phillipe and getting the hell away from him.”Then the sweet, teasing voice of Vee filtered through./The prophecy Padgett gave me. She said t
A Damaged Alpha 58. Matilda
I almost dropped to the floor when I saw my sisters. The copper-haired dark-eyed stares of my beautiful little sisters. All dressed up and already squealing with excitement. A year younger than me, Leona and Naomi wore cream and beige-toned clinging maxi-gowns, their athletic shapes on display. At just sixteen, Eleanour wore an elaborate white concoction that had an insane amount of feathers. She was a gold, white and silver bonanza. Little Phoebe, our baby of thirteen, sported a bright pink, almost flamenco style dress.“What are you all doing here? You all look so beautiful! Oh Goddess I am so pleased to see you all!” I cried as we hugged, most of us trying to stop any tears from spoiling our make-up.Leona inhaled sharply after the initial elation dialled down, trying to stop her tears escaping. Taking my hand she whispered. “This was Alpha Cillian’s idea. He knew that Papa would have wanted to give us away at our Ceremonies, so he suggested we start a new tradition in his honour.
A Damaged Alpha 57. Matilda
"This space is ours now. Brand new just for us?" I asked softly, my fingertips gently wandering up Cillians chest. My other hand entwined with his, my wrist against his, feeling the strength of his pulse against mine."Our suite. Our space. Not soundproofed, yet though," he added and I smiled. I placed a soft kiss on his cheek and got on my tiptoes. Whispering into his ear as my free hand now searched downwards his body jerked into life. "Well the room needs christening Alpha. It's bad luck for us to leave now…and I'm too loud…"His eyebrow raised and then as I started gently massaging the front of his pants. Letting go of his hand as I deftly began unbuttoning. First his shirt then pants, all the while rubbing and toying with the ever-stiffening bulge I was longing to see. He shut his eyes, hissing as I grew braver.Placing kisses down his neck, on his mark and down his chest his breathing quickened. I sucked and licked every ridge of muscle, I thoroughly followed the sharply defined
A Damaged Alpha 56. Cillian
The scarlet blush on Genevieve’s face as I told her I would be sending the bill for the redecoration to White Forest was sweet revenge. Certainly not revenge enough for walking to Nikolai’s bare ass and my office turned into a dilapidated sex den, but Matilda had asked me so sweetly not to be angry about it I yielded. Nikolai was more serious, completely straight-faxed. He, naturally, wanted to know everything about his parents' reaction. He only started grinning when I said his father had gone full claws-out rage at me.As he proudly strutted about, occasionally wrapping an arm around Gen’s waist while he listened I was amazed at his strength. The fact he had recovered so swiftly from the tired heap yesterday showed just how immensely powerful his wolf was. No wonder he had struggled for control before. Barely concealing a smirk as we stood paper-strewn wreckage, “I thought he might flare up."“No heads-up though?” “Nah, you’re quicker than him, but he’s scary as fuck when he gets
A Damaged Alpha 55. Matilda
He resembled his father so strongly. Dark coffee brown eyes with flashes of ruby and jet black curls down to his jawline. Clenched tightly he looked ready to cause some damage if I didn’t stop gaping with an open mouth and answer him quickly.“Gen came to chat to me, I asked if we could swap rooms, have a change of scenery,” I lied, as Gen had blushingly begged me to. She wanted to surprise Nikolai with the reason why he was moving rooms. I wasn’t going to start asking too many questions about their sex life. I knew the power of the mate bond, the way one’s wolf keens and yearns for the other's touch. /Locked in a room, unable to make a sound together, you’d have climbed onto the roof and made for the trees with Cillian/ Nina mocked. I always considered myself fairly shy and boring but I have become alarmingly addicted to what Cillian can do to me. I am no different to Gen in craving my soul’s partner.“Swapping rooms? Is she insane? Is this a trick, are you in danger?” his voice dr
A Damaged Alpha 54. Matilda
I’ve never experienced such a swing of emotions. When Cillian is here everything is joy. Even though war is coming and the preparations are clear to see across the town centre if he is in my eyeline I am the happiest woman on earth.Groups of men are being organised into battalions, put through drills and formations. I watched as the first batches were taken almost within an hour of us first arriving back alongside the pyre. Alongside the still smoking heap of collapsed wood men were completing their circuits. Group after group of exhausted, sweating semi-naked men tumbled into the square, all timed with a stopwatch by a stone-faced Zeke and his clipboard.Losing Franz has broken him inside. He’s hurting with nowhere to let it out. When I was fixing him up back at Tange’s he confessed to me how much he hated Zena.“She just walked out, for the exact amount of time it took to kill Franz? I don’t buy it,” he had scoffed. “Just left him there!”At the time I didn’t know what to say. I d
A Damaged Alpha 53. Cillian
Beta’s Maddox and Adrian led me away, leaving a quietly distraught Helena and Alexander with the letter. Deposited in a library with huge vaulted stone ceilings, candelabras, and endless lines of bookshelves containing detailed historical records. Rise and fall is inevitable. I know in my bones Shadowlands is too young a pack to be cut down now. We will prosper. Finding out how Phillipe is protecting himself from harm is a big one. There is always the danger that killing Ruth would still leave him as Alpha, wielding power. “Mind if I read while I wait?”“No problem. It’s only the public record, anyway,” Beta Adrian replied, taking a seat by the door. Maddox kept his thick, tattooed arms folded. He wasn’t taking his eyes off me for a second.Random curiosity made me grab the books covering years when my father was a Beta here. He was head of the Beta Warriors and fought against the now defunct Five Lakes pack two decades ago. I read for hours about the lead-up to the attack, culmina
