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33. Cillian
Last Updated:
2024-10-29 19:42:56
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A Damaged Alpha 34. Matilda
It has been just under a month since I chose to stay. The cells are cold and miserable yet every night I am grateful to not have Tange try and force himself on me. It would appear he doesn’t particularly want me for a mate either.It looks like I am just the unfortunate result of having stolen Cillian’s wolf, he didn’t bank on getting his mate too. Nina is inconsolable. Apologies and whining in the back of my mind for endless days. I haven’t really spoken to her. I have forgiven her but I don’t want to speak to her. She was following the call of the mate bond but the fact she would have happily had me sleep with Tange, give my heart and forget Cillian doesn’t sit well with me. I am uneasy around her voice, the trust is broken.I sit numbly. I eat and drink as required. I bathe, change my clothes as expected to prevent myself turning feral. Apart from that I sit and stare at the walls and wonder just how I have fallen into this trap.The shock of the revelations as they landed on me.
A Damaged Alpha 35. Cillian
Three weeks. I’m getting by. I’m surviving. If I ignore the fact that I can’t sleep without seeing her face, the way every single task seems so utterly pointless then I’m doing just fine. I haven't abdicated and gone to wallow in self-pity just yet, so I consider myself as almost winning. I have done as I swore. I am being the dedicated, committed Alpha. I sit in that damned bookcase-lined study and I read document after document. I am involved in every pack matter. I have recruited another dozen Beta warriors after reviewing training records. Bianca, Jackson’s widow is reporting to me on other matters such as the female fighters training. “We need another employee for the packhouse Bakery, Alpha,” she opened with today. Her jet black hair swept into a high style, a floor length forest green dress. “I was hoping perhaps Diane might be able to take over?” I clenched my jaw. Of course Matilda’s position needed filling. Everyone was moving on. “I trust your judgement on that.” “Oh th
A Damaged Alpha 36. Cillian
Having a terrified Genevieve dive into my arms was an unexpected entrance to the Ceremony. Observing how her and Nikolai bounce back and forth so miserably just confuses me. Surely the mate bond should be easier than how they make it. How is it love when they clash so readily?Her green eyes were flashing with anxiety, her cheeks red from embarrassment as she clung onto me and then realised Nikolai was right behind her. Nikolai's eyes flashed red with frustration. I was happy to make my excuses and watched the Ceremony with the rest of the Shadowlands. We took up two full rows down the back end. I could feel the daggers from Kharkov sitting behind me as a wide-smiling Zena took a seat next to me.Her black hair was coiled and curled dramatically. Her dress was a deep royal purple with sparkling crystals, a low, revealing back on display. I noticed her grey eyes were scanning the room constantly."What is making you nervous?" I whispered, leaning over to whisper in her ear. Freya made
A Damaged Alpha 37. Matilda
I seriously should have stolen some food. I could have planned this whole thing better to be honest. Shifting and sprinting a full day and night has left me wrecked. I think I’m heading south. To be honest, every half hour, I curse and wish I had Leona or Naomi with me. Those two are just so skilled at reading the stars, the drift of the wind. I just found a river and kept on running, knowing that a river runs past Cragstone. It might not be the same source, I could be heading north for all I know, but I am getting away from Tange.Tange, Phillipe, and the tangled web of secrets that I need to get to Cillian as soon as possible.If it was possible to remove Vez from Cillian, there must equally be a way to return him. Tange will be searching for me. I wonder if Briss would turn me in. After damaging his own career in protecting me and giving me his room, would he try to restore his fortunes if we were to meet alone on a dirt covered road?After running all day and night, the dawn brok
A Damaged Alpha 38. Cillian
Chatting to Phillipe was an entirely different experience to Nikolai. A broad smile, compliments on my Betas, cigars, and throat-scorching brandy on tap. Unnervingly, his eyes kept changing colour. Blue, green, purple swirls left me feeling unsure of just who I was talking to. Like a boa constrictor dazzling its prey, was all this extravagance to distract me? Am I missing the big picture?I could feel the back of my neck burning, for not only was Zeke glaring at me the whole time, but so was Beta Patrick. All clipped dark hair, green eyes, and a slender, wiry frame, he stood out among the bulky muscle surrounding him. Lurking on the fringes of the white marquee at opposite ends, neither men were subtle in their interest."So Alpha Cillian," he drawled, pouring another slug of brandy into our glasses. "How's the life of an Alpha?"Well, what a fucking question. "It's been a tough start. Could do without some idiotic lunatic armed with wolfsbane trying to wipe everyone out."I kept my
A Damaged Alpha 39. Cillian
I perform as required. I help with Genevieve after she collapsed, placing her unconscious body into the tent. I am a calm, steadying presence despite the chaos in my head. When Nikolai angrily remarked about making sure anyone, I love was properly protected by bodyguards my mind immediately flew to Matilda.Was she safe with Tange? But then, would she really be safe with me. Seeing as death appeared to be stalking me at every turn, I was hardly a good bet right now. Even so I knew I would defend her with my life before a single hair on her head was harmed. Would the smirking Tange feel the same?Despite knowing she had chosen Tange over me, I would never forgive myself if anything happened to her. I have to be the one to tell her beloved father being murdered. Even if she turns to Tange for comfort, I owe it to her to be there. Tonight proves I can’t pretend she doesn’t exist any longer. The failure and guilt washing over me steals my strength. How many more women must I tell I faile
A Damaged Alpha 40. Matilda
The acrid, chemical smell of lemons is the first thing that hits me.Then the fact I cannot move my hands. Rough, painfully sticking tape clamp them together.Blinking, the room is miserably dark and from the soft cushioning underneath me I realise I am on a mattress. As my vision gradually adjusts, I recognise the grey walls, the dark, almost charred wood of the four-poster bed. I am back at Beta Tange’s.I am back in the room I shared with Cillian. The same bed I fell apart in his arms with, heard his pained confession and felt love. My head is pounding like I’ve taken a beating. I can barely make out Nina's presence. In a panic, I wonder if she has been taken from me like Vez. My bound hands struggle towards my neck, checking for cuts. After a few minutes of wriggling, I realise I can sense her faintly, just enough to quell my panic. I still have a wolf, albeit a completely tranquillised one.Whatever the hell that woman, Ruth, did to me has left me eerily alone with my thoughts.
A Damaged Alpha 41. Cillian
Zeke eyed Briss with nothing but hostility as he clambered onto the back seat of the truck next to Zena. The night was cool, but the bodies all crammed together quickly made the atmosphere uncomfortable. As the truck trundled on its way along to the grim concrete world of Tange again, I spun around in my seat.“Why was Matilda in danger then? I left her with her mate,” even though the very idea sounded bitter to my tongue.“I don’t know, I was sent back out to the human border the instant you left. I came back last week as usual to report and noticed she wasn’t around.”It was impossible to keep my face straight and voice calm. “So where was she then!”Briss coloured pink, the first time I had seen anything fluster his usually placid, tanned face. “I heard…she was being kept in the cells. Well they’re old storge rooms but prisoners have been placed there in the past.”“What the hell!” I shouted, slapping the dashboard, “I only left her there because I thought she wanted Tange! How the
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A Damaged Alpha Epilogue - Cillian
We are three weeks into this war with the Hybrid Army. My mind buzzes with mindlinks. The silence and lack of activity only raises tension as we stare down the country roads. Men are positioned on clifftops, every vehicle movement monitored.Staring for hours down a silent valley of green forest I couldn't help reminiscing. The surprise at seeing Maddox, carrying his hurriedly written sealed letter. He arrived just after the Full Moon Dance, the single, unmated hopefuls having completed their line ups. I was relieved none of my battalion made a match, to rip that new bond apart would be brutal. He stood panting as I read how Helena had made the move to declare war via ripping Beta Patrick’s eye out. I was shocked, but I wasn’t against the move. It's unhealable too, it used to mean someone who abused women. It’s still the sign of a criminal today. He took the vials of all those stolen wolves. He's guilty as sin and I'll happy rake his other eye when I get chance.Sadly, Maddox’s arriv
A Damaged Alpha Epilogue - Genevieve
He is a beast. In the best possible way. He slinks around on the bed like some lazy, dark-eyed cat. Then, in an instant he’s full of fire. The intensity in his eyes is breathtaking. How much he cares for his pack. The way he sends me to heaven with his touch. How beautifully his muscular body shines in the water, the droplets from his black hair landing on me like drum beats as he devoured me. I’m in love with every single side of himWe have marked each other, we’re bound to other body and soul, and yet there are still surprises. The strip-sparring was the silliest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I had to beg him to stop in case I was sick, wrapped up together in a heap on the floor. And he let me win, just like he said he would back before our attack.It felt wrong to have enjoyed the past few days so much when we walked into the yellow parlour room. There was no mistaking the sound of her voice as he opened the large wooden door. Nikolai’s big sister is a curious personality. Lik
A Damaged Alpha Epilogue - Nikolai
There was no secrecy or hidden drop-off by the steely-eyed Maddox as we approached White Forest castle's courtyard. The flags fluttered at half-mast in formal mourning. A quick shudder raced down my spine.The drive saw Maddox had fill Vee and I in on the events of the past week. Phillipe had been sniffing around my parents the instant the news of my alleged death broke. Maddox had overheard at least one enquiry about their intention to still lead. Reminding them Freya was here to help. A peaceful conquest.“Is Freya okay?” Vee asked, her green eyes full of worry. “She must have been devastated at the news.”“She’s been in a bad way. Not much let up on the crying to be honest the couple of times I’ve seen her.”Coldly I interrupted Maddox, “the more upset she is now, the more likely that hurt will propel her into doing the right thing. Rejecting Phillipe and getting the hell away from him.”Then the sweet, teasing voice of Vee filtered through./The prophecy Padgett gave me. She said t
A Damaged Alpha 58. Matilda
I almost dropped to the floor when I saw my sisters. The copper-haired dark-eyed stares of my beautiful little sisters. All dressed up and already squealing with excitement. A year younger than me, Leona and Naomi wore cream and beige-toned clinging maxi-gowns, their athletic shapes on display. At just sixteen, Eleanour wore an elaborate white concoction that had an insane amount of feathers. She was a gold, white and silver bonanza. Little Phoebe, our baby of thirteen, sported a bright pink, almost flamenco style dress.“What are you all doing here? You all look so beautiful! Oh Goddess I am so pleased to see you all!” I cried as we hugged, most of us trying to stop any tears from spoiling our make-up.Leona inhaled sharply after the initial elation dialled down, trying to stop her tears escaping. Taking my hand she whispered. “This was Alpha Cillian’s idea. He knew that Papa would have wanted to give us away at our Ceremonies, so he suggested we start a new tradition in his honour.
A Damaged Alpha 57. Matilda
"This space is ours now. Brand new just for us?" I asked softly, my fingertips gently wandering up Cillians chest. My other hand entwined with his, my wrist against his, feeling the strength of his pulse against mine."Our suite. Our space. Not soundproofed, yet though," he added and I smiled. I placed a soft kiss on his cheek and got on my tiptoes. Whispering into his ear as my free hand now searched downwards his body jerked into life. "Well the room needs christening Alpha. It's bad luck for us to leave now…and I'm too loud…"His eyebrow raised and then as I started gently massaging the front of his pants. Letting go of his hand as I deftly began unbuttoning. First his shirt then pants, all the while rubbing and toying with the ever-stiffening bulge I was longing to see. He shut his eyes, hissing as I grew braver.Placing kisses down his neck, on his mark and down his chest his breathing quickened. I sucked and licked every ridge of muscle, I thoroughly followed the sharply defined
A Damaged Alpha 56. Cillian
The scarlet blush on Genevieve’s face as I told her I would be sending the bill for the redecoration to White Forest was sweet revenge. Certainly not revenge enough for walking to Nikolai’s bare ass and my office turned into a dilapidated sex den, but Matilda had asked me so sweetly not to be angry about it I yielded. Nikolai was more serious, completely straight-faxed. He, naturally, wanted to know everything about his parents' reaction. He only started grinning when I said his father had gone full claws-out rage at me.As he proudly strutted about, occasionally wrapping an arm around Gen’s waist while he listened I was amazed at his strength. The fact he had recovered so swiftly from the tired heap yesterday showed just how immensely powerful his wolf was. No wonder he had struggled for control before. Barely concealing a smirk as we stood paper-strewn wreckage, “I thought he might flare up."“No heads-up though?” “Nah, you’re quicker than him, but he’s scary as fuck when he gets
A Damaged Alpha 55. Matilda
He resembled his father so strongly. Dark coffee brown eyes with flashes of ruby and jet black curls down to his jawline. Clenched tightly he looked ready to cause some damage if I didn’t stop gaping with an open mouth and answer him quickly.“Gen came to chat to me, I asked if we could swap rooms, have a change of scenery,” I lied, as Gen had blushingly begged me to. She wanted to surprise Nikolai with the reason why he was moving rooms. I wasn’t going to start asking too many questions about their sex life. I knew the power of the mate bond, the way one’s wolf keens and yearns for the other's touch. /Locked in a room, unable to make a sound together, you’d have climbed onto the roof and made for the trees with Cillian/ Nina mocked. I always considered myself fairly shy and boring but I have become alarmingly addicted to what Cillian can do to me. I am no different to Gen in craving my soul’s partner.“Swapping rooms? Is she insane? Is this a trick, are you in danger?” his voice dr
A Damaged Alpha 54. Matilda
I’ve never experienced such a swing of emotions. When Cillian is here everything is joy. Even though war is coming and the preparations are clear to see across the town centre if he is in my eyeline I am the happiest woman on earth.Groups of men are being organised into battalions, put through drills and formations. I watched as the first batches were taken almost within an hour of us first arriving back alongside the pyre. Alongside the still smoking heap of collapsed wood men were completing their circuits. Group after group of exhausted, sweating semi-naked men tumbled into the square, all timed with a stopwatch by a stone-faced Zeke and his clipboard.Losing Franz has broken him inside. He’s hurting with nowhere to let it out. When I was fixing him up back at Tange’s he confessed to me how much he hated Zena.“She just walked out, for the exact amount of time it took to kill Franz? I don’t buy it,” he had scoffed. “Just left him there!”At the time I didn’t know what to say. I d
A Damaged Alpha 53. Cillian
Beta’s Maddox and Adrian led me away, leaving a quietly distraught Helena and Alexander with the letter. Deposited in a library with huge vaulted stone ceilings, candelabras, and endless lines of bookshelves containing detailed historical records. Rise and fall is inevitable. I know in my bones Shadowlands is too young a pack to be cut down now. We will prosper. Finding out how Phillipe is protecting himself from harm is a big one. There is always the danger that killing Ruth would still leave him as Alpha, wielding power. “Mind if I read while I wait?”“No problem. It’s only the public record, anyway,” Beta Adrian replied, taking a seat by the door. Maddox kept his thick, tattooed arms folded. He wasn’t taking his eyes off me for a second.Random curiosity made me grab the books covering years when my father was a Beta here. He was head of the Beta Warriors and fought against the now defunct Five Lakes pack two decades ago. I read for hours about the lead-up to the attack, culmina
