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1. Matilda
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2022-11-29 00:05:16Related chapters
A Damaged Alpha 2. Cillian
I wake up on a cold wood-planked floor. Except this isn’t Cragstone. This floor stinks of piss, sawdust, and beer. I try to groan except my throat is agony. I reach my hand up, brushing crusts of dried blood. My white shirt is grimy and stained. Squinting into the bright sun forcing itself through a small square window it appears I am in a dank cupboard or pantry. What the hell happened to me last night? I can’t even guess how long I’ve been asleep. Since finding my parents dead in their room it’s been chaos. Torturous fragments of the evening run through my mind as I stay down on the ground. Like the worst case of flu I barely have the energy to blink let alone hoist myself from the floor and continue the hunt. The fragments of memory always circle around to Gen’s scream. The howl of agony erupting from her broke me, replaying itself endlessly. The White Forest Guards had found a syringe and nothing else. Not even a fucking footprint. Fuelled by rage I had tried to follow a scen
Last Updated : 2022-11-29A Damaged Alpha 3. Cillian
I didn’t react to her. It’s the Alpha thing. You have a wolf as old and powerful and Vez and shifters are drawn to you. Zeke and Franz have to use their well-honed flirting skills with their Beta wolves. Still great guys, but I have women flirt and hit on me whether I like it or not. That ball at White Forest for example. It was a fucking jungle of wandering hands but it got them nowhere. Now my mind turns over the idea that all those low cut dresses and winning smiles were a purposeful distraction. It certainly allowed Nikolai to slip out with Gen whilst I was stuck dodging one fiesty brunette. Frank and Zeke laugh at my lack of action. I blame Matilda. Something changed when we got our wolves. Pre-teen everything was just school, games and teasing. If anything I avoided hanging out with the Kharkov girls, leaving Gen to explore the world around Cragstone with Frank and Zeke. Of course, puberty hits and suddenly it’s a lot more fun to hang out around girls. The shallow river,
Last Updated : 2022-11-30A Damaged Alpha 4. Matilda
I decided to make myself useful in this time of crisis. I got offered a role in the back kitchen, helping to feed all the guests who had arrived for the burning. Being cloistered away in the clamour of the kitchen meant I never heard Cillian return. According to Leona, it was barely two hours before all the guests. Jackson had to instruct him on what to do whilst he got himself showered and dressed. The packhouse was heaving with Beta’s from every area of the Shadowlands wanting to pay their respects. Instead of talking to anyone, he just went straight upstairs. Showered and changed, doing exactly as everyone expected. Like a robot, apparently. Everything went to plan. He lit the pyre and said farewell to his parents in the most respectful fashion. The main gossip was about poor Genevieve. We heard her stern-faced mate didn't even hold her hand during the Pyre. We all felt so sorry for her. The room of female servers and chefs was split between slapping the surly Alpha Nikolai or be
Last Updated : 2022-12-01A Damaged Alpha 5. Matilda
Unsteadily I let go of the messy marble worktop. Quickly wiping my hands on my apron I looked up at the man leaning against the counter next to me. We hung out all the time, this shouldn’t feel any different. Except it does. Electricity, crackling desperate heat is escaping from me despite trying to act casual. I try to tell myself he is just the same as Franz and Zeke, just another close friend. I can feel another blush rising as I realise my shining eyes will be giving away how much I have missed him. His are the same steady blue. No change, not a single yellow shard. He is all seriousness as he towers over me. His shoulders are twice the width of mine. He measured and proved it for fun last year when he started getting serious about Warrior training. /Think saner thoughts/ Nina warned as the memory of him trailing the tape measure along my arms and shoulders threatened to make my eyes shine even brighter with slivers of yellow. The same as Cillian, both our eyes flash with gold wh
Last Updated : 2022-12-02A Damaged Alpha 6. Cillian
If Jackson hadn’t interrupted me, I don’t know if I would have had the self- control to leave it at a kiss. Without Vez there to give me guidance, I feel like a rogue firework. I could head off in any direction. I had no clue if I’m doing the right thing. It felt right. There was no doubt about that. I wasn’t lying when I told her she was the only thing to break the numbness. Since being found by Franz and Zeke on that vile wooden floor, I have been in a state of chaos. Her sweet face, how often she blushes cuts through the panic. Every time she apologised for something meaningless, my heart lurched. The ordeal of getting through today has been immense. I don’t even think the grief has sunk in, having to spend the whole day dodging disaster. From the instant the packhouse loomed into view, I have been a ball of worry. Jackson’s first words to me, a hushed whisper as he led me upstairs, were about the lack of mind link. “Alpha, no disrespect, but what’s going on with your head?” “W
Last Updated : 2022-12-02A Damaged Alpha 7. Matilda
I scuttled into the kitchens as soon as dawn broke and I was still too late. Bianca Jackson was already there, her shining black hair hidden under a white baker's hat. “You know we don’t mind you staying behind Tilly but you really can’t leave it like that. We’ll get rats!” “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again,” the name Tilly firing me straight back into childhood. I loved that Cillian always called me Matilda. In fact I loved everything about him endlessly already. Nina purred with contentment in my mind as we contemplated last night for the thousandth time. “It was a long day yesterday,” she said, “did you get to talk to him in the end?” Did everyone in the packhouse already know? Had I somehow mindlinked my thoughts to everyone? With a cough and a splutter I managed to mutter “No, I didn’t get to chat to him.” “Ah well, Jackson told me he has back-to-back meetings today, you had better make some good food. Who knows how he has been eating during his time away.” I smiled and pul
Last Updated : 2022-12-03A Damaged Alpha 8. Matilda
The silence between us made the sound of my pulse uncomfortably loud in my ears. My shyness hits me like a tidal wave as everything I want to do ebbs away. I want to stride up to him, plant my lips on his and tell him I’ve missed him. Because it’s the truth. Yet here I am, mouth dangling open like a stunned fish. “Hey, are you okay?” and he took a step towards me. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” His tender tone helped to melt some of the panic. He was still my friend, even if the other night might turn out to have been an error. My self-belief won’t allow me to hope for more. “I was just surprised to see you. Are you waiting for someone, I can go back inside and get them-” “I’m waiting for you, I’m heading out in the truck,” came the firm reply. My words dried up. So it hadn’t been a dream. Beyond the small alleyway, fire torches crackled, and the moon shone above. It felt like everything apart from Cillian was a void of nothingness, the only light was around him. Cillian wanting t
Last Updated : 2022-12-04A Damaged Alpha 9. Cillian
I’m racing north. I’ve got to find that purple eyed woman again. Retrace my steps, find that grubby old inn where I passed out and get some answers. I lost Vez there. She was the last person I spoke to. It’s got to be linked to her. My insides are swirling with guilt, apprehension and fear. By doing this on my own am I being a traitor to my pack? I told Jackson and Franz I was heading out to see if I could pick up the trail of my parents' killers. Not that I was hunting down some woman I may or may not have slept with. Jackson didn’t say anything but his face screwed up enough for me to know he disagreed with what I am doing. I would have said the same in his shoes. The brand new Alpha simply shouldn’t go running off and abandoning his packhouse the instant he has a free moment. But what is an Alpha without his wolf? I cannot keep dodging mind-links. Fortunately the newness of my situation, my youth, my grief are all on my side. People are willing to overlook something as peculiar
Last Updated : 2022-12-04
Latest chapter
A Damaged Alpha Epilogue - Cillian
We are three weeks into this war with the Hybrid Army. My mind buzzes with mindlinks. The silence and lack of activity only raises tension as we stare down the country roads. Men are positioned on clifftops, every vehicle movement monitored.Staring for hours down a silent valley of green forest I couldn't help reminiscing. The surprise at seeing Maddox, carrying his hurriedly written sealed letter. He arrived just after the Full Moon Dance, the single, unmated hopefuls having completed their line ups. I was relieved none of my battalion made a match, to rip that new bond apart would be brutal. He stood panting as I read how Helena had made the move to declare war via ripping Beta Patrick’s eye out. I was shocked, but I wasn’t against the move. It's unhealable too, it used to mean someone who abused women. It’s still the sign of a criminal today. He took the vials of all those stolen wolves. He's guilty as sin and I'll happy rake his other eye when I get chance.Sadly, Maddox’s arriv
A Damaged Alpha Epilogue - Genevieve
He is a beast. In the best possible way. He slinks around on the bed like some lazy, dark-eyed cat. Then, in an instant he’s full of fire. The intensity in his eyes is breathtaking. How much he cares for his pack. The way he sends me to heaven with his touch. How beautifully his muscular body shines in the water, the droplets from his black hair landing on me like drum beats as he devoured me. I’m in love with every single side of himWe have marked each other, we’re bound to other body and soul, and yet there are still surprises. The strip-sparring was the silliest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I had to beg him to stop in case I was sick, wrapped up together in a heap on the floor. And he let me win, just like he said he would back before our attack.It felt wrong to have enjoyed the past few days so much when we walked into the yellow parlour room. There was no mistaking the sound of her voice as he opened the large wooden door. Nikolai’s big sister is a curious personality. Lik
A Damaged Alpha Epilogue - Nikolai
There was no secrecy or hidden drop-off by the steely-eyed Maddox as we approached White Forest castle's courtyard. The flags fluttered at half-mast in formal mourning. A quick shudder raced down my spine.The drive saw Maddox had fill Vee and I in on the events of the past week. Phillipe had been sniffing around my parents the instant the news of my alleged death broke. Maddox had overheard at least one enquiry about their intention to still lead. Reminding them Freya was here to help. A peaceful conquest.“Is Freya okay?” Vee asked, her green eyes full of worry. “She must have been devastated at the news.”“She’s been in a bad way. Not much let up on the crying to be honest the couple of times I’ve seen her.”Coldly I interrupted Maddox, “the more upset she is now, the more likely that hurt will propel her into doing the right thing. Rejecting Phillipe and getting the hell away from him.”Then the sweet, teasing voice of Vee filtered through./The prophecy Padgett gave me. She said t
A Damaged Alpha 58. Matilda
I almost dropped to the floor when I saw my sisters. The copper-haired dark-eyed stares of my beautiful little sisters. All dressed up and already squealing with excitement. A year younger than me, Leona and Naomi wore cream and beige-toned clinging maxi-gowns, their athletic shapes on display. At just sixteen, Eleanour wore an elaborate white concoction that had an insane amount of feathers. She was a gold, white and silver bonanza. Little Phoebe, our baby of thirteen, sported a bright pink, almost flamenco style dress.“What are you all doing here? You all look so beautiful! Oh Goddess I am so pleased to see you all!” I cried as we hugged, most of us trying to stop any tears from spoiling our make-up.Leona inhaled sharply after the initial elation dialled down, trying to stop her tears escaping. Taking my hand she whispered. “This was Alpha Cillian’s idea. He knew that Papa would have wanted to give us away at our Ceremonies, so he suggested we start a new tradition in his honour.
A Damaged Alpha 57. Matilda
"This space is ours now. Brand new just for us?" I asked softly, my fingertips gently wandering up Cillians chest. My other hand entwined with his, my wrist against his, feeling the strength of his pulse against mine."Our suite. Our space. Not soundproofed, yet though," he added and I smiled. I placed a soft kiss on his cheek and got on my tiptoes. Whispering into his ear as my free hand now searched downwards his body jerked into life. "Well the room needs christening Alpha. It's bad luck for us to leave now…and I'm too loud…"His eyebrow raised and then as I started gently massaging the front of his pants. Letting go of his hand as I deftly began unbuttoning. First his shirt then pants, all the while rubbing and toying with the ever-stiffening bulge I was longing to see. He shut his eyes, hissing as I grew braver.Placing kisses down his neck, on his mark and down his chest his breathing quickened. I sucked and licked every ridge of muscle, I thoroughly followed the sharply defined
A Damaged Alpha 56. Cillian
The scarlet blush on Genevieve’s face as I told her I would be sending the bill for the redecoration to White Forest was sweet revenge. Certainly not revenge enough for walking to Nikolai’s bare ass and my office turned into a dilapidated sex den, but Matilda had asked me so sweetly not to be angry about it I yielded. Nikolai was more serious, completely straight-faxed. He, naturally, wanted to know everything about his parents' reaction. He only started grinning when I said his father had gone full claws-out rage at me.As he proudly strutted about, occasionally wrapping an arm around Gen’s waist while he listened I was amazed at his strength. The fact he had recovered so swiftly from the tired heap yesterday showed just how immensely powerful his wolf was. No wonder he had struggled for control before. Barely concealing a smirk as we stood paper-strewn wreckage, “I thought he might flare up."“No heads-up though?” “Nah, you’re quicker than him, but he’s scary as fuck when he gets
A Damaged Alpha 55. Matilda
He resembled his father so strongly. Dark coffee brown eyes with flashes of ruby and jet black curls down to his jawline. Clenched tightly he looked ready to cause some damage if I didn’t stop gaping with an open mouth and answer him quickly.“Gen came to chat to me, I asked if we could swap rooms, have a change of scenery,” I lied, as Gen had blushingly begged me to. She wanted to surprise Nikolai with the reason why he was moving rooms. I wasn’t going to start asking too many questions about their sex life. I knew the power of the mate bond, the way one’s wolf keens and yearns for the other's touch. /Locked in a room, unable to make a sound together, you’d have climbed onto the roof and made for the trees with Cillian/ Nina mocked. I always considered myself fairly shy and boring but I have become alarmingly addicted to what Cillian can do to me. I am no different to Gen in craving my soul’s partner.“Swapping rooms? Is she insane? Is this a trick, are you in danger?” his voice dr
A Damaged Alpha 54. Matilda
I’ve never experienced such a swing of emotions. When Cillian is here everything is joy. Even though war is coming and the preparations are clear to see across the town centre if he is in my eyeline I am the happiest woman on earth.Groups of men are being organised into battalions, put through drills and formations. I watched as the first batches were taken almost within an hour of us first arriving back alongside the pyre. Alongside the still smoking heap of collapsed wood men were completing their circuits. Group after group of exhausted, sweating semi-naked men tumbled into the square, all timed with a stopwatch by a stone-faced Zeke and his clipboard.Losing Franz has broken him inside. He’s hurting with nowhere to let it out. When I was fixing him up back at Tange’s he confessed to me how much he hated Zena.“She just walked out, for the exact amount of time it took to kill Franz? I don’t buy it,” he had scoffed. “Just left him there!”At the time I didn’t know what to say. I d
A Damaged Alpha 53. Cillian
Beta’s Maddox and Adrian led me away, leaving a quietly distraught Helena and Alexander with the letter. Deposited in a library with huge vaulted stone ceilings, candelabras, and endless lines of bookshelves containing detailed historical records. Rise and fall is inevitable. I know in my bones Shadowlands is too young a pack to be cut down now. We will prosper. Finding out how Phillipe is protecting himself from harm is a big one. There is always the danger that killing Ruth would still leave him as Alpha, wielding power. “Mind if I read while I wait?”“No problem. It’s only the public record, anyway,” Beta Adrian replied, taking a seat by the door. Maddox kept his thick, tattooed arms folded. He wasn’t taking his eyes off me for a second.Random curiosity made me grab the books covering years when my father was a Beta here. He was head of the Beta Warriors and fought against the now defunct Five Lakes pack two decades ago. I read for hours about the lead-up to the attack, culmina
